1. I forgot it was our dog, Mabel’s, birthday yesterday.
2. Let’s pretend it is, in fact, today. Happy 10th Birthday, Mabel!
3. Mabel is really sick again. I am really worried about her. She is not eating much and she is getting terribly thin. She shakes all the time, too.
4. That is no way to spend a birthday.
5. My friend, Bimlissa, moved far, far away from me. I am displeased. I moved far away from the rest of the world.
Equally displeasing.
6. I have to dress up like a pirate on Sunday. I don’t know how to look like a pirate. Nor am I in the mood.
7. Ahoy.
8. I am about to have a cup of coffee.
9. Rest assured, it will contain chocolate raspberry creamer.
10. I feel like I should bake something for Mabel’s birthday.
11. But since Mabel is not eating, most likely we would eat it. And I must ponder if we need to eat baked goods.
12. I made banana bread already this week.
13. Of course, I added chocolate chips.
14. I wonder if anyone would notice if we just stopped doing Fat Tuesday?
15. I really think Mabel is dying. I don’t like this.
16. I really don’t call my homeschool, “The School of Excellence.” It is more accurately, “The School of Let’s Hope Mom Doesn’t Mess Us Up.”
17. The Lumberjack promised to watch “Gone with the Wind” with me when it arrives in my mailbox.
18. God speed, Netflix! God Speed.
19. I mean, really. That darn dog has seen us through 10 years of marriage, 3 houses, and 4 babies.
20. Is anyone still wanting to do Fat Tuesday?
21. It’s kind of like Fat Friday over here. And I think tomorrow just might be Fat Saturday.
22. The Lumberjack is hardly home these days due to his work schedule/drive home.
I told him I’m living in his dream house.
He’s jealous.
***
I ain’t gonna lie, folks.
I don’t seem chipper today.
I fear I look like Gladys.
This week’s COW (comment of the week) goes to Marla.
“I think you should know that I have to squat almost every time I spend a day working at the farm… with my inlaws right there. Its hard.”
Oh, that is awful.
But, now, I must share with you an equally-traumatizing “in-law-horror-squatting” story.
When I was pregnant with Sweet Pea, many moons ago, we were camping (shocker!) up in a cabin in the middle of nowhere. The outhouse was a good mile from the cabin. Right before bed, my ma-in-law, my sis-in-law, and myself decided to head to the outhouse.
Ma-in-Law: It’s too dark. Let’s just go out here.
Sis-in-Law: Sounds good.
Me: Oh! Ummm . . . I have never squatted.
The in-laws: What?!?!
Me: I don’t know how.
Ma-in-law: Ok. You are learning.
So . . . they force me to drop my pants and squat right there with them as they assess my learning disability in the outdoor-elimination-department.
Sis-in-Law: No! Your stance is not right!
Ma-in-Law: Grab her arms!
So, now they are both holding onto me and yelling at me to pee.
I just couldn’t do it folks. I just couldn’t do it.
I mean, really. It is so unnatural. How do you not soil your clothes? How does this work?
I like toilets.
So, I made them walk all the way to the outhouse.
I have a sneaking suspicion that they consider me high maintenance.
Happy Weekend
I hope this story cheers you up as much as your story cheered me up.
p.s. I know you are busy and I would just like to say that you needn’t feel obligated to comment/visit my blog. I am fine with a one way street, and I read your’s for the love of it.
and…for the camping stories.
and the lists.
what the? This stupid thing cut off half of my comment.
AHHHH!!
so mad right now!
I told you a great pee story and your blog ate it!!!
Okay so here goes again (I will not let the blog win!)
Feel better Mabel!
Your story was hilarious. Once, in eighth grade, I peed my pants on purpose. I was in the middle of a cotton field and I did this because A) I had to pee and I was surrounded by mud and cotton. There was no place to squat B) I refuse to squat C) I wanted to get out of working.
My dad was making us move irrigation line. What a hater. It could be worse, you could have married a farmer. I didn’t. I refused to marry a farmer.
I’m marrying a farmer! Ha!
