Alright, folks.
Don’t hate me, but I am going to give this whole “Not Me!” posting thing a try again.
Yes, I realize that in the past all that has resulted from Not Me! posts is me leaving you in utter confusion.
But I will not let that deter me!
I will not lose heart!
I can, nay, I will do this.
And you will like it.
****
Interruption: This Not Me! post is brought to you by my recent weekend getaway with 25 or so of my fellow children’s ministry peeps to the lovely city of Seattle.
*Disclaimer-Names have been changed to protect the innocent.
The Car Ride
I did not kindly inform our driver, James, that I was B-O-R-E-D about 72 times.
I did not have to stop and use the restroom about once an hour.
I do not blame my bladder issues on the fact that I have had four children.
And I most certainly do not go into denial every time I realize that yes, I have four children.
Nor do I panic.
4 kids?
What were we not thinking?
Hmmmm . . . .what was I talking about?
Clearly, I do not get easily sidetracked while posting.
No.
My posts are clear and concise.
Back to James.
I did not take a picture of him while he was driving us safely to our destination.
No.
I would never distract him from his driving duties.
I did not hear this conversation between James and his wife, Marcia, my friend Louise, and myself.
Cast of characters:
Louise
James’ wife, Marcia
Me.
Don’t be jealous of my mad picture-taking skills.
Maybe someday you will look as good as I when someone takes your picture.
Maybe.
James: Oh, man! I forgot to bring my BBD’s!
Louise: Huh?
James: You know. BBD’s.
Me: James! What are you talking about?
James: Babe. Help me out.
Marcia: Well, I don’t know, hon. Do you mean underwear?
Me and Louise: Oh, dear.
James: Underwear?
Marcia: Yes, dear. Remember when they were called BBDs.
James: Oh, yes. What do folks call them now?
Marcia: Well, I guess like boxers, briefs . . . you know.
Me and Louise: Oh, dear.
James: No. Not underwear. You know. The round things that play the music.
Me: Do you mean CD’s?
James: Um . . . yes! Is that what they are called? Golly! I thought they were called BBDs.
Marcia: No, honey BBDs are underwear.
Me and Louise: Huh?
And that concludes our scintillating conversation.
100 (meaningless) points to anyone who can tell me what in tarnation James and Marcia are speaking of.
Pike Place Market
I did not get super grossed out by all the super gross fish.
And I did not stand in front of the Fish Guys waiting and hoping to catch a really cool picture of a super gross fish flying through the air.
It wasn’t working out for me.
Excuse me?
Fish Guys?
Are not you famous for throwing fish in the air?
Get to it.
I most certainly did not hope that Fish-Dude-with-his-hat-on-backwards didn’t think that I was a stalker.
Attention Fish-Dude-with-your-hat-on-backwards:
I was frantically snapping pictures of you hoping that you would do something amazing.
You let me down, Fish-Dude.
You let me down.
You could have had a moment on my blog.
Your 15 minute of fame, if you will.
I could have given you exposure to 10, maybe 20 interested readers.
But, no.
You would not throw a fish.
You have only yourself to blame.
Check out this fish.
That fish is just nasty-wrong.
I did not scream and run in place when Nasty-Wrong fish moved.
Attention anyone who might visit this fish market in Seattle:
IT IS A TRICK. THE FISH IS DEAD.
Some local ruffians thought it would be funny to attach a rope to the Nasty-Wrong Fish and move him when unsuspecting tourists are nearby.
For shame, local ruffians.
For shame.
I did not go to the original Starbucks and not even order coffee.
Why would I do that?
That would be silly.
And, since I value my time and yours, I am going to conclude with a bunch of random one-liners, sans pictures.
You’re Welcome.
I did not eat a lot over the weekend.
I did not have trouble fitting into my pants when I returned.
I did not miss my kids.
I did not worry when the Lumberjack told me over the phone that he was taking said kids on a hike to look for horns.
I did not have to remind myself that he was not talking about musical instruments.
I do not understand my husband.
I did not worry that they would encounter a bear and tragically come to their demise.
I did not feel sad that I did not get to play Catch Phrase.
Nope.
Not even once did I get to play that delightful game.
I did not complain about my owie.
I did not cut my hand again in a different location once I returned home.
I did not miss my Lumberjack.
I did not have a wonderfully fantastic time of food, fun, and fellowship.
And, finally . . .
I most certainly did not hear a worship leader at the conference sing out loudly while teaching us a song:
“Kick the devil in the nu-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah.”
The end.
So, tell me . . . . what did you not do this weekend?
You did good with the Not Me! Why don’t people get this? I’m thinking it’s definitely your readers : )
Hope your Monday is not great!
sounds like a wild and crazy weekend!
Well one thing for sure that I did not do was sit on my lazy butt and do nothing.
I ALWAYS bring my guests to the Fish Dudes and show them the Monk Fish! That is my favorite thing to do, scare the fish-guts out of them. I LOVE it when they get their faces right up there and look inside the fish. That’s when they scream the loudest.
