Step Away from the Clippers. I repeat, Step Away from the Clippers.

We are taking a break from the Cancun posts because:

A)  Something better happened last night

B)  I don’t think anything else really happened in Cancun.  I will ponder it. 

Hmmm . . .

C)  Ok, more stuff happened, but this is more pressing and will be posted about today.

Last night, after dinner, the Lumberjack asked me if I could please give him a haircut.

Of course, I first checked him for a fever.

When I realized he was of sound mind and sound body, I asked him if he remembered the last time I gave him a haircut.

LJ (Lumberjack!  Focus, people!):  Yeah.  You did a terrible job.

Me:  I know.  You immediately drove to Great Clips to have it fixed

LJ:  Yup.

Me:  And the Great Clips lady could not believe how horrible of a job I did.  And the two of you made fun of me.

LJ:  Yup.

Me:  So . . . . why are we revisiting this?

LJ:  Because my hair is driving me crazy.  I’m just going to have you shave it all one length.  You can’t mess it up.

Me:  Ok.  Let’s get the boys, too.

LJ:  Sounds like a plan.  Have I told you lately that you are the most wonderful wife a man could ever ask for?

Me:  Yes!  You tell me everyday.

Or something like that . . .

Before we begin, let us examine this picture.

Interruption:  Daisy Mae took most of the pictures for this post.

Look at how thrilled my Lumberjack is.

Look at how messy my pantry is.

Oh! 

Goodness!

Will you look at that!

Once upon a time, a dashing electrician came into my home and prepared the wiring for a grand and exquisite under-cabinet lighting system.

Yes.

We are high-class.

But, alas!

That dashing electrician has not returned to finish the job, leaving me, the fair maiden to resort to taping up the ugly wires so they do not poke me in the eyes.

And now, it seems that the tape is failing me.

I must figure out a way to summon that dashing electrician again.

Lumberjack!

You are that electrician.

Anyways . . . he let me cut his hair.

Ha!

Who has the goofy eyes in the picture now, Lumberjack?

And in order to have complete concentration, the dudes were locked out of the kitchen.

Poor Dudes.

They were not pleased.

Guess who else was not pleased?

My Lumberjack.

He decided to take matters into his own hands.

Oh, well.

At least I tried.

Handsome Dude’s turn!

After seeing what his mother did to his father’s hair, he is not sure if this is a good idea.

Dad!

Hey, Dad!

Is this a good plan?

Dad?

Sweet Pea was certain everyone was out to ruin her evening.

“Guys!  This is just so frus-ter-ate-ing!  I came in the kitchen for quiet so I could work on my number scrolls and now everyone is just bothering me.  And if I don’t do it, I don’t get a popsicle!”

So much drama and hardship for a 7-year-old.

Yes.

That is a suitcase.

Clearly, we are too lazy to put it away.

Little Dude’s turn!

Please take a moment to admire his thick, luscious hair.

You will need this visual in a few moments.

Interruption:  Daisy Mae took this picture of herself.

Yes.

Her skills are amazing.

But, please notice the temporary tattoo on her neck.

It has been there for 2 weeks.

How can one remove such a thing?

100 (meaningless) point to whoever can tell me how to remove this eyesore from my child’s neck.

Little Dude does not like getting his hair cut.

So, I finish up and go start the bath for my dudes.

The Lumberjack is cleaning up Little Dude and decides he should just trim up a little around Little Dude’s ears.

Handsome Dude comes into the bathroom with me.

Ridiculous Statement I make as I enter the bathroom: 

“Boy!  It’s a good thing I deep-cleaned the bathroom today!  Can’t even tell now!  My life is pointless!”

Then . . . I hear it.

Shrieks of terror and fear.

My girls run into the bathroom.

They are crying and covered in snot.

“Mom!  Dad is ruining Cokey-the Bear!”

Fact:  Little Dude’s nickname is Cokey-the Bear.  It’s a long story.

So, I rush to the kitchen.

And this, my dear readers, is what I found:

*gasp!*

He was, in fact, ruining Cokey-the-Bear!

And this, my friends, is where we lost all control of the children.

Exhibit A:

Sweet Pea has resorted to wailing and shouting:

“You made my baby brother look like a bald, old man!”

Exhibit B:

Handsome Dude has wandered out of the bathroom and keeps repeating:

“Daddy, naughty?  Daddy, naughty?”

