Today’s story took place sometime around 2007.
I would consider it a joint post of “Not my Husband” and “Not my child.”
I still don’t know if I am doing this “Not Me” creative writing posting correctly.
Let me know what you think!
Visit www.mycharmingkids.net for more of “Not Me Monday.”
*****
Once upon a time, the Lumberjack took our only 3 children with him to Sportsman’s Warehouse.
Where was I?
Who knows.
I do not have a life outside of my family.
He loads Handsome Dude, who was then just a little tyke, into the shopping cart.
Interruption: Is not Handsome Dude the most handsome little dude you ever saw?
Now some Dads might try to get their kids to behave in a store by bribing them with candy.
Not my husband.
No.
He would never do that.
As he is perusing the exciting world of outdoor adventurism, he does not spot the knife counter.
My husband does not then strike up a riveting conversation with the gentleman who mans the knife counter.
Interesting Fact: the knife expert did not become a family friend and he did not even live with the Lumberjack’s brother for a time.
All Lumberjacks and their kin do not love knives and all things hazardous.
Some dads might get distracted in the midst of such glorious knives and forget to keep an eye on their children.
Not my husband.
After awhile, my husband did not hear this over the loudspeaker,
“Would the father of “Sweet Pea” please come to the customer service desk?”
No.
That was not my husband.
No.
That was not my Sweet Pea.
My Sweet Pea would never wander off.
Not my child.
And my husband would never get too distracted to not even notice she had wandered off in the first place.
Nope.
Not him.
Eventually, the Lumberjack meandered over to the customer service desk where he was surprised to find out that, yes, the “Sweet Pea” in question was, in fact, our Sweet Pea.
Sweet Pea was covered in snot, smiling, and holding a balloon.
This did not make my Daisy Mae jealous.
Nope.
Not my child.
“Why did Sweet Pea get a balloon and I didn’t?”
“Because she got lost. Maybe you should get lost. Then you would get a balloon, too.”
My husband did not say anything like that.
The Lumberjack still had plenty of shopping to do.
I mean, it is a sportsman’s paradise.
But my husband did not get distracted by the gun aisle.
Nope.
Not him.
Also, my husband has never invited me to the gun show.
No.
Not my husband.
100 (meaningless) points to anyone who can remember how that picture got on our Christmas tree.
Now, my Daisy Mae would never get jealous of her sister.
And she would certainly not get jealous of her sister’s balloon.
No.
Not my child.
And my Daisy Mae, who was probably 3 at the time, most certainly did not believe her father when he told her the only way to get a balloon would be if she did, in fact, get lost.
No.
My children are born knowing how to sense sarcasm.
A few moments passed.
Finally, the Lumberjack noticed that Daisy Mae was lost.
My husband did not not get worried, because he does not, in fact, really love his children and does not ever worry about his children.
Interruption: Whoa! Hold on to your pants folks! The above line made my head spin. The truth is that he does love his children. And he does worry once in a blue moon.
Am I doing this right?
Should I retire from Not Me! Mondays?
“Sweet Pea! Where is Daisy Mae?”
“I don’t know.”
Raise your hand if your child responds “I don’t know” to every single question.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-nnoying.
No.
My daughter did not get lost just so she could also have a balloon.
Never.
The End.
P.S.-I am not sure I did that right.
Raise your hand if you are confused.
I am.
Oh, well.
“E” for effort.
Yes you did this right : ) It was cute!
cute story! so did she get her balloon??
you are doing it right!! so did daisy mae get her balloon?? 🙂 love your blog, btw!!
Yes. She got her balloon.
Very cute story, and I think you did it right. I don’t do this meme for the very reason that it confuses me whenever I try to do it. I’m not a superficial person that doesn’t like to think. Not me.
Please don’t retire and cut off my entertainment.
For my brain was not at all confused, owing to the fact that my 19-month-old did not keep me up for 2 1/2 hours in the middle of the night, crying for no apparent reason. He did not start screaming approximately a dozen times, each one about the time I was just starting to fall back asleep.
