My mom has lost about 50 pounds and she is a force to be reckoned with. The woman will not cheat. She is Weight Watcher’s biggest fan and I wonder why I didn’t inherit her passion for following a diet for over a year. I can barely record my points for two days in a row. So boring, so trivial.
What’s that? Oh! Did I not tell you?
Yes, I am feigning to be on Weight Watchers again. What this means is I am paying Weight Watchers and hoping that by at least joining, weight will magically fall off. Turns out, the diet works best when you actually follow it.
Who knew?!
Anyways. My mom, being the health guru that she now is, has decided to take up running. We know this because somehow she manages to sneak this sentence into her daily conversations:
“I’m a runner now.”
Seriously. Annoying. She’s said it since she bought the outfit.
So, I figured if she can do it, so can I. And the other morning, I decided to go out and run/walk in the driveway before my shower. I looked remarkably fetching, seeing as how I had no makeup and had my bed hair, but have you heard where I live?
I live in the middle of nowhere.
So, what do I care?
Imagine my shock when a neighbor comes to call. And would you like to know what news he had for me?
Bears.
Bears are in the ‘hood. (That’s cool-talk for neighborhood. Keep up, people!) A mama and her babies, to be exact. Did you know that husband of mine assured me no bears lived here? It’s true. He did. Liar.
And I told him that the day I heard of bears was the day I was moving. Which, I won’t, because I don’t think that was part of my marriage vows, but STILL.
Bears.
Me no likey.
Let us move on to happier topics, shall we?
Today is Sister Meagan’s birthday.
Sister Meagan is my go to person for all things hip and cool, seeing as how I am just an old married woman with 4 children and she is a young lass living it up, all exciting like.
It is because of her influence on me that I share with you the words:
Holla!
Uber
totes
And while we are talking about holla, there has, once again, been some confusion.
NO. It is not hola, the spanish word for a friendly greeting.
Holla.
Two ‘L’s”. Not one.
To be honest, I don’t really know what it means and I give up trying to pretend I do and we are just going to move on now because I have given up on you unteachable people.
I wash my hands of it.
Sister Meagan cracks me up and I always ask her if I can say something, because I have been known to get confused and use words incorrectly in a sentence.
Meagan, Can I say, “I totes want coffee?”
Meagan, is “snap” a swear word?
Good news! It isn’t! I don’t think.
While my mother and I were in Vegas, we were trying to be good with our Weight Watchers-ness and we ordered salads with dressing on the side.
This is silly on my end, because I end up using all the dressing. And then I attack the bread bowl and use it to soak up all remaining dressing I may have left behind on my plate.
But getting dressing on the side is a healthier choice. And I stand by it.
Anyways. We were famished and waiting for our dainty salads when we spotted a table of four ladies next to us. The server brought them a GINORMOUS platter of nachos.
And those ladies devoured them in mere seconds, I kid you not.
Me: Dang! They got all handsome on them nachos.
Mom: huh?
Me (casually, cause I’m cool like that): Oh, its just something Meagan says.
Mom: I don’t get it.
Me: I don’t either. But I think its funny when Meagan says it.
Mom: I really want some nachos.
Me: Me, too!
Mom: I could just run them off. I’m a runner now.
Me: So I’ve heard.
So, there. In honor of Meagan’s birthday, I am teaching you all something new and cool to say.
I’ll give you a few more example sentences, for further clarification.
“Look at that pizza! I’m getting all handsome on that.”
“I’m getting all handsome on my popcorn and Diet Pepsi tonight.”
(Diet Pepsi, not Diet Coke. Don’t insult me.)
And, finally, I will use it in a sentence to describe this picture from the olden days of me and Sister Meagan herself:
“Whoa, Nellie! I was getting all handsome on them button-fly shorts!”
I know. It makes no sense. But it’s funny, isn’t it?
Hello?
Hola?
Holla?
I’ll have you know that I am sitting at my kitchen counter in the middle of nowhere with kids swarming all about me, laughing each time I say I’m a gonna get handsome on something.
Because I find it funny.
Even thought I know not what it means.
Don’t bother trying to look it up. Sister Meagan made it up. She is that cool.
Happy Birthday to Meagan!
I hope you get all handsome on some cake tonight.
Attention Sister Meagan: It is like we have our own, inside joke we are keeping from the rest of the world! Be honored. I probably lost some readers today on account of my foolishness. That is how much I loveth you.
Happy Thursday!
PS-Thank you for visiting me at JoAnn’s yesterday! I hope you took time to check her out. She’s the bee’s knees.
PPS-It is so cold here today, I’m about to get all handsome on some socks.
PPPS-I’m a runner now.
Happy Birthday, Sister Meagan!
Meanwhile, it is not cold here today. But 90 beats the heck out of 100 with a heat index around 115!
Good luck with getting all handsome on the running there. I tend to frizz. And sweat. And spend the run (or very slow jog, rather) imagining bear scenarios. I have decided that if I see a bear approaching (or a multitude of bears, or bear cubs with the mother hiding in the bush waiting to ambush me) that I will hurl myself into the ditch and find some fallen underbrush to scrabble under. Because you know, bears don’t know how to handle themselves in the forest AT ALL. So far the Lord has spared me from a gruesome death by bear attack.
