I thought of some more adjectives to dazzle you with.
You are so very welcome.
***
Filthy
Filthy is the word I use to describe my house at this moment in time.
Sheet rock dust is everywhere.
Delightful.
The laundry room project is still in full-swing.
Currently there is no end in sight.
The Lumberjack broke out his ginormous muscles and hauled the washer and dryer back into the laundry room so I would not be so behind on my wifely duties.
So, yesterday, I was cranking out the loads.
Steamy
As I was working on the 4.2 million loads of laundry that had accumulated, I noticed that the windows were getting quite foggy.
And the room was getting fairly stuffy.
And hot.
I was trying to reckon if the washer and dryer were having an ill reaction to the new sheet rock.
Then, as I pulled the last load out of the dryer, I noticed the dryer vent had not been hooked up . . .
All the live long day.
(Name that song)
Oops!
I chose to not mention this travesty to my main man, for fear that he would no longer think I was “hot.”
Goodness, I seriously hope I did not cause any sort of permanent damage.
Exhausted
Neither of these males stops moving from dawn to dusk.
It was bound to catch up with them sooner or later.
Happy
Today’s is my dad’s birthday.
Happy Birthday, Dad!
100 (meaningless) points to anyone who can name one of the two tragic events in history that occurred on April 14th.
Stop!
Raise your right hand and repeat after me:
“I, (insert your name here), solemnly swear to not Google this information.”
Thank you.
Ignorant
As you read yesterday, I can do some pretty dumb things.
I don’t mean to.
It just happens.
My brother left a comment yesterday reminding me of another incident.
He said, and I quote,
“Stories such as pull my finger and the like don’t surprise me much as I grew up with gems such as that. Remember your lovely interpretation of Melissa Etheridge’s “Come to my window”?
In fairness, people, I have a hearing problem.
So, I would oft get song lyrics wrong.
Well, one day as I was driving my brother and sister home from school, the song, “Come to My Window” came on the radio.
And, as any cool, older sister would do, I began to belt it out along with my pal, Melissa E.
“Come to my window! Crawl inside. Wait by the ladder up on the roof!”
My brother just looked at me and said, “Idiot.”
It was a touching sibling moment.
100 (meaningless) points to anyone who can tell me what the actual lyrics to that song were.
Would you be surprised if I told you that I graduated summa cum laude from my University?
My friend, Ashlee, had to tell me it was an honor, as I had no idea why I had that particular asterick by my name in the program.
So there.
I am not stupid.
I just have no common sense.
Hot
Do I even need to explain this one?
Obviously, “Hot” is the only word to describe me.
Different
On Monday, I took the dudes to the eye doctor to get Handsome Dude’s glasses repaired.
Shocking, I know.
I have news of great sadness:
Handsome Dude’s glasses are broken past the point of no return.
It was to be expected, I suppose.
But the super kind eye-clinic-worker-man spent one hour creating a temporary fix on them so they can be worn until new ones arrive.
Let’s hear it for Super-Kind-Eye-Clinic-Worker-Man!
For that entire hour, the dudes and I waited in the waiting room.
The dudes were doing pretty good.
Shocking, I know.
There was another boy in the play area . . . I would guess he was 8.
For the purposes of this post, he will from heretohenceforth be known as, “Billy.”
Billy and his dad were waiting for his mother to finish with her eye appointment.
At one point, Little Dude began to throw a fit.
Shocking, I know.
So, I pulled a book out of my purse.
Interruption: Can we please have a moment of applause for me and my on-the-ball-ness?
Thank you.
So, Little Dude and I read the book.
Then Little Dude decided all was right with the world again and went back to playing.
A few moments later, I notice Billy standing right by me and staring at me.
Me: Hi, there!
Billy: Hi.
Me: How are you?
No response.
Me: What’s up?
Nothing.
Nada.
I notice that Billy is staring at the book I read Little Dude.
Me: Would you like to read this book?
Billy nods.
Me: That’s fine, but when you are finished, I need it back, ok?
Billy stares.
Me: Well, here you go!
Billy stares.
Billy is good at staring.
Me: Oh! Do you want me to read it to you?
Billy: Yes.
So, I read the book to Billy.
Billy was a sweet boy and greatly enjoyed, “Story Time with Taylor.”
Just as I was finishing up, Billy’s mom comes over and thanks me for reading to him.
For the purposes of this post, she will from heretohenceforth be known as “Gladys.”
Simply for the fact that “Gladys” is a fantastic name.
Gladys and Billy’s dad stand up and put their coats on.
Gladys: Billy, put your jacket on! Time to go.
Billy stares.
Gladys: Come on, Billy!
Billy stares and holds up another book he has found.
Gladys: Put the book away, Billy!
