Earlier this week, David and I both went to the dentist, because we are faithful stewards of our teeth.
David has a cavity. What else is new? I have no cavities, because I am obviously a better person, but I am going to eventually lose all my teeth.
Allow me to explain. My gums are receding. Did you know gums could recede? I didn’t. The dentist said I have far too much “gum recession” for how YOUNG I am. I am a spring chicken! Who knew?! Anyways, my gums are leaving and my teeth might start falling out. Which would be attractive and super cool for a homeschooling mom who dwells in the middle of nowhere.
So. I have to have some sort of procedure. But that is not at all why I wanted to tell you about the dentist. Nope. I have a far more intriguing story to tell.
Have I piqued your interest?
David had the kids while I had my appointment. When I was finished, I took the kids and went home, and he stayed for his appointment and came home later.
Yes. Whenever we are in town, we are in separate vehicles. It’s how we roll.
So David and his CAVITY come home.
David: Oh. The hygeniest lady wanted me to give you this special floss.
Me: I got floss in my bag.
David: She said she forgot to give you the special kind for your retainer.
Me: I don’t have a retainer.
David: Well, whatever.
Me: Did you tell her I didn’t have a retainer?
David: No. How would I know?
Eleven years of marriage, folks. Eleven years. And he cannot be certain as to whether or not I wear a retainer.
I’m not feeling the love, Lumberjack. Not feeling the love.
No. I do not wear a retainer. But, sure enough, they sent home special floss for peoples with retainers. Peoples, who are apparently, just like me.
This dentist is also the one who thinks Handsome Dude is a girl and sent him home with a princess toothbrush. Plus, they think my name is pronounced Tyler. Because Taylor is always pronounced that way.
Flies!
Yes. I am still combating flies over here. I have no fly swatter, nor do I have Windex. These flies will never die. They are my lot in life, my burden to bear.
Let’s move on.
The bear. David informed me last Saturday night that we have a bear. Now, we had just come from town with two boxes of peaches to can, because our Saturday nights could NOT get anymore exciting. But, anyways, we are getting ready to can and he tells me about the bear.
Me: This is not good!
David: Taylor . . .
Me: NO! I don’t want my babies to get bear-attacked!
David: Want me to take care of it? Because I can take care of it. I’ll go right now.
Me: Yes! Take care of it!
David: Alright! I will!
And then I realized he totally tricked me into letting him go hunting on Husband/Wife Peach Canning Night.
So, he walked out to his tree stand in the backyard and sat there checking Craigslist, checking emails, and checking for bears. I told him that he and his phone were ruining the sanctity of hunting.
He didn’t kill the bear. But he did keep in touch with me via texting while I was in the house CANNING jam. So that was thoughtful.
Anyways. The other night, there was a loud racket and it woke me up. I was sure it was that bear, coming to break down the door and steal my babies, because that’s what bears do. I immediately woke my husband up.
My husband is insane in the middle of the night. This we know to be truth. However, he is the only one fully equipped to handle the common “middle-of-the-night-bear-attack.”
He gets up and scans the perimeter. He comes back to bed and said, and I quote:
“Whatever creature it is, it is living inside the walls, so we are fine.”
And off to sleep he went, leaving me to wonder why he felt that creatures scurrying in our walls was acceptable to him-my husband of eleven years who ditches me on peach canning night and thinks I wear a RETAINER.
Aaaaaaannnnnnddddddd . . . I love him. It’s true. I do.
I am happy to report that all the canning is completed and here is our canning inventory:
(Please try and pretend that you care. I don’t ask much of you. Thank you)
Peaches- 53 quarts
Applesauce- 79 quarts
Jam-22 pints
Look at me and my country self-with-my-bear-infested-lands, unknown-creature-infested -walls, and retainer-like mouth!
Happy Thursday
I am a wee envious of your mad canning skillz (I prefer skillz to skills, fyi.), though not wee envious of your fly/bear problem.
😉
and flies, don’t forget the flies!
Taylor went all handsome on some fruit!
or maybe Taylor did totes good canning!
Something like that.
(also: Boo, David. Boo)
HOLY CANNING PARTY!
That seriously amazes me. I’m not just saying that. Wowza.
Holy Cow! 53 quarts from two boxes of peaches? They must have bigger boxes in Ruralville. Or perhaps bigger peaches.