Ridiculous Statement I made: 

“Daisy Mae!  No more naked pictures of Handsome Dude!  We don’t take pictures of naked people!”

Daisy Mae hands over the camera and runs into the living room.

Exhibit C:

Daisy Mae has thrown herself onto the couch and is moaning:

“He doesn’t even look like my Cokey-the-Bear anymore!  I want my Cokey-the-Bear!”

Well, folks.

There is no other way to say it.

My husband ruined Cokey-the-Bear.

But, hey!

At least we saved money on not one, not two, but three haircuts!

Poor Little Dude/Cokey-the-Bear.

*sigh*

I did what any good mother would do.

I told him he was still the most handsomest Cokey-the-Bear in the whole entire world and I gave him a big bowl of cake.

So . . . tell me.

Do you cut your family’s hair?

Happy Wednesday!

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50 Responses to Step Away from the Clippers. I repeat, Step Away from the Clippers.

  1. Katie says:

    We usually use baby oil, or rubbing alcohol to remove munchkins tattoos

  2. Joyce says:

    I am laughing because my first thought was wow, I didn’t picture you as the type to have a tattoo on your neck. I had to go back and look again to see it was your daughter. I’m kinda relieved : )

    Do I cut my husbands hair? Have you met my husband? No. Well if you had you would know that my girls and I have one long continuous joke/conversation about how particular my husband is when it comes to his hair. He talks/frets about it endlessly yet there is never a single hair out of place. He wakes up with it looking perfect. Typically he talks about the need for a haircut for a week before getting one, then he talks for the next two weeks about whether the hairdresser cut it too short or left it too long. It’s exhausting.

    • thelumberjackswife says:

      That truly does sound exhausting. And I am thinking your husband and my husband are complete opposites. 🙂

  3. Andi says:

    Baby oil removes temporary tattoos.

    Where’s LJ’s final picture?

  4. sarah C says:

    Why yes, I do shave my own head 🙂
    I would trim up my youngest ones when he was little, but nope I figured seeing as I’m blad it just isn’t very comforting seeing me coming your way with clippers in my hands.
    WHO’s ready for a haircut?????? Mwahaaaaaa :)~

  5. ~*jo*~ says:

    awww…he’s still as cute as a bug in rug!! i do trim pumpkin_seeds hair once in a while if it needs it, and my husband always trimmed lil’ busters and he still “shaves” his own head.

  6. Melissa says:

    he still looks so cute! but I can relate to the shock….we had that happen at our house last year. Now all of my son’s haircuts are done by a professional during the winter and buzzed short in the summer here at home.

  7. Polly says:

    Nail polish remover will take those things right off.

    I attempted to cut my husbands hair once. It was years ago. I messed it up big time. The key is remembering to put the guard back on the clippers when you take it off to clean the blades. It’s a good thing he was military back then. He ended up with a very short crew cut. He never asked me to cut his hair again.

    • thelumberjackswife says:

      Nail polish remover I have! I don’t have baby oil. When the girls get home from school, I will try it!

  8. Jill says:

    My husband never allows me to cut his hair. I cut my boys’ hair, but now that two of them are teenagers, they refuse to allow me to do it anymore.

    One time I came home to find that my husband had cut our five-year-old daughter’s hair. She went from waist length to chin length. Did I mention it still wasn’t even? Did I mention it was the night before her kindergarten graduation? Oooh! I think I need to do a post on this!

  9. Cindy says:

    I cut my oldest son’s hair once. He told all his friends that he had a drunk barber, and did not tell them his mother cut his hair. I wasn’t drunk, either! I’m just rotten at cutting hair, even with clippers. My son has never let me forget that hair cutting incident, and none of my children will allow me to touch their hair with any sort of cutting implement.

  10. Rebecca says:

    I do, in fact, cut some hair. Not mine, not my daughter’s (she has begged for bangs, I have told her that is a frightening thing not to be contemplated. I only specialize in one length, and that is high-n-tight.) Thankfully, hubby is military and the little man will allow me to give him a buzz cut, too…which I need to do, come to think of it. So as long as everyone’s happy with a glorified ski-ball, we’re good! 🙂

    I don’t know how you do it, but I laugh fit to bust a gut every time I come by your blog. Love it! 🙂

  11. Wow. Just……wow.

    If I let you shave my head will you give me cake?

  12. momma mindy says:

    Yes, I cut my kids’ hair, but I got a few tips from a professional on how to cut around the ears and how shape the bangs around the eyebrows. That really helped!

