As you may or may not recall, we went camping this weekend.
We went camping at a river, about 1 hour away from home.
We were the first from our group to arrive at the campsites, and before all camping hubbub commenced, I forced my family to do a group shot using my camera’s handy self-timer function.
Yes.
I figured out the self-timer function on a camera!
Look at me and my bad self!
Fact: It was really the Lumberjack who figured it out.
You might say, “Taylor. Why is your husband not smiling?”
And I will reply, “Hello! Are you new to this blog? Welcome!”
100 (meaningless) points to anyone who can find a picture of my husband smiling.
Yet, I assure you he is a pleasant person in real life who does, upon occasion, crack a smile.
Sometimes.
I find that one of the worst parts about camping is the initial arrival and setting up.
The Lumberjack disappears and is climbing under the trailer, lowering jacks, leveling things, moving trucks, stacking wood, and all sorts of uber manly activities.
I am usually in charge of dinner on Friday nights, so I am trying to figure out how to get it all going whilst trying to keep an eye on four Lumberjacklings who cannot contain their sheer and utter camping joy.
Plus I don’t know how to light our camper stove and oven and I am unwilling to learn, seeing as how it requires throwing lit matches into fumes of gas.
So, when we arrived, this is what the campsite looked like:
Lumberjack: Taylor. Help me set up the parachute.
Me: Why? It’s not going to rain.
Lumberjack: I just want to set it up.
Me: Why?
Lumberjack: You are going to be thanking me when we are hit with a flash flood.
Me: True. And a flash flood certainly looks likely.
Don’t be fooled, readers. I know the real reason why Sir Lumberjack wanted to set up the parachute.
Interruption: Are you confused? Are you wondering why I am babbling on and on about a parachute?
(This picture is from last year)
The Lumberjack sets up this huge parachute to protect us from the rain and any other inclement weather we may encounter.
As we were pulling into the campground the camp host stopped us.
Camp Host: Hello, there!
Lumberjack: Hey!
Camp Host: Say! Aren’t you the fellow with the giant umbrella?
Lumberjack: Yes, I am.
Camp Host: Wonderful! I have been talking to everyone I know about that! Did you bring it with you?
Lumberjack: Yes, I did!
Camp Host: Oh, good! Well, you folks have a nice time.
So, that, dear readers, is precisely why The Lumberjack is making me set up this parachute.
Lumberjacks are so egotistical.
Before I know it, my Lumberjack has jumped inside the parachute doing who knows what.
My plan of attack is to usually sit and watch until it is absolutely necessary to help him.
Besides, I never know what he is doing.
Nor am I made aware of any sort of plan.
So, sit I shall.
But, darn my luck, he has beckoned for me to help him.
Therefore, the following incidents must be brought to you pictureless.
Me: What do I do?
LJ (short for Lumberjack . . .keep up, people!): Just hold the pole while I tie down the parachute.
Me: It’s moving! It’s moving!
LJ: That’s fine. Just hold it straight.
Me: It’s not going to hold. Kids! Everyone sit at the picnic table!
Kids: Why?
Me: So we don’t crush you.
The girls listen, the boys do not.
My parenting skills amaze even myself.
Me: David. This is going to fall.
LJ: No, it is not.
Me: Yes. It is.
Now, something has gone amiss with the parachute and it is covering my face, limiting my visibility and breathing.
Most importantly, I cannot see my children and I am holding up a huge log that is about to fall and crush my babies.
Me: It’s falling! It’s falling!
LJ: Just let it drop!
Me: The kids? Where are the kids?!
LJ: Just let it drop!
I held on for as long as I could and I pulled about 4 muscles trying to get it to stay up.
Using all my might, I was able to hold it up for about 6 more seconds, and then it came crashing to the ground.
And I did what any mature wife would do.
I unearthed myself from under the massive parachute and loudly informed my husband:
I NEVER WANTED THIS KIND OF LIFE!
LJ: Ha! Look everyone is staring at you now!
Yes. The whole campground was watching us.
One man was even taking pictures with his camera phone.
That Lumberjack. He always makes a spectacle of me.
So, I am able to get the log back up and hold it while LJ continues on with his parachute set-up.
Me: I wish we didn’t have to set this up. It is not going to rain.
LJ: It will be nice for shade.
Me: That’s what the trees are for.
LJ: Ok, Taylor.
Me: Before I met you, my idea for a fun weekend was going to the mall.
LJ: Ok, Taylor.
Me: The mall has air conditioning.
LJ: Ok, Taylor.
So, The Lumberjack finished setting up the darn parachute and I resumed my pointless picture taking.
Oh, and lest any of you are worried about the Lumberjacklings, they all survived the falling log, as well as their mother’s fit.
Spoiler Alert: We encountered zero flash floods.
And for the duration of the camping trip, our fellow camp-mates praised The Lumberjack hourly for his ample and generous supply of shade.
