The Emerald Vacuum

On Sunday afternoon, David and I took a nap.  I have no clue how I make it through any week days without naps, because if I am home on the weekend, I must take a nap in the afternoon.  So we take a nap and we accidentally sleep for over an hour and wake up all discombobulated.

David:  You look like you have been hit with a truck.

Me:  I feel like I have been hit with a truck.

David:  Should I make coffee?

Me:  I will have some if you have some.

David:  I don’t NEED a cup, but I will have some if you want some.

Me:  Fine.

David:  Huh?

Me:  Make coffee.

*both of us staring at the wall, trying to make sense of life*

Me:  Did the kids leave?

David (sighing):  The kids.

Me:  What?

David:  What is wrong with them?  Why are there matches all over the living room?

Me:  Was that the kids or the puppy?

*both of us staring at the wall, trying to make sense of life*

So, we drink our coffee and turn the TV on.  At 4 in the afternoon.  The TV is on the Home Shopping Network for reasons unbeknownst to us.  We do not watch HSN, but neither of us has the energy to change the channel.

There are two very lovely and chipper gals trying to sell us a vacuum.  And they are doing a fine job.

Me (coffee is kicking in):  David!  Look at how it is just VACUUMS up all the cereal!

David:  Yup.

Me:  David!  We have four dogs.  WE NEED THIS VACUUM.

David:  The kids will break it.  Maybe when the kids move out.

Me:  Ah.  True.

We continue to be mesmerized by the amazing vacuum.  THAT COMES IN EMERALD COLOR.

Me:  David!  What if we buy this vacuum and it is just for us.  No kids allowed.  The kids can use our cheap Walmart vacuum.

David:  Like that’s going to work.  They will use it.

Me:  What do they care?  It is a vacuum.

The gals on the TV inform us that if we want THE EMERALD COLOR instead of boring old gray, we must act quickly.

Me:  Please!  Please, David!  I live out in the middle of nowhere with you and have lots of cows.  CAN WE BUY THIS FOR OUR VALENTINES DAY PRESENT TO EACH OTHER?

David:  Fine.

So.  Be jealous of that.  It is coming it 7-10 business days.

I get a glimpse of myself in the mirror.

Me:  David!  What is up with my hair?

David:  I told you.  You look like you got hit by a truck.

***

Last weekend, we had quite the cow mystery.  There was a cow with the 2 week old bull calf that was just born standing by a dead heifer calf with bloody bits exiting her back end.

Taylor’s blog.  Where you come for pleasant bovine stories.

So we had this great debate about who birthed the cow and how was it possible for a cow to have twins two weeks apart and it was this great giant mystery.   We currently have three cows who look alike and have no tags or distinguishing markings so I am having a hard time keeping everyone straight.

So, yesterday I get home first AND while there is still daylight.  I take the dogs on a walk around the cow pasture.

And, oh!  Here’s a joke!

What did the farmer say to the cows?

Go to sleep.  It is PASTURE bed time!

But, I digress.

So, I am taking a walk and I see the two week old calf nursing off of the black cow who we THOUGHT was the one who also had the dead calf.

But then I continue on my journeys and see a black cow who has isolated herself and still has a bit of bloody bits and is hanging out around the dead calf.

Because we did not bury the calf or have a funeral for it.  We were busy buying vacuums.

So I get all excited because I solved the mystery and I try to call David from the pasture and tell him my findings.

Me:  David!  It was two cows.  Two cows have calved.  The two week old was just randomly by the other cow the other day and we thought it was the mother but we were wrong.

But David does not seem impressed, nor does he care.  He has just gotten home and has discovered that 8 calves are missing because someone did not properly close a gate in a different area of our property.

Me:  I did not open that gate!

David:  I did not say you did.

Me:  Well, ok.  Just so we are clear.  But did you hear that I solved the cow mystery.

David:  Taylor.  We have 8 calves out.

So, I go to be his help meet.  He is quite irritated and is probably seeing dollar bills flying out of his wallet.  I am quite sad and thinking of the fond memories I made with Dutch Bro and hope that at least HE comes home.

I would like to state for the record that I, yes, I, Taylor Maliblahblah, found all 8 calves all by myself and helped David lead them home.

And then I cooked dinner.

Bam!

Wife worth more than fine rubies.

Here’s a pic of some of the fugitive calves enjoying a snack after their troublesome day.

Happy Wednesday!