The following happenstance is real and occurred in my very own house, just last Thursday.
***
Me: Want to start a movie?
LJ (short for Lumberjack . . . focus, people!): Sure.
Me: Well, it’s kind of late. Maybe we shouldn’t.
LJ: No. Let’s do it.
Me: You will fall asleep.
LJ: No, I won’t.
Me: Yes, you will.
LJ: Start the movie.
So, I listened to my husband, as I always do (ha!), and I started a movie.
A western of course! What else would a Lumberjack desire to watch on a Thursday night?
We are watching the movie and I feel my husband twitch. Does anyone else have a spouse with this . . . condition? The “almost-asleep-violent-twitching” condition?
Well, my husband has been afflicted with this condition. And it is annoying.
Clue #1 that my husband is ready for bed: Twitching.
Me: You are falling asleep.
LJ: No! I am not!
Me: Let’s go to bed.
LJ: Stop it, Taylor! I am fine! Geez!
Clue #2 that my husband is ready for bed: Late-night sassiness.
So, we are watching the movie. And I am trying to enjoy it, seeing as how I don’t particularly enjoy westerns of this nature, when I notice he has completely fallen over on me and is snoring.
Clue #3 that my husband is ready for bed: Sleeping.
Darn him. Darn him and his lying ways.
You may ask, “Taylor! Why do you care if he falls asleep?”
Well, inquisitive readers, I hate it when he falls asleep during movies for the following reasons:
1) If he falls asleep, I have to take care of all the late night duties, ie: preparing the morning coffee, checking the kids, locking the doors, etc. And quite frankly my dears, I really hate prepping the morning coffee.
2) He always falls asleep during movies I never wanted to watch in the first place.
3) He is sassy when he is tired.
Need proof? Please refer back to my story of when he wanted to superglue our newborn’s mouth shut to “fix” her.
So. I wake him up.
LJ: Huh? What?
Me: Time for bed.
LJ: Hmmmph.
So, I go and make the coffee and check on the children. Guess who is still not up? I march back up the stairs.
Me: Wake up.
LJ: I AM!
I go downstairs and try to read for a bit whilst waiting for my love to descend the stairs. But, alas. My love does not come. This time I just yell from downstairs.
Me: David! Get down here!
LJ: *snore*
So, I am annoyed. And I decide I no longer care, dear readers, if he sleeps up there all night long.
I go to bed.
But, darn it all, I have to go to the bathroom. Again.
While I am using the facilities, I hear something outside the bathroom window that I determine to be either:
A) A raccoon
B) A cricket
C) A murderer
I decide that maybe it is worth it too go and get my husband one more time after all.
Me: Wake up, please.
LJ: What are you doing?
Me: I am trying to go to bed and I need you to come downstairs.
LJ: I AM!
Here is my predicament, dear readers:
If my husband doesn’t go to bed, he won’t be near the alarm. Now, I could set the alarm and go wake him up, but my husband wakes up anywhere between 4am and 5:30am and so I don’t particularly know what time I should set it for.
If my husband misses his alarm, he will be late to work. And then he might get fired. And that would be unfortunate.
Me: WAKE UP, NOW!
LJ: Hi, hon! What’s up?
Me: David. I have been trying to wake you up for awhile now. Can you please get up?
LJ: Sure. Just a minute.
Me: NO! NOW!
LJ: Fine!
I would like you to know, dear readers, that I, yes, I, Taylor Mal-i-blah-blah, successfully woke my husband up after 47 failed attempts and got him to focus enough to go potty first and set his alarm.
I did not, however, manage to get him to brush his teeth.
The next day when he came home from work, this conversation took place:
LJ: Did you finish that movie last night?
Me: Yes.
LJ: Did it ever get any good?
Me: No.
LJ: Why didn’t you wake me up?
Me: huh?
LJ: You just left me upstairs! Why didn’t you wake me up when you were going to bed? What if I missed my alarm?
*sigh*
Aaaaaaannnnnddddd . . . I love him.
