For Christmas, we were given a “family night.” It included 6 movie tickets and a gift card to Red Robin, and since it is too expensive to take all the kids to a movie, we decided to save this for a special treat. We finally used it this weekend and David and I were quickly reminded of why we don’t ever, EVER, take our children to sit-down restaurants EVER.
In fairness, we had already had a super long day. Our first mistake was no naps. Our second mistake was David taking the kids to the beach and wearing them out while I cleaned the rental house. Our third mistake was thinking 4 tired children could sit and eat like decent human beings.
Handsome Dude, in the spirit of Handsome Dude, completely flipped out because he ripped his coloring page.
I mean, who wouldn’t?
This dreadful happenstance rocked his world and he was unable to cope any longer. So he laid down on the booth with his cute little bum in the air and wailed:
“I hate dis place! I am eating NUFFING here. NUFFING!”
*cry, wail, sob*
Boy. He sure showed us.
Little Dude was in rare form that day.
Kind of like . . . every other day.
He spoke constantly in the “creepy bunny voice” I’ve told you about.
Do you remember it, dear readers? Do you?
I really do need to get this recorded for you so you can truly appreciate the severe creepiness of it. But, anyways, it is this fakey, high-pitched voice that he uses to talk to his stuffed bunnies and puppies.
Sometimes he wakes us up with it, to further intensify the creepiness. We will be sound asleep and then we hear him from the living room.
He sets up about 15 of his stuffed friends on the couch. Then he loudly talks to them:
“Hi, Everybody! Who wants breakfast?!”
He truly is the strangest kid we have ever met.
So, Little Dude was in non-stop Creepy Creeperton mode. At one point, I tried to do that thing all moms do and lick my hand and wipe the ketchup off his face.
Don’t gasp, readers. You do it, too.
And my boy decided to do it right back to me. It was horrible. He just kept licking his grimely little hand and smearing it all over my face, all while creepily saying:
“All clean, Mom! All clean!”
And his tongue was yellow.
WHY WAS HIS TONGUE YELLOW?
I shudder at the thought.
So. To further punish ourselves, we take them to see Cars 2. If you are a Cars 2 fan, then I apologize, but boy that movie was not-so-good.
Longest 2 hours of my life. And, this will shock you, but my husband fell asleep. This is odd for him.
So I was down a helper.
And an entire large diet soda spilled.
And we had 14 bathroom runs.
And Daisy Mae did flips on the bars. Because she is seven and well-behaved.
And we aren’t taking them to the movies again until they are in college.
And thus ends my recap of Family Date Night.
***
We were given a cat this weekend! He is a boy and apparently he will slaughter all mice on our lands, so he is already my favorite cat in the whole, wide world.
He already had a name, but my kids renamed him.
The girls were on the phone with Bimlissa’s daughter, and they asked her what they should name their cat.
Her response?
Steam Boat Willie.
*giggle, giggle, chuckle, chuckle*
You know? As in Steam Boat Willie . . .
Therefore, and henceforth, the cat formally known as the ferocious and manly “Cougar” has been demoted to the not so intimidating name of “Steam Boat Willie.”
And he already ran away. Do we blame him?
No. No we do not.
He must have gotten tipped off by the rabbits.
“Beware! Beware of the boy with the creepy, bunny voice!”
But we do hope he comes back. He has mice to pulverize.
***
The girls told us yesterday that we were the meanest parents in the world because we would not let them have a lemonade stand.
A) We didn’t have lemonade
B) We don’t live near, like, passersby.
Nevertheless! The girls felt they should be able to sit out and have a meet and greet with the neighbors.
So, they decided they would just sit out there and give away ice water.
To the nonexistent passersby.
Sadly, we had to put an end to that brilliance because my girls were taking bottled waters, opening them up and dumping them into a pitcher.
?
Because that makes sense.
So, then they marched around talking amongst themselves in voices loud enough so we would hear saying:
“Mom and Dad are so MEAN!”
“They never let us do anything fun!”
Um, hello? Beach? Red Robin? Cars 2? Steam Boat Willie? 896 Billion Rabbits?
But, I digress.
“Maybe we should just GO TO BED!”
Oh, darn. That would be sad.
So, I took the kids on a walk up the road. They wanted to ride their bikes, but I have a rule that if they are leaving our driveway, they must wear a helmet. I know, it doesn’t make sense and they should always wear a helmet.
But that is not the point.
We have about 25 helmets that can never be found. It is quite perplexing. Anyways, I told the kids to forget about the bikes and I started up the road with three of the kids.
Handsome Dude, who was being difficult, really wanted to ride his bike, but could not find his helmet. I told him to just walk with me.
This did not please him.
But I leave anyways.
So, as I am walking I hear him wailing and wailing all the way from the garage.
But what else is new?
Then the wailing gets louder and I turn and see this:
Ha! Somebody gave us this huge motorcyle helmet or whatever it is and he found it. But he couldn’t see a thing, so he is screaming and riding all crazy-like up the road.
It was humorous.
And he was trying to eat a popsicle, too.
And, he got it all over his glasses.
Shocking.
So he handed me his glasses . . .
and was pleased with his awesomeness.
I hope you all had a lovely weekend!
Did you do anything fun?
Did you get a cat named Steam Boat Willie?