“So . . . they force me to drop my pants and squat right there with them as they assess my learning disability in the outdoor-elimination-department.”
assess….
I couldn’t stop laughing at the irony.
Poor you, poor Mabel…it sounds like a hard day in the boonies. You’re in my prayers.
Me, too! Me, too! Laughing and laughing. I was going to say something along the line of “This word “assess” looks very much like another word that seems appropriate for the story.”
I love it.
I was right there with you lady’s!!
Oh no. Poor Mabel. We’ve had a couple of tragic pet deaths here and it is pretty much the opposite of fun. I’m so sorry Taylor – for all of it.
Plus, if Mabel dies they’ll start lobbying for a puppy. So not what you need right now.
Please give up Fat Tuesday. It will make me feel better about my lack of self-control in the eating department.
Finally, in answer to your question, to get a husband who comments on your blogs:
1) Find a man who thinks he is hilarious and loves any new audience to try out his material on.
2) Call or text him and tell him that you just put up a post and that you want a comment from him.
After a while, he’ll start to do it on his own. Maybe. Today for instance, I did not solicit his comment, but it took a while to get there.
Because it seems like you need one right now:
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Taylor))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
and because I have a puppy~love, too:
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Mabel)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Hahaha! love it! It reminds me of one time when I was riding with my boyfriend now husband in the tractor ( this was considered a fun date back in our teenage years!) and had to pee so bad and the bumping and bopping in the tractor was making it hard to hold it. He told me to go out in the corn field. I had to go SO bad that I didn’t even think to argue. He dropped me off and there I ran into the corn field and went. Getting back in the tractor he said that his dad saw me going and called over the CB radio that he was wondering what I was doing squatting in the corn! I was horrified!! Many hours later after I had worried and felt embarressed more than I could imagine, he told me he was joking! I was so mad at him! I can’t believe I still married him!
I find a handy dandy log. My feet and pants stay on one side of the log and …. the rest of the story you can probably figure out 🙂
p.s. just cause you are having such a rough day I’ll share my humiliating pre-log peeing story 🙂 I’m guessing I was about 11 at the time. Sledding miles away from anywhere and I needed the facilities. I was coaxed into squatting and pulled off a million layers and squatted and peed all over my pants. Joy. Sledding a MILLION MILES AWAY FROM ANYWHERE with peed pants when you HAD A PLAN to NOT pee them is…. lets just say my heart still pounds when I think about it. 🙂
I don’t squat either. The last time I tried to squat while camping it was traumatic. You see, while trying to squat at around midnight I felt something rather furry rub against my naked bum and leg…. and then I ran with my naked bum and leg hanging out back to the campsite. It was awful. aw.ful.
P.S. Come to find out it was a stray cat (well I’m hoping anyway) that brushed against my naked bum. Still awful, truly aw.ful.
1. It’s Friday – You are not allowed to be grumpy on Friday’s. I’m sure it’s a law somewhere.
2. You should not need to squat while camping. I have been camping for years with my in-laws and as hard as they try to get me to use a bucket at night; I can NOT. I will take the walk braving skunks, darkness, and anything else to use an actual bathroom.
3. Hugs to Mabel. It’s hard getting old. Our dogs are both having problems walking, getting up, and just getting around. It’s hard to watch and it’s hard to know what to do.
4. There is no order to my reply
5. I’m sure that your school is the “school of Excellence.” Your a mom and we always doubt ourselves. You are making the choice that you feel is best for your family & I salute you!
6. CHEER UP.
7. Do NOT give up on Fat Tuesday. With Labor day this week, I actually forgot that it was Tuesday and therefore did not post about my lack of willpower.
8. Love Gone with the Wind. Enjoy!
9. Banana Bread is required to have chocolate chips. It’s the law. I’m sure it is:)
10. Take a break. Have some fun and come back and tell us all about it.
Poor Mabel, I hope she gets to feeling better. I’m an animal lover and have had many dogs, cats, birds, lizards and fishes and I hate when they get old…. anyway wanted to tell you my outdoor peeing story. Went camping with friends and went off into the bushes to pee, got shorts down and squatted and just started to pee when I saw the coiled snake…lets just say I took off running with shorts around my tighs…peeing streaming down my legs and didn’t stop until I got back to the camp site. We went back but never found the snake…no one believed me…. and I will never pee outside again.
my list for you
1. my husband will ONLY eat banana bread if it has chocolate chips.
