Hold on to your pants, folks.
We’ve got a lot of ground to cover.
Consider this my formal apology for the length of yesterday’s post. I went back to reread it and fell asleep 4 times. If you are one of the gentle people who persevered and made it through the post, then I say to you, “Well done, Good Reader. Well. Done.”
I will try to make this one a little more . . . condensed.
Alright. Moving on.
So, you all may recall that we had a power outage on Monday night. And vomit. And marital discord.
See?
So much wind, a tree done got broke.
On Tuesday morning, we woke up with power (holla!) which was a good thing because we had to skedaddle into town.
First stop-Drop off a meal to someone in our church and pray that the meal is edible.
Don’t worry. It did not contain elk. I am not evil.
Second stop-Pick up the darling daughters from piano lessons.
Third stop-Portfolio Conferences for school.
And this, my friends, is where our story truly begins.
You may say, “Taylor! You home school! What are these portfolio conferences you speak of?”
Well, dear readers. It’s a long story. But I am in a special kind of home school program where you can have a contact teacher hold your hand and assure you that you are not messing up your children.
There is more to it than that. Just go with it for today’s purposes.
Now. I firmly believe there should be a special reward in heaven for people who have to haul multiple children to such events and attempt to have an “educated” adult conversation all while trying to facilitate two girls’ educational conferences and two naughty boys who could care less that their mother is attempting to appear as if she is “in control.”
I will have you know that I maintained eye contact with that teacher all while accomplishing the following:
1. Found a toy deer in my purse for Little Dude.
2. Retrieved a box of crayons and coloring books for Handsome Dude.
3. Noticed that some spare markers were in the box.
4. Removed aforementioned markers and shushed Handsome Dude’s protests in one swift move.
5. Stopped Little Dude from escaping 17 times.
6. Picked up text books knocked down by both boys.
7. Wiped up spilled water.
At one point during this fine morning, Handsome Dude asked me if he could throw something away. For some reason, the trash is down the hall and out of my line of site.
Being the fool that I am, I agreed.
And then we heard the loudest crashing sound known to man.
Adults were coming from all areas of the building to see what on earth had happened. I didn’t know there were so many people in this building.
And there was my Handsome Dude. Surrounded by knocked down water jugs.
Apparently he had tried to help himself to some water, which resulted in me no longer looking like I was in control of anything.
Darn it.
Can you see it? Can you see it?
His nose is all scratched up.
Do you notice what is missing on his darling face? Hmmm? Do you? Do you?
Somehow between Ruralville and town, his glasses lost a leg. Or an arm. Of whatever the long thing on glasses is called.
So. My girls are doing fine in school. My boys are still naughty. And then we had to go shopping.
My main goal in going to the store was to buy water jugs and flashlights.
You know.
For disaster-prepared-ness.
I spent $55 and guess what I forgot to buy?
Water jugs and flashlights.
*Random Topic Quick Change!*
My husband came home early and immediately set out for a hunting adventure.
He came home about 15 minutes later.
He had been heading out to his tree stand . . .
When right in his path was a deer.
It was a 5×5 buck to be exact.
Look at me with my big-girl-hunting-lingo!
So. He shot it. And then I had to be the photographer.
Joy.
To.
The.
World.
Bad News: I fear he thinks it is “mount-worthy.”
Yes. I was smart enough to put the wreath above the fire place to ensure no mount would be placed in it’s stead.
Because we all know that once wreaths are placed on a wall, they can never be moved.
Nevertheless!
There is still massive wall space above my bed.
Mayday! Mayday!
I need some ideas for what I should do to prevent impending disaster.
Please submit your suggestions post haste.
Good News: Hunting Season is over!
Let us all stand up and do a happy dance.
Bad News: Someone had the audacity to inform my husband that if you mix deer meat with pork meat it is somewhat edible.
Deer/Pig mixture in my freezer?
Ground Elk in my freezer?
I would like to make a formal statement:
From heretohenceforth, I am now renouncing all meat and meat byproducts. I will welcome vegetables and breads into my diet and try not to toss my cookies when I cook up some carnivorous meat for my manly-man husband.
Thank you and what has become of my life?
*Random Topic Quick Change!*
Ok. I am sorry. I know. Annoying.
