Today’s post was going to be titled something more like, “Oh, Crap!,” but I decided that sounded slightly questionable in nature.
Besides.
Can I say “crap” on this blog?
I think I just did.
Nevertheless!
I have deemed it a questionable word and shall change it to “Oh, Snap!” seeing as how I feel that is much more fitting and noble in nature.
The past few days have had several, “Oh, Snap!” moments.
Allow me to expand on that thought.
Oh, Snap!
I am homeschooling this year. Yet, I haven’t done anything to prepare and I know not what I am doing.
Oh, Snap!
Everytime I meet someone who does, in fact, home school, they tell me everything that they and their mothers do and how the way they do it is the best way to do it in the whole entire universe of the home school world.
Folks.
I am drowning here.
Drowning in a sea of words such as Synapore, Saxon, Classical, Abeka, Well-Trained Mind, Hands-on, Hands-off, kinesthetic, Bob Jones, and the like.
Do you homeschool?
Stand down, good reader!
I kid! I jest!
But, really. I have got to get this figured out.
Soon.
Oh, Snap!
I signed up for Weight Watchers 2 weeks ago and seemed to have completely forgotten to enter in any points into the handy Points calculator since the day I paid that fateful $17.95.
Spoiler Alert: I have not lost any weight.
And I am out $17.95
Oh, Snap!
I am sick.
This morning it took me 10 minutes to pry open my eyes.
100 (meaningless) points to anyone who can diagnose me.
Oh, Snap!
I live in Ruralville!
How did I get out here?
What is my purpose?
“Are you there, God? It’s me. Margaret.”
(Name that author)
Local readers understand.
Nobody moves to Ruralville.
Ruralville is south of town.
Most people move north.
Fact: This is the only way we could afford to buy land. Because no one else moves south.
Attention Local Readers: The Lumberjack and I, seeing as how we are uber cool, are clearly trend setters. So . . . . tell your friends! South is the way to go!
Oh, Snap!
My baby is 2!
Oh, the humanity!
Oh, Snap!
We have 2 house payments!
What were we not thinking?
Oh, Snap!
My dearheart friend Bimlissa is moving far, far away this weekend.
I would like to announce that for the first time during the existence of our friendship, I currently weigh less than Bimlissa.
Holla!
Lest any of you are confused, this is only because she is 7 months pregnant.
Bimlissa and I get along great! We have a lot in common.
There is only one thing that separates us . . .
She is on Team Edward.
And, sadly, I am on Team “Why on earth do you like that nonsense?”
100 (meaningless) points to anyone who doesn’t know the book series of which I speak.
Seriously, though.
Edward needs a tan.
***
And now, good readers, I would like to share with you the biggest, “Oh, Snap!” moment of all.
It happened many, many years ago.
7 . . . to be exact.
I had just had my first baby.
After I had the baby, weight started dropping off like crazy those first few days.
My old maternity clothes were becoming . . . loose.
And even though I still had 35 pounds to lose, I knew I looked good.
I looked dang good with my loose fitting maternity-jeans-with-the-panel-that-went-up-to-my-chest.
One day, when baby was about 4 weeks old, I decided to try on some jeans with zippers, seeing as how I clearly looked good and was obviously ready to get back in the game.
Allow me to bring this story into deeper illustration, if I may.
Let’s say that before I had baby, I was a size zero.
You know.
For kicks and grins.
Fact: Lumberjill has never been anywhere near or around the vicinity of a size zero.
I just picked that size for illustration purposes only.
And to make myself feel good, even if it is in pretense.
Well, when I went to try on jeans, there was no way my stomach was cramming into my regular size.
So I went up to a size 2.
Nope.
I went up another size . . . size 4.
Nope.
Again . . . I went up.
Size 6.
Yes! It took a lot of effort and sucking in, but yes!
I could technically zip them.
And only a few sizes bigger than my normal size!
Look at me and my bad self!
So I strutted around in those jeans for weeks.
True.
I had to lay flat on the bed, suck in my tummy, and zip with all my might in order to get them on.
But I was wearing pants with zippers.
One day, about 3 weeks later, I was doing laundry.
And the truth, the horrid truth lay right inside those large pants.
No.
They were not a size 6.
They were, in fact, a size 8.
Oh, Snap!
It was that darn exterior sticker tag that led me astray!
You know . . . the one that says:
“6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6,6”
Honestly.
Why do they have to repeat it so many times?
Would not one “6” suffice?
Sadly, the wrong exterior tag had been placed on my large pants.
And they were still too tight.
So, naturally, I signed up for Weight Watchers and forgot to follow the plan.
Which is unlike me.
Happy Monday!
