I have been wading deep in the depths of homeschooling despair, and therefore, have had a hard time posting as of late. I have only a bit of time, since the kids are outside on “recess”, so let’s go with a list today.
1) I took Sweet Pea and Little Dude in for eye exams last week. Sweet Pea still needs glasses (she has the same eye problems as Handsome Dude).
Little Dude does NOT need glasses. The Lord has looked down upon me with favor.
2) Little Dude is something else these days. When the doctor came in with her two assistants, he SHOUTED, as per his usual custom:
“Hey, YOU. Hey, LADY. Why you need those TEACHERS with you?”
And when they would try to cover one eye and ask him to read pictures, he would smack their hands away and give them the stink eye and tell them to “STOP COVERING MY EYE, TEACHER!”
Because he is lovely like that. Very well-behaved young man.
3) When poor Sweet Pea was trying to do her exam, he would shout the answers to her.
“Hey, it’s C!”
“No! Is not a D, sister, it’s a P!”
I had to restrain him with my hand over his mouth for most of the visit. Didn’t look dysfunctional at all.
4) A dear friend who must not really read my blog, offered to watch Handsome Dude and Daisy Mae while I took Sweet Pea and Sir Shouting Pants to the eye doctor. Then, the aforementioned friend made us a delish lunch and let us all stay for awhile and visit.
She’s one of those crafty peoples who I am envious of. Her house was like being in Pinterest. I just kept looking around, pinning ideas so that I might steal them.
But I won’t steal them. Because I lack creativity, sewing skills, basic hand/eye coordination, and, loveliness, in general.
When we left, Daisy Mae asked me:
“Mom! Was she the Pioneer Woman?”
5) She is my Pioneer Woman.
6) I am switching to black coffee. FYI.
7) Handsome Dude is constantly saying he wishes we lived at our old house in town. The other day, I asked him if he was starting to like our new country house.
HD: Well. Mom? You know that freeway? That road?
He is referring to the highway we have to take to get back into town. We have to drive on it for about 30 miles or so.
HD: Well, I not like that road. It takes too long to get somewhere.
I thought that was cute. So I shared it with you. You are so very welcome.
8) I strongly believe that cutting out my favorite chocolate raspberry creamer, of which I am shamelessly addicted to, will cause me to lose 10 pounds instantly.
What say you?
9) Handsome Dude told me my dinner was “too sausage” last night.
Whenever Handsome Dude doesn’t like something, he weeps and wails for all the injustice in the world and cries:
“It makes me sausage, you know?”
What a punk. And I made him eat it ALL, just for spite.
10) Even if it was kinda of sausage. You know?
11) Little Dude has called me “Dad” several times today.
12) I feel pretty today. Very feminine.
13) I have gone 7 whole hours without creamer and my pants are not any looser.
14) Fun Idea: We had a game night last night and I let the kids make their own milkshakes using up some Halloween candy.
Because nothing makes candy healthier like smooshing it into ice cream.
Bad Idea: Trying to play Pictionary with the dudes.
Even Worse Idea: Handsome Dude chose Smarties and Jolly Ranchers for his candy milkshake.
15) That makes me sausage, you know?
16) I took all four children to the MALL yesterday, because I like to inflict misery upon myself. A lovely, older lady and her husband came up to me:
Lovely Lady: What lovely children!
Me: Thank you!
Lovely Lady: Oh, wow! The littlest one . . . he doesn’t look like the others, does he?
Me: No. No, he doesn’t.
Lovely Lady’s Husband: Looks like you got three track stars and a linebacker there, Mom!
17) It’s true. Little Dude is kinda buff. For a kid who weighs 35 pounds.
18) I have no idea how much he actually weighs. 35 pounds sounds good.
19) Yes. Little Dude is David’s child. Stop whispering shameless rumors about me.
20) This list is a bit long. My apologies.
21) Speaking of Little Dude’s paternity, here is a funny little story about David’s sense of humor regarding the whole sitch. I have shared it before. But it is necessary for you in the upcoming item #22 of this very list you are now reading.
I work in children’s ministry at our church. There is this guy who works in children’s too, and I have not one clue what his name is.
For the purposes of this post, we will call him Gerald. Simply for the fact that Gerald is a fanstastic name.
