This post is going to be a hodge-podge of nothingness.
I hope you’ve got your party pants on!
***
1. My husband is a LIAR. It is time the truth came out.
You see, dear readers, he likes to mess with me . . . just because.
Allow me to dive into this concept by relaying the conversation that ensued between Running Bear and Little White Dove just last night:
Me: So, I blogged about your squirrel attack.
LJ (short for Lumberjack! Focus, people!): *chuckle, chuckle* Nice.
Me: Well, everyone thinks you might have rabies.
LJ: (just laughs)
A few moments go by.
LJ to Lumberjacklings: You know what, kids? Your mom is gullible.
Daisy Mae: What’s gullible?
Me: Why am I gullible? *gasp!* Did you make the squirrel thing up?!
LJ: YES!!! Who gets attacked by a squirrel?
Me: People on my blog were sharing all sorts of “when squirrels attack!” stories!
LJ: NO! Squirrels don’t attack people! What? Did you think I was just picking berries and a squirrel just jumped out of the brush and attacked me??
Me: Yes! That’s what made the story so fantastic!
LJ: No! That doesn’t happen!
Me: So, how did you cut your forehead?
LJ: A tree branch smacked me in the head.
So, there you have it.
No need to fear for rabies, dear readers.
My husband was just toying with us.
And to follow up from a question from yesterday: Yes. I call my husband, “Dude” often.
And he reciprocates.
2. This morning, at precisely 7:02 am, Handsome Dude and Little Dude came up the stairs.
HD (short for Handsome Dude): I play outside now?
Me: No.
HD: Oh. Cause I need bath first?
Then, a brilliant idea occurred to me.
Who the heck cares?
Me: Sure. Go out in your jammies! Have fun!
You may ask, “Taylor! How do you get Little Dude’s hair to style like that? Hairspray? Gel?”
No, dear readers. But here are my step-by-step instructions on how to achieve that fabulous, late-summer look:
1) Feed your boy a snack at 5pm. Simply because he asked and you think he is cute.
2) Neglect to factor in the reality that dinner time is a-comin’.
3) Feed your boy a dinner of pot roast, baked potatoes, and broccoli.
4) Wonder why aforementioned boy is not eating.
5) Wonder why boy is smearing pot roast in his hair.
6) Have husband rinse the boy off.
7) Put boy to bed.
When boy awakes the next morning, his hair will have dried in a crisp, up-do, and will smell slightly of beef roast and butter.
3. It is time to welcome Gladys back to the blog.
This week’s COW (comment of the week) goes to Lani with her comment on Pepper Spray and Sand Castles:
Darlin’, if you pick huckleberries for two days and only gather 3/4 gallon, I’m afraid you all need a new picking spot. You should have at least 2 gallons after two days of picking!
See?? You think your in-laws are crazy? You don’t know what “huckleberry intense” is until you’ve picked with me and my family!! One year, when we were kids, we hauled in 64 gallons of the purple gold.
And don’t even think of asking where my picking spot is!
The observant reader might notice that I posted that post last week. But Lani left that comment this week. And since she has 5 children, we are going to excuse her tardiness.
Ok. Lani gets the COW for numerous reasons:
A) She called me darlin’. I enjoy that.
B) 64 gallons? 64 gallons? Please remember Lani in your prayers.
C) I am really glad I did not marry one of Lani’s kinfolk. No offense to Lani’s kinfolk, as I am sure they are delightful people, regardless of their berry intensity.
D) Purple gold! Purple gold! I love that name for those stupid berries.
I hate the purple gold.
I also hate liquid gold. It also takes hours and hours to extract and you only get a small amount. And it is uncomfortable. And annoying. And some people recommend producing liquid gold for 12 whole months!
You may ask, “Taylor! What is liquid gold?”
Well.
100 (meaningless) points to anyone who can reckon what on earth I refer to as “liquid gold.”
Later, dudes.
This liquid gold substance is beyond me… I really have no idea.
And darn that Lumberjack! I was worried about him!
