My husband’s birthday is later on this month and I asked him last week what he would like.
Brace yourselves.
Coveralls.
For to cover all.
Fantastic. And hang on to that thought. It shall be important in a bit.
Our Excursion has broken down, so I am stuck with the good ol’ truck this week. I have issues with the truck. It is so high maintenance, what with its CB radio, clutch, winch, and four wheel drive features.
Question. Does anyone else ever forget what gear they are in and have a panic attack whilst careening down the highway because they don’t know which direction to put the big stick thingie?
Because if you were in 4th and you put in in 3rd, the truck is going to be livid and make all sorts of noises and bucking motions. But if you were in 3rd and put it in 5th, you would lose all sorts of power and manliness.
Not that I ever have issues with the transmission.
See what I mean? Trucks are high maintenance.
So, I am driving from Ruralville (I still hate that name) to the city and smoke is coming out of the hood. This is never a good sign. Luckily, I was in downtown Ruralville at the time, so I had the local liquor store/car repair shop available.
Why, yes! My town has a liquor store/car repair shop! Doesn’t yours?
Anyone who’s anyone knows liquor and car repairs go hand in hand. One stop shopping.
I had called David and he told me to just ask them to help me put coolant in it. So, I walk into the doors and there is a table with several men sitting, smoking, and playing poker.
Men: Hello, there!
Me: Hi. Is this your shop?
Men: Nope.
Me: Do you know where the owner is?
Men: Nope.
So, they were helpful. And I swear that half of them were wearing coveralls.
And that is what we shall mourn on this day. Because on this day, I saw my future.
And it looks oily.
So, I found the owner. He was really not too concerned about me, the damsel in distress with the four children and the smoking hood, that I was. And he tried to help me for about 8 seconds and then wandered off muttering. So I called David and he, being my knight in shining Carhartts, came to my rescue.
Now, David is the man. We already knew this. But in about 10 minutes, he had located the nearest Napa Auto Parts store and secured the parts needed to correct the problem. Which apparently was more than just absent coolant. But do you think I know what the problem was? No, I do not. Because I do not speak “truck.” Nor do I care to.
But here’s the wretched part.
He had to tow me.
You may ask: “Taylor! Why not just call a tow truck?”
And I would laugh at your foolishness and reply: “Have you MET my husband?”
David and his truck are fully equipped for all emergencies. If you were to walk out to his truck right now, here are some items you would find:
Wrenches
Ratchets
Chainsaw Ear Plugs
Work Gloves
Bullet shells
Tie-Downs
A Gun Rack, sans guns
Sunglasses
Gum
Baby Wipes
Waylon Jennings CD
Fuses
Coupons
And a plethora of peanut M&Ms
So, David takes one of the tie downs and hooks the truck up to his work vehicle.
People! Have you ever had the priviledge of driving a vehicle that is being towed?
It is deplorable.
The tow rope thingie was about 10-15 feet long. This is not long. No. Not when you are driving a truck with no power steering or brakes and your husband is towing you 12 miles going 45 miles per hour.
Is he INSANE?
Yes. Yes, he is.
I survived and no one perished in a fiery car wreck. David was able to fix whatever was wrong with things and then he and his peanut M&Ms drove off into the sunset.
The children and I still needed to head into the big city to go to Costco and the grocery store.
Good times.
At the very end of the day, around 7pm, we are checking out at the grocery store. We’ve had no dinner or naps and we are tired and sweaty.
Because, oh! Did I tell you? The air conditioning is broken in the truck.
Are we surprised?
No, we are not.
Anyways. As I am trying to peel Handsome Dude off of the floor of the checkout line and tear out my coupons, because who has time to come to the store prepared?, the lady next to me interrupts me.
Lady: Miss! Do your children work as models?
Me: Oh! No . . .
Lady: Oh! Because they all have such unique faces. So different . . .
Me: Oh! Well, thanks . . .
Lady: Look at your face! I have never seen anything like it! Such different features . . . hmmm . . . weird . . .
Me: Oh! Well . . .Ok
Man in front of me: Miss! Grapes! GRAPES!
And I turn to see the dudes “helping” put the grapes on the line.
But really they are just dumping them out everywhere.
But holla to Mr. Grapes who saved me from creepy lady who thinks I have a weird face and should get paid for it!
Alright. I am tired. And I don’t know if this post made sense.
But I shan’t worry about that now.
For I need to go to sleep.
Because tomorrow . . . tomorrow me and my “unique” face are doing it all over again.
Oh, yes.
Eye doctor.
Big City.
High-Maintenace Truck.
Four children.
No air conditioning.
Bring it.
Oh. My. Word.
Your adventures are quite exciting, are they not? Thank your lucky stars that you do not have a mundane life.
Nope. I’m sure you would have no idea how to handle yourself if everything went off without a hitch.
