*Attention. If you are my dad, then do not, I repeat, do not read any further.*
*I mean it. It is in regards to your birthday.*
* I know you are tempted, Dad. Just walk away.*
Hello, people. I feel as if there should be a law against husbands coming home late.
And that is all I have to say about that.
My husband walked in the door tonight. Two children were doing who-knows-what with dolls. One child was naked (guess who). The final child (guess who) was weeping and wailing and waiting in a time out for his father to come “talk” to him.
I smiled, informed him that his dinner was in the fridge, grabbed the dog, and wished him the best of luck.
I was leaving.
My options are limited, you see, as to where I can go. I decided to head down the road.
Exciting. I know.
But I did see at least 30 deer. And Lucy (the dog) was angelic, I kid you not. I decided I love her and I shall be her bestest pal forever and ever. So long as she continues to be a dear and not give me grief.
I put on my music from my fancy phone and enjoyed the last 30 minutes of daylight and the absense of children and dishes and laundry and peach walls and school work and creepy deer heads staring at me and crumbs on the counter and trucks and random socks strewn about.
Am I the only person in the world who has numerous socks all over the house?
And I learned something on this walk, dear readers.
Ruralville+me+no one else+almost dark+trees+crackling+rustling+five deer running in front of me=creepy.
It did not help that Lucy seemed nervous the entire time. It made me wonder, if I were to be mauled by some horrific animal on my adventurous walk, would Lucy be a heroine and run home and inform David?
I don’t know. She doesn’t seem that smart.
And would David figure out her message?
And now I am wondering if I need more adult company in my life.
Yes. I think I do.
Consider this a cry for help.
I will have you all know that I did, in fact, wear my uber cute earrings on my terrifying walk. If I was going to be viciously attacked, at least I would go out in style.
I may live in redneck-ville, but I sure don’t have to look like I do.
Take that, Ruralville.
What on earth is the point of all of this drivel?
Let’s move on.
My dad!
It is my dad’s birthday soon. He is kinda sorta a Titanic fanatic.
Things like disasters, assassinations and politics excite him.
I like earrings, popcorn, and The Big Bang Theory.
Fun Fact: My dad was born on April 14th. Same day the Titanic hit the ice berg.
And don’t say I never taught you nothing.
So, Sweet Pea, in all her learned-ness has also become intrigued by the Titanic. So she decided she would like to make her PopPop a surprise Titanic cake.
This means I will be making him a surprise Titanic cake.
I am sure you can all guess how well prepared I am to make such a cake.
If nothing else, it might make for a good blog post.
Anyways. Is there anyone out there with a creative bone in their body that can help a clueless gal, such as myself?
Here are some things you need to know:
1) I really have no time for this.
2) He wants a carrot cake with cream cheese frosting.
3) The recipe says to bake the bake in two round pans. Therefore the cake shall be round. No ifs, ands or buts. I do not deter from recipes. I shall stand firm in this belief. Unless you tell me how to convert the recipe to a 13×9 pan. And I shall double love you forever.
4) I shall not be purchasing any fancy schmancy cake pans.
5) Do not even mention fondant. I know not what fondant is. Nor do I want to.
6) My kids are naughty.
7) I am almost out of flour.
8) I once made an “Elmo” cake for Sweet Pea’s birthday. It was to have red, coconut frosting and be magical and wonderful and all peoples would rise and call me blessed. It ended up looking like Elmo threw up something pink all over himself. It resulted in David running to the store to purchase a cake.
No one rose and no one called me blessed.
And I was out a lot of money.
9) I would prefer to stay away from red, coconut frosting. I am convinced that red is a frosting color that simply cannot be achieved by anyone.
10) I am super open to all ideas and would appreciate any help.
And, that is all.
Good day to you.
PS- 100 (meaningless) points to anyone who can guess what we shall be doing for the patriarch’s birthday.
Hint: Think coldness, trees, and bad hair.
camping?!