Billy stares.
Gladys: Ok, sweetie. The nice lady can read you one more book.
Me: Oh! Okay . . .
So, Gladys and Billy’s dad sit right down and stare at me.
Well, I’ll be darned!
Story Time with Taylor has tripled its audience!
So, there I am.
Sitting in a waiting room.
Trying to keep an eye on the dudes.
Whilst reading, “The Power Puff Girls” to my captivated audience of Billy, Gladys, and Billy’s dad.
Yes.
That’s right.
All 3 of them were listening.
It.
Was.
Awkward.
Interruption: Please excuse this interruption while I speak to one, specific person.
I told you I would use “whilst” soon!
Thank you.
That concludes this interruption.
Shoot!
I should have named Billy’s dad.
100 (meaningless) points to whomever can come up with the best name for Billy’s dad.
Dang! I am full of meaningless points today.
Any-who . . . does anyone else think that was . . . different?
Hmmmm . . . .
That’s all I got.
Happy Wednesday!
I’m pretty sure that Gladys would be married to Howard.
Love how you called yourself “Hot” — and the perfect photo to go with it 🙂
I just found your blog and I love it! You make me laugh every morning. Thanks.
Thank you, Pam!
Nice to meet you!
Titanic hits the iceburg AND Lincoln got shot….that’s double the points!
Billy’s dad’s name was Henry, because Gladys and Henry just sound nice together and decided that was reason enough to live in holy matrimony and reproduce little boys named Billy.
SO thankful right now that #3 did not have to start wearing glasses until this year (he is 10) because I am already about to OUT.OF.MY.MIND. with all the trips to the eye dr. for repair/replacement glasses. I swear the tech there thinks I purposefully run over them just so I can visit with her.
Nice! You got them both! Did you have to Google, or are you just that awesome?
i’m just that awesome…not really, but i didn’t Google it…I am just a freak for trivial things, it’s an illness really.
I always thought it was “wait by the light of the moon” but I get lyrics wrong all the time!!
You are correct, smartypants!
Oh my…I was laughing the entire time I was reading this. I could not stand the filthy. Although, my house is not clean. It’s ironic (hey, there’s a good adjective).
Happy Birthday to your dad. I missed my mom’s birthday. How could I have done that? Not in real life, but on my blog. Very bad. Is late better than never? Really?
I broke my glasses, too. And then Eliana finished them off (me-one stem; her-one stem). Now I have to wear my Buddy Hollys. I’ll have to show you sometime. Weezer plays through my head every morning and every night.
That is a very weird and outrageously funny story about the eye doctor.
You are totally hot! I think it’s the dryer vent, though. 🙂
Ooh-ee-ooh, I look just like Buddy Holly.
Oh-Oh, and you’re Mary Tyler Moore . . .
Um… yes…I think that it’s way awkward that you had to read another story. How funny though!! You are such good sport!!
My head is spinning from all the flights I’ve just organized so I don’t think I can answer the quiz questions today.
I think Gladys’s husband should totally be named Abner….100 meaningless points if you can name that tv sitcom.
Bewitched! I thought the same thing as I was reading this. My sister calls me Gladys when I am looking out the window trying to figure out what the neighbors are doing.
Umm – I don’t think it was strange that Billy’s parents were in rapt attentiveness to your story telling – I enjoy story-time with Taylor almost every morning…..
Ha! You funny. 🙂
Gladys’s husband should be named Clyde, that sounds about right. I also have to agree with Little Brown House, I too enjoy story time with Taylor! Happy Wednesday and Happy Birthday to your dad.
I can’t even remember that today is Wednesday so the date April 14th was lost on me. So glad someone knew since I wasn’t allowed to google the answers.
I agree with Joyce that Gladys is married to Abner. I can see it now.
I am always amazed at people and their weirdness about what is acceptable and what is not. Also by how other parents want you to do their job for them. It was so nice of you to read to Billy. Maybe he liked your voice better than Gladys’ or Abner’s.
I love that your husband calls you hot ~ and yes you are, girl!
Yay for you and your book! Perhaps Billy’s family were non-readers. When I read aloud to my 2 girls at the doctors office, we would often have a larger-than-two audience when the other kids would join us. Not that I minded a bigger child audience but I wondered if no one read to them at home. Usually the adults just listened vicariously–pretending to be engrossed in those ancient dr. office magazines.
I could hardly stand the awkwardness of the eye doctor story. Does it not seem CREEPY? Poor Billy, no wonder he is silent with such strange parents as Gladys and Horace.
My adjective of the day is Lazy. and maybe sleepy. Which are pretty self-explanatory.
