Alright.
So, we boarded the plane and no arrests were made.
(Confused? Click here to catch up!)
We made our travel arrangements through Book It.com and the airline they chose for us was United.
And we had the pleasure of watching this safety video for the first of many, many, many times.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0tmi0Bd4eHs
Yes.
You need to click on that link.
Why?
Because you need to tell me what on earth that lady has on her neck?
What is it’s purpose?
It looks like she stole Amelia Earhart’s flying goggles and strapped them sideways on her neck.
I got real tired of seeing them goggles.
Or maybe it is a ribbon?
Or some other sort of fashionable accessory?
And don’t even get me started on safety guy’s weird multi-colored facial hair.
Boy, I bet you feel left out if you didn’t click on that link.
I told you to do it.
You only have yourselves to blame.
Also, United Airlines invited me to join them on Twitter.
Well, first of all, I don’t understand Twitter.
And, second of all, no.
Now, I did start enjoying my flight when they started showing episodes of The Office and Frasier!
Now that is flying.
When we finally made it to Cancun, we had to wait in line at customs for 2 entire hours.
And I had not eaten lunch.
These sorts of things make me cranky.
We finally made it through all the rigamaroo and we tried to leave the airport.
But, no.
That would not be an easy task.
This was when all the kind peoples stopped us to ask us if we were honeymooners.
Silly foreign peoples.
Don’t they understand that gringas get cranky when they have not eaten.
We get to our hotel.
It is grand and glorious.
I kid you not.
After a very confusing check-in procedure, they slap on our all-inclusive bracelets and send us on our way.
Food!
This means we can eat!
But, wait.
We must get stopped again.
And now, dear readers, I present to you:
Our Conversation with the 9th person to stop and ask us this very question on this hungry, hungry day:
“Hola, honeymooners! Welcome!”
“No, no. Not our honeymoon.”
“What!? Why are you here?”
“Anniversary.”
“Bien! Bien! Verde muchos los tortillas muy bienvenidos!”
Interruption: I am simply making stuff up here.
Reminder: Me no habla espanol and me no remember espanol
“Yes. Our 10 year anniversary!”
“What!? No, no no! How old are you, sir?”
“29”
And, no.
He does not care how old I am.
“You look so young, Senor! I am 31 and have one bambino.”
Interruption: 100 (meaningless) points to anyone who can tell me what the Spanish word for baby is.
I went with bambino.
You go with your gut.
“We have four bambinos!”
“What? No!”
“Yes!”
“Tell me, Senors, are you going on any tours while in Cancun?
I would like to tour one of your fine restaurants, Senor Blabs-a-Lot.
“Um . . . maybe?”
“Well, if you book it with the hotel, you can receive 60%off the tour price! Does that sound good? No?”
“Yeah. Sounds great!”
“Ok. What time you want to come for meeting tomorrow? 8:30? 9:30?”
“Um . . . .”
“Just quick presentation for 90 minutes. You just listen. Then you get discount. You have credit card?”
Danger, Lumberjack! Danger! I sense a scheme!
“Yes.”
“Visa? Mastercard?”
“Um . . . Mastercard?”
“Muy bien! Muy bien! Ok. You leave me deposit of five U.S. dollars and if you come back you can have them back.”
Hmmm . . . .I am thinking he is related to that King of Nigeria who is always emailing me.
“Alright. Here you go.”
Yes.
The Lumberjack handed him 5 $1 bills.
No.
I did not try to talk him out of it.
I was too hungry to care.
“Wonderful! Bien! Fajitas! Anaranjado! And if you need anything else you come find me, no?”
“Ok, sounds good!”
Can we eat now? Me no eat since 0400.
“My name is Waaaaaaaalllllllll-Do . . . ok?”
“Ok?”
“You know. Like funny American cartoon man with stripey shirt? Where am I? Where did I go?”
“Waldo! Right! Ok, Waldo! See you later!”
“Si! Waldo! Ok. One more thing Senor. Can I call you in the morning to remind you about your presentation?”
“Sure.”
“Wonderful! Miercoles! Frijoles! Adios!”
Now, folks.
It is the moment we have been waiting for.
Dinner.
Oh.
My.
Good.
Ness.
Do not put a starving girl in front of a delicious all you can eat buffet and tell her it is free.
And then don’t tell her there is also a menu she can order off of for free.
And please, please, have mercy upon her jeans and do not inform her that she can also order room service any time she would like.
For free.
It was a glorious meal.
And I ate.
A lot.
***
We go to the secret presentation meeting place where we are certain to be scammed.
No Waldo.
Where’s Waldo!?
Oh, I crack myself up.
A kind lady who seems up to par with Waldo’s shennanigans leads us to a secret waiting room.
Where we wait.
Then we have to follow a man named Carlos into the restaurant.
I like Carlos.
Carlos gets me.
Carlos: Please. Eat your breakfast. I wait presentation for you.
Sounds good, Carlos.