Nursing newborns in the middle of the night was not easier than these shenanigans. No, not at all.
My 19 months also started crying last night for about 1 hr for no apparent reason! It was around 3am. Perhaps all the 19 month-olds of the world revolted at that very moment?
I think he is 19 months.
He might be 20. He was born June 19th.
Maybe, it is little boys…for my 14 month old did NOT wake me up 7 times last night to protest the fact that he didn’t have a stuffy nose.
BTW, My family does not go to the “sportsman’s Superstore” for a “Free” field trip on a very consistant basis. We absolutely do not spend our time letting our 4 hoodlums (I mean children) run from dead animal to dead animal while their father looks at bows and arrows! We absolutely never deposit quarters into the little arcade where you can shoot fake chickens, barrels, and skunks that hiss at you.
I think you are doing great! And let’s face it – we all want to read anything you write whether you think you are doing it correctly or not! We will miss you when you are in Cancun, oh Blog Goddess……
Oh, Ms. Little Brown House, you are making me blush! I am not a blog goddess. You are a blog goddess.
Hee hee hee! Raising my hand that my son answers ‘I don’t know’ to everything! Totally agree A*nnoying!
Thanks for stopping by my blog! So nice to ‘meet’ you!
I love this story, it just goes to show how simple mens minds can be and how creative our children can be as well.
Love and Hugs ~ Kat
Too funny! My boys still don’t get sarcasm either…and my hubby would never get distracted and not pay attention to his kiddos in the store!
“E” for excellent! I think you’ve got this “Not Me” concept, down pat! As for a husband who loses his kids (and himself) in a Sportsman’s Warehouse, yep I’ve got one of those, too. An unapologetic one. Apparently there was some crazy expectation that my kids (at the time 4 and 1) would be so riveted by the glory around them they wouldn’t want to meander over to the candy rounds and proceed to open 3 different candy bars.
No, not my children. =)
Mindy
http://www.thesuburbanlife.com
CUTE.
That is a classic! That sounds exactly like something my brother would do! When we were growing up, he had a knife collection which he housed in an old suitcase. Pretty scary!
Thanks for the laugh!
You did it perfectly my friend! Oh, be careful what you say dear daddys! Or not me will quickly be lost in a store to receive a treat for gettin’ lost!
Ya’ll have a greatly blessed day from the snowy hills and hollers of the Ozarks!!!
Nicely done! I think I’m catching on to this whole not me thing. My husband would never, ever let something happen like that to our kids, though, nope, not him.
And yeah, what am I supposed to do when you are on vaca?? I will be so lost without you……
Oh dear. That is like, my nightmare!
Glad everyone is ok. 🙂
Oh my gosh! I am raising my hand to the “I dont know” when I ask my kids something. Ugh! Totally agree with you on the annoying factor!
Anyways, for points, the picture got on the tree because your son colored on it as a gift/card for christmas? If I remember correctly 🙂
Have a good day! Cute story btw. I am glad she was not too lost!
You are too funny and worry too much! Cute post!
Very cute story! Although I am certain it was not cute and funny at the time it occurred 🙂
I agree with The Little Brown House, what will we do without your blog while you are enjoying the sun?
You have some good stories to tell, though!!
Not Me! Monday is fun. 🙂
I can’t remember which post but I’m commenting on suggestions for books. My vote is “We Took to the Woods” but if that doesn’t interest you, why don’t you give it to your mom to read? I want her to anyway & I want it to stay nice. It’s a valuable book. Still love your Superbowl but I kinda wish I didn’t see it because now I want it soosooooooo bad. Hi to all…
Yes, Handsome Dude is the third cutest dude I ever saw, my own little bucko is the cutest and I have to say my oldest brother’s boy was a stinkin beautiful child.
I don’t remember why the picture with the fish is on the Christmas Tree…..but I have a similar picture my brother made into his Christmas card one year. It has him with a dead buck on the hood of his car…..I like to display it during the holidays, because it makes me think of goodwill to man and baby Jesus.