Too, too weird about the Gladys-Bill-unnamed Dad story. But if your story-reading abilities are anything like your story telling abilities, I can see why they would be attentive. Were they cracking up laughing, rolling on the floor with tears streaming down their cheeks? Then it was story time with Taylor!
I like to make facial expressions to convey my emotions. I know just the look I would have given Gladys if she offered up my reading services…again!
I too am terrible with lyrics, and sadly, I bust out into song and dance frequently. It’s a running family joke how I have NEVER sang a song correctly. I think it’s funny. I just might use your words to Melissa E and see how big my sister rolls her eyes!
Hilarious! I’m feeling very sorry for Billy right now. What weird, strange, awkward, odd AND creepy people! I’m glad it was you and not me- I probably wouldn’t have read him the book in the first place. 😛
What a crazy household, but lovable!
I give you 1,000,000 meaningless points for reading to your kids. I got together with my high school classmates this summer who all hated reading when we were growing up, and they complained that their kids are always asking for a story, and another complained that her child hates to read, and may be held back, but she never read to her when she was little! Hmmm…Do ya think there’s a correlation here?
I would give myself those points if it wasn’t tasteless, because I read to my kids from infancy and they both love to read and are among the best readers in their class. So there.
I’ve read to strange kids at the doctor’s office. They tend to gravitate over if I’m reading to my son, and it’s always a bit awkward. They always want to know why I’m reading in English (which isn’t the local language) and if my son is a genius, speaking English at two (I just say yes) 🙂
Oh, and I’ve done the sauna-by-dryer, too. Don’t sweat it (hardy har har).
Now, I know I should be focused on your hilarious, adjective-filled post. But all I can think about is the Lumberjack, and whether he positions his hands to give himself a fake mustache while sleeping.
That was very nice of you to read to the people in the waiting room…a little odd of them to do that, but very nice of you all the same.
Love the picture of LJ and HD (does that work for Handsome Dude?) sleeping!
Thanks for the laughs…makes my day!
Oh my. That was just too funny. I think Billy’s dad would be a William, of course. Billy would obviously be a junior.
And did that really happen? Because that super weird. 🙂
Marla @ http://www.asthefarmturns.wordpress.com
You can’t make this stuff up!
Yes, it truly happened.
Sounds like story hour in the waiting room! Kinda presumptuous of those parents. Did I spell the big word correctly? I’m a terrible speller….sorry.
-FrigneGirl
Please don’t take this the wrong way…I think it’s cute that FringeGirl says she is a terrible speller and then signed off “FrigneGirl”. “Presumptuous” is right, though! 😉
It’s asterISK
I’ve been working on the railroad – all the live long day…
Have you heard the news about wallboard. I think you should check it out. Manufacturers were out of American wallboard and using Chinese wallboard/drywall whatever you want to call it. It’s toxic and they’re just finding out. It all has to be removed by HazMat. Any way to close off that area and get rid of the dust? I can’t think it would be good for little lungs to breath in.
Love the short sentences 🙂 Love “on the ballness” that’s the best.
I mean, what’s left to say after 30 previous comments?? Were you this popular in high school, too? Nonetheless, awesome story and soo crazy! People are soo weird.
Happy birthday to your Papa. My daughter and your daddy are bday buddies. We are practically related! Ha!
Too funny. I think Mindy is right, what’s left to say. But I will throw in my 2 cents that it is just weird that they asked you to read ANOTHER story. And then sat and listened. Hmmmm….
And Megan’s comment is a hoot!
I have no problem believing this happened to you…I teach college students…I could tell you some unbelievable human behavior stories that would make you never be surprised or weirded out ever again.
I’ve been jaded for life.
I think Billy’s dad’s name is George…
Billys dads name is Gilbert 🙂
I know where to go next time my kids need stories read! Story time with Taylor I like it! Sounds like your good at it, where do we sign up?
Song lyrics Come to my window. Come by the light of the moon….? something like that?… lol
And Billy’s dad could be…………..Harold! Gladys and Harold had Billy? It fits right? 🙂
And I have no clue what happened on April 14! Other than you dad being born a few years ago 🙂 I am gonna go look it up now!
Three words:
Honored!
Proud!
HENRY!
So that story is better in print! So stinkin funny!!!
Thanx for the drop in and comment the other day! I am not seeing any pictures of your Dads birthday cake? Was there a cake, oh please say there was a cake!
xoxo
Susan
oh my, i would check into that drywall thing datenutloaf was speaking of if i were you, i would hate to have you guys get sick or worse!! and i enjoy taylor’s story hour everyday!! you make me laugh and i love that!
Maybe Billy’s mom and dad couldn’t read so poor Billy never got books read to him….You were a great sport for reading the second book!
Just found your blog today and love your style of writing – I’m sure I’ll be back!