There is a tree outside my window.
Yes. I suppose there are many trees out there. But there is this one tree that stands taller than the rest. And if I forget to close my blinds at night, it is the only tree I can see when I am lying in bed.
One night, the moon seemed exceptionally bright and was reflecting off of the fresh snow, causing the sky to seem lighter. I stared at this tree. The wind was moving the clouds swiftly past the tree, and the tree stood strong-never moving, never changing.
On this night, I was asking God a lot of questions. Hard questions. I regret to say I might have even been mad at God. You see, I had expected God to do something. And he didn’t. And I am still trying to understand why.
I kept talking to Him as I stared at this tree. I was mad. I was confused. I was devastated. But, mostly, I was scared.
I have learned, once again, that this life is not easy. There will be pain. There will be sorrow. There will be suffering.
I had really thought things were going to be okay. But they weren’t.
I was scared because I felt like God had left. I was scared because I worried that God didn’t care. I was scared because I didn’t know what to do.
But God was good to me.
He gave me this verse:
“These things I have spoken unto you, that in me you might have peace. In the world you shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.”
John 16:33
There are a lot of sad things in this world. Things I will not like or understand.
But, Jesus has overcome the world. And in Him I will put my trust.
I have not been strong in my faith.
I have been shaken.
But I will pray for strength. I will pray for peace.
I will pray that I will be like a tree that stands firm against any storm.
Amen Sister! You are on the right track of standing firm in the Lord. Love you dear friend!
I’m not sure what’s going on, Taylor, but please know that I am praying for you. May God draw you ever closer to Him through whatever you are going through.
love you. praying.
Oh my goodness Taylor I am right there with you. At this point in my life I feel shaken too, I have so much going on and I feel like I am going to break. I will pray for you as I am right there in a storm as well. Thank you so much for this post and the verse. Prayers and hugs to you. Have a good night.
Taylor, I don’t think you should feel bad about all of your emotions. The Psalms are full of every single thing a person can feel…despair, desperation, abandonment, sadness, anger, doubt, hope, praise, joy. God can take it. As you said, he comforted you. He couldn’t do that unless you went to him for it.
Sometimes I hate this world we live in, even though I know and have seen the beautiful, the ugly often makes me feel so, so, well, like,”What is it all for?” But the truth is, as you know full well, we can never understand what he is up to. I have a friend who often says God uses what he hates to accomplish what he loves. It might seem like a trite thing to say but it is true. There is nothing outside of his sovereignty. I get mad at him. I still cry about the miscarriage (last May)…I could have had a newborn right about now. (The thought sometimes terrifies me! But mostly it makes me sad and mournful.) I just have to keep going back to what I choose to believe. He is good and he loves me. He loves the baby too. Each one, each one who goes to be with him too soon, for us. I hope he continues to be the source of comfort and peace for your family. But please, grieve. Give your heart to him, no matter what is in it. Love and blessings
Christina
Praying for you, my friend.
Praying for you sweetie – love ya
I hope it comforts you to know your cyber friends are praying for you.
Oh Taylor. My heart is so sad right now.
I think I’ve been where you’re at. And sometimes it seems worse when these things happen to others that you love, no?
So unfair. And it seems so senseless.
But know that He is not cruel. He loves us immeasurably. And He stands willing to hold us while we tantrum in our non-understanding. (Because I did a lot of tantruming).
Just grieving with you… knowing that it is hard and it sucks, but that He is still the same. Thankful that He holds our future.
I’ve been praying for your family all week. ….all while helping Heather walk through her book submissions on her journey through this sadness almost three years ago. Some questions we will never have the answer to this side of heaven. But we do have Him, and He has to be enough. Otherwise nothing else is good enough either.
Praying, my dear blog friend!
I’m sorry you’re sad Taylor and am praying for your family.
I was just thinking about trees yesterday. Praying for you and your family this morning.
