I couldn’t sleep last night. I have this knee problem, you see, and when there is any sort of change in weather, my whole leg aches something fierce, because I am a senior citizen. So, I came out to the living room to kill time and millions of coyotes starting howling.
Millions.
Now THAT’S creepy. Where are all those coyotes during the day? Are they watching me? Hunting me? Let us hope that they are sleeping. I am too lazy to investigate the life habits of coyotes right now.
Pop Quiz, Hot Shots: Do you say coyotes like this: Ki-Oh-Tees or Ki-Otes? Because I say it the first and most distinguished way and my husband says it the latter, more inferior way. And I like to believe that I am right.
I was about to wake up my husband, aka my protector. But he was in his nightly coma and would have acted all insane. I already had the bum knee and the coyotes hunting me issues going on. I did not also need an insane husband.
So, I took a Tylenol PM. This is always a mistake. And this morning I am still trying to come out of the Tylenol PM fog. It’s a two cup of coffee morning. Just like every other morning.
But none of that is what I am going to talk about today. I must talk to you about my friend, Rita.
That’s me and Rita gettin’ all handsome on each other in the middle. I’m on the left, she’s on the right. The gal on the far left having trouble with her eyes is Shelly. The gal on the far right is Rachel.
I love Shelly and Rachel from the depths of my innermost being. But they are not important for this post, so just focus on Rita.
Sure. A classier blogger would have cropped out the people not needed in the picture. Not me.
You assume I know how to do such things.
This picture was taken on a trip we went on. We all work in children’s ministry with scads of other wonderful people and we would go on these trips to conferences so we could become even more wonderful. As if that were possible.
Kidding!
Kind of.
So. We are all at the same hotel and, unbeknownst to us, there is a prankster in our midst. Said prankster acquires admittance to a room with three of our fellow conference goers. She take an alarm clock and turns it on to the most obnoxious radio station and blasts the volume. She sets it to go off at, like, 4am, and hides it under one of the beds.
Is this not cruel?
So. I wasn’t there, of course, but the alarm goes off at 4am, and the guys in that room were scrambling and hollering and trying to figure out where the noise was coming from. When they discovered that they had been punked, one of them threw his fists in the air and shouted:
“Rrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiittttttttaaaaaaaaaa!”
As in “Rita.” Keep up.
I found this to be hilarious because:
A) It did not happen to me.
B) Who comes up with this stuff? So mean, yet so funny.
C) Rita?! Rita was like the quietest and most sweetest gal in our group! Why did they blame her?
It was not Rita. But I shall forever call her
RRRRRIIIIIITTTTTTAAAAAA
and shake my fists in the air when I see her.
This has been going on for, like, three years. I am sure she still finds it cute and charming and loves me for it.
Would you like to know who hid the alarm clock under the bed?
This fine lady:
Who’d a thunk it?
She’s a feisty one, I tell ya.
I am pretty sure the guys in that room still think it was RRRRIIIITTTAAAA!
You may ask, “Taylor! Why are you talking about this Rita?!”
Well. I get to go on a date with this Rita today. We are clearly brilliant and are taking our 8 children to an amusement park so they can be all amused while we visit.
8 children!
What were we NOT thinking?
But first, and this may come as a shock, I must stop at the glasses repair place. I know, I know. Surprising.
In fairness to Handsome Dude, it is not he who is breaking his glasses these days.
It’s this guy:
Do not be fooled by his boyish good looks and uber cool footy pajamas.
He’s vicious and when he is mad at his brother, he rips the glasses from his head.
My boys. So well-behaved.
Anyways.
I just didn’t want you to all think it was Handsome Dude who was always breaking his glasses. I mean, it USED to be Handsome Dude. But for the past month or two, it has been Little Dude.
And, yes. He gets disciplined for this. But Little Dude likes to get in trouble for something for 9-12 months before finally clueing into the fact that he isn’t going to get away with it.
My boys. So intelligent.
Alright! I’m off to get all handsome so I can get all handsome on my trip to see . . .
wait for it . . . .
wait for it . . . .
RRRRIIIITTTAAA!
(Only the astute reader could keep up with that last sentence)
Later, dudes.
Getting out of the house on a tuesday?
Have . . . fun?
hahaha
I can’t think of a better response. 🙂 Actually, I think you could have a lot of fun, you will just be exhausted at the end of the day (or long before the end of the day). But just think of the blogging you will get out of this adventure!
Taylor! You must not reveal the secret prankster! But more importantly…That picture! Yikes!
You are certainly correct in your superior pronunciation. Clearly you have been getting all handsome regarding English.
Tylenol PM is my bestest friend.
The end.
remember “Wylie Coyote” from Bugs Bunny cartoons of yore?
It is a rhyming name. Thus, your intelligent interpretation is correct.
Perhaps chalk up the LJ/LJW differences in the crick/creek category?
When we are talking about them on the farm, they are Ki-Yotes.
When I’m reading about them out loud to my daughter, they are Ki-Yo-Tees. Something about seeing the word and talking in a rural setting about them sets them apart.
This is much to the dismay of Farmer Dave, AKA Dad, who has never taught me to say Ki-Yo-Tees.
Ah fun times, we have always called them Ki-yotes about these parts, except of course when we were referring to Wylie Coyote. And dare I confess that we used that trick once in the boys dorm only we used several alarm clock and each was set 1/2 hour later than the other, by the time they found the first one and shut it off and got settled back down another one would go off, we figured it made up for the manure they spread on our front door step.
the trick used to skin a peach can also help the knee pain. It’s called messin with the pain’s head. Chill it – then heat it. After a few times the nerves don’t know what to feel and they get all cornfused and then you feel moderately better. Yes, it’s kai oh tay but rednecks and other okies traditionally didn’t speaketh the spanish e at the end. It all comes out in the warsh.
Coyote should be pronounced in the distinguished way. Duh. 🙂
Maybe those coyotes know you have rabbits? Yikes.
I just got all handsome on a gluten free bagel.
Word up, RRRIIIIITTTTTAAAA!
my computer was broken over the summer and i became a slacker in reading some of my favorite blogs. yours was one of them. now i am back and i think i will be laughing more every day as a result.