Sounds like we both had tough nights. On the up side, we both re-enrolled for homeschooling next year. Task one complete, just 397 tasks left. 🙂
no matter your pan size/shape…slap some blue icing on it and call it “the titanic…after it sank!”…problem solved!!! your welcome =o)
Sandy is a genius! I think I would have fun with this idea, but wreck it in the end. Have you seen my Yoda cake and the brontosaurus? They were not for the same birthday, of course.
no…you are the genius! ship…wreck…get it? =o)
Hahaha…I didn’t even know I was so smart and funny! You are just showing once again how brilliant you are! Thanks for making me smile!
Oh! I also told my husband that I needed to leave because the kids were driving me crazy and after dinner I went for a walk, too. I don’t think it was as bad for me today as it was for you, but I really relate to all the things you listed in your escaping list. I find socks EVERYWHERE. And I waited until really late to cean up the kitchen. I don’t recommend that but the good thing that came of it was tha you had a new post up. Now I need to go to bed.
I love the website, coolestbirthdaycakes.com for ideas. Here’s one someone did out of a base cake and cereal treats for the ship.
http://www.coolest-birthday-cakes.com/coolest-sinking-titanic-cake-15.html
As far as baking the cake in round pans, my understanding has always been that most cake recipes can be baked interchangeably in either 2 round pans or one rectangular pan. I don’t think you would have any problem baking your recipe in a 9×13 pan! Good luck!!
Email Christine at scraphappy blogger…she makes spectacular cakes and I’m sure could at least give you some advice. She reads here so maybe she’ll comment. I’ll warn you ahead of time though that she does use fondant.
http://scraphappychristinescorner.blogspot.com/2011/04/follow-friday-four-question-friday.html
I hope you have plans to meet a friend for a coffee or something today….no matter how much we love our homes and our families we all need a change of scenery now and then.
Also, since I too walk where vicious animals roam I tend to think about the same sort of things. If it makes you feel any better I think the vicious animal would most likely go for your dog before you…this also worries me as my dog truly is the sweetest thing on four feet.
I always have socks lingering around my house…socks without mates, that is. I’m not really sure why.
You should be able to bake your carrot cake in a 9×13 regardless of what the recipe says. I’d just watch the cook times as they may not be the same. You could do a treasure chest theme and put fake jewels on it. Once I did a pirate ship cake and put Gushers (the gummy candy) that were shaped like jewels on it. OR if your boys have a toy boat, put it on there and call it done.
I like Sandy’s idea to have a blue frosting cake. That sounds like it would be challenging enough for me, and clever enough to impress guests. I say go with it!
Sandy, you are a genius.
As for socks: We also have the sock dilema. Mostly, I find them near the couch and under the kitchen table. What baffles me more, however, is the number of Batman, Spiderman, and Wall-E underwear pairs I find perched in various locations around the house. I’m certainly not the one who puts them there, and I’d really like to know:
1) Who in my home has chosen to redecorate with little boy briefs,
2.) Why they feel cartoon characters fit the overall theme of my living room, and
3.) What they’re now sporting under their jeans since they’ve obviously decided the suggested item wasn’t suffieient.
Oh, please don’t tell me you’re going camping in April.
I have multiple creative bones, but I am an utter disappointment when it comes to making birthday cakes that look like anything but… birthday cakes. So I am of no help. However, I do approve your dad’s choice of cake–my favorite.
And I do know this: You can bake a 2-round-pan recipe in a 9×13 pan with no ill effects. So go buy yourself a model of the Titanic, make a 9×13 ocean with blue frosting, and slap that ship on there. Perhaps even break it in half first, just to appeal to your dad’s love of the disastrous. But please don’t make replicas of people floating about. It might be too much for the children.
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh CAKE!!!!!!!!!! YUMMY!!!!!!!!!