“Are you there, God? It’s me. Margaret.”, the author is Judy Blume? Have a great Monday and hope you feel better.
So sorry you are still feeling so sick!! I know it’s because I guilt-tripped you into my baby shower this weekend but you know what? I decided I am not going go feel bad!!! It just would not have been complete without you! 🙂
I agree with Bimlissa – and for the record, I have been paying WW the $17 dollars a month and haven’t entered my points in about 3 months…according to their records I have been on a 3 month fast and should weigh somewhere between zero and nil.. Oh the humanity..
happy monday.
i am laid up as well. I sprained my ankle and hurt my back. good stuff. I wish I had one of your amazing bundt cakes (gluten free, of course) to make me feel better.
also, you are correct…edward needs a tan…and some anti depressants.
Judy Blume… the first time I have ever gotten one of your questions.
I hope you feel better… and I completely agree, I am confused by the whole nonsense myself.
Happy Monday!
I woke up sick this morning too. I think it is allergies.
I totally support Saxon math. I wasn’t homeschooled, but my school used it and it was awesome. Each lesson builds on the last and you are constantly being given out problems. That way, you never forget what you learned last month. It’s very nice.
Standing down now. 🙂
Marla @ http://www.asthefarmturns.wordpress.com
Is it too late to sign them up for school? Just wondering although, selfishly, I’m looking forward to your homeschooling tales so I hope you don’t.
Fun fact: I have never, ever given serious thought to homeschooling because I knew if I did that either the boy or I would end up dead.
No, but it is a 45 minute one way drive.
Fact: I am also planning on homeschooling this fall. The curriculum I want (Timberdoodles all in one, don’t have to think about it, comes with a planner brainless thingy) costs $290 bucks. I’m afraid to tell my husband that we need to spend $290 bucks, so I haven’t bought it yet. I’m building courage.
Fact: I was a size 12 after I had my second kid. Now I am a size 6. Ok, fine, 8. But, I lost all that weight by just waking up every morning and cutting up celery and carrots and sticking them in a gallon ziploc and eating them constantly all day long. It kept me full, and celery burns more calories than it gives you. Holla! 🙂
Fact: I can’t be ok with the whole Jacob/Edward thing. I can’t be ok with Bella NEEDING Edward so bad! Be strong woman! You don’t need him! I prefer Bella’s moustache wearing sheriff daddy. He’s yummy. I’m going to start a Charlie club.
I think everyone in my family is sick and I woke up feeling YUK
I have a new giveaway on my holiday blog, A Baby Changes Everything, with more copies of IN A HEARTBEAT to give away on TUESDAY. Stop by and enter….Have a great week..
http://teresa-grammygirlfriend.blogspot.com/
http://grammyababychangeseverything
This post is hilarious! I love the team you’re on, can I be on it too?
Edward needs a tan AND a personality.
At least your “oh snap” moments are good for blogging, they make me laugh, even though they’re probably not quite as funny in real life.
I’m going to the Dr. today. I’ve had a sore throat for like, 2 weeks. Derrick says it’s allergies, but I’m starting to become convinced that I’m dying…or something.
Sorry you’re feeling puny…go to bed, turn on the tv for your kids and let them run amok.
About homeschooling-I didn’t. But I considered it and did lots of research. And I’m pretty sure there are more opinions on what is best than there are opinions on how you should give birth and raise children.
You are mom. You know your own kids and their learning styles (or you’ll find this out pretty quickly) and you just need to pray, be flexible and relax. You aren’t teaching applied phyics (yet) so you have time to figure out what is going to work best for your own children.
I think you have to schedule some planning time for yourself…And I’m pretty sure it will need to be at a Starbucks in the city away from the homeschool-ees where you can just dedicate some time to making decisions about curriculum and come up with a plan for getting started. And drink coffee. : )
You’ve been teaching your kids since the day they were born. You’ll be great.
Well, since you *didn’t* ask here’s my homeschooling advice- keep it simple this year! Go with a box curriculum like Abeka and don’t stress. Next year, you’ll have more confidence and you can strike out on your own if you like. 🙂
I was homeschooled, have been homeschooling my kids for four years and it STILL gets stressful and confusing trying to choose the right curriculum. And of course, every homeschooling family thinks their way is the “right” way- or they wouldn’t be doing it- but the reality is that every family is different and every kid has different needs so there really is no “right” way.
Also, if you ever want to just come over and chat about it or see what I’m doing or look through my stuff just call me! I pull from lots of different places so I tend to have several different publishers you can check out. 🙂
Love me some Edward! What is wrong with you!??
