Hello!
Today is Monday.
Today is busy.
And here are 6 completely random, pointless, and unrelated things to dazzle and delight you.
You’re welcome.
1) I started taking piano lessons at the age of 12 . . . a little later than most children.
I loved it.
I continued with the lessons through my junior year in high school.
For my last recital, I played a 13-page performance of Celine Dion’s, “My Heart will Go On” from the Titanic.
I don’t wanna brag, but I brought down the house.
Of course, my competition was 6-8 year olds who were butchering “Twinkle-Twinkle Little Star.”
After my award-winning performance, I was swarmed by those 6-8 year olds, wondering how I could play so well.
Well, girls . . . I am twice your age.
And apparently I am a loser, because there is no one else here even near my age bracket.
But, don’t worry.
I let myself have my moment of glory.
I shook their little hands, gathered my 13 pages of sheet music, held my head high, and walked out of there a star.
And I never performed again.
2) As you may recall, my Lumberjack ripped out our old porch this weekend. Our house was built in 1910.
That would make it 100 whole years old
Yes.
It’s true.
I am good at math.
Anyways . . . he found these old bottles amidst the rubble:
That was about the most exciting thing that happened over the weekend.
This is my life.
3) My brother-in-law, Alex, sent me a new ringtone.
Did you know you can text ringtones to friends and loved one?
I was unawares.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M3l2a_ESwPc]
It is the Paul Bunyan song and he doesn’t start singing until about 15 seconds into the clip.
And, without fail, every time my phone starts ringing, I fear there is a strange, loud, scary man in my house.
4) When the kids are driving me nuts, I sing a song that I made up.
Would you like to learn it?
It is really super easy.
You sing it to the tune of “Skip to my Lou”
Too many children I do have.
Too many children I do have.
Too many children I do have.
Let’s all go to bed now.
The kids love it and know it by heart.
They join in with clapping and dancing.
Good times.
This is the excitement that is my life.
Embrace it.
Feel free to steal that song for your own household.
5) We still haven’t closed on our new house.
We might this week.
But we cannot be certain.
It is a cruel world we live in.
6) We are still working on home improvement projects.
And when I say we, of course I mean The Lumberjack.
For I am a construction ignoramus.
100 (meaningless) points to anyone who can inform me if “ignoramus” is a word.
So, we have a lot of tools and other home improvement rubbish floating about our house.
And sometimes . . . .the kids, namely the boys, get into all this aforementioned rubbish.
My boys.
They are such naughty-pantsies.
The other night, those hooligans of mine got into the “shims.”
You might ask: “Taylor! (cause that’s me) What in tarnation is a ‘shim?'”
Well, dear readers.
A shim is a person who looks like either a boy or a girl.
You cannot be certain. It is tricky.
So, a shim is a combination of the words “she” and “him,” informing others that you are confused of the gender of the person in question.
Oh, I am kidding. And I don’t call people shims. I have just heard this foolish phrase before.
Don’t call someone a shim.
It is not nice.
But, I do like to tease my Lumberjack with construction terms that I think are humorous.
This usually results in him calling me a dork.
Along with “shim” I enjoy teasing him about “knotty pine.”
ha!
Get it?
Like naughty pine?
Oh, I just crack myself up.
Little Dude, the boy not wearing a hat, is holding the shim.
A shim is used for something in home-building-g00d-times-happinesss.
I forget its purpose.
As you can see, The Lumberjack really scored high when he married yours truly.
Let us all have a moment of silence in sympathetic pity for the Lumberjack.
*Thank you*
100 (meaningless) points to anyone who can tell me what the purpose of a “shim” is.
Not the “shemale” definition.
The construction definition.
Am I being inappropriate today?
I am very tired.
Alright!
That’s it!
Farewell!
Oh . . . one more thing.
I just shared with you 6 bits of useless information.
But one of the things I have already shared in a post from the days of old.
100 (meaningless) points to anyone who can tell me which item, 1-6, I have already told you about.
Can we not all agree that I am:
A) Completely inappropriate with the He-She, Shemale, Shim talk today?
B) Completely and ridiculously full of meaningless points today.
Toodles!
