Alright, dudes and dudettes.
This is my 3rd attempt at Not me! Monday.
I was encouraged because I only got confused about 3 times while writing this post . . . . as opposed to being confused the entire time.
Let me know what you think!
***
I did not eat a double cheeseburger yesterday and tell myself it was my only option (actually, it was the best deal).
I did not tell myself it was low in points.
I did not tip a barista an extra dollar after I realized he hadn’t noticed me put the first dollar in his tip jar.
I did not want to make sure he saw me tip him.
Nope.
Not me.
I would never tip $2 just to save my good name.
I do not secretly think it is RIDICULOUS to tip $1, let alone $2 on something that cost $3.
I do not secretly think that Lady Gaga’s “Poker Face” is a catchy tune.
I do not admit that when I heard the lyrics I was shocked and appalled.
I do not feel sad that I cannot listen to this song anymore.
Interruption:
Normally I would not know who people such as Lady Gaga are.
For I live in a world where people enjoy the singing talents of Barney, the big purple dinosaur, and Meryle Haggard.
However . . .
One night, the Lumberjack and I were watching a show called Parks and Recreation.
And the main character, Leslie Knope had this Poker Face song stuck in her head.
Which, in turn, got stuck in my head.
And, on another completely unrelated note, my brother-in-law, Jason, thinks that I am just like Ms. Leslie Knope.
(Name that actress)
Boo, Jason.
Boo.
Ok.
Back to the Not Me! post.
I do not watch and enjoy American Idol.
And I have never sang my prettiest in the shower, wondering if maybe I could ever be on that show?
No.
Not me.
I did not get just a little annoyed at my husband on Valentine’s Day.
Why, you ask?
I’ll tell you.
My husband did not tell me we were not getting each other Valentine’s Day gifts only to get me a Valentine’s gift.
(Confused? I sure am)
I did not get embarrassed and say, “You dork! I didn’t get you anything!”
I did not consider writing a quick blog post asking my cyber friends what I could quickly get him.
I did not drag my daughter along on a shopping trip for unmentionables with me out of sheer desperation and poor time management skills.
Speaking of poor time management skills, I did not get my daughter to a birthday party 30 minutes late.
Nope.
Not me.
I am always punctual.
After I came home from shopping, I started making my husband’s favorite dinner.
I did not tell myself it was low in points.
As he helped me prepare the meal, we both took turns holding our 3, yes count them 3, feverish children, and we listened to his ridiculous old-time country songs.
Oh, yes.
Songs like “Pancho and Lefty.”
Name that artist.
I do not secretly like “Pancho and Lefty.”
But what choice do I have?
This is my life.
I did not suggest that we have a family candlelight dinner.
And Handsome Dude did not freak out because the lights weren’t on and insist on getting up throughout the entire meal to turn the lights back on.
And this did not make Sweet Pea upset and make her get up throughout the entire meal and turn them back off.
And Daisy Mae did not ask 25 times how she was supposed to see her food.
And I did not secretly think it was the most romantic Valentine’s Day I have ever had.
At 5am on this very morn, I did not pretend not to hear Handsome Dude coughing really hard.
So hard, in fact, that I fear he may have thrown up.
I am not admitting that I have not even checked his bedding.
He is, of course, awake.
I mean it is 6:20am.
And he does not smell funky-town, so that’s a good sign.
I did not get secretly excited that all next week I will be able to sleep in.
I did not get disappointed when I realized that because my children are sick, my Valentine’s Day date with my favorite man who likes to fall trees will most likely be cancelled.
No.
Not me.
I am always happy to put my kids’ needs first.
I did not remind myself that I should not lose heart!
Because . . . .
I AM NOT LEAVING FOR CANCUN IN T-5 DAYS!
And, to that, I do not say “Holla!”
The End.
You got it!
I love the candlelight dinner. I will NOT have to try that next year:)
Lol, great Not Me’s! And I am w/ you on the tipping a dollar (or more) on a cup of coffee! Have a great Monday!
