On Friday night, February 19th, we dropped all four kids off with my parents.
I did not feel one bit guilty about leaving my FOUR children behind.
No.
Not I.
We stopped at Borders to pick up some books for the Lumberjack.
Yes.
Lumberjacks enjoy reading.
I was not shocked and aghast when my husband spent $45 on books.
Nor was I secretly glad that I had found a book for myself at the library.
Interruption: Attention Melissa K and Mindy from the Suburban Life:
I LOVED THESE IS MY WORDS: THE DIARY OF SARAH AGNES PRINE!
Thank you for recommending it!
The Lumberjack and I then returned home to our kid-free and dog-free house.
I did not think it was too quiet.
I did not help the Lumberjack eat two bags of popcorn.
Nor did I encourage him to go to the gas station to get us some sodas.
And I most certainly did not help him eat a king-sized Hershey’s with Almonds bar.
And do not even assume that I did not do my 8-minute abs.
Interruption: Well, darn it all! I am confused again. These silly not-me posts get me all discombobulated.
The Lumberjack and I decided we needed to leave our house by 3:45am to make it to the airport on time.
I did not accidently lose track of time while grooming myself and neglect to wake my husband up until 3:40am.
Hey.
Looking this good does not come easily.
The Lumberjack did not pretend to not be annoyed at me.
Hello?
Did I lose you on that one?
I fear I lost myself.
We drove to the airport.
It was dark.
And cold.
And that’s all there is to say about that.
The Lumberjack dropped me off with the luggage.
I did not have trouble hauling our suitcases inside.
We certainly did not overpack.
Now, all kidding aside, I get extremely nervous when it comes to all this kind of stuff.
I have been going over the airport routine in my head over and over again for the past few weeks.
Check and re-checking passports, ID’s, ticket times, etc.
I remembered to not wear a belt.
I am all about a quick and smooth security check time.
Now, my Lumberjack . . . he is not a worrier.
This is good.
And bad.
Allow me to explain as I jump back into the Not me! mode:
I did not breathe a sigh of relief when I passed through all security check points with flying colors.
Quite honestly, I was not surprised.
I was prepared.
But then . . . I did not hear the security guard say to my husband:
“I need you to step aside, sir.”
And then, that same security guard did not usher my husband into a separate glass booth where he was taken in for further patting down and embarrassment.
And I most certainly did not hear another security guard shout,
“Whose backpack is this?”
I did not timidly raise my hand and say,
“Well, that’s my husband’s, sir.”
I did not fear for my life as 2 security guards took my husband’s backpack to an investigatory table.
I was cool and collected.
Finally, the Lumberjack was released and joined me as we watched the security team dismantle our blue North Face backpack.
After much hushed discussion, one security guard did not hold up a black, long object and say:
“Sir, we cannot allow you to take this on the plane.”
The Lumberjack did not look extremely embarrassed and say, “Oh, that’s fine.”
And I did not say, “What is that?”
The Lumberjack did not try to hush me.
Oh, no.
He knows that I do not like to be hushed.
It is one of the many reasons why I have this here blog.
I am anti-hushing.
“What is the problem?” I did not ask.
I know when to leave well-enough alone.
“Shhhhh!”
Oh, he did not try to hush me again.
And he most certainly did not try and hush me at 4:50 IN THE MORNING WHILE WE WERE BEING INVESTIGATED BY AIRPORT SECURITY ON THE MORN OF THE DAY WE WERE SUPPOSED TO FLY INTO A FOREIGN A COUNTRY.
No.
Not my husband.
Now, before we continue, let me offer up some history on this particular blue North Face backpack.
The last time this backpack was used was for fishing adventures.
Oh, yes.
Fishing adventures.
And before the Lumberjack filled it with the laptop, DVDs, and his $45 in books, he emptied out his fishing gear.
Or so he thought.
“Why are they not letting you take that on the plane? What was it?”
The Lumberjack did not get frustrated at me.
No.
Not him.
“It was a knife! It was my fillet knife! For fishing!”
Yes.
You heard me right.
He packed a knife, folks.
And at this time, I would like to highlight just how different my husband and I are.
You see, I am so worried about this particular morning that I opt to not even wear a belt, as I know it is rattles airport security.
But my husband, as easy-going as he is, neglected to remove a 10-inch form of weaponry from his carry-on luggage.
*sigh*
What will I do with this man?
*sigh*
I was not looking over my shoulder for the remainder of the day, just waiting for federal agents to take us down.
No.
Not me.
Nor, was I annoyed at my husband when he had the nerve to mutter under his breath,
“There goes $40.”
Nope.
Not me.
P.S.-Boo, Lumberjack.
Boo.
Boo.
Boo.
P.P.S-I am happy to report that we did not get arrested and we happily made it to Cancun that very evening.
Hooray, Lumberjack!