A shim is A thin, often tapered piece of material, such as wood, stone, or metal, used to fill gaps, make something level, or adjust something to fit properly. I believe you already told us about your piano recital. Have a great week and hope you get to close on your house soon.
katie is correct!!! a shim is often used when putting windows and doors in, to assure a proper fit in their casings or frames. and they can be made out of a variety of materials!! =) my daughter was taking piano lessons….she is not anymore because we cannot afford it..she is “self teaching” now, at least that is what she tells me =)
Katie is correct. She beat me to the punch. Your children are cute even when they are being knotty pants. 😉
Lets see yes Ignoramus is a word http://east.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/ignoramus found it in Merriams! LOL
And Kate is absolutely correct about the shim – small sliver of wood used to fit things into frames perfectly… we have close to 100 of them that were supposed to be used on my cabinets… I say supposed to be, because they never were!
I’m not smart enough to know the answer to any of your questions, but I did have to comment to say that I love the song! ha! 🙂
Ignoramous is a word.
I love your made up song. I used to break into a musical version of ‘Do everything without complaining’ when I’d ask my kids to do something and they complained. Oh how they hated to hear me sing that song…excellent motivation to just get whatever was asked done. I might still sing it to them on occasion.
Happy Monday-hope you get a nap : )
Bahahahahaha! This whole post made me laugh. Found it on miscellany monday – love it 🙂
I sing the “Old Woman In The Shoe” song to my kids. I’ve been looking for the Fisher Price Old Woman in the Shoe toy for years to embellish my song, but haven’t found it yet. Pretty soon your kids will be singing the Paul Bunyan song!
Speaking of songs for kids, before my ex and I divorced his kids used to come every weekend, they were exhausting! I made up a little diddy to “Ding-Dong the Witch is dead” from The Wizard of Oz:
“Ding Dong the kids are gone, the little kids that drive me nuts, ding dong the little kids are goooone”
My son and I would dance wildly and sing at the top of our lungs the minute my ex pulled out of the driveway with them!
I love the Paul Bunyan song!
Enjoy your day!
My husband and I make up all sorts of silly songs; for ourselves and for Ellen.
We sing them in the milk barn. It’s amazing what great acoustics you can get in a milk barn.
I can’t wait to start getting ringtones by text! Who knew?
Love the term “SHIM”! I am going to totally disregard your warning not to use the word, and use it with fervor (when children are not present)!
In return for the favor you have bestowed by sharing a funny word, I will tell you what the term PITA means in my house….
Pain In The “bum” .
I call my husband-dear a PITA all the time. My children think I am calling him a little bread pocket. HA!
After reading the comments, I know now the definition of a shim.
I feel very informed.
I knew what a shim is! But I will not explained since others have beat me to it. I stopped reading after the first comment so I could guess the other question without reading other people’s guesses first. I was going to ask you if you copied from an old post anyway, because that piano recital story sounded awfully familiar! 🙂
Well, I think you know more about construction them me. Congrats. Really. That’s quite the reward.
I think your piano story is cute. Can you still play? You should try. I bet your kids would be super-duper impressed. 🙂
Marla @ http://www.asthefarmturns.wordpress.com
Taylor.
Take a nap.
You need it.
that song you made up about your kids is too funny and applies to my thoughts sometimes too! 🙂
Happy Monday!
Ha. My husband used “shim” AND lumber in one sentence during a conversation with me today! What are the odds?
I am visiting per Mindee’s recommendation and I am quite enjoying myself. I think I will be back 🙂
And I also think I will be singing your version of Skip to My Lou as I head to bed, even though I don’t technically have too many children – just two boys. It’s still catchy.
And I am shocked that I actually knew what a shim was!!!
I think that’s a really good “Miscellany Monday” post! Well done, Taylor.
I’m guessing that the point about the ring tones is NOT the one you have already written about. Do I get points for that?
Miss T…
You continue to make me laugh!! When you were
a child, who knew you would become a serious
writer?????
XO
my husband’s ring tone is “White and Nerdy”. If it goes off enough in one day, my two year old starts singing it. NOT GOOD! NOT GOOD!
You cracked me up today. Sooo funny. “this is my life”.
Yes.
yes, it is.
I LOVE your song you sing to your kids and I love the fact that they know it by heart! 🙂
Hmmmm shim=shimmy shake? lol I obviously am tired too! Happy Monday to you and good luck on the house progress and closing! How exciting 🙂
You’ve told us about your piano recital before. 🙂
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Oh. My. Goodness. I am cracking up. Shims. You are too funny. I just found your blog, nice to “meet” you!
Taylor….you could write about anything and it would be hilarious! You rock girlfriend!!
Well, we always called shims “Pat”. But now I know a new more modern version. Now I can feel more up-to-date. Thanks.