2. I’m sending Wordgirl to public school and still hope that I don’t mess her up.
3. The way you avoid soiling yourself is to take your pants (love that WORD!) COMPLETELY off or by pulling them way far away from yourself (and as a pregnant mama, I don’t think that’s a responsible way to pee as you could COMPLETELY fall over).
4. I’m sorry Mabel isn’t doing well. Do you think it’s kidney failure? My friend’s cat just died due to kidney failure and she wasn’t eating and lost all KINDS of weight! The day before she died, she weighed 3 1/2 pounds.
5. You let your in-laws teach you how to pee in the woods in the dark (albeit unsuccessfully)? You COMPLETELY deserve the honor and title of Wife of the Century!
6. Have you noticed how much I have used the word COMPLETELY and how every time I have it’s been in all caps?
Just saying.
I’m sorry you’ve had a bad day and I hope you have a fabulous weekend to make up for it.
I admire you for taking on home-schooling with all you have going on. I’m sure it’s excellent and your kids will thank you one day. However, being home all the time and with kids ALL the time makes for a grumpy mom sometimes. Please try to take time for you, as hard as that is.
When I get to heaven, I am going to ask God why Golden Retrievers don’t live forever. Really, he gives these fantastic dogs to us, and I want to keep them forever.
Take Mabel to see her doctor. If nothing else, she can get something for pain. They need to do a series of x-rays to rule out a blockage that is fixable…or something that is not…
I am SO sorry.
I am making your special banana bread recipe tomorrow and can’t wait!! I have been watching the bananas grow browner all week in anticipation!! Miss you!!
David is so not making it through the movie. I am glad you finished the book. It is delightful. The movie may not be as good. 🙂
I am so sorry about your dog. So sorry! I can imagine it is awful and sad to see her this way. You have given her a sweet life, though! A wonderful family who loves her? And a lot of good memories for you all, too.
I’m switching gears here, but so did you. I laughed so when I read Marla’s comment the other day…she definitely deserved to win. When I was young I went to camp, the kind where you stay a week and a half, and there are cabins. Back then, there were no flush toilets for campers, only an outhouse and it was across the creek. Not so bad during the day, but at night? Yikes. So, during the night there was a bucket for each cabin-the White Suitcase-complete with lid and a handle for carrying to and fro. For the entire session of camp no one used the White Suitcase at all, so the last night we voted to leave our bucket at the outhouse, as no one particularly cared for the job of carrying this lovely camp accessory back and forth. Whether it got used or not. Guess who had to pee in the middle of the night? That’s right. I debated whether I ought to head across the creek (there were lights, but still!) or just go back to bed. I couldn’t do either. So, I did what any rational 10 year old would do. I opened the door to our cabin, went on the second step down, stuck my leg out over the side edge of the step, and peed. Straight through my undies. I suppose in my haste I didn’t think to take them off. Bad move, yes, but…when you’re ten you just don’t have the think-it-through down pat. I had to stick wet-pee-pee undies in my suitcase. I wonder if my mom found those and thought,”That creek water is really smelly?” I don’t recall her saying anything about them.
Well. I am gaining weight like it’s a great idea. Except it’s not. And yet, I keep eating ice cream with homemade fudge sauce. Jiggle.
I hope your weekend has many happy moments…even though Mabel is not well. I wish I could give you a hug. Consider yourself squeezed.
I hope Mabel is okay. We just lost our Golden Girl of 5 years this past spring and I still miss her like crazy. I’ll say a prayer for Mabel and your family.
(((hugs)))
Sorry it is one of those days – and I will try to get over it if Fat Tuesday dies….
but if it lives I am still with you.. in spirit…..