    Our funniest haircut story is when my hubby was trying to save money by trimming his own hair with the clippers in between salon cuts. While trimming his bangs, he shaved off half of each eyebrow! The worst part was, he was a high school teacher. Nope, the kids didn’t notice, can you believe it?

  13. Lacia says:

    Oh my! He’s adorable with or without hair. My DH would have (and actually HAS) done the same thing to my boys…emphasis on the plural.

  14. Lani says:

    I knew the moment I saw LJ using the clippers without the attachment around Little Dudes ears what was going to happen. 1 year olds simply do not hold still enough for such things! When will daddies learn?

  15. Amiee says:

    I cut all my boys’ hair. It isn’t pretty, but I keep telling myself that they are little and it grows back soo fast, so if I mess up, it will look ok in a few weeks. And I cut my hubby’s hair too. The amount of hair on his head seems to be getting less and less, so there is really no screwing up, or atleast that is what I keep telling myself!!! Your little man looks adorable with his new do!! Doesn’t a little sugar fix all problems???

  16. Melissa K says:

    I seriously haven’t laughed that hard in a while. Tears, I tell you. I love the girls’ dramatic reactions.

    I rarely cut my family’s hair anymore because it’s too much pressure (mostly due to my own perfectionism) and I take forrrreeeeverrrr. Truly, it’s astonishing how long I take.

    I am frugal and save us money in all sorts of ways, but doing all the hair myself is just not going to be one of them.

  17. Mindy says:

    Laughing hysterically at little dude’s picture! What a difference! But it will grow very quickly, and it certainly didn’t hurt his adorableness. I have been cutting Brian’s hair for about 8 years now, and have to do it every two weeks! It’s exhausting! But boy have we saved money and those 20 dollar clippers have bought themselves over too many times to count. I now cut Levi’s hair, too, but I have to work quickly. If you give them candy to eat while you cut their hair it really helps.
    I loved the girls reaction to little dude’s haircut! So stinking funny!

  18. My hubby is the barber in the family. He cuts his own hair, my son’s hair and the dog’s hair. If he even attempted to come within ten feet of me or my daughter’s heads with a pair of scissors, I’m pretty sure something ugly would happen (to him.) I think Little Dude looks bada$$. On second thought, that might not be quite the look you’re going for. =)
    Mindy
    http://www.thesuburbanlife.com

  19. Amber says:

    My husband makes me cut his hair, I abhor it! It never fails that he NEEDS a haircut the day after I have cleaned the bathroom.

  20. Well.
    Um.
    You don’t have to worry about him getting lice?

  21. Erin says:

    I used to cut Josh’s hair until an incident that included an “oops” and his sister’s wedding that was day’s away.
    Now if he has time, he goes to the barber.
    If not, he risks further oopses.

  22. Melissa says:

    Is it wrong to say that I almost wet myself from laughing so hard?? Your blog cracks me up and I need all the laughter I can get on a daily basis! Oh–and fret not about the suitcase still being out. I just put mine away from Christmas vacation. 🙂

  23. rebecca d says:

    When my husband was out of work we bought clippers so I could do his hair… he has been back to work for almost a year now and I wish he’s go back to the barber already… he always wants his hair cut at the least opportune times and it makes a mess that it seems like I just get fully cleaned up in time for his next haircut…

  24. Meagan says:

    OH MEIN GOTT! I can’t believe he shaved Cokey-da-Bear!!!!!!

    AH! It’s too cold for that. And rule number one for anyone that has an unusually large head: never shave it! A large, shaved head just shows how big the head truely is! If there is hair, one might be able to just pretend the hair is thick, thus making the head not appear as large as it really is.

    OH MY! I can’t believe that happened. Wow. You must post pictures to show it as it grows out

  25. Michelle says:

    Oh my goodness, lol I was looking forward to this post all day because of last night. 🙂 The good news is it will grow back! This happened to my boys once and I was freaked out at first but its just hair! He is still adorable 🙂
    Either myself or the boys dad cut the boys hair, in the summer they have close to no hair, just easier and cooler. The kids dad does his own hair, he is super picky and would rather do it himself. As for the princess she has never had a real hair cut yet, but I do trim her bangs.
    Thanks for the laugh, I hope your girls recover from the drama of their baby brother being ruined. Have a good night!

  26. Kendra says:

    I laughed so hard, my dog came over to see if I was ok, and my Dear Hubby shushed me.