Gerald is always hollering (not holla/nor hola) to me from across the lobby.
“There she is!”
“Hey, you!”
“Here comes trouble!”
Am I trouble?
Anyways, I find Gerald’s actions to be odd. But I smile and nod and get the heck away.
Because there’s one thing I know about Gerald:
I don’t know who Gerald is.
Anyways, I never told the Lumberjack about Gerald, nor had Lumberjack ever witnessed Gerald hollering at me.
One night as we were in the parking lot, Gerald walked by The Lumberjack and I.
Gerald: Hey! There she is! WooHoo!
And then he did that weird like thumbs up shaking thing that cool people, other than myself, do at times to express great excitement.
And Gerald continued to head into the building where he would be serving in children’s ministry, bless his heart.
The Lumberjack sighed and looked at me.
“That’s Little Dude’s dad . . .isn’t it?”
ha!
22) When we were walking into church last Friday night, Little Dude was ahead of me with David. When I got into the building, I noticed Little Dude was not with David. I asked David where he was, and David, being the more responsible parent, did not know.
I panicked a bit and searched the bathrooms and alerted a few friends to help me find him.
My friend,Shelly, came down the hall, holding Little Dude, and laughing hysterically.
Shelly: You’ll never guess who found him!
Me: Who?
Shelly: Gerald!
Alright! Recess is over. Children are in my midst. Coffee is in my veins.
Homeschooling.
Let’s do this.
I can now commiserate with you regarding having the paternity of one of your children questioned. The other day I got grilled for a good 15 minutes as to whom my youngest belonged to… the mailman? the milkman? the UPS man?…. and on it went…..
Ah – whenever I think my day is crazy you always make me feel so much saner. Then again, I only have one child who does not have glasses, so I do have the sanity advantage over you. However, she is recently adopted, almost two, and feisty. This is not the ideal combination for calm days. Oh well. And seriously – do not give up the coffee creamer. I tried – I was cranky – I am back on the good stuff.
hahaha…both my kids look just like me….and my husband so nope neither of us get to disown them…sigh, not that we would ever want to. course we used to tease people all the time back when my son was little (we had to stop, people thought it was wee inappropriate) that he was the mail man’s kid. back when before my son died, my husband worked for the post office 😉
One time I had jury duty for 4 days and I accidentally got derailed from homeschooling for 6 weeks.
True Story.
I want to “like” this comment!! 😀
Taylor, in the midst of a pretty darned bad day, #21 made me literally LOL. I needed that, thank you.
Please elaborate on homeschooling despair. I think I might have it too. Wee bad.
Don’t give up cream. Well, maybe give it another couple of hours. If no difference, then have at it!!
My stalker sister (Who also reads your blog) did some tricky work for me and my stalking self and we now are feeling very confident about which state you reside in. Because this is a big deal for us stay-at-home-moms-who-homeschool-and-don’t-get-out-much and very therapeutic for those of us suffering from home-school despair.
This post gets an A+! It made me laugh out loud so many times that my dear husband (the Wood Whisperer, we just made that up) had to come and read over my shoulder. So now If I start a blog I might call it The Wood Whisperer’s Wife. My hubs is absolutely fantastic at refinishing furniture. I am truly blessed. Don’t be stealing my idea commenter peeps! I’ve thought about giving up my hazelnut creamer, but I am a spineless wimp and can’t make myself do it.
I, too, lack the intestinal fortitude to give up my gingerbread latte or pumpkin spice or hazelnut or( I could go on, but I’ll spare you).
The world is coming to end right now (Hubby isn’t home) and this was the perfect distraction. I think many people suffer from foot in mouth disease. I mean, really. Who goes around telling people their children don’t look alike. Good golly.
Forget cutting out your favorite raspberry creamer. You burn enough calories every day while teaching basical mathmatical protocol to have that indulgence.
I laughed my head off so often while reading today’s post that I think it may have just rolled down the stairs…
ewww that Jolly Rancher/Smarties milkshake…… Little Dude sounds like a treasure!
Life is too short for black coffee.
Lumberjack may not smile in his pictures but he does have a sense of humor : )
Sending a hug to you today just because reading this list made me think you might need one.