Seeing as how I am a nurse-practitioner student and pretty much know all (SOOOOO just kidding there!) I am going to diagnose you with “You-have-four-kids-itis” That would be the reason you are tired and can’t get your eyes to open in the morning! I only have two kids but I am pretty sure I have the same disease…it is just the not quite as extreme “I-have-two-kids-itis” I recommend you take a long bath (ha, yeah right!), then a long nap (ha ha ha!), and then go on a romantic dinner with the hubby (and now we are all rolling on the floor laughing!)
Ok…I will take my 100 meaningless points now! And you can pay the receptionist on your way out!
And I barely know what the Twilight series is…much less know whose team I should be on!
Unsolicited homeschooling advice here:
Lani is correct. There are as many “ways” to homeschool as there are homeschoolers (YES, that is a word in my world). No matter what you pick for this year, this semester even, you aren’t stuck with it. Try a simple straightforward curriculum and go from there. Whatever works for you will be fine. We like Abeka, Horizons (for gifted kids), A.C.E., and even Dollar Tree workbooks (yes the $1 store) for little ones are fantastic.
Don’t stress. Yeah right, I still stress…. but that is ok. You are a teacher. Somewhere in one of your boxes is a little piece of paper that tells the world you even took classes and got a degree in all that is teacher. Even if you didn’t, you would still be a great teacher to your own children. God will indeed give you the strength and wisdom you need to do this thing called homeschool.
Tip #1: become the nap/rest time nazi. I wouldn’t survive homeschooling my 4 if I didn’t get my daily dose of down/away from kids time. I can do all things through naps that strengthen me. OK, it is Christ that strengthens me, but those naps are a big part of the process, even if I don’t sleep.
Good luck! It is a wonderful experience. No, it isn’t perfect. Yes, there will be days you want to sell your children to the gypsies…but it is worth it!!
Oh yeah, and see if there is a co-op in your area. We love ours. I can’t imagine homeschooling without our little support system and once a week gathering.
One more “tip”, join the Homeschool Legal Defense Association. They are awesome, stick up for all that is “right” in terms of parent/child rights, and really have a great support network. They are definitely worth the yearly dues.
Don’t hate the Edward! 😉
Judy Bluhm and my guess is that you’re pregnant and totally not expecting it! I rememeber feeling that way when my friend Dacia was pregnant and I was not and I ACTUALLY WEIGHED less! Shortly thereafter I was pregnant again. How far we fall! There went that euphoria!
First of all it took you 10 minutes to pry your eyes open because you need a vacation. A vacation from moving, from broken dishwashers/plates/glasses. A vacation from unpacking, driving back and forth from Ruralville to ????ville. A vacation from cleaning 2 houses, taking care of a heard full of children plus a LJ. Let’s not forget trying to come up with a plan for home schooling:)
Second – Judy Bloome. Loved her books as a kid. She got me hooked on reading that sneaky woman.
Oh Snap – who needs a tan. Haven’t you heard, the sun is bad for your skin:) TEAM EDWARD!!!!
Judy Blume is the answer!!! I got one!!!! Hope you feel better
I hate it when the outside sticker is wrong!!! So annoying and discouraging. And btw, it’s day 15 here in Jillian Michaels’ camp. And it’s actually going pretty good, I think!
Thanks for the laughs! It was a long day and I needed that!
I’m a WeightWatchers junkie. Meaning I’ve joined a ridiculous amount of time, bought a ridiculous array of WW products, logged my points approximately 3 different times and have somehow managed to gain about 7 pounds. “Oh Snap” is certainly right. although, “crap” fits my language repertoire a little bit better. 🙂
Mindy
http://www.thesuburbanlife.com
I want to comment, but I am being summoned to play dominoes.
So I’ll just say, oh crap.
Oh, Snap! Agreed!
Also, I often times say “Are you there God? It’s me, Heather Margaret.” Because, well, that’s my name.
I’m so on the same team as you.
Pink eye? (I took the 10-minutes-to-pry-open-your-eyes statement literally.)
If it makes you feel any better, by early summer I have usually researched, ordered & received our various curriculum items. This year? Not so much. It’s on my to-do list for this week.
You’re right about there being so many opinions (Oh, my!) and ways of doing things in the homeschooling world. Don’t let it stress you out, because there truly isn’t a blanket right way. However, sometimes it helps to know what has worked well for other people, because you at least know what to check out. We are going on year 5. Here are some things we have used with success:
*Saxon Math
*Explode the Code (for early readers)
*Growing with Grammar
*Draw Write Now
Some new things I think I’m going to try for the first time: All About Spelling, Primary Language Lessons, A Little History of the World.
I try to combine handwriting practice with something they love (e.g., Draw Write Now for my 7 y.o. who is creative & artistic) or at least another subject so that it’s not so tedious. Of course, we’re talking about boys here–your girls might enjoy handwriting.
