AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yes, my dear readers.
That one word sums up my life right now.
Honestly, I have no time for this blogging nonsense.
Yet, it is my duty to share with you all the horrific angst my person has been through as of late.
And it is your duty to pretend to care.
#1-I figured out whose idea I stole for the Father’s Day Interview.
I’m a thief.
Who knew?!
Go say “hi” to Naomi, as she is the original mastermind behind the interview idea.
#2- For those poor confused souls who do not understand what the gun show is, allow me to shed a little light on the matter.
A person, usually of the male-gender, says something like:
“Would you like tickets to the show?”
The recipient of this comment will usually say,
“What show?”
Then the aforementioned male makes muscle arms . . .
as Little Dude is so accurately demonstrating . . .
and says something like,
“Tickets to the gun show.”
You see, dear readers, the guns in this scenario are not actual guns, but are, in fact, muscles.
Hope that clears things up.
#3-Serenity Now!
Yes.
Serenity Now came from Seinfeld and I believe it is what George’s dad said when he was angry . . . you know . . . to try to calm himself down.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5513mXmQbw4]
My life, dear readers, has been full of “Serenity Now!” moments as of late.
Allow me to elaborate.
My husband and I are idiots.
You see, we thought it would be a great and glorious idea to keep our old house and use it as a vacation rental.
We also thought it would be a superb plan to go ahead and book the house for its first rental for about 10 days after we moved to Ruralville.
But, alas!
We did not stop there.
We also were so brilliant that we decided to start the following projects at the original house in the past couple of months:
*Laundry room: Floor, sheet rock, bead board, trim, paint.
*Kitchen: Tile, under cabinet lighting.
*Rest of house: Sheet rock touch ups, paint, install electric cadet heaters (for we cannot assume all future renters will enjoy building fires)
*Outside: Build new fence. Build new porch. Paint new porch columns.
In conjunction with all of that nonsense, we have had to buy about 4.2 million dollars worth of new furniture and appliances to get both houses functioning.
And after all that 4.2 million dollars, I would like everyone to know that The Lumberjack and I do not have a dresser.
Serenity Now!
So, in honor of tomorrow, yes, tomorrow being the day the first renters come, I would like to present to you all a few of the circumstances that have been causing my dashing and dapper husband and I a tiddly-bit of stress.
1) First there was the whole washer/dryer fiasco, which I discussed a bit yesterday. Well . . . as my husband and I were moving the original washer back into the original house, we broke the knob off of the washer that selects the wash cycle.
The part won’t be in for 10 days.
Renters are coming in 1 day.
Serenity Now!
2) The dryer vent pull-out thingie mabob of the old dryer is broken and costs $40 to replace.
Serenity Now!
3) Our oven in our original house broke.
$135 repair.
Serenity Now!
4) Ruralville did not have a fridge.
Had to buy a new one.
Serenity Now!
5) Had to buy 5 mattresses/box springs in the past week.
Serenity Now!
6) Had to buy a table for the original house’s kitchen breakfast nook.
Found this bad boy at a garage sale for like $100 bucks . . .
But we just needed the table. Not the benches.
Then, at a later garage sale, we found a nice round pedestal table for $25.
So the above table/benches set was a unecessary purchase and I have to live with it as my dining room table until we can afford to live again.
Serenity Now!
7) Ruralville came with these window coverings . . .
and the kids won’t stop messing with them.
Serenity Now!
8) It takes 45 minutes to drive each way from Ruralville to Original House.
This does not agree with our gas budget.
Serenity Now!
9) My new dryer has this on the inside:
That don’t look safe.
Serenity Now!
10) I bought a new down comforter for the Original house and my Lumberjack threw it in the dryer without reading the tag.
First of all, let’s be super thankful that he likes to help out.
Nevertheless!
The comforter became all funked out and I am trying to save it by rewashing it and drying it with the tennis balls, as the tag so helpfully instructed . . .
yet it still smells . . . odd.
Serenity Now!
11) My husband bought an older Honda Accord to save on gas when our whole family is not driving.