Attention all young girls who are envisioning getting married to their Prince Charmings:
This is reality. You can dream up all the romantic scenarios you want, but in 10 years time you are just going to be prepping coffee while wearing one of your husband’s old, ratty t-shirts, begging for him to come to bed with you, all while fearing the raccoon/cricket/murderer outside the window of the house in the middle of nowhere that he forced you to move in to.
Consider yourselves warned.
*Random-Topic-Quick-Change!*
My girls decided to make up their own chore lists the other day, and I thought I would share them with you.
Here is Sweet Pea’s:
Allow me to interpret:
Get dressed
Make Bed
Make Breakfast
Get toothbrushes
Clean boys’ room
Clean living room
Make mom’s bed (holla!)
Do hair
Do Handsome Dude’s hair
Do Little Dude’s hair
Weather
**
Here is Daisy Mae’s:
Again. Allow me to interpret:
Take a shower
Get dressed
Get your towel
Clean room
Get boys’ clothes
Clean TV room
Clean the island
Do hair
All toothbrushes cleaned
All Done!
Get the mail
AND LOVE MOM!
***
Apparently, my girls need reminders to love me.
Can we not agree they are most precious?
Happy Monday!
I just have to say that I am so with LJ on the late night movie thing. I love falling asleep on the couch and can just never bring myself to get up when it’s time for bed!! And I am quite sassy to my husband when he tries to motivate me to get up and go to bed – but it’s all forgotten in the morning! =) Next time you pick the movie. We watched Date Night last night, soooo funny! Love the chore list.
Yes indeed they are precious.
As for LJ? Clearly you need to kill him. Totally a case of justifiable homicide.
Needing a reminder to love Mom? What a hoot! By the way, they don’t outgrow that until they’re well into their 20s — and sometimes they need it even then! 🙂
HAAHAH LJ sounds like me – my hubs has to wake me from my chair EVERY night – regardless of what’s on television, or the movie, or even the game I’m playing. Come 11 pm my eyes begin to slowly close, and I just fall out! Of course, then I’m wide awake when the hubs says “Time for bed”… go figure!
Also – the lists are so precious! Making the bed for you – Holla! that’s the best… and the reminder to love mom? Probably JUST so you would see it in blue crayon – not a reminder, but a sweet love note!
1. Be glad your kids remind themselves to love you. Someday you will have to remind them, and that is just a sad fact of life.
2. Put a TV in your bedroom so LJ is already in bed when he falls asleep.
3. Tell him to prepare the morning coffee while you pick out the movie and get it started.
4. Have your own chick flick ready for when he falls asleep.
5. Enjoy your movie while nudging him to get him to roll over so his snoring does not interrupt your movie.
I like your thoughts…have him make the coffee and pick out your own movie..GREAT!!
How is it that men can talk in their sleep, set their alarms, go to bed, and never wake up? My hubby is just the same. He can carry on a ten minute conversation with me and not remember a thing about it the next day. Holla 😉
I believe you inadvertently revealed one of your boys names in your interpretation of the first note. Oops?
Oops is right!!! Thanks, I fixed it! I am my own worst enemy 😉
Oh gosh the twitches, I have those myself.
hi taylor
hi erin
Mine doesn’t do the twitching…he kind of waves/pats one hand. Me, “You’re snoring”, Him, “I’m tired”. Me,”then go to bed”…..***snore**. “Honey, go to bed”. “I am”. **Snore*** This happens until he finally gets enough of me and goes to bed. I think we all have that to some degree….
I am glad that I am not the only one who sleeps in my husband’s old t-shirts! I am not even sure if I own normal pajamas.
And it is so super annoying when I have a conversation with my husband and he doesn’t even remember it in the morning! I mean really! How can you talk to someone and not even know it! Gotta love them though!
Taylor… my husband is a HUGE twitcher! I HATE it! And of course when you tell him to wake up he says “I am awake, I never went to sleep!!!!” UGH!! MEN
Girl, you live in the boonies now. Haven’t you ever heard the phrase, “Never wake a sleeping bear!”
HA!
PS Kisses wake sleeping bears better than other attempts! Just sayin’….
P2S: HI “other Kendra” ! 😉 You have a cool name.
First things first, those lists are the sweetest things I’ve ever seen. Awwww!