I did manage to survive a mama and newborn moose sighting-while-running this year though! Apparently she didn’t consider my frizzy, sweaty self a threat.
You make me laugh.
Happy Birthday, Meagan! How great that Taylor has such a cool sister! Taylor, I think bears would help the weight loss. After all, you’re bound to run faster if bears are chasing you! : )
lol ol ol ol!!!!!
I’m still working on “getting rolled” from last week. “Handsome” is beyond my capabilities.
Happy Birthday, Sister Megan. 🙂
Couch to 5K running program. Google it. Follow it. You’ll thank me later. I did it 2 years ago (despite the fact I’ve always despised running), and I’m still running! I’m even training for a 1/2 marathon in October! Craziness!
I fancy myself a runner as well. I’m working on it. Really, I am.
Bears in the hood? Oh. no. Not good with little one’s about. There’s probably mountain lions too. (haha, sorry for that!) Just every time you send your kids out to play set a boombox playing very loudly out with them, and the bears will stay away. 🙂
Thanks for all the laughs today! We say, “Holla!” a lot at our house in place of “cool” or other random expressions to note we are pleased. My son at the hip age of 1 surprised my mom by shouting it at her from the top of the stairs. She nearly peed (or maybe she really did but denied it).
Handsome on it? Oh, dear, that one will take awhile to grow on me. My new favorite when people are cranky or sad, “Rub some Jeremy Camp (insert own favorite music) on it.”
The only reason to get dressing on the side is to ADD more to what they already put on it! Lol
Taylor, you always make me laugh! You’re (or rather your Mom) is making me want to try Weight Watchers, I keep hearing good things about it. And Happy Birthday to Sister Meagan!
I never thought I was very disciplined until I did the Daniel Fast last December/January. This 21-day fast helped me get rid of my penchant for all things sugar…to the point where I resisted anything with sugar in it until mid-June. You can do it! It’s mind over matter.
BTW, congrats to your mom! Kudos to her for taking up running too!!
Happy Birthday Sister Meagan! 🙂 When you say Sister Megan on your blog, I always think she’s a nun for some odd reason. Holla!!! 😉
I think you are uber cool. I am getting all handsome over our imaginary friendship I have started. I will never run. I even tout I wouldn’t run even if my butt were on fire.
Which leads others to ask “Why would one’s butt ever be on fire?” Please I cannot know everything. Selah and Amen.
OR you started a new trend. My family is trying to start a new trend with CTM. It means “Chuckling To Myself.” Sometimes something my not make you fall down laughing, but it WILL make you chuckle. To yourself.
I think my sister Dawn is genius to think of it.
I love the birthday dedication posts I get. I did get slightly handsome on some cake, but I am for sure on my way to get handsome on some birthday dinner. Lots of love to Sister Taylor and all the LJ’s Wife readers.
Not only is your blog fun, it’s also educational : ) Happy Birthday to your sister!
Well as much as you want to be a runner like your mom, you will just have to give up that dream. No fighting with bears:o)
You can’t be getting all handsome with running with bears around! (Did I use that properly?)
Holla Sister Megan, hope you had fun getting handsome on cake and dinner!!!!!!!!!!!
I always thought people said “Holla” instead of “holler”, you know, they used to say that in the olden days, holler out loud (ok, maybe I am too old sigh…).
I would love to be a “runner”, but right now, I will just stick with trying to stick with my evening “power walks”, not always easy, but I am doing it… Let’s just see how long I will do it though…
Have a great week-end!
Happy Birthdy Sister Megan!
OOOOHH! Bears!! Bears are wee scary! Holla! No, seriously…HOLLA if you see wee scary bears!
See, I can get all handsome with my use of “holla” just cause that’s how I roll!
are you going to reinstate fat tuesday?
here is my personal diet soda ratings:
1. diet dr pepper
2. diet coke
3. coke zero
4. any lame store diet soda
.
.
99 (or if stranded on a desert island with no other options). diet pepsi
I wish it was cool here. I’m beginning to think I live in the middle of H E double L… it was 110 on my way home from work yesterday at 6:30…..and it was 99 when I left the house today at 11 am. I hot, tired, have frizzy hair and am thinking about going and getting all handsome on some ice cream right now…Holla!
I am crunching on some “handsome” snacks while reading blogs this afternoon and I am not a runner.
running sucks. don’t do it! stay strong!
happy birthday Sister Megan. (it’s like she’s speaking Chinese!)
Holla, from the word Holler, meaning to yell. An urban call and response used in club settings (mostly by DJ’s, i.e. “If y’all liked that song you gotta holla!” to which the club attendees would shout, i.e. “Woohoooo!”) which made it to main stream probably because of television or the interwebs.
Taylor’s a runner! Holla!!!!
truly hysterical… 🙂
i stand by weight watchers, too.
and exercise especially. you go girl!
visiting from joann’s, where i got all “handsome” on your post…
{was that right? i might be too old to ever get it}
🙂