And every time he got a compliment, he would look at me and gloat.
Yes, gloat.
Lumberjacks.
They tend to be prideful.
Happy Monday!
I get 100 points-the lumberjack smiled in his wedding pictures! 🙂
We also have a parachute, but thankfully it is only used for children’s games. I am NOT telling my husband about this new use for it…
At least, if you walk a ways from your campsite, to find washrooms or such, you can always find your way back by looking for that monstrous parachute, right?
Oh my, that Lj! 😉 Did he smile when he gloated?? 🙂
If I had to camp, I would want LJ in my group because the parachute does indeed look awesome.
I would not, however, want to be the wife because I HATE being in scenarios like the one you just described. I would have dropped the pole and had a hissy fit too Taylor.
I kind of wonder why, in the group of people watching you struggle with said log that holds up the parachute, no big strapping male offered to help you, no siree, they just took pictures with their camera phones. Silly, silly men!
Good point!!
I am sure you have told us this and I’ve forgotten, but where did Mr. LJ get said parachute?
Also, with the acreage you have now in Ruralville, I am surprised that you still have to somewhere to camp out – why don’t you just have everyone camp out in your yard? In fact, you should totally rent out your yard to campers! Then you would just have two houses and some acreage to keep perfectly clean!
Oh… never mind.
Isn’t he smiling in the picture from your wedding, when he is singing to you? Looks like you had a great time – beautiful campsite!
Mr. Lumberjack does not smile in pictures…. Ever. I think it is a man thing.
As for the parachute – It is amazing. When we camp, my husband ha perfected what he calls the Giraffe rope system. I will be sure to take pictures of it in action this year as I know you would be so excited to see it. lol
Wow….I finally get meaningless points 😀
LJ had a HUGE smile in the picture with him in the water wearing the snorkle…snorkel….however you spell that thing
I love the parachute idea but I would not want to be around during the set up. I feel bad for you Taylor.
My hubs would love a parachute like that one for camping. I would be as helpful as you. I hate being ‘the helper’…they never tell you the plan up front and then yell because disaster is imminent when you don’t know what the plan is.
This reminds me of docking our boat. I sometimes called it parking just to be annoying. There was always yelling when it was time to dock/park the boat. And I would usually be yelling too, something along the lines of ‘I’m not a mind reader!!!’ Good times : )
“I NEVER WANTED THIS KIND OF LIFE!”
How many of us have uttered those words of something similar? I betcha it’s most of us!
I hope the rest of the time was more fun, less eventful!
I thought that me shouting that phrase was a shining moment in my adult life. 🙂
Girl, you make even the most inane activites fun to read about. Thanks for the laugh.
Well, what did you cook? You can’t tell a foodie you were cooking dinner, and then not tell the poor girl what you cooked. Jeepers 😉
I was going to cook some Teriyaki Chicken Burgers, Red potatoes and broccoli. But my plans were thwarted. 🙂
That sounds yummy!! Maybe next time. After all, you only go camping once a week.;)
Husbands love to gloat! That’s what they do! :O)
Bahaha! Love it! 🙂 My husband and I are a good team when it comes to setting up a campsite. 🙂 But, we camp very minimalistically. And, we are NOT a good team when it comes to yard work. That would not make a clever re-countment of conversation tho, like your conversations do. It would not be very family friendly. 🙂
Wow now THTAT’s an umbrella!
Well color me jealous…I want an umbrella like that. It is fab.u.lous.
And I’m also a little giddy that I’m not the only grown woman who can throw a fit.
Oh, and the family photo is super sweet. Good job.
That is one BIG umbrella! I loved all the “Ok, Taylor”s. My hubby would do that to me too! Makes me want to hit him with the nearest log! Even though I love him!
I am THE WORST camping buddy because I admittedly hole myself up in the trailer until everything is set up. And I do mean everything. I’ve tried to do my share of work but discovered (after several attempts) that the hubby and I have very different ways of doing things and it’s not healthy for my marriage. At all. In fact, it’s not healthy for anyone’s marriage who’s within 200 feet of us. 🙂
Mindy
http://www.thesuburbanlife.com
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This is priceless. The joys of camping. Your LJ is very patient. I guarantee my hubby and I would not be speaking after an incident like this! It is quite the parachute 🙂
Yep, that pole would have hit the ground if it were me too, however my hubs realizes this and utilizes the children to assist on most occasions. Remember, those lumberjacklings will be teenagers one day and scenarios such as this will be a thing of the past!
Awesome parachute! 😉
Oh my. You guys are high class campers. (And I totally would have thrown a fit too.)
Marla @ http://www.asthefamrturns.wordpress.com
Camera phone? Doesn’t sound very lumberjacky.
Hilarious. Seriously!
I’ve got a great mental image of the holding-the-log-up incident!
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On the headstone will read: The guy with the camping parachute instead of Lumberjack.