Ah, yes. My husband apparently snores and twitches while he is awake, because he does that constantly on the couch, and he is NEVER sleeping!!!! I am the one who has to do all those late night things–NO FAIR! I hate prepping the coffee too, but I hate even more having to brew it in the morning–I give myself a break from the anger of it all on the weekends, and about every 6 weeks Frank gets up before me on the weekends, and I hear the sweet blessed glorious sounds of him making the coffee. Those are blissful, wonderful, spectacular mornings.
I have the twitches too! And I have often given this self same advice about Prince Charming and his wonderful ways after 10 years to young brides–they don’t believe me!
pore lj he is uber tired when he does that. yes, the girls are stupendously precious I miss them all so much; you have a cousin that must fall asleep to movies
There is nothing wrong with David and his twitching, it’s called a hypnic jerk that occurs during the transition from wakefulness and sleep. There is no cure, but irregular sleeping patterns can increase the frequency of the jerks.
Hahahaha this post had me snorting with laughter!! You crack me up! The falling asleep scenario happens with my husband and me all the time. I can’t imagine how things are going to progress when a baby enters our lives (I’m due with our first in December). Ahh husbands….they all have their crazy quirks. We love them anyway!
We live out in the country, too, and I’m always concerned about the raccoons and murderers lurking outside our bathroom window.
And the chore lists your kids wrote are precious haha I love it!
LJ and I have something in common. teehee.
I love the chore list. That is too sweet.
Taylor Mali-blah-blah!!! Did you read my post about my crankopotamus-ness last week? No? Well, you simply MUST go read about my hatred of being awoken (is that a word) after falling asleep on the couch.
http://andi-rambling.blogspot.com/2010/08/living-dangerously.html
Secondly, I love how ambitious my kids are in to-do list form. Unfortunately this just never pans out for me…
Now, people, go read my post…Do it! Do it!!
http://andi-rambling.blogspot.com/2010/08/living-dangerously.html
If I ask enough times, will it happen, or should I just copy and paste the whole thing here in your comment section, like I do when I KNOW people won’t follow the link on my blog?
http://andi-rambling.blogspot.com/2010/08/living-dangerously.html
Do ya get the hint? Huh? Do ya!?
Ummm, is it tacky to reply to my own comment? Taylor got the hint!!! Yay Taylor! Fight! Fight!
Excuse me, I just had a flashback to cheerleading. It wasn’t pretty.
Colby does the exact same thing… He will be obviously asleep, snoring, but deny it when I tell him it’s time for bed.
He even does it at the movies sometimes… It gets so old.
Marla @ http://www.asthefarmturns.wordpress.com
You are so funny! I can’t remember how I got here, but I thoroughly enjoyed this entry. 🙂
I love this post for so many reasons. I too, live this life.
My husband does the SAME thing and SWEARS he hasn’t been asleep. Then he wants to know why I’m so mean and yell to get him to go to bed. Men, do they ever really grow up?
As for the girls’ lists, my youngest wrote of list of things to do one day in Sunday school many, many moons ago. It said:
Get out of bed
Get Dressed
Talk
Eat Breakfast
Beg my mom for a puppy.
Precious, isn’t it? As if they girl needed to be reminded to TALK!
I kept the list.
Your girls are precious!
Two book suggestions: “Boundaries” by Henry Cloud and John Townsend, and “The Complete Guide to Living with Men” by E. James Wilder. Reading these books saved my sanity and my marriage!
Oh my.
I fear we lead the same life.
(except you are skinny and blonde and I am not) (oh and you have more kids than I do…for now)
My sweet husband does the twitch thing and he falls asleep during movies which is one of my biggest pet peeves. I agree that it is normally a movie that I don’t want to watch in the first place AND if it is a movie that I want to watch I would like to discuss said movie with him. Hard to do if he is asleep. Ugh. Then he acts like he isn’t asleep. Which makes me think that he thinks I am an idiot. Which I am not.
Maybe we should watch the movies together and those sweet husbands of ours can sleep alone. Ha haaaahaaaa.
Bill is the SAME way! Ugh! Your girls are just precious!