But, here is your daily reminder to vote for me in the Babble-icious contest.
Thank you very much for taking the time to vote.
You rock my world. You complete me. You are the wind beneath my wings.
I am now at #8!
Thank you!
Happy Wednesday!
PS-Did anyone else notice that this post was also extremely long and tedious?
I wish I weren’t a liar.
Unfortunately, the site will only let me vote for you once. Ever. But I *did* vote.
Fortunately, I love your blog. Truly, it is the bright spot in my day. Thanks for the laughs and for sharing your life. 🙂
I voted, as well, but only once as that was all that was allowed. And, I’ve got nothin’ for you as far as damage-control-for-potential-carcass-hanging. The only victory I can claim for avoiding ANOTHER dead carcass on my walls was when I went completely ballistic when a bobcat head appeared on our bathroom wall. Of course, it situated to stare at you while you were seated on the *ahem* facilities. No, no, no, I said. So it was promptly relocated to the garage wall. See, I’m no help whatsoever. 🙁
I’m thinking he could start a very nice wild animal zoo like collection in the garage. I think that you could use some sort of excuse such as he doesn’t want to hang it on the peach walls because he will just have to move it when he he has to paint in the real near future to get rid of the peach 🙂
I was thinking a wall of victory. In the garage. It is pretty impressive so he’s going to need to show that off.
I suggest framing some kids artwork for the bedroom pdq…should he decide to remove it he would have to face a conversation that goes something like this-“Daddy, how come you took down our beautiful artwork down to put up a dead animal???” “Don’t you love us Daddy?” It could work.
QUICK!!!! All the kids pictures above the bed!!!! You can’t remove the beloved kids photos for a deer head! Now….hurry…… 😉
Now you’re #7! I’ve been able to vote for you every day =)
Your posts may be long, but they are never tedious.
Perhaps a large family picture over your bed. Surely he would not displace your children for a dead deer head?
That IS a really nice deer, however I wouldn’t want it over my bed. Best suggestion? Let him have the fireplace so that you aren’t saying good night with a deer looming over you for the foreseeable future. Trust me, where I live I can not only tell you the best place to take your deer carcass for processing, I also know a taxidermist. Not exactly a claim to fame, but I do know of what I speak.
And I apologize for the length of this comment.
I’m so sorry to tell you, but yes, his buck is extremely mount-worthy. If I had to choose between the mantle and the space above my bed, I would move the wreath above my bed. I finally gave my husband the family room, and told him I would like to put all hunting trophies in one place. I decorated the room in a rustic manor, and he happily puts his mounts there. (I had to give in–he was trying to put his mounts in the guest room–above the bed.)
Could one of the kids unplug the freezer?
Ha!
I still like deer meat mixed with bacon when you grind it up, bacon gives it good flavor. I don’t like deer meat mixed with plain pork, that tasted nasty. Good luck.
Could you somehow use vinyl letters or paint (or something) “Always kiss me goodnight” above the bed in the bedroom? Then if he wants to put the rack up there, you could say “But honey, I’ve worked so hard on that! How can you stifle my creativity?” Of course, you’d have to be willing to do it again if you ever get to paint over the peach walls…
Just keep moving that wreath around the house every day or so, if your husbands like mine he won’t notice it’s the same wreath and will think you just have a wreath thing going on and don’t have room for dead stinky animal parts.
I don’t know a thing about hunting or what a 5 x 5 buck is but “that’s one mighty big deer!” It would scare me if it were above my bed. I’d go with big heart wreaths above the bed and only a few so not mistaken for wooded hunting grounds. 😉
I voted for your blog too 🙂 So glad you’re moving up.
I voted twice and I’m going to try again today. Your posts are never too long!
Just voted again. You are now #7. Holla!
I must agree, that deer is worthy of hanging. I would suggest LJ gets his own room in the house or basement (do you have those? They are very handy for putting important husband items out of sight). If all else fails, buy more wreaths!
Uhmmm.. I’m confused. You said the “Second” stop on Tueday morning was “Pick up the darling daughters from piano lessons”…the First Stop was not dropping them off so did they spend all Monday night at Piano Lessons???? Man are you’re one tough momma!! Schhhhschhh
Sorry! They stayed the night with their grandma and she dropped them off. 🙂
Oh, OK…I’ll go vote for you again today!