    Yep, I cut the three princesses’ hair. I am that cheap. Hubby cuts Prince Charming’s hair, because he is cheap. The Ladies at the salon cut my hair only about twice a year because I am cheap AND I don’t want to take 4 children to the salon AND I don’t want to pay a babysitter to watch 4 children while I go to the salon and pay someone to cut my hair. Hubby gets his cut on a regular basis on post because he is ARMY (HOOAH!), and must keep that stylin’ doo from touching his ears…and he doesn’t trust me with clippers. Evidently, his hair is the only hair that isn’t cheap.

  27. MeanFriend#2 says:

    I actually cut all the boys hair including hubby. I do not cut my Daughter’s hair as it is so straight like mine and shows ever crooked cut! I do have to admit that the first couple of times cutting my hubby’s hair, it didn’t look so great and I was mortified. He didn’t mind and wanted me to keep trying. After 12 years I’m actually not so bad at it and it saves a trip to the barber and $15 so it works for us. I have a VERY easy going hubby and he is not picky! I have a keeper it looks like!

  28. jess says:

    I try and save some mula too in this department never on Jared – his hair is sparse and very rare indeed. I leave that up to the professionals. I do try and save here and there on the children. They will probably cringe when they are older and ask if they were ever given radiation or chemo as I take small patches of hair and – oops shave and snip it off. I have absolutely no talent in this area and should be banned from ever touching the clippers again. But $10 is $10 right? Multiply that by 4 boys every 2 months at most. I like to let it get all beastly and all. And that’s $240 a year. Think how many press on tattos your daughter could get with that money. Priceless…

  29. Angela says:

    I ruined Riley last night and Bill ruined Hayden tonight. Clayton seems happy with his. Bill does his own hair. We both do the boys. I go in about once a year. LOL!

    BTW, I’m really enjoying my coffee. Treated Sharise last night! 🙂 Thanks again.

  30. Trudy says:

    I remember when I was a kid after the last day of school, my mom would “shear” my brothers for the summer.

    I still cut my husband’s hair…..it’s a #2 and it’s the same all over….no styling whatsoever…..if you want me to cut your hair, that’s what you get!!!…and of course, he always wants it done when I have washed the kitchen floor.

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  34. datenutloaf says:

    Mine and Neil’s hair grows very fast. Neil has always looked good with short trimmed hair but I could not afford to get it cut every 3 weeks professionally until I graduated college & was working. So I did very nice scissor cuts most of his life. I know my way around a pair of scissors I tells ya plus I got books from the library. He hated and resented every second of it. When he got older he paid for short haircuts every 3 weeks – expensive. Now he’s in the Army where hair is not an issue. It is a hindrance. I cut my own hair but not in the back. I have discovered that the community college will cut my hair for $6 and that works for me and them. Next year when I’m a senior they will do it for $5 but one day a week for free. Score!! A win win. Love it. Little Dude looks adorable & it will only grow. I don’t know if I’d let you cut my hair though.

  35. datenutloaf says:

    Re: temp tats. Fingernail polish remover washed off immediately because it’s harmful – and then baby oil. Throw the fingernail polish remover tissue in toilet. You don’t want those fumes hangin around in a wastebasket. Rubbing alcohol might work too. Even hairspray.

  36. datenutloaf says:

    Hey Dad, scalp the back & sides – looks good. Feels good, but leave a little on the top. Just a little, Dude.

  37. Jan says:

    No, you definitely do NOT have to respond to each comment! Here’s the way I see it: you read through the comments and occasionally you do have something to say back – the rules state that if you verbally respond to the comment, you have fulfilled your duty as the blogger. Of course, I made up the rules, but I’m old enough to be legal doing that……….

  38. Heather says:

    Oh how I feel your pain. My husband has always shaved his own head and then I “fix” it by making sure he didn’t miss any spots. Recently my boys have also taken to shaving their heads. But I remember a couple years ago Taylor had such cute hair, kind of long and it was summer so it looked bleached out and he was the perfect surfer boy. I came home one day to a VERY short cut just like Little Dude’s. His brother had shaved him bald.It is just such a shock! But it does grow fast and your Cokey the Bear is still cute as can be!

  39. Kelli says:

    Oh No! I did this to Griff once… bad memories- i will NEVER put clippers to a man’s head again!
    Poor little guy- at least hair grows fast 🙂

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