Yesterday.
Yesterday I decide to go into town and I know my husband will be pleased with me if I switch car seats to the Honda instead of using our diesel-thirsty Excursion.
I get everyone loaded.
I get the car loaded with stuff to take to Original House.
And the new key I had recently made won’t work.
My husband has the original at work with him.
So, I had to switch everyone back into the Excursion, along with all the items I had placed in the trunk.
And it was POURING rain.
I would like to remind everyone that Lumberjill is not waterproof and she looked like a drowned cat for the rest of the day.
Serenity Now!
12) All three things in this picture are broken and need my husband’s attention.
For I am an idiot and need him for my life’s existence.
Serenity Now!
13) My husband’s work cell phone does not work at our house.
So we had to add him onto my plan and get him a new phone.
After my grandma’s funeral we were at my parent’s house, where no less than 40 people were gathered.
Little Dude throws up.
On my mama’s couch.
In my mama’s bathroom.
All over The Lumberjack’s clothes.
I offer to throw his clothes in the wash while my mother finds him some clothes of my dad.
I washed his cell phone.
Win!
Serenity Now!
And finally . . .
14) My mother bought me this VHS at a garage sale:
We have two, yes, two VHS players in our house.
Neither are working.
And I must watch this movie.
Soon.
Serenity Now!
Alright.
If you don’t hear from me for a while, just assume I have gone insane.
Thank you.
Just keep breathing. Phew!
And praying!
Serenity now….
Sorry Taylor!
I find that a little vodka in the morning o.j. really helps with the “serenity.”
Kidding!
Probably.
HAHA!!
Champagne! Mimosas!!! YUMMMM!!!
It could be worse, I am not sure how, but it could be.
Serenity Now!
Oh bless your heart! I would be a complete mess if I had all of that going on! Thinking of you, my dear blog friend!
Holy Mother of God, I thought my life was stressful. I bow to you and your chaos. I wish I could come help you now that I’ve read this. For, I am a mother, and that’s what I do.. help others no matter what is going on in my life.
Your Dear LJ may need a brain transplant. Tell that man you appreciate his entrepreneur-ism (is that a word and did I spell it right?) but surely even he is exhausted at this point.
Why didn’t she buy you the DVD?
I almost titled my post yesterday “Serenity Now”…we seem to be dealing with similar unserene things. Is unserene a word? apparently not. Suck it spell check! I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said, “Suck it”. But. Really. You know what I mean.
It will all wash out in the laundry…I mean, it will get better.
Hugs!
I am stealing your saying “Serenity Now”. I need it too. Is it because it’s June? Is it because all kids and moms go insane this time of year? I am not sure. I think the universe is against us. Serenity now. I too am dealing with bunches of craziness, at least mine is restricted to 1 house and I do not have to drive 45 minutes each way to deal with more. Good Luck Taylor!!
Wow!!! I cannot believe all that. What I can’t believe most of all is that you were organized enough to remember and list all the things making you crazy. Wow. I’ll send up some prayers for you today.
Oh my goodness. Why don’t you run away? You can come to my very quiet house and I’ll make you cups of coffee with raspberry creamer and you can watch our copy of Seven Brides for Seven Brothers which I love. Sometimes we like to call our dog Dorcas.
Things are bound to settle down soon. Hoping you get out of the negative appliance vortex very soon!
(((Lumberjill)))
HUGS Taylor!!
Bless your beautiful hide, Taylor. That’s all I’ve got. 🙂
May I say that while I still sit here and wait for my short sale to go through. And while we have decided to rent our current home, your blog post latley are not helping my “worry- diahrrea”
I think you do need some serenity now, but I fear it is already too late for you.
And think of this as doing your part to help the economy recover:) Although, that thing in your new dryer does look strange.
Girl, if you FIND serenity amidst that chaos you would be weird. Just sayin. 😉
Girl, the fact that you are going through all of that craziness and STILL take time out to sit down and post it in your blog for our entertainment speaks highly of your capability to hang on to your sanity. I salute you; if it were me I’d already be stark raving mad.
