The Winco Bags

We had a surprise snow day this week, and, Reader, may I take this moment to tell you that the surprise snow day is one of THE best perks to being a teacher.

The boys and I spent the entire day at home, driving absolutely nowhere, and hanging with the poochies. The dogs act like they have never seen the world before when there is snow, and all was just happy in our little home.

And then. Then HD decided to plow snow. And as he was on a gigantic machine, he called me, and this was the conversation.

HD: Mom. I am trying to plow and I need to LD to get this dead chicken from the driveway. I asked him and he said I needed to “be a man” and get the chicken myself.

Me: How did the chicken die?

HD: I don’t know! Dogs? Snow? Can you get him out here!?

Me: Ok.

Me to LD: Dude. Go outside and pick up the dead chicken.

LD: HD can do it.

Me: No. You need to do it. Now.

LD: Fineeeeeeeeeeeeee.

LD goes outside in shorts, a t shirt, and sandals to address the dead chicken issue.

He comes back.

LD: Mom! What do you want me to do with the dead chicken!?

Me: I don’t know! Something!

LD: Mom!

Me: Get a paper Winco bag. Stick the dead chicken in the Winco bag and set it on the porch for someone to take the dump.

LD: Fineeeeeeeeeeeeee.

HD comes in later from plowing.

HD: Mom! Why is there a dead chicken in a Winco bag on the front porch?!

Me: For someone to take the dump!

HD: Why would you do that? Why wouldn’t you throw it into the woods?

Me: Feel free to throw it into the woods.

No one threw it into the woods. And the dead chicken was forgotten about for a few days and sat on the porch in the brown Winco bag.

Because that is how normal we are.

We had company for Thanksgiving. Getting ready for company at my house is always a treat. Because I tend to look at things like baseboards and windows and panic and try to clean them, and then when the house is almost clean, I notice that David put these in the woodbox:

I mean. How can I even prepare my house for guests when my own kin are working against me.

Me: David!? Why are there cow legs in the woodbox?

David: They aren’t cow legs. They are ELK legs.

Me: Why are they in the wood box?

David: So they can thaw out. I am going to make a gun rack with them.

???

Me: No.

David: Yes.

Me:

He finally agreed to remove them, however, I neglected to make it abundantly clear that I needed them NOT in the home, and he just stuffed them in another room and Norman the dog found them and there were elk legs all about the house.

Let’s talk about having company at my house.

It is a hot mess.

As soon as company arrived, the dogs unearthed a gut pile and had a joyous holiday week bringing us bits and pieces of discarded carcasses.

So. I would be making sure the living room was dusted and vacummed without realizing that before guests would enter my clean home, they had to step over this:

I surely hope my guests admired my dustless windowsills.

I mean, these dogs were relentless. They would not stop bringing in body parts.

Me: Ugh! The dang dogs brought in another cow foot! Someone please pick it up.

Family: What should we do with it?

Me: Put it in a Winco bag! We’ll take it to the dump.

Yes. This is my life.

And maybe I should do a commercial for Winco.

Winco. Not only do I find affordable prices on groceries the whole family enjoys, I get to choose brown paper bags to take home for all my carcass disposal needs!

***

A new student joined my fabulous first grade. This little guy is very, very low academically. Sad news is, he is already leaving again. Moving to a new school. Had him for about two weeks.

But anyways. He needs some extra support. On his “Thankful” piece, I had an aide use a highlighter to write what he wanted to say so he could trace it.

After he was done, he took a black marker and wrote an “M” on it and came up to me.

He said, “I am thankful for Mrs. M.”

So. That’s why I have the best job in the world.

***

My friend asked me to take in her cat. This cat originally came from my home during the Covid quarantine of 2020 when 16 kittens were born in my own, obviously clean and sanitary, house. This cat is now 2 years old and his name is Bear. He is the son of Mama Kitty.

Mama Kitty. Best Mama Cat ever.

Yes. There is a giant skull on my wall. Is there one on yours?

Anyways.

Bear lasted about 12 hours in our house and decided he had had quite enough of my 3 dogs and 3 cats and he ran away. We looked for quite a few days, but he was gone.

About 2-3 weeks later, I spotted him living his best life in our hay barn! Glory! He was alive. And then we thought about it and talked about how we had noticed Mama Kitty going out to the hay barn a lot lately, so we are all agog with her and sure that she has remember he is her son and she went out there to teach him how to slay mice and survive in the wild.

Such a good Mama.

***

All four kids were home for Thanksgiving.

Twas lovely.

***

Something might be wrong with my email subscription feature.

But I don’t know what, nor do I understand how to fix it.

Ok.

Happy Friday!

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4 Responses to The Winco Bags

  1. RuthW in MD says:

    Acckk!! Such animal body parts strewn all over your property! I’m pretty sure anyone who comes to your home already knows what could be in store for them, inside and out.
    What sons, to follow your every piece of advice, having no idea they could just throw the dead chicken in the woods. Look how tall the boys are compared to the girls! Surprise Snow Day Yay! Only 2 weeks in your class and that little munchkin loves you already. You have a heartfelt job.

  2. Pati Gulat says:

    This post was a hoot ! I’m loving the gut wagon in the jouse issue… 🤣 Altho I’m sure you aren’t… Gosh, girl, how long I been following you ? Since LD was about 3, I think. And now they’re all grown or almost. 😭

  3. Beth says:

    12 assorted animal hooves
    11 cows with calves
    10 fingers and toes
    9 …… and so on…you have it in spades
    Merry Christmas to come!!!!!! Peace on Earth and at home.
    Chin up , you all are doing very well. 😉

  4. Lisa says:

    I think something is wrong, because after months of no emails popping up in my feed, I wondered what happened to you. Thankful all was well and now I just check back every now and then. Glad you’re still writing!

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