Psalm 1:1-3
How blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked,
Nor stand in the path of sinners,
Nor sit in the seat of scoffers!
But his delight is in the law of the LORD,
And in His law he meditates day and night.
He will be like a tree firmly planted by streams of water,
Which yields its fruit in its season
And its leaf does not wither;
And in whatever he does, he prospers.
so the question comes, is Christ enough? And the answer is a comfort to our hearts…yes, He is enough. In Christ alone I place my trust…
God has His own reasons for the things He does. We just have to have believe. Sometimes it is really hard but just keep on praying! 🙂
I’m so sorry for this hard time for all of you Taylor. Questions are good, it’s when you stop talking at all that there’s a problem. So question away.
god is not threatened by our questions. my life verse has become mark 9:24, “i believe, help me in my unbelief!” i’m so sorry for your sadness, but i’m thankful god is meeting you in the midst of it.
I love your posts that include Scripture. I find them real and also encouraging. I don’t want you to be sad so I can be encouraged; but sometimes life stinks and He encourages and comforts us so we can encourage and comfort others.
Someone else beat me to quoting Psalm 1:1-3. And God is more than capable of handling us when we are mad at Him. I wondered if I might be ‘cast off’ the first time I yelled at God, but He understood and comforted me. I pray He speaks to you in your storm.
Glad you are trusting in God, even in the hard times. Isn’t it humbling to know He is always right, and His plans are always better than ours? Even when we don’t understand, His ways are best. I pray you will find peace in your trials, knowing that you can count it all joy when you suffer through things with the LORD as your strength.
Praying for you and yours. xoxo
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His abundant mercy has begotten us again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead. In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be, you have being grieved by various trials, that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ.
1 Peter:3,6-7
I just want to echo those who said that God can handle it when we are mad at him. Don’t regret those feelings. It simply means that you are engaged. The Bible holds many examples of people who railed against God, and God was fine with it. Jim Wallis once said, when someone asked him where God was when so many people were suffering, that God is right there with those who suffer, suffering with them, feeling their every pain because it is his pain too. No, it doesn’t “fix” it, but that image is very comforting to me. God doesn’t always give us the answer we want and I don’t think we can ever really understand why, but God doesn’t leave us alone in our pain. Share your anger, sadness, disappointment…all of it. God already knows and he wants you express it. Your post reminded me of another that just pulled on my heart; I can’t explain why I find it comforting; I think it’s just because it’s honest: http://faithincommunity.blogspot.com/2011/02/it-didnt-turn-out-right.html?spref=fb
i went through similar feelings when my son was killed taylor…God knows your heart and He knows you…even when we are mad or upset or questioning, He knows our love for Him hasn’t stopped. He understands that we will have questions and concerns and even worries. we must always remember that God is in control and He knows what He is doing and it sounds like you know that. and another thing…God doesn’t expect us to be strong in ourselves…He wants us to lean on HIM and let HIM bare whatever we are going through….please know you are in my thoughts and prayers….<3
Praying for you. God is an awesome God. Hold to God’s unchanging hand.
You have no idea how much I needed to read this right now.
Thank you.
God is big enough for all of your feelings and so much more. Sending prayers and hugs your way.
I’m so sorry for your sadness. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
SO sorry Taylor. Sometimes, I stand outside and wonder why they trumpets can’t just sound and take us all home. I am ready. This world stinks some days.
Then, there are glimpses of what God has planned for us. Glimpses that are “just enough”…..
You are in my prayers.
Thank you. I needed that.
Holy Spirit pray for us on this day when we have only a broken soul to offer.
Taylor, I noticed that words did very little for me as I have been going down a road I didn’t ask to travel with the exception of the above quote. My uncle wrote those words and they have been the cry of my heart. I’m so sorry for what you are going thru.
Everything IS alright. We just don’t comprehend it all now. There is a reason. And when sorrow and loss come it reminds us of the blessings we do have. Maybe that is part of the reason.