Hope something in there helps. 🙂
P.S. I completely agree with Kendra’s encouragement to make rest time mandatory for all. It. will. preserve. your. sanity.
P.P.S. I refuse to disclose how long I’ve been paying WW without tracking food. I feel like once I unsubscribe, I’m officially quitting and will balloon to a hideous weight. Ridiculous. Just know that it would make you feel way better.
Every one at work is doing weight watchers. I have all the info, figured out my points and actually counted points for 1 whole day. Then I decided it was too much work. Your mom does look fabulous though!!
I don’t get the Edward thing, he is creepy.
I’m a Young Adult Librarian and have neither read the books or the movie and we even have all the books in our house. So there! Judy Blume! And hope you feel better soon!
Judy Blume. Yeah for me! As I recall though, it was kind-of a questionable book. I don’t think I’d want my daughter reading it. I do NOT know the book series. Yeah again! I’m really racking up the points here. I homeschool … but I have to admit I like crap better than snap … and you look great, like a hundred points {I mean a million bucks} … in that photo with Bimlissa. You don’t need to bother counting those points. Also, I can’t imagine how you’ve run into so many homeschool moms who have it all together … I certainly don’t know any.
My only advice about homeschooling (although I haven’t homeschooled yet, seeing as my only child is 8 months old – but I WAS homeschooled so I think that gives me some cred) is to stay loose and don’t stress about doing it perfectly! There is no perfect curriculum no matter what anyone says, and if you make mistakes, oh well – you’re learning right along with your kids, right? 🙂
(My other two cents is that Saxon math is the only way to go if you homeschool. Unless you LOVE math yourself and want to take the role of a real math teacher. If you’re not, then Saxon is good.
But I wasn’t going to make any recommendations. Oops. 🙂 Sorry. )
Also on the topic of homeschooling, my brothers and I have stayed pretty close and I think a lot of it is that we spent so much time together, we were each others’ companions much of the day. So I like what it seemed to do for my family growing up.
But what I really wanted to say was about the pant size post-preggo. I was under the impression that once I lost all my baby weight, you know, my old clothes would fit again. NOT SO. Not only do my nursing boobs not fit into over my cute old perky-boob shirts (sorry for the use of the word boob, I lost all sense of real decency and privacy when I had that baby), but the weight is completely redistributed so that I have joined the world of the muffin top, affecting my pant selection.
And I found my first two gray hairs this week. So I’m a little … verklempt.
I think you’re going through the I don’t really want to home school in ruralville angst.’ Don’t know how to hep ya out thar. blame lj
cont….you know that wonderful father husband provider carpenter electrician hunter and uber camper whom we loveth.
I’ve been homeschooling for several years. I still don’t know what I’m doing. But that doesn’t stop me from making a few suggestions. : )
Don’t use everything that’s recommended to you. It will be too expensive. and too confusing. Pick one curriculum that you like and that makes sense to you. Even if you’ve heard their math (or English or history, etc.) are not the best, work with one curriculum for a year so that you can get your feet wet.
Secondly, grow your hair out very long, almost to your waist. Wear only homemade clothes. Wear striped knee socks with most outfits and declare your style to be eclectic. (I’m a homeschool mom, so I’m allowed to make fun of them, aren’t I?) : )
Third, since you’re homeschooling, every trip out of Ruralville is a field trip. Count it. If you go to the store, have one of the kids count the number of people in line before you. You’ve just had math class. If you go to the lake, you’ve had physical education. I’m pretty sure that every time you say “Holla!” you’ve had Spanish class. See? It’s not as difficult as you think. : )
Hysterical Jill!
My boy is starting to repeat everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, we say so we’re going to have to trade our “craps” for “snaps” soon, too:( As if this parenting thing could get any harder! You’re hilarious, btw!
Wanna make a deal? Friday will mark my 3rd week of WW so we are on equal playing field.
Wanna agree to keep each other accountable? Everytime I weigh in I will “secretly” manage to put my weight loss in my blog post. You do the same. We can make it a game to see who can lose the most each week (without publicly making a mockery of ourselves).
Let me know if you are up for a little friendly competition…
I heard that the public school system gives out the curriculum and guidance. I wonder if that’s true?
Oy, my life is nuts, so I’m behind in blog-reading.
Judy Blume is the author (I didn’t even cheat).
And just to make you jealous, I still wear a 0, and I’m 40. I wear smaller jeans than my daughter, although I do feel the thighs doing the expanding thing. Blech.
You still look great, my dear. You are a lovely lady with a great sense of humor. That carries more weight than anything else in life.