I get the biggest thrill when I see you have done a new posting, I really need a life. If you havent done one in a few days I go read old postings lol. I am NOT a stalker. Just want to tell you a story from the other side. My hubby and I along with our teenage (at the time) son went out for chinese. My favorite waitress went on and on about how gorgeous my son was and how he looked just like me…..hes adopted lol. People see what they want to see.
1) You make me laugh. Wee hard
2) Don’t give up creamer – you are gorgeous
3) People don’t think before they say things like that, good on you for giving them grace
4) David also makes me laugh
5) Holla
6) That is all
I am NOT a stalker, whatever my sister, Lisa Buchanan, may say. I just feel an affinity. My husband is also a wanna-be lumberjack (I’m currently sitting by our crammed-with-wood-he-chopped wood stove) bowhunter who hangs carcasses in my garage and is too frugal to ever let anyone else repair something. Or remodel for him. Or build for him. And I, too, homeschool fueled by coffee while chasing small destructive little men. We do not yet live in ruralville but it is on my husband’s to-do in the next five years list. And I laughed my head off at your post today. Thank you.
She is too a stalker!!
at the chiropractor today a nice lady was laying down, waiting to be adjusted and Shel walked right up to her face and screamed “RAWRRRRROARR!”
Good times.
And thank the Lord for Gerard. Now that you’ve named him thus I’m imagining that blond actor from Green Card. You know Gerard Depardu? or whatever. Anyway that story cracks me up.
Also, your kid is not alone in the crazy embarrassing factor.
Gerald, JoAnne! Gerald!
Not Gerard. 😉
p.s. I missed you.
One should NEVER EVER mess with their coffee. Go fill yourself a big cup, add your favorite creamer, sit back, and enjoy. Maybe even close your eyes and have a calgon moment, but do not close your eyes for too long or you never know what you will open them up to!
And all your talk of coffee makes me realize what I am thankful for today in my thankful challenge!
You
Make
Me
Laugh!
Thanks
PS. Two kids look like me. Two kids look like him…but the 4 don’t match, so I get stupid questions all the time. Like, “I can tell these two are yours. Where did those two come from.” SERIOUSLY PEOPLE. Stop talking.
When my son was small, he only had one ‘volume’ on his speech. Loud. Yelling loud.
One day, when sitting on the bus across from a man in a turban, he horrified me by yelling, “Look Mom, it’s Alladin!!”
Oh the joy of boys.
It made me feel wee sausage for sure.
I actually guessed that this story was going to be about Little Dude being Sir Shouting Pants…
Is it weird that I was proud I knew you so well when I realized I guessed correctly?
I love black coffee…However, I occasionally use creamer. I imagine if I said I was giving it up completely I’d want it in every single cup…
You… Crack… Me…. Up!
Oh, and Gerald, OH MY, I know a Gerald and he is WEEEEEEEEE scary! (Maybe this name really does suit him?)
I have only one child, (who is soon to be 18 🙁 ) He looks a lot like me, and a lot like his Dad, so we never really had problems with people thinking he was the milk man’s. A lot of people say I look like my Dad, and it’s funny, because he adopted me when he married my Mom. He has blue eyes, light hair, I have very dark brown eyes and black hair… Like Christi says, people see what they want to see…
My son once yelled “WOAH MOM, THAT LADY SURE HAS A BIG BEHIND HUH?!!!”, (well she DID put her buttox practically in his face while he was sitting in a high chair at the restaurant…)
Sorry, I don’t find it funny that Gerald found LD. I’d be a bit concerned. Perhaps Gerald isn’t only finding you fetching. I’d be finding a new church. His actions towards you are so creepy on so many levels, especially doing something like that in front of your husband. But then again, I watch Criminal Minds and Without A Trace reruns instead of Lost.
Ahh Taylor, you are too funny! Little Dude was hysterical when he was lost! I couldn’t help but laugh it was funny that Gerald found him. David has back up!
At least no one ever accuses you of being your child’s grandmother. I have had that thrown at me at least 4 times. That’s what I get for having a child at a well advanced age.
This post certainly was wee funny.
I’d say, continue to run from Gerald. He sounds terribly weird.
Still laughing hysterically over number 21.. may be my fave ever. And now I will be looking at church to figure out who Gerald is.. I also want to know of this friend who may be Pioneer woman – I need to visit her..