Ok. Given that your dentist is so carefully attuned to the needs and realities of your family, you might want to get a second opinion. And some super-flouride mouthwash. And read up on what you can do to make you gums grow back that do not involve a “procedure” administered by a so called professional that cannot determine gender nor, apparently, read a common name in the English language.
bossy big sister, signing out.
I canned two boxes in August, so we have four boxes worth. 🙂
I’m not a big fan of creatures in the wall. Is Cougar still around? If so, maybe stick him in the wall for a few? I’m coming to ruralville to eat jam and peaches should there ever be a food shortage. I’m not going to eat applesauce though because of the picture with the moth in the jar. Ew.
that’s a wee lotta cannin’ there taylor!! you rock!! 😉
You are gettin’ all handsome over that canning! Holla!! 🙂 🙂
p.s. men are weird, but we love them.
You are hilarious! Just love reading about your mishaps. I can so relate…I feel like I’m reading about my life in your blog!!! Happy Friday
You are absolutely a high-spot in my day!
You may have to put up with a bear and you may have to put up with peach walls but you should NOT have to put up with both.
I don’t give a fig about applesauce but I’m mighty proud that you canned 53 qts of peaches. Holla! In one night? Wow!
You’re hilarious. Canning sounds like fun! Do you do that often? Dying to know what’s in the wall. Have you ever watched Billy the Extermintator? He can help you.;0)
Man, now I want to try canning. Also to avoid all bears.
But I actually have felt that way since before reading this post.
Did they tell you that the reason your gums might be receding is that you are brushing too hard? This is my problem, I brush too vigorously. So now I use a softer toothbrush and try to remember to be gentle.
I’m not good at math so I’ll just assume based on everyone’s comments that you have canned a lot of peaches. Well done my country friend.
Now Tyler, just because you have gone to the dentist for 2 years in a row does not negate the almost decade-long span you went without going. Therefore, you may not claim to be a faithful steward of your teeth.
And your teeth apparently agree with me, since they are totes trying to get out of your mouth.
But let’s try to be positive– maybe you don’t have gum problems at all. Maybe it’s the lady who wears a retainer who has the gum problem, and they’ve just confused you with her.
I think maybe you need a new dentist, if they can’t say your name right, or tell the sex of children, especially when they should have the added help of a medical chart right in front of them. Perhaps TYLER is the one with receding gums, and you, TAYLOR, are just fine!!!!
I would go shoe shopping RIGHT NOW. And, when your husband protested, I would simply hand him this blog post. Indeed I would. Revenge shoe shopping is the sweetest sort. Not that I would ever do anything like that.
You always make me laugh! I really should make reading your blog a priority. Like right after daily Bible reading! I could end quiet time with a hoot and holler! 🙂
Oh a David by any other name would still be a DAVID…that is the kind of thing mine would do too but it would involve something to do with a car…BUT I am not a nice wife so my screeching at him from the back door to come help with the canning would surely keep a bear at bay.
As for the something in the wall…I guess that is much better than a bear at the door lol
As for the dentist, I too think you might wanna see if Ruralville has another one that is not gender confused and you are sure has your chart and not this person Tyler’s.
Thank you for my Friday night chuckle.
Kelsie
I’m sorry that your teeth are going to fall out of your head.
That’s probably what kept you awake, not critters or bears!
At least that’s what would keep ME awake!
You must have a soft brush, brush with proper technique, and they will come back. Make sure you have enough Vit C and massage your gums downward on uppers, upward on the bottom using your fingers. Circulation to the area heals. More brushing does not. Don’t brush across the teeth, you must preserve the V shape between each tooth. from an RDA…Registered Dental Assistant
This is rather unrelated but I thought you should know that I actually say “wee” meaning “very” and forget that normal people like my husband have no idea what im talking about. It was rather funny when I went to tell my husband when we were in the middle of the store the other day that something he said was “wee funny”. I caught myself before I said it and then starting giggling because I was gonna totally say it like it was normal. lol hahaha that’s all….. 😉
You are such a crack up. How long have you been blogging? I’m a little jealous about the flytrap. I have to just swat them.;0)
Not sure if I posted in the right spot. It’s the post about your friend copying you.
I just had the gum procedure for receding gums. Not the most fun thing in the world, but not as bad as everyone makes it out to be. I’d be happy to let you know more about it whenever the time comes to have it done.