Hold on to your pants folks! We’ve got a lot a whole lotta nothing to talk about.
1. Last week, Lucy left a deer’s leg on our porch, complete with hair and hoof.
LucyFur.
This is my life.
Jealous?
2. Little Dude had his well check at the doctor recently. Little Dude is an easy going dude for the most part. But when he doesn’t like something, he simply will not do it.
Guess what he hates?
Getting weighed.
Do you know what happens when your child throws a gigantic fit at the doctor’s office and refuses to get weighed? They punish you by making you get weighed with him and then weighed by yourself.
Simple mathematic calculations will reveal your son’s weight and the truth about your weight.
And I had a sweater on.
And a belt.
And shoes.
And a semi-full bladder.
And I had eaten.
And I was wearing pants.
Oh the humanity!
I am guessing I can shave at least ten pounds off.
3. I have created my holiday menu. Would you like to know what I am serving my guests?
Ham, mashed potatoes, carrots, fruit salad, rolls, yams, green salad, pumpkin pie, fudge, and magic cookie bars.
Ok. I lied. My mom is bringing the rolls, yams, and green salad. But I am taking care of the rest!
Look at me with my big-girl-cooking-up-a-family-style-holiday-meal pants on!
Also, I am going to attempt to make my grandmother’s famous cherry ham sauce.
I am hoping it will mask all other flavors of the meal.
4. Notice how I removed elk from the menu. I was feeling pretty holly jolly. Tis the season!
5. My boys knocked over the Christmas tree yesterday.
Which was shocking because the boys rarely get into any mischief.
If you thought my tree looked dead before:
You should see it now!
Fun Fact: I am too lazy to take a picture of the tree in its current condition. That picture was from awhile ago.
6. I feel like I need to do something festive with my kids today. Something like a craft or bake cookies. But I stink at all that stuff.
Case in point:
Our homemade nativity scene.
Somebody come make Christmas magical for my children post haste.
7. And feed me cookies.
8. Is anyone reading this? Probably not.
People are probably all busy making magical memories with their children.
Show-offs.
9. I would like to announce that I, yes, I, Taylor Maliblahblah, have exercised for two days in a row! TWO DAYS!
Bikini body here I come!
10. I just now realized I forgot to make a gingerbread house with my children this year.
What kind of a mother am I?
A lame one.
Happy Wednesday!
Oh my goodness… LAUGHED OUT LOUD at LucyFur. Brilliant!
Congrats on the exercising!! I’m starting p90x on Monday – want to join me??
Nope.
My children hate being weighed at the doctor’s office too. And they hate being measured. I feel really embarrased at the fact that my children scream and scream at such a simple task. And then yes, I have to get on the scale and be weighed with my children. I have started doing the math myself and not letting them know the numbers though! I tell them I can subtract and to trust me, that is my child’s weight!
We made these Christmas wreaths yesterday…really easy and took some time to scrunch up the tissue paper. Didn’t use modge podge, just white glue, and didn’t do the glitter part, but they turned out cute. All you need are paper plates, green and red tissue paper, glue and ribbon…have fun!
http://kellishouse.blogspot.com/2008/12/tissue-paper-christmas-wreaths.html
Wait until your 2 year old son knocks on the front door with a deer head in hands. I don’t miss hunting, I tell ya’. You should move to the city like me, where you can eat sushi and wear high heels everywhere you go.
The secret to good gingerbread houses? Hot glue. I also use graham crackers. You can cut them easily with a serrated knife, glue them together, and make a village of little tiny houses for the kids to decorate.
See, now I am making sugar cookies. I would be happy to send some, but you won’t tell anyone where you live! 🙂
Have a Merry Christmas
Kayla
(P.S. I send icing, too.)
Yum!
Just wanted to let you know that I am reading your blog, so keep writing! And have a blessed Christmas, even with a dead tree and a bad dog!
My 3 y.o. is also afraid of the scale at the doctor’s office. What is up with that? I refused to get on the scale with him. I was just mean and plunked his little body on there. Thankfully he stayed still long enough to get a reading.
I thought only cats brought home “presents” and left them on the porch. Does Lucyfur think she’s a cat? We had a dead mouse here at my parents’ casa. In a mouse trap in the garage. My husband and I let dear old dad deal with it. His house, his mouse.
Day 6 of rain on our vacation in Sunny San Diego. I may need a tranquilizer. Please send help immediately. I love my parents and all, but this much confined togetherness is not a good thing.
Yes Taylor but has your child ever been so naughty at the doctors office and then you recieve a card in the mail telling you how much energy and how fast on his feet he was. Yes young one I have! Bet you’d never guess who that could be. Sorry bout the hoof though um gross:/
Craft Time: Have the kids make individual gingerbread houses out of graham crackers and canned frosting, decorate with candy (of course). Graham crackers make them healthy, right?
Exercise: I’m jealous. And fat. That is all.
This is hilarious. You made my day….And you are a stranger so props to you! I never thought about having to get weighed if my kid freaked out. Oh dear, she BETTER not learn that! And all that gear is AT LEAST ten pounds. At least.