Hooray!
But . . .seriously, Lumberjack.
Boo.
We’ve done security a bazillion times but we laugh (now) about the trip where my oldest got pulled aside and they pulled out a ginormous pair of scissors. She said she was bringing them to cut thread for bracelets she was making. Apparently she needs my good shears to cut thread. Goodbye good shears. Then we grill the younger daughter to be sure she has nothing in her bag. She goes thru, also gets pulled aside, out comes ANOTHER PAIR OF SHEARS. They still let us fly : )
Welcome home!
We’ve done security a bazillion times but we laugh (now) about the trip where my oldest got pulled aside and they pulled out a ginormous pair of scissors. She said she was bringing them to cut thread for bracelets she was making. Apparently she needs my good shears to cut thread. Goodbye good shears. Then we grill the younger daughter to be sure she has nothing in her bag. She goes thru, also gets pulled aside, out comes ANOTHER PAIR OF SHEARS. They still let us fly : )
Welcome home!
LOL!!!!!! That was great! I completely understand what you mean about airport security! 🙂
LOL!!!!!! That was great! I completely understand what you mean about airport security! 🙂
Sorry – but it is funny – sounds like something that would never happen to me.
Sorry – but it is funny – sounds like something that would never happen to me.
Your post made me smile. Thank you for posting about you and your Lumberjack!
I am afraid to fly, so I have never been through the checkpoints of security at the airport. It sounds like you handled it very well.
When you returned, did Lumberjack get his knife back? just thought I would ask!
Your post made me smile. Thank you for posting about you and your Lumberjack!
I am afraid to fly, so I have never been through the checkpoints of security at the airport. It sounds like you handled it very well.
When you returned, did Lumberjack get his knife back? just thought I would ask!
Yay! You’re back! Can’t wait to hear about the trip! 🙂
Yay! You’re back! Can’t wait to hear about the trip! 🙂
that is so funny!!!
that is so funny!!!
Oh my goodness. Why are husbands completely incapable of making a plan? Why? He’s lucky you didn’t fillet HIM right there on the spot. 🙂
Oh my goodness. Why are husbands completely incapable of making a plan? Why? He’s lucky you didn’t fillet HIM right there on the spot. 🙂
Oh that’s funny. I’m glad you you guys made your flight. That Could have been bad!
FYI That picture of you is beautiful!
Oh that’s funny. I’m glad you you guys made your flight. That Could have been bad!
FYI That picture of you is beautiful!
Too, too funny! When we went to Uganda (pre 9/11), they doublechecked my luggage because something suspicious showed up in the scan. They sent it back through the scan and concluded it was my hair dryer. When I opened my luggage later, I found out it was actually my husband’s (very large) cordless drill. Definitely a no-no on airplanes.
It was almost as embarrassing as when I opened my suitcase at the curb and a big ziploc bag full of sanitary napkins fell out on the sidewalk.
Too, too funny! When we went to Uganda (pre 9/11), they doublechecked my luggage because something suspicious showed up in the scan. They sent it back through the scan and concluded it was my hair dryer. When I opened my luggage later, I found out it was actually my husband’s (very large) cordless drill. Definitely a no-no on airplanes.
It was almost as embarrassing as when I opened my suitcase at the curb and a big ziploc bag full of sanitary napkins fell out on the sidewalk.
Oh, that’s AWESOME! That could very easily happen to us except that I pack even my hubby’s carry-on. 🙂
I’m so glad you liked the book. Make sure you check out the next two: Sarah’s Quilt and The Star Garden.
Oh, that’s AWESOME! That could very easily happen to us except that I pack even my hubby’s carry-on. 🙂
I’m so glad you liked the book. Make sure you check out the next two: Sarah’s Quilt and The Star Garden.
You. Are. Kidding. Amazaing that you can’t even carry on a regular sized bottle of lotion or a water bottle, and they react to a large filet knife just like they would react to a bottle of water. I can’t wait to hear more about your trip. We went to Mexico (before baby) and had a great time! Welcome back to real life.
You. Are. Kidding. Amazaing that you can’t even carry on a regular sized bottle of lotion or a water bottle, and they react to a large filet knife just like they would react to a bottle of water. I can’t wait to hear more about your trip. We went to Mexico (before baby) and had a great time! Welcome back to real life.
At least that’s all that he took…
At least that’s all that he took…
love it…too funny
love it…too funny
Wow – I’m speechless.
Wow – I’m speechless.
Taylor! you are killing me- these last 2 posts were sooo funny! I LOVE the knife story, seriously- we have almost the same husband, except mine smiles in pictures.. and the self-timer pics are priceless! HILARIOUS!
So glad you guys had such a great time… next trip, bring me cause YO hablo español, chica!
Taylor! you are killing me- these last 2 posts were sooo funny! I LOVE the knife story, seriously- we have almost the same husband, except mine smiles in pictures.. and the self-timer pics are priceless! HILARIOUS!