Glad you had a great weekend in my ‘hood!
Welcome home! Looks like you had a fun weekend…although your family looked awfully sad without you at church on Friday 😉
Wow… good to know I’m not the only one who has moments of total fear when I remind myself “Cathy, you have 5 children”…
I mean really… what WERE we thinking? We’re now responsible for MANY MANY other human lives… and I can barely take care of my own life somedays… and wow… dinner needs to be made… and we’re talking a HUGE dinner. Every night. Like… because… well… there are so many of us now…
Yeah. Totally relate.
Hope you have a wonderful Monday and a peaceful week in general!
~Cath
Well, I for one am glad you joined the “Not Me” gang this week! Especially with all those funny things you didn’t do 😉
I did not get into a swimsuit that my body is terribly unready for and swim in a pool. I did not turn my head away every time there was splashing so my face didn’t get wet, and I did not leave my family in the pool and decide I’d rather hang out in the hot tub. That would be a little sad.
I also did not leave my house in a wreck that looked like a tornado went through it, and then have someone want to come look at the house. I mean, not me. My house is always perfect. Thank goodness we didn’t have to kill ourselves for two hours cleaning the house before we could show the house. That would have been exhausting for a lazy Sunday afternoon.
Hope I did okay and didn’t totally confuse you! 🙂
hey taylor, guess what else you did “not” do this weekend…..well, guess……that’s right!! you won my GIVEAWAY!!! 🙂 i was secretly hoping it would be you!! 😉 anyway…e-mail me (blog.diggidy@gmail.com) your mailing address and i will have CSN send you your cookie sheet!!! 🙂 thnx for entering my GIVEAWAY!!
so funny! don’t you love children’s ministry trips? we had one ourselves this weekend… junior bible quiz state meet. so fun! 🙂 loved your post!
Great Not Me Post! You got it! As for the fish guy, I bet he is used to people taking his picture and as soon as you walked away, he started flinging the fish.
Well as you know, I definitely did not force blog readers to stare at some feline genitalia.
And I think James was confusing BVDs and DVDs. And it was a trifecta of confusion and he really meant CD’s.
BBD is the name of a old rap group. Bel Biv Devoe.
Don’t get me started on my old rap knowledge. I’ll blow you out of the water. 😉
BVDs a brand of underwear. I remember hearing the old folks call men’s drawers “BVDs” It’s hysterical to me that he was referring to CDs or DVDs or a mixture of the two!
It’s BVDs.
Yeah… I finally understood your “not” me Monday!
I did “not” hire a hot pink stretch limo for my daughter’s 18th birthday… oh wait… yes I did… cause it was super cool, so I’ll admit it…
What a great weekend and post. I love the not me’s. I did not tell myself I was going to start eating better this weekend only to have not only ice cream but also to stop at Krispy Kremes and have 2, well maybe 3, doughnuts, nope, not me. (and I wonder why my pants don’t fit!)
Well, piddle. All of my comments were stolen. I gotta say, I was startled to realize you were discussing underpants on a church trip! I was relieved, and laughing to realize the goof of cd/dvd
Cutting your hand yet again is something I would do!!
Sounds like a fun trip! Thank you for your comment on my post 🙂
Best,
Dagmar
Dagmar’s momsense
Very good at the “Not me’s”. I’ve never tried them because the few times I attempted it, I confused myself before I ever got it posted.
I spent Saturday watching my husband writhe in excruciating pain from a pinched nerve in his back. I spent Sunday heavily medicating him for the same nerve.
I definitely do not go to your blog everytime I see that you have posted something new. Why would I want to be entertained like that? :O)
I DID NOT do anything exciting so I will NOT bore you with the details…lol! Glad you had a great trip!
I definitely did not gorge myself shamelessly with a Theater-size box of Hot Tamales. Twice.
Blech. =)
P.S. I totally get your “Not Me’s”…kind of freaks me out if I’m like the only one. Is something wrong with me…or you? Hmm.
Mindy
http://www.thesuburbanlife.com
I did not sweep up two toys that had been under the dining room table for a couple of days and just throw them away because I thought they were now yucky and I was not too lazy to clean them up quickly and put them back into circulation.
I also did not load my clean dishwasher with the few dirty dishes (that had not just come out of the dishwasher earlier that day) that had not piled up in the sink, and I did not run it like that, dirty and clean dishes mixed together.
I also did not stay up way too late looking at blogs instead of picking up my house and getting my son’s things ready for school tomorrow.
And finally, I did not forget, AGAIN, to iron my husband’s khaki pants so that he will not have to wear jeans tomorrow to work. Wait! He did not have to wear jeans to work today because I did not iron pants for him…that would be terrible.
And if I ever went to Seattle (which I actually might be doing next month) I would not not go to that fish place because I would certainly not hurl just smelling the place. I would not throw up on the fish guy. That would just embarrass me to no end.
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