All I can do is pray that the head doesn’t go above the bed…and I will pray mightly.
Also, I voted for you … twice!
Okay. That is a really nice buck. It really is mount worthy, but definitely not above the bed. How about in the cozy loft area?? Any way it could fit up there? Also, we are having our elk burger mixed with 30% pork fat, and trust me, it will help. It may have been my husband who opened his big mouth about it, but it’s better this way instead of just straight ole venison burger. You can do this. You must mask it in ways that you can tolerate and he can eat in order to please your uber-manly husband. 🙂 Or something like that. Good luck, dear friend. Good luck.
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I have a really pretty metal candle holder thingy above my bed with LED fake, but flickering, “candles”.
Quick, get in the rig, drive to target, go to the home decor section, and buy the silly thing. Then proceed to the candle aisle and get the fake, but flickering, LED tea-light sized candles. Hang it over your bed.
If the Lumberjack protests, tell him you think it is romantic, kiss him…and um…you know…and then he will let you leave it 😉
Besides, doesn’t he have a shed building thing out there for all the manly things he needs? The buck head should go there.
As for the meat…I can tell you haven’t tried the buttermilk thing yet, you silly girl.
I also have a lumberjack in my family (he isn’t really a lumberjack but you of all people understand)- my father. He also likes to bring home things he’s killed and try to make me and my mom eat them. After many years of protest he has decided he would rather make lots of jerky so he can share with other manly lumberjacks instead of torturing us with things like elk spaghetti. Maybe that is an idea you can plant in your lumberjacks head- he gets to feel manly when he kills it and MORE manly when he gives it to his friends! (Sorry this is so long) as for the deer mount perhaps suggest the “man cave” garage would be the best place for it. Good luck!
That buck? Is massive. Totally mount worthy. Don’t you have like a garage or something he could put it in????
Also, deer is actually kinda tastey…..
Nice buck. Just be glad it’s not an ugly old hog! Yeah, I forgot to add “no dead animal heads will be placed on any wall in my house” to the pre-marriage contract and that old head hog’s head is, even now, at the taxidermist getting ready to be put up on our wall. How do I get out of it? I did get him to take the elk antlers to work, but I guess the hog just doesn’t fit in with the decor there. 🙁
I feel your pain. Can’t we just eat the meat with out the visual reminder of where it came from?
now you’re number 7!
Taylor! I’ve missed you, but I am enjoying catching up on your life.
I have the answer for you mounting problem… and it is barely PG-13. Refuse to do anything “fun” if that deer is anywhere near your bed. That will work, I know it. 🙂
Marla
I just wanted to stop by and say that I love you. You make me laugh everyday. I don’t always have anything real to say. Just know that I think you’re great!
I think you are a riot. Deer head – yikes. I helped a friend stage her house to sell. She had 4 heads up in the living room. We moved them!! She is praying they don’t make it up to the new house. We raise beef cattle… thankfully it is not cool to mount a cow head!
You must tell LJ that all your bloggy type readers are astounded with his uber manliness, what with the hurkin’ deer and all. And we all agree it should be displayed. Somewhere. Else.
But. More importantly, big HOLLAs to you, homeschool mom, for enduring the schooling check-up and maintaining the dudes’ needs throughout the process.
Very impressive!
See, here in earthquakeland we don’t hang heavy objects anywhere they may fall on a human personage. However I have a lovely painting above my bed with acrylic in place of the glass. I’m not sure which blog I’m on but the girls are precious always, I thought you did school in the schoolhouse so how can they clean I don’t get that part. Are you actually allowed to hunt on your own land. Sorry I’m just ignorant of hunting, and like where do you cut it up, I mean who has a cutting board as big as a deer, and what is a 5 x 5 deer, where to put the innards and butcher paper and all that jazz. I mean so if you shoot it, do you have to hurry and butcher it and package it up right then and there? Is LJ also a butcher? Don’t they have to eat special feed to be edible to humans? Anyway the girls’ list was adorable. I wish they’d come to my house for awhile. I used to be able to sew and make things for the girls a few years ago, but now you have four I can’t keep up.