Marla @ http://www.asthefarmturns.wordpress.com
well, well, sigh!
Liquid gold – egh. I would rather buy pseudo liquid gold for 25 dollars than to produce it myself!
When I first read about the squirrel incident, I was kinda wondering if he was toying with you! I think thats so funny- sounds like something my husband would do to me- I admit I am quite gullible and am proud of it! haha 🙂
By the way- I just enjoy reading your blog so much that sometimes I think I should stop writting my own because yours is just too darm awesome and fun. Sorry I don’t comment very often- I like just being a stalker ! 😉
My guess for liquid gold is breastmilk. That sounds about right from your description. 🙂 Bahaha! re: the Lumberjack and the squirrel. For the record, I really did have a chipmunk run up my arm. I would not mess with you so. 🙂
I always thought Liquid gold was oil. Ya know Texas Tea…. as in the oil that Jed struck when he was shootin’ at some food when up from the ground came the bubbling crude. and then something about swimming pools and movies stars…and then “yall come back now, y’hear?”
Yeah, something like that.
LOL, I think that the song says, “black gold”, but I know what you mean, I was thinking the same thing also!!!!!!!!
Gotta love “them hillbillies”!
Liquid Gold, yeah, I never could produce enough, so could only nursed for one month :(…
Love your blog btw LumberJill, too funny, sometimes people think I am crazy as I am “LOL’ing” alone at my desk! Thanks for that too, making me look like a crazy lady at work, (I AM crazy, but my colleagues don’t have to know that!)
Liquid gold…gotta love it! I literally broke down at my daughter’s daycare one day because they told me she didn’t want one of the bottles they heated up so they just poured it out. I thought I could have killed them!
And just for randomness…I breastfed one of my kids for 12 months and the other for 13 months and that liquid gold saved me tons and tons of money! But I do know it isn’t for everyone!
And boo the Lumberjack for telling a LIE!!! But it was pretty funny!
My hubby says “you got owned!!” 🙂
Well I for one am glad I can stop worrying about LJ contracting rabies over the weekend. Feel free to give him a ‘smack upside the head’ as they say down south. He is most deserving.
Honey is liquid at my house. 🙂
I was so out of tune, I was thinking you meant making jelly with the purple gold..
DUH!!!! Of course, you of the group who despises breast feeding would refer to it as such…
Sorry, but I loved breast feeding and anyone who is contemplating breast feeding, please do not listen to Taylor Mali-blah-blah, or whatev’ and come over and chat with me. I will give you facts. I will give you encouragement. NO, it isn’t fun when you start out, but if you persevere it’s worth it, and then is much much MUCH easier with subsequent children.
Okay, my nurses hat is now back off, and I’m returning to normal blogger mode…
Ok! I totally know that breastmilk is best and, I will have you know, I breastfed ALL of my babies.
That does not mean I liked it.
I’ll back you up, Taylor!
I wasn’t a fan. I hate feeling like a milk cow. I think it has something to do with needing my “personal space”.
However, I breastfed 4 babies for over 12 months each… then decided when I got to the 5th that I’d done my breastfeeding duty. Hallelujah!
Of course liquid gold is breastmilk!! I still want to know why you hated it so much. I can understand with the 3rd and 4th but why did you hate it when you only had one baby to care for?
Purple Gold – I got some for free! My brother-in-law accidentally left them in my fridge and of course I used them. What a treat!
I just did. I was horribly embarrassed and nervous to ever nurse around others, so I always felt trapped in my own home and yada yada yada, I just didn’t like it.
I can feel you on that. I really should have gotten one of those hooter hiders! Well at least you are done forever! And even though you hated it, your kids benefited tremendously I am sure. 🙂
So. I guess that means you never breast fed in front of your brother in law WHILE he was griping about women who will breastfeed whenever wherever!!! It was so funny, because he didn’t even realize I was doing it! I guess I have no shame (big surprise) because I pretty much did it everywhere from home to church (in the nursing room thankyouverymuch) to Target. Yes, Target, in the concession area..