I found this when I decided to make a special cake for my son… (No, not the princess castle silly…) But it does work… Now all you have to do is find a picture of the Titanic and voilà!!!!!!!!!!!! People will think you went out and had it made!!!!!! Soooooooooo, if the cake doesn’t taste that great, you can say it’s store bought. If it’s the yummiest cake ever, then you can say YOU made it!!!!!! http://www.pieceofcakedecorating.com/2009/06/these-are-just-few-examples-of-what-you.html
Another thing I learned is that “gel” food coloring is the best, I had red on my cake and it wasn’t pink, I even made BLACK frosting…
I make a mean carrot cake that is supposed to be cooked in two round pans, sometimes I use the round pans and sometimes I use the rectangle one, baking time is not the same, so you have to watch it, but it’s just as yummy!!!!!!!!!
Have fun, and I want to see pictures of the cake!!!!!!! Oh and camping? In April???? I feel for ya Taylor, I really really do!
Oh! And just to let you know, my son is 17 and STILL leaves socks EVERYWHERE around the house, sometimes even on the kitchen table… Ewwwwwwwwwe!!!!!!!!
Get a toy boat and cut it in half. I am sure the Lumberjack can do that for you….put the back half sticking up out of the water (blue forsting)…use the reddish color rings from some cereal (fruit loops) as flotation devices.
You do not want my baking help. But I wish you the best of luck, my friend!
I was thinking the cake could be the iceberg. Cream Cheese frosting is white. Get a plastic boat, shove it half-way in, call it good!
I, too, have socks all around the house. I am unsure where they come from or why they are there. I am thinking they may be path markers kinda like bread crumbs so my children can find their way back to the kitchen from the bedroom. Cause you never know when you are going to get lost.
Frosting coloring: Use Wilton’s. It’s in the cake decorating section at Wal-Mart. It will make your frosting any color you want. Even Elmo red.
Cake: But a cheap plastic bathtub type toy boat. Have LJ cut it in half. Put one half (cut side down) on top of a blue cake. Throw the other half away when the kids aren’t looking.
I was going to go along with what others said. Make a regular cake, frost it blue (I guess you could frost it white–the ocean was pretty cold!) and shove half a plastic boat down into it. But I do think you should stick little people all around in the water because if your dad is a true fanatic then he’s big on authenticity. Although, since I don’t think there were any carrots floating in the Atlantic, I’m not sure carrot cake is the proper choice.
Yeah, I got nothing. Just wanted you to know I’m here to support you. Good luck on the whole cake thing!
oh goodness…
there have been many nights, lately, that have resulted in my “leaving” when Jon comes home.
I run.
and…I HATE to run….
but that is just how desperate I have been
I loved learning all I totally needed to know. I hope your dad has a wonderful birthday!
I like the plastic boat idea.
I was going to suggest find a photo of titanic on interweb……print out and put on top of cake……..tada……..
My advice?
Get the he@* out of the kitchen (pardon my asterisk’d out French) and call in a professional.
Save the pinkie nail sized bit of sanity you have left.
I know nothing about baking fancy cakes, but I agree- husbands should NEVER arrive home late. It’s just wrong.
Well, if you are determined to make the cakes in round pans, cut them in half, and stick them all together with frosting, side to side….for a nice, thick “boat” shape. I made a pirate ship like that once…stuck pretzel sticks around the side for railings, etc. Kind of like this one: http://familyfun.go.com/recipes/pirate-ship-cake-686286/ I’m sure you can get creative and turn it into a Titanic…use a toilet paper tube for the foghorn or something. 🙂
I say hit the tube cookies and go the candy route. Grandpa’s love anything their grandchildren make and kids love to decorate.
I have no idea how you’ve hung on this long to not going stark raving mad with four kids, a puppy and rabbits in Ruralville. There’s only so much one woman can do/take/tolerate. Unless you start medicating yourself. Driving two hours to school would at least get you among the adult population.
My darling husband makes it home prior to the kids’ bedtime about once each work week.
I totally agree that it should be illegal.