Angela
That’s a great Not Me! Monday post even if it took you three tries. :0)
I love the part about you tipping twice! But don’t feel bad if you don’t tip for a coffee! I don’t.
Love the part about tipping- I’ve certainly not done that either 😉 Now I’m singing Poker Face, goodness…
Happy Monday!
I do not have Poker Face stuck in my head right now….and I do not encourage my 7 year old to dance to that song for my own entertainment. And, I do not get nervous, sweaty palms when I leave a comment on someone’s blog because I don’t know them. Nope, not me!
Ha! You wouldn’t get sweaty on my account, would you?!
I don’t love and thrive on comments.
Nope, not me!
This is a great not me 🙂
Thanks for the smiles, have a great day!
We’re supposed to tip for coffee? Oops. So much for my good name!
great “not me” post! i never tip at starbucks, should i?? i do at the little coffee stands. i can’t believe your are leaving so soon!!!!!!
I’m with you on the tipping thing! I also am bugged by the fact that EVERYONE expects a tip now for any job. Isn’t that what you get paid for? What happened to the days when you only had to tip your waiter, your hair stylist, and the pizza delivery boy?
Holla!!!
I am not slightly angry/depressed that my date night with my husband, which was supposed to be tonight, is cancelled because I was sick yesterday and my daughter isn’t feeling well today. I am not upset that they are no longer going to spend the night at my parents for the first time in like a year and we were going to have a date NIGHT! This doesn’t bother me at all, nope not me. Glad to see it doesn’t bother you, either. Ah well, I guess there is always next year……
Oh, Whoops! I was so caught up in my not me’s I forgot to answer the questions!
1. Amy Pohler
2. Willie Nelson( a duet-kinda with someone else–is it Haggard??) That is not one of my kids all time favorite songs. Ever. That their Daddy sings to them at bedtime all the time. Nope. Not at this house.
3. FYI, I woke up at 2:30 this morning to Maddy throwing up. Love it. Good luck!
Great Not Me post!
Willie Nelson and… Willie Nelson and… ARGH! I can’t remember either! Ray Charles? I know they did Seven Spanish Angels together. Is that bad that I know that? *sigh* My husband loves to sing the old country ballads too…esp Marty Robbins.
Ellen has a thing about having lights on all the time too. Loves to turn them on and off. Kids!
I think you did a great job in putting this post together. These are always difficult for me to read because I have to remember the “Not me’s” are really “Yeah that would be me” instead.
I think we are a lot alike and would make great friends. Who knows where the future just might bring us. Here is hoping that the kids get better soon!
Please make sure to stop by my blog today to enter a great giveaway.
Love and Hugs ~ Kat
The NOT ME form of writing is a little tricky for someone almost as old as your parents to read on a Monday. But, you are always entertaining, always know how to bring lightness and laughter to tough situations. I love your outlook on life!
You need that vacation!
Great Not Me post! I love the candlelit dinner! I’ll agree with Handsome Dude and be turning the lights back on!
I think it’s slightly concerning that I totally understand every word of your post…I’m not sure if my brain is automatically convertings the ‘not me’s’ to ‘totally me’s’ or if I’m going slightly crazy…no, not me. =)
Mindy
http://www.thesuburbanlife.com
Loved this. Especially the part about Cancun in 5 days. I need a tropical vacation in the worst way!
I found your blog at Kelly’s Korner. You are so hilarious and I immediately became a follower of your blog after reading a couple of posts. I love your dry, witty humor!
You are fabulously talented.
Cancun? Toes in the sand. No laundry or noses to wipe???? How does one go about not going to Cancun? PLEASE tell me.
Freezing my toes off,
The Park Wife
Not me…not me…I love this idea! I have got to join someday when I have inspiration, and it’s Monday, of course…Except of course I don’t work a 10 hour shift on Mondays, so I will not have a problem working that in!
I made the mistake of putting Lady Gaga on my 10 yr old’s iPod. After finally listening to all her songs and reading the lyrics I was shocked at how much of a bad mom I was. Ended up taking most of the songs off. Great post!