I am gullible too then I guess. Darn that Lumberjack.
Love purple gold, but don’t love purple AND gold. (100 meaningless points if you can guess why.)
Loved producing liquid gold, but that factory is now closed.
LSU hater?
go cougs!
Woohoo, Diana! 100 points to you. 🙂
My family has not yet come up with the idea of feeding me false stories so that I blog about them. They still try to get on the blog by doing real-life crazy things.
I didn’t enjoy producing liquid gold either until the last baby. You stopped two kids too soon. (Insert wicked grin here.)
I was practicallly a “liquid gold” producing machine. That stuff was pouring out of me at alarming rates. I could have supplied a small town. It’s been 3 years since I yielded any of that stuff and I still get the “tinglies” thinking about it. Should have started a business or something. Ahh…hindsight.
P.S. My hubby is a big fat liar too. Especially in stories concerning his heroic efforts or related to life-threatening situations.
🙂
Mindy
http://www.thesuburbanlife.com
Yep…breastmilk.
Ounce by ounce, I think the stuff IS worth more than gold, when you consider all it does!!
Ha! Yes, I am always tardy when it comes to reading your blog. I try!! I really do. 😛
oooh, that Lumberjack. He tricked us all. Ha haahaaaahaa haaaa. I think he is very funny. I bet he has been laughing all day at that. He may have told some friends and they are all laughing about it.
I had no idea what liquid gold was. I get it now. I am a bottle baby feeder. I’m ok with it. Totally ok with it.
I’m craving huckleberries now. And my freezer is empty. Any chance you could get the 64 gallon reader to share some? or share her spot at the least?
Bad Lumberjack, bad Lumberjack:)
My husband is a liar too & he finds it so funny. It’s time for you to get even. Here’s what I did… I’m big on music downloading. So I drafted up a very official looking letter even went as far as printing out an envelope with all the necessary postage artwork on it. He comes home from work and I’m frantic and almost in tears because we are being sued for $10,000 for illegal music downloading. *omg* He was furious! I still can’t believe I kept it together and didn’t break down laughing. It was awesome! After 15 minutes I broke down and said “gotcha ya”. I just couldn’t keep a straight face any longer.
LOL about your husband making up that story! That’s something my husband would do and has done to me…I’m too gullible, too. They never grow up, do they?
Taylor! You’ll be soo proud of me, because I have recruited you another loyal reader! My sister is subscribing to you now, but doesn’t know how to leave a comment yet, so I said I’d do it for her. However, we are too late. She guessed breastmilk, and as she is on baby#5, born just two weeks ago, I would consider her a bit of an expert on it! 🙂 But alas, we are too late. Once again, your charm and ability to crack us up won you another reader! Are we surprised?? NO! 🙂
She did leave comments! I just had to approve them, as she is new and all. 🙂
Thanks, MindyLou!!
I always knew you loved me the mostest.;)
I started referring to formula as liquid gold… because getting it straight from the source is too annoying and frustrating and overrated. but formula? It’s liquid gold because ANYONE can feed your baby!
LOL. That’s a great squirrel story. My Gent loves messing with me – his British and my American humo(u)r differences make for some interesting moments… 🙂
http://www.twogoodcookies.com
Breastmilk.
Okay, I still HATE squirrels!
but now I won’t be afraid of them when I go for a walk. Just yesterday morning, one stopped on the road and stared at me and I FREAKED OUT! It was GOING to attack! I tried not to, but I did. All I could keep thinking was “the Lumberjack got attacked! I could be next!” I’m surprised I didn’t run away screaming at the top of my lungs. I was SCARED!
So please,
Inform your LJ (I try to keep up) that was a very mean trick! And that he almost gave me a heart attack!
BOOBIE JUICE.
I am not speaking the the Lumberjack for two weeks. Starting now. Notify him at your leisure. I know he won’t notice, since we never talk, but he should know that I am giving him the silent treatment with all my might.
Starting now.
Squirrel attack. Boo.
BOOBIE JUICE!
no lies on blog