Well my dear, you are in luck. I am newly married and keep having dreams of babies (which is disturbing because it’s only been FOUR MONTHS of marriage and I said we’d wait FIVE YEARS so it’ll really be three, if I can hold off that long).
This means I need some kids to borrow…can I come over and have yours for a few hours? I can’t french braid your girl’s hair but I can teach them to make homemade chocolate covered pretzels, and I’m not sure what little boys like but I could show them how to make homemade play dough using kool-aid. Also I could bring you cookies and rub your back (if you don’t think that’s super awkward, that is). You game?
Well, I don’t even let my husband rub my back! ha! Gives me the heebie-jeebies.
But the rest sounds fantastic!
You were weighed without flossing your teeth?! Oh the humanity!
I’ll do crafts with your kids if you will do my exercising for me 🙂
You’re giving your kids Christmas! You have to do something crafty with them too? Lie down until the feeling goes away!
Aubrey! Don’t borrow her kids–take mine! They’re potty-trained! (Okay, they do occasionally pee outside, but that’s on purpose because males like to mark their territory.)
I feel really bad every time I see that my comment is awaiting moderation. What did I do to deserve this? I haven’t made any worse comments than I make on anyone else’s blog. And what if I don’t make the cut? Taylor, you’re stressing me out!
I gotta keep you in line, Jill. 😉
Taylor- You are a fantabulous mom. Easy magical Christmas idea- have kids get dressed into snow clothes, send kids outside, tell them to build an igloo, make hot chocolate, encourage kids to drink it outside, brew coffee, put creamer in coffee, turn on Christmas music, lay on couch. When your kids want to come in encourage them not too- they forgot to build a snowman. Go back to laying on couch. Magical, I tell you, magical. I may have used the wrong version of “too” in the making of this comment. 🙂
To add on to this idea. Scrounge up any squirt bottles or spray bottles you may have and fill them with colored water (use food coloring) and send them out to make stuff out of snow and then color it. Yes, it’s a bit of work before they go out, but I’m telling you the magic of coloring snow will keep them busy even longer.
What a good idea! I love it!
Throw a white blanket over your table and have the kids climb inside and tell them it’s an igloo and then read them a Christmas story. Have them draw a picture of Santa or of the nativity or something. None of these things require too much effort on your part and you can then catch up on those taped episodes of King of Queens while they do all that.
Oh poop. I forgot to do the whole gingerbread house thing too. Also, I have not made any cookies either. Also, I have not shipped any of the gifts I was going to ship before christmas. They are done though, all made and everything!! Points for me, or not. I’m too busy shoveling my driveway because the snow won’t stop falling. Not that I’m complaining… it’s a great excuse to not get anything else done actually. Also, it’s great exercise. So, you see, I also am on the way to getting a bikini body. 🙂 Woohoo!
AFTER Christmas gingerbread houses are much cheaper. $2.50 at WalMart last year. You can get one per kid the day after for the same price of one before Christmas.
Yes, I am that cheap! My poor kids. It is still the Christmas season, right?!?
I look for a new post from you every day. Have a Merry Christmas and enjoy your family with or without crafts! 🙂
Lame mothers unite!! I do not enjoy “fun” crafty things with my kids, and I say we stick together. I do feel bad when I see what my friends have done with their kiddos, but oh well, I’m sure I love my kids more than they love theirs anyway. 🙂 Right? Right. I say pop in a nice Christmas video and lay on the couch. Yes, I am that good of a mom.
With my dog, Clarke, we used to joke that Mom and Dad’s lawn was the “build-a-deer workshop!” He would always bring up spare parts to show us!
You should just give up the gingerbread house completely. Lower their expectations and they’ll all be much happier with what you DO do.
I wish someone had told me that before I started the stupid tradition of making and painting 10 dozen sugar cookies with my kids every year. 12 years in and I hate it but can’t give it up because “we ALWAYS do that Mom.”
I have to admit that I avoid the gingerbread house like the plague. I hate trying to make all that crap stick together. I got a nice one made of foam that I can assemble. If you have brown paint, red paint and hands, you can make handprint rudolphs.
Lame mothers, unite! I never, ever made a gingerbread house with my kids. I let the daycare do that.
I’m very, very surprised our tree never got knocked down. Unless it did and I just didn’t know about it. Which is entirely possible.
Gingerbread house making should be reserved for down time in hell. I will never do another one as long as I live if I can help it!
I have never made a gingerbread house. We have only had one real tree. I am willing to eat cookies with you. I have never had a deer leg on my porch but my parents have. You will be awesome with the cherry ham sauce!
I am a day late in reading this – and I must know post haste… where is the rest of the deer???
How did the dog get a deer leg? Was there a dead deer and he chewed it off? Did she kill a deer and chew it off? Was it left after someone took the bulky parts home? I don’t get where she would get a deer leg. Is someone trapping deer on your land? What a strange problem to have to deal with.
My goodness I am behind on my blog reading!! I am so very sorry about the whole scale thing- Truly believe me when I say we don’t pay 2 cents attention to your weight and I really wasn’t trying to punish you! 🙂