Sounds good.
Carlos: You like this place, no?
Us: Yes! It is very nice!
Carlos: And you like hotel, no?
Us: Lovely!
Carlos: Tell me. Just how important is travel to you. And do not consider money.
Mayday! Mayday!
Us: Um . . . well, we like it. It is hard to go. It gets expensive-
Carlos: No! Don’t consider money!
Well, Carlos.
I do not appreciate your tone.
LJ (Lumberjack. Keep up!): It is very important.
Carlos: That is what I thought. Where do you want to go in this life?
Us: Um . . . .
I want to go to the beach.
Carlos: Europe? Australia? Hawaii?
LJ: Maybe Alaska?
Carlos: Hmm . . . .but also Europe?
LJ: Ok.
Carlos: My job is to guarantee you 50 years worth of vacations. Would you like to go on vacations for 50 years?
Us: Um . . . .
Carlos: It does not matter to me where you go. Hawaii? Italy? It is your problem. You want to go to Disneyland? It is your problem. Not mine.
Ha! My problem! He kept saying that! Love it!
Next, Carlos leads us to a secret pyramid located in our hotel.
Only the extraordinary members of this special and elite club are eligible to stay in this pyramid.
He shows us rooms that have kitchens and living rooms and hot tubs in them.
They are divine.
They are exquisite.
They are expensive.
Carlos leads us back to a secret club meeting room full of other potential club members.
Carlos has been studying us this whole time.
And Carlos has come up with the perfect vacation plan package for us.
And guess what!?
It is only $78,000 US dollars!
Amazing!
But, wait!
It gets better!
We only need to come up with $38,000 right now and then we can make monthly payments of $1800 from now until eternity.
I can see why they are offering us this package.
Clearly, we are . . .
Upper Class.
But, wait!
There’s even more!
Everytime somebody else in that room joined this club, they would all cheer and pop open a bottle of champagne.
And this happened at least 3 times while we were in there.
Who are these people?
What do these people do?
Who can afford this stuff?
Where’s Waldo?
Sadly, we had to break it to Carlos, that no, we cannot afford his vacation plan.
Carlos was a nice guy.
We felt bad that he wasted his time on us.
We held our heads up high, walked past the gloating rich peoples sipping their champagne, and collected our 5 $1 bills.
And did we get our discount on the tour?
You better believe it.
We did not sit through 2 hours of humiliation for nothing.
We milked that presentation for all it was worth.
Then we slapped on some bathing suits and relaxed.
Then we ate.
Then we relaxed.
Then we ate.
Then we relaxed.
Then we ordered nachos by the pool.
Because they were free.
Then we relaxed.
Then we ate.
And then it was time to eat again.
And that, my friends, concludes the retelling of Saturday and Sunday.
Remember . . . our trip lasted through the next Saturday.
Aren’t you glad I am dragging this out so much?
You’re welcome.
De Nada!
Bibliotecha!
Leche!
Fresa!
Bwahahahaha… to this entire post!
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING HOME! Please don’t ever go on vacation again.
And that would be a scarf around the flight attendant’s neck, though she’s doing a good job of disguising it. The second lady is wearing hers tied in the back, which looks better, but almost as though she’s being strangled. I think United just needs to lose the scarves.
“United needs to lose the scarves”– agreed!
I can help with French, not Spanish. I comprende nachos by the pool though-that sounds really good right about now.
Oh and the flight attendant is wearing the required scarf portion of the uniform. Perhaps you were a little punchy from lack of sleep and food. I’m pretty sure its just a scarf. : ) I have learned to always travel with a bag of pretzels in my carry on. They have prevented an untold number of meltdowns. That and dramamine.
More, we need more!
O. M. G. You are hilarious! I am so looking forward to following this blog. I kid you not. I need to laugh so hard that my scalding hot morning coffee about comes out through my nose…every day. 🙂
No pressure or anything. 😉
You know all the Spanish you need to know to order the important foods in life.
In my book, that is fluency.
spanish word for baby is bebe with an accent mark over the last e. i bet we took spanish from the same gal in school, the one with the curly red hair?? i can’t remember her name! bambino is Italian for baby. it makes me think of Babe Ruth!! Did you ever see Sandlot??!! so glad you’re back! 🙂
Yes! We did have the same teacher! She was looney tunes.
Hilarious! Oh, I so want to know where you stayed. All you can eat. Yummmmm! And dangerous. But we do want to go on vacation sometime in the next year and Cancun is on the list. All inclusive is a good thing for my husband and boys (and me) who can eat a ton! Can’t wait for more stories to come 🙂
Totally recommend it! It was called the Gran Melia.
ok, ok…this is soooo wierd! you totally don’t know me, and i totally don’t know you- but really, you are my friend. lol i have been reading since your potty training adventures and have not been able to stop since. thanks for entertaining me with your awesome blog! i wish i couldn’t relate….but oh, i can! …soooo can!!! thanks for making me smile (only on the days i’m not doubled over laughing). your family is beautiful…your writing style is clever, and you, my dear, are hilarious!!!!!
your blog friend and fan. 🙂
cindy p
Thanks, Cindy! Nice to meet you! Thank you for the comment!
that thing on her neck is a scarf….i think…your welcome! 🙂 nice pics btw!!