😉
do you want to know what is scarey? your ramblings make perfect sense to me…
in your list of items in your coverall wearing husbands truck…i got so hung up on the baby wipes that when i came to coupons, i didn’t read coupons…after that, the baby wipes didn’t seem so out of place =o)
when you say that you hate the term “ruralville”, are you asking your readers for suggestions? i am partial to le boonies myself…
Being towed sans power steering with a 15 foot rope is one part frightening and another part exhilarating.
I think Meagan is offering to drive next time…
I have this same kind of husband. Coveralls, towing, parts smarts, and always a plethora of snacks…Litttle Debbies in his truck. Weird face? She musta been on something! Good lands.
Well I know if I were driving a truck that my hubs was towing with a 10 foot rope there would most definitely be yelling involved. Yikes! I do like Waylon though. And peanut m & m’s. Here’s hoping for a better day today.
It’s truly a wonder that you are not an alcoholic.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!
I’m sorry your future looks oily.
AT least you were privvy to your future! (is that how you spell privvy?)
You could look at it as a blessing!
Hmmmmm, I’ve seen your face. It’s a good face. Maybe I’m missing something. Can you please post a big ol face pic tomorrow because I’m too lazy to go back through your blog and locate a face shot and blow it up to see what’s weird. Maybe we, your blog friends, can then help to decipher the weirdness.
Hey, I had a pair of those ADORABLE coveralls in high school, I had to wear them in welding class. They are amazing. You dress cool for school, have to go into the yucky shop, cover all with the coveralls, after shop class take them off and you aren’t dirty, or yucky, just slightly sweaty.
You really should buy a pair for all your town/bunny/firewood/breakdown excursions. After a trauma you could peel off the outer layer and look like a model underneath. Cuz, apparently you are a model…
There are times (well, two) when I have had to wear my husband’s coveralls. He of the many pairs. And he always has to take pictures.
Again you have inspired me to post about being towed by my own husband. Always terrifying.
pppsshh that lady musta been smokin’ crack, you’re gorgeous!! don’t let anybody tell ya different!! and so are your children!! crazy people, i tell ya….
i had to laugh at your hubs list of stuff in his truck, it’s a carbon copy of my hubby’s!! they’re prepared for anything!! 🙂
have a splendid wedneday darlin’! <3
Okay, I’ll admit it. I feel slighted that I wasn’t mentioned in your post, but it’s alright. Really. It’s no biggie that we were supposed to meet at the park and I got jipped of Taylor-time, and it’s no biggie that my kids whined and wailed to play with your kids and they were heartbroken….sigh…poor me. 😉 At least you made it to the big city and back and your children are beautiful enough to be mistaken as models! And a weird face, really? I mean, really weird lady from the grocery store?? Who says that? Don’t listen to her…she was just jealous of your super skinniness and lovely face. 🙂
I can see how coveralls will be the answer to everything. If you were wearing coveralls when you went into the liquor store/car repair shop, they would have paid attention to you. If you were wearing coveralls at the store, the woman would never have noticed your unique face; she would have been commenting on your unique clothing. And coveralls aren’t a bad thing if you’re wearing uber-cute earrings! : )
P.S. Your husband’s truck sounds like my husband’s truck. And my husband wouldn’t have called a tow truck either!
For the record I grew up in a town with an auto parts/liquor store. They always contributed to the “Don’t Drink and Drive” party at school!
I keep apologizing for laughing but what’s a gal to do? 🙂 🙂
Don’t worry how you sounded in your post. You were honest, tired, and frustrated!! I don’t blame you one bit. I hope you have a better week and weekend.
Doesn’t every town in Timbuktu have a liquor/auto parts store? Or at least a Grain Elevator/Coffee Shop?
(I can’t remember if I responded with the terms my friends and I used for Ruralville but we always used to say that remote locations were “all the way over in Timbuktu.” I think that Taylor from Timbuktu has a nice exotic ring to it : )
So, SO funny!! Good to be able to laugh at life!
I’m jealous. You got called Miss! Twice! Instead of Ma’am. That’s a huge win in my books.
at least rude lady wasn’t trying to convince you that little dude is has a different father than the rest of the crew… look for the positive, right?
My grandpa always wore coveralls all the time! They always make me think of him. In fact, my fondest (okay that might be overstating) wish is to wear nothing but coveralls all the time when I grow up! Just think of how easy getting dressed in the morning would be!
I just found your blog, it’s a hoot! My husband (who really is a lumberjack) also has a birthday coming up soon. He asked for Dickie’s work pants. Too hot for coveralls here now, but we’ve got several pairs hanging around the house. I love them because it keeps all the mess off his clothes and my washing machine remains fairly clean. There’s nothing more annoying than having to wash out the inside of the machine after doing a load of his laundry.
I love you and I love your blog!
Boonies? Boondocks?
Your hubby saves you lots of money knowing how to fix and tow and al that coverall needing stuff!
Your face is smoking hot, so ignore weird lady. She was trying to compliment you, but is terrible!
You make my day!
So those old Ruralville Dudes lead such a busy and exciting life that they can’t spare a couple minutes to help out a mom with four children? Incredible. I don’t think I like them. I can’t even believe you drive a four wheel drive. I would definitely cry.