You’re in my prayers!
Serenity now! I love that. Well I’m sure you are the gal to handle all that stress and then make us laugh about it. You live a very exciting life. Holla! 😉
I am so sorry! But keep reminding yourself that, when you have all those renters in the vacation/original house, eventually you will be raking in the money to cover all this expense. And at this rate, it should only take you 4-5 years before you’re breaking even.
If our hubbies don’t want us going over the gas budget, they should not have bought us huge, diesel-guzzling monsters to drive.
I live with six males. We have gun shows every day. I do not do a gun show. Because then they would make fun of me.
BTW, you do have the worse week possible. You win. : )
Praying for you to have Serenity Now! This too shall pass…
I’m very sorry to say you better get used to this. As long as you own two houses AND have renters, this probably will be your way of life. It will be fun for your readers but brutal on you.
Wishing you great serenity! NOW! And I posted on that. Seven Brides, as one of my all time favorite movies just last Monday! It’s worth watching. Good luck with the VCR!
I have that same thing on my new dryer…
Wow, you really are crazy busy! Hope things settle down soon and you can enjoy your beautiful country home.
Thanks for explaining the gun show joke…now I get it!
Oh my!
Here’s my suggestion (and my own recent discovery).
Get yourself some Bailey’s Coffee Cream (original flavor).
Get yourself some Amaretto (or orange juice, but the Amaretto is much tastier *wink*).
When and if the kids go to bed, mix a lot of the Baileys with a little of the Amaretto.
Take a deep breath, enjoy the liquid dessert, and pray.
Everything will work out.
I’ll be praying for you (while sipping my own toddy). Gee, it sounds wrong to put those two things in the same sentence, eh? Oh well. Prayers are prayers!!
Oh Lumberjill! Sounds like too much stuff not going your way. But it sounds like you’re keeping a great attitude about it… I wish I was more like you! Hang in there, things will settle down soon!!
My quilts get all messed up in the dryer too, all the insides grow into one big ball on one side. I’ve never tried the tennis ball method. I should. However, I just put them back on the beds messed up and somehow or other the quilts magically fix themselves after 2 or 3 nights. I’ve never figured it out.
Taylor, you, my friend, are making me hella nervous. We are looking at a house right now and deciding if we should rent our current house and you are freaking me out. I repeat…Freaking me out!!!
Can you give me some good information? Lie to me if you must. I’m worn out just reading it. The part where you had to switch cars. Dang, girl. I would’ve just given up. Yeah for you. I’m proud.
I’ve been praying and praying so I’ll just add you and your unserenity to the list.
Lovesies.
Oh wow! It looks like you have a plateful of stuff goin’ on!
Oh.
Oh Taylor.
I have no words.
I’m about 99% positive that I would have been muttering some non-Sweet-Pea approved words when the car key didn’t work.
I thought my life was complicated. You win. Watch 7 Brides – it will restore you – it’s my favorite and it always works for me!
Well – fix a VCR and then watch it!
All Ican say is…chocolate! You need some!
I feel like I need to yell Serenity Now! after reading your post! Girl, you need a break! Praying peace and a fixed VCR come soon!
Oh my. I can’t…I don’t…um…
I’ll be back tomorrow to comment.
:O…((Hugs)). Girl you need some Calgon two weeks ago. You get props from me for not killing anyone or pulling your hair out. I do hope that things slow down for you very soon.
Pingback: Twenty-Nine. « The Lumberjack's Wife
Tomorrow is a new and better day….just keep breathing and you will get there!! I find chocolate ice cream always helps me….just saying!!
Holy Cow. Ridiculous, you poor thing. I will not complain about ANYTHING for the rest of the week. God speed and good luck!
Miss T…
Oh my dear!!! I have these pills my Dr. gives me…
You still go thru the stuff, but it neeevveerr bothers
you at all!!!!
Seriously, if anyone can handle this, it’s you. You
do a wonderful job every day>
Love you…
Aunt Shirl
Pingback: I repeat. Serenity Now! « The Lumberjack's Wife