Oh, I am just dying! Silly Waldo, and Carlos, thinking all of us Americans have an extra 38000 in our bank account. I mean, I only have 37, 500 left to get there, give or take 500.
The scarf is a bit overdone, but I have nothing against the multi-colored beard, considering Brian’s hair looks like that. 🙂
Looking forward to the next installment of the “Cancun Adventure”!
Ahhh, I love the timeshare presentations! My hubby and I took a trip through one of their offers once. We figured we could handle a 90 minute presentation for the free vacation! And we had a lot of fun messing with the guys – they really thought they had us! The best part was when we said no – they litterally showed us the door! It was great!
Also, we’re trying to find a good compay to do an all inclusive vacay with. What were the pros and cons of your trip? I guess I’m just asking if it was worth the money? Looks like you had a blast!
We went through Book It.com. It is similar to Priceline. I thought it was great. We just wanted a trip where we could relax and hang out by the pool. We paid extra for one tour, and I am glad we did, but otherwise, just hanging out was fine by us. If you would get bored by just relaxing by the pool all day, you might not like it or opt for more tours. We also went into the city of Cancun a few times for shopping and such.
I think it was a good deal. For both of us, the package cost about $2500 and that included our resort, food/drinks, transfers to and from airport, and airfare. And yes, alcoholic drinks were included. I noticed the price went up during peak travel times, so it might be best to travel around Nov-Feb or so.
You are such a goofball – I mean that in a GOOD way! I have heard about the “scam” thing from someone else – most people just go through it once and then they are much wiser! So glad you got to eat alot….
That’s it. I can no longer read your blog while Prince Charming is napping. I laugh tooooo loud and wake him up. Shame on you for being so funny! 😉
Sounds like a great vacation so far. Where did you find these people? When we were on vacation in Gatlinburg, we went on one of those 1-1/2 hour presentations because they promised us $100. We took all six of our kids. They only made us stay an hour and they didn’t make us tour the property. No one could make one of those condos seem reasonable when they looked at all of our children. We collected our $100 and still made it on time to church that morning.
You. Are. Hilarious…
glad you’re back!
I love this post!!
My husband, who took Spanish but hardly remembers any, like to sing this song:
Elephantos…
Elephantos…
Elephantos in my pantos.
and that is the extent of our Spanish language knowledge.
Please do not ask me if he is talking literally about the size of what’s in his pants.
I do not know.
If I did I would still say I didn’t know.
likes…LIKES to sing the song. Bad writer! Bad!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
You guys are a story waiting to happen. I thought only the Pioneer Woman was like that…but I believe you fall into the same category.
Oh my goodness…I might have to read that a few times it was so funny. I’m not kidding. I hope you are planning on telling us what was your favorite thing you ate. 🙂
Ninos y ninas; hijos y hijas. hielo. Camarones mmmmm Su espanol es muy amusing. Funny. I could sure go on a lot of vacations for 78,000 pesos. As long as you had fun & liked your hotel. Hotel y hotel. See, cognates. Do you know what cognates are?
to clarify: if you speak to someone on the street, or visit the doctor for the first time the proper way es ?Cuantos ninos tiene? Meaning how many children do you have. Bebe is indeed baby but that is not the way it is presented for this lesson. As a followup you might then explain their ages say youngsters, teenagers, or bebe. You should always know how much something costs and perhaps previous health history names like if you get hurt or end up at a hospital. So you might explain you have had operations on su rodillo (knee) arm hand etc. Or if you have an ‘alergia’ to any medicine. Good to know basics for safety but people get by without any Spanish. I just think languages are fun.
Re: pantos. that would be pantalones? 🙂
Baby = bebe. At least that’s what all my Spanish speaking moms call their babies. I’m staying tuned for more!!
All I can say is that I’m glad she did not demonstrate how to blow up the flotation device because she would certainly have strangled herself.
Glad you got to eat and I’m not sure why you didn’t jump at the chance to plunk down all that gringo cash:)
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You and Lumberjack are so grounded! Didn’t your parents ever tell you not to talk to strangers? I can’t believe the hotel didn’t warn you to stay away from solicitors. It was one of the first things we were told. I also LOVE all inclusive vacations! I lived on strawberry daiquiries that week. Sounds like you two had a blast!
Dude! Waldo was the hotel. He was the concierge (spelling?)!!!!!!!!!!
Did I miss anyone saying that ummm hello you do look like Honeymooners!!!!!!!
We have sat through presentations multiple times to get free stuff, and discounts…I can admit it:) One time Tish and Ryan went because I refused to go and pretended they were married, yep you are not the only ones, lol
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