Did you take your kids to the movies?
Does your son talk in a creepy, bunny voice?
Please share, if you feel so inclined.
Happy Monday!
Oh that last bit is priceless! I think I know what the problem is. You put the word family in date nite. Maximum number of attendees permitted on a date night=2 and they must be over 18. Make them show id next time.
Oh…my…goodness…sounds like the WORST WEEKEND EVER!!! I am speechless.
I had a terrific date night..with my husband. (it’s been at least 6-8 months since the last one). So sorry you had a tough week end, but just think, that means the next one will be better….uh…. I hope!! 🙂
Here’s hoping it will be and a great week, too!
1. we went to red robin last night to celebrate my husband getting a new job. red robin is a rare treat for us. we did not take the kids. we have done that before at red robin. it was torture. i think there is something about red robin that makes them extra crazy. and i think the loud, high pitched 90’s music just makes them want to scream/squeal. and act insane.
2. i will ship you our cats. seriously.
3. you said you were going on a walk (you did not mention bicycles), so i was QUITE confused as to why the kids needed helmets on a walk. luckily, the pictures cleared it all up.
I’m feeling all sorry for you and then I burst out laughing at Handsome Dude on the bike with his helmet! Sorry for you pain Taylor, but it makes a good post. 🙂 Holla!
I too wondered why your kids needed helmets to walk but I was totally not going to judge you. Much.
My son and HD are brothas from anotha motha. He is 14 and we still don’t go out to eat very often because I end up angry at him.
Sorry, I just reread that part and it totes didn’t make sense. I just edited it. 🙂
Jordyn will be so excited you went with her suggestion!!
I got nothing! Had a pretty tame weekend…but I had to stop and say I L O V E Your blog…made me laugh today – out loud too!
We too have had outings where we had naughty kids and would look at each other and admit we only had ourselves to blame for our bad timing and not requiring naps. Ugh…so not fun! I’m glad it was a gift and not your money wasted. Next time, you two go multiple times instead of the whole team! Secret, I hope your kids never grow up, so they can keep us all entertained!
Well, I gotta say, I read all these comments about people feeling sorry for you but I thought the whole dang thing was hilarious! Maybe it’s because I can never go out to eat again until my kids are old enough to not throw their food and yell loudly the entire meal. Sigh. Anyways. My point was to tell you that I laughed the entire post and am so thankful other people out there have the same experiences. Crazy kids.
my kids would have named it Catty. So enjoy the creativity. 🙂
And you are also a delight, my pretend friend.
Sorry you had a bad weekend. But really, you gotta admit…someday, way down the road you will be able to trot out these stories to the kids’ boyfriends and/or girlfriends when they come over to meet you and David. It’ll be great!
Oh dear, well you have my sympathies for sure…Handsome Dude and my lil Princess Sara sound like soul mates….My sweetie was so delightful this weekend that sadly the baby goat was returned to his bottle mommy…Only until he is big enough that he can live outside and does not need me because I can not deal with a Child and a Kid at the same time…I do not know how you do 4 AND homeschool.
Anyway having some fun over at my blog if you would like to stop by and enter my give away….I have a feeling as the mommy of 4 you probably could find a use for a new apron lol.
Blessings and lots of Prayers
Kelsie
My son also talks in a creepy bunny voice. He started it when he was around 2 1/2 and still does it at 5. Only he doesn’t talk like that to his stuffed animals, that is the voice he has given his stuffed animals, and oh boy do I get in trouble when the creepy voice asks me a question and I answer him, not the stuffed animal. (Can we all just ignore the fact that he is 5 and still doing this, I don’t think it is normal)
Thank you for sharing your weekend! I sympathize! Let me tell you, we *hardly EVER* go to Red Robin, because it NEVER goes well! I think it’s too loud there. We enjoy Mackenzie River Pizza Company so much better. At least we can sit outside in the shade and know that it’s OK to be a little louder. You know, cause we’re outside… LOL
Oh gosh. I laughed through this entire post. I obviously do not have children. Haha. I think HD is a real gem though and I know you will LOVE this record of time in five years. 🙂
Why is it that Family Date Night always sounds good in my head and then we go to actually carry it out and it’s not so pleasant? I dunno. We also took the kiddos to a movie on Sunday afternoon. We saw Smurfs and it was better than I thought it might be.
I’ve said it before but you are a mommy rockstar! I would have lost my mind with all of that insanity (and while I don’t have any kids of my own, I have lost it in similar situations with my friend’s kids). It made me laugh like nobody’s business, but you are a crazy brave woman!
I’ve read this twice today, just to laugh at you…I mean, with you.
I’m sorry that that your family night didn’t go as planned. But you and your Lumberjack should have known better – taking the kids for a full funpacked day like that is never a good idea for a good night out:) :0) I guess those fun filled activities do make for a mean parents too.
Hi…I have read your blog forever but have never commented until now…this post was just over the top! I can just see each thing happening as you say it.
Thanks for my morning chuckle.
Yep, this post totally made my night. My husband kept looking at me weird across the room because I was just sitting here laughing out loud. It all sounds fairly horrible and I’m sorry it happened to you, but thank you so much for sharing. I’m sure you’ll be able to look back one day and laugh too 🙂
Not-so-good Date Nights with kids will make staying home that much more acceptable.