PS – take Mabel to the Dr. – its the right thing to do – if you don’t you will just continue to torture yourself..
Oh man. I feel famous! But really, I feel like it’s a skill I’ve perfected over time.
But my in-laws have never tried to teach me how. That would be too much, really.
I hope that your day ended happy. And that poor Mabel starts feeling better.
Marla @ http://www.asthefarmturns.wordpress.com
So sorry you were having a down day. I have those days sometimes too. It is usually after I have been home with the kids all day, it is 3:30 in the afternoon, I realize that I haven’t showered yet, and my husband will be home from work soon. I get really sad and think what a pathetic life I live, but then those grinning little faces look at me and it is all good. I just wear my pajamas with pride!
Sounds like you are doing a great job with the homeschooling though. There are both good and bad to both homeschool and public school, but if this is what works for you right now, then forge ahead! Just pray for strength, guidance, and sanity.
Oh…and the question about what to do about the boys the other day, it I need a minute to just not have the kids running around my ankles (they are 2 and 3 too!) I will give them a couple of pieces of construction paper, a pair of scissors, and a glue stick. It can get a little messy with all the cutting of paper into tiny little pieces, but they love it so much and usually don’t say a word while they are doing it! That way they can be in the room with you and feel like they are doing “school” stuff too!
Sick dogs stink…Sorry Mabel is not well…
I think you can deserve a few days of pity party…NOT that you’re doing that or anything, but you’ve been through a LOT of changes recently, and those are bound to pile up and cause moments of sadness…Even good changes. And as far as screwing up your kids, who doesn’t worry about that? Good luck with the home school, and I think worrying about doing it right is a good sign that you WILL do it well!
I’m so sorry about Mabel. I hope she gets better. I’m sorry you’re living in LJ’s dream house all by yourself (and the kids) because he’s out working and always driving to/from home. You need a vacation. Tell the fam you’re going on vacation, and then move into your vacation home for a week. Do NOT tell them where you are. Don’t worry about homeschooling. It takes several years to truly screw your children up. If you do Fat Tuesday, I will participate. If you don’t, I will still read your blog every day. And I will still diet. I have lost 7 pounds. Don’t hate me because I’m skinny. Because I’m not. I have a very long way to go. Where’s the banana bread?
Hugs to Mabel and you Taylor.
I have to admit your outhouse story made me laugh so hard that hazelnut coffee creamer went up my nose, not a pretty sight! Then I remember when I walked home from school once, got my head caught in a gate and then peed in my pants, not a pretty sight again!
Hang in there, you and Mabel are in my thoughts.
Again, LOVE the new blog photo. Adorable. Never ever could I pee with in-laws holding on to me. I’m heartbroken about Mabel. I wonder if it’s something easily fixable or just old age? When I had to leave Cricket and Mr. Stubs I didn’t get over the ache of wanting to hold them for over 10 years. Maybe we never get over the loss of a beloved pet. It doesn’t sting as much, but it’s always there. Truly sorry. How are the rabbits? Where do they live?
I feel so bad. I should be posting every Tuesday the pounds and pounds I am not losing, but I never get on the computer anymore! In fact, this is the first time I have had a chance to visit your blog in weeks! What am I doing with my time?
Well dang, girl. You need a hug. My bestie lives in Portland. It is not as far as Melissa, but it is too far for a bestie so I feel your pain. Plus, Melissa is so cute and pregnant. Dang. Sadsies for sure.
Sadsies for Mabel too. I think you should still make her a cake or at least a little treat…it is her birthday after all. And she turned double digits. Can you tell birthdays are a big deal to me? They are.
Speaking of birthdays…I did a pirate birthday for my little boy and I dressed up with him. I wore black gouchos, a black tee, a little black pirate hat (which I could quite possibly get to you) and lots of black eye makeup. I also put on lots of fun jewels and about a million colored scarf belts. I was barefoot, but one of my girlfriends wore an old pair of boots and didn’t zip them all the way up and folded them over. They were super cute. If all else fails…wear an eye patch. It will make you piratey instantly.
Lovesies to you.