So glad you guys had such a great time… next trip, bring me cause YO hablo español, chica!
AAHHH!! My hubby would FREAK OUT if he had to hand over his prized filleting knife. Those suckers are big though huh?
Hope you are having FUNNN!!!!!
Blessings-
Amanda
AAHHH!! My hubby would FREAK OUT if he had to hand over his prized filleting knife. Those suckers are big though huh?
Hope you are having FUNNN!!!!!
Blessings-
Amanda
Hilarious! To me at least…I wasn’t there in agony with you at the airport. HA! Love your “Not Me” post as well.
Hilarious! To me at least…I wasn’t there in agony with you at the airport. HA! Love your “Not Me” post as well.
I’m so glad I’m not the only one who boo’s in written word form.
My husband went to Europe on a ‘backpacking’ trip before we started dating…back in 2000. He got on a ferry of some sort to sail into Ireland. He had a VERY long goatee (no one in Europe has facial hair like that.) and was wearing a BRIGHT orange pull-over wind breaker. (In a country extremely divided by orange or green…meaning protestant or catholic? Yeah…) and he was carrying a folding night-stick kind of thingy and a switch-blade that he bought in London. Yes…he was a big, hairy, orange wearing dude carrying not one, but two weapons. Luckily, when the ferry security dudes took him aside they heard his accent and confirmed with his passport that he was not a protestant terrorist but an ignorant American they let him go without searching him.
Talk about a few tense moments!
Boo, Brad. Boo.
I’m so glad I’m not the only one who boo’s in written word form.
My husband went to Europe on a ‘backpacking’ trip before we started dating…back in 2000. He got on a ferry of some sort to sail into Ireland. He had a VERY long goatee (no one in Europe has facial hair like that.) and was wearing a BRIGHT orange pull-over wind breaker. (In a country extremely divided by orange or green…meaning protestant or catholic? Yeah…) and he was carrying a folding night-stick kind of thingy and a switch-blade that he bought in London. Yes…he was a big, hairy, orange wearing dude carrying not one, but two weapons. Luckily, when the ferry security dudes took him aside they heard his accent and confirmed with his passport that he was not a protestant terrorist but an ignorant American they let him go without searching him.
Talk about a few tense moments!
Boo, Brad. Boo.
Let’s cut right to the important question:
Being that I am also confused, Did You or Did You Not do your 8-minute abs?
Waiting for the report,
Abs Police
No abs have been exercised in this household since Feb 18th.
Let’s cut right to the important question:
Being that I am also confused, Did You or Did You Not do your 8-minute abs?
Waiting for the report,
Abs Police
No abs have been exercised in this household since Feb 18th.
I guess I can’t be too mad at you…
Even if I did do my 8-min abs on the day that I single-handedly traveled with my 2 and 4 year old on three flights across the country for over 16 hours with a sinus headache.
I wouldn’t want to make you feel guilty or anything. Like saying, “Hey Taylor, I know your husband tried to get you arrested and everything, but in between your margarita and your pina colada could you spare 8 minutes to honor a pact you made with your internet-friend-that-you’ve-never-met-in-real-life?
Oh, sorry, was I laying it on a little thick? 😉
Of course I ain’t mad atcha (name that artist)
You just saved me a Starbucks gift card 😉
I not only love to read your posts Taylor, but I love to read the comments and Erin, you rock!
Erin is hilarious! Check out her blog! 🙂
awww, shucks
*blushing*
I not only love to read your posts Taylor, but I love to read the comments and Erin, you rock!
Erin is hilarious! Check out her blog! 🙂
awww, shucks
*blushing*
Our men would get along quite nicely.
We would too, right down to not liking to be hushed…
10 inches, how could he not see that? That’s like being completely dilated!
Our men would get along quite nicely.
We would too, right down to not liking to be hushed…
10 inches, how could he not see that? That’s like being completely dilated!
Oh, poor Lumberjack. I think my dear one would have stayed home rather than lose his fishing knife 😉 Seriously, they are very attached to each other.
Oh, poor Lumberjack. I think my dear one would have stayed home rather than lose his fishing knife 😉 Seriously, they are very attached to each other.
Ouch. A 40 dollar fillet knife? My husband would not have dealt well with that. Of course, he also refused to fly on a plane unless he can have his gun with him. Guess how many times we fly?? 🙂 So glad you are back and can’t WAIT to hear more stories!
Ouch. A 40 dollar fillet knife? My husband would not have dealt well with that. Of course, he also refused to fly on a plane unless he can have his gun with him. Guess how many times we fly?? 🙂 So glad you are back and can’t WAIT to hear more stories!
Except, I thought saying you did not get arrested meant you really did!
OH.MY.WORD! I laughed so hard at this story! You are so going on my list to check back in with! A fillet knife? In airport security? Hilarious!
🙂
paige
OH.MY.WORD! I laughed so hard at this story! You are so going on my list to check back in with! A fillet knife? In airport security? Hilarious!
🙂
paige
Sorry, but I have to laugh at the knife deal! It’s always something!
My father-in-law bought my son a huge plastic knife at the Alamo one time and packed it in his carry-on. Security got pretty irate with him when he tried to explain that it was a toy! They did let him keep it, though!
Your poor husband. How will he survive? But at least you know what to get him for Father’s Day this year. lol Although, he probably will have a new one well before that anyway.
Your poor husband. How will he survive? But at least you know what to get him for Father’s Day this year. lol Although, he probably will have a new one well before that anyway.
I love it when you tell a story…so funny. Scary, for sure, but oh, how you will laugh. Right?
I love it when you tell a story…so funny. Scary, for sure, but oh, how you will laugh. Right?
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Great story. I can only see you pacing back and forth while this is happening, while you try to decided if they arrest him if your still going to take the vacation on your own or cancle your trip to get your hubby outta jail.
Ha! I did wonder if I should still go! Is that wrong? 🙂
Great story. I can only see you pacing back and forth while this is happening, while you try to decided if they arrest him if your still going to take the vacation on your own or cancle your trip to get your hubby outta jail.
Ha! I did wonder if I should still go! Is that wrong? 🙂
Airport security has me so stressed out at the moment. My daughter is going to London without me and I’m so worried she won’t make it through security. *lol* I keep quizing her about what will be in her bag.
Airport security has me so stressed out at the moment. My daughter is going to London without me and I’m so worried she won’t make it through security. *lol* I keep quizing her about what will be in her bag.
Boo Lumberjack indeed! I am the same way with airport security. I even wear shoes that are easy to slip on and off and take off ALL jewelery, even the ones that my husband insist will not set off the alarm.
Also, I had an idea. Maybe to help with the confusion of Not Me Mondays, you could bold the sarcastic negatives, that way if anyone is confused, they can read around the bold face to get to the truth of the matter.
For example(well I had to use caps for my example because I don’t know how to type bold font in comments, but you get the drift): “And I most certainly did NOT help him eat a king-sized Hershey’s with Almonds bar.
And do not even assume that I did NOT do my 8-minute abs.” What do you think?
Boo Lumberjack indeed! I am the same way with airport security. I even wear shoes that are easy to slip on and off and take off ALL jewelery, even the ones that my husband insist will not set off the alarm.
Also, I had an idea. Maybe to help with the confusion of Not Me Mondays, you could bold the sarcastic negatives, that way if anyone is confused, they can read around the bold face to get to the truth of the matter.
For example(well I had to use caps for my example because I don’t know how to type bold font in comments, but you get the drift): “And I most certainly did NOT help him eat a king-sized Hershey’s with Almonds bar.
And do not even assume that I did NOT do my 8-minute abs.” What do you think?
Taylor, I wish I could have seen your face when you realized David had a knife!! Did he just forget or actually think he was going to get that one through? Too funny.
Taylor, I wish I could have seen your face when you realized David had a knife!! Did he just forget or actually think he was going to get that one through? Too funny.
Not long ago we were in France at the airport where I got stopped. They were fumbling around with my large bag filled with books, possibly $45 worth, our 7, yes 7, passports, money, lipstick, etc. Mind you they were fumbling with it, but never looked inside because they wondered what this thing was that resembled a line of bullets. Can you guess what it was? A spiral-bound notebook. Oh, and they were laughing and speaking French as my husband and some of our kids were on the other side of security wondering what the hold-up was. It took nearly 20 minutes for that whole shananigan (sp?) to be done.
Confession… completely off the subject. I used your “I’ll give you a million (meaningless) points” thingy on my blog while you were away. I didn’t want the 1 or 2 common blog readers that we share to feel left out or miss you too much. Seriously, it cracks me up when you say that, so I copied. 🙂 For the record, I linked back to you.
Not long ago we were in France at the airport where I got stopped. They were fumbling around with my large bag filled with books, possibly $45 worth, our 7, yes 7, passports, money, lipstick, etc. Mind you they were fumbling with it, but never looked inside because they wondered what this thing was that resembled a line of bullets. Can you guess what it was? A spiral-bound notebook. Oh, and they were laughing and speaking French as my husband and some of our kids were on the other side of security wondering what the hold-up was. It took nearly 20 minutes for that whole shananigan (sp?) to be done.
Confession… completely off the subject. I used your “I’ll give you a million (meaningless) points” thingy on my blog while you were away. I didn’t want the 1 or 2 common blog readers that we share to feel left out or miss you too much. Seriously, it cracks me up when you say that, so I copied. 🙂 For the record, I linked back to you.
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