A Facebook friend of mine posted a status similar to this the other day:
“Don’t ever try to steal a doe from a buck while she is in heat! Just got attacked by a buck! I was just trying to borrow her for milk!”
And my ever-so-intelligent response?
“You milk deer?”
Because this would not be surprise me. I mean, it surprised me. But not really. Because there are some strange happenings ’round these here parts. And people are getting pretty obsessed with this whole “going green organic” lifestyle.
So. It seemed feasible that there might be someone out there who sees a benefit to milking a deer for to provide for her family. Besides. The price is right.
I told David this, and it brought him much entertainment.
David: Taylor! No! NO.
Me: What! She said she milked a doe! A doe is a deer!
David: I know that. But I am also smart enough to figure out that she is not talking about a deer.
So, readers. Let’s see which of you are more informed that I.
What animal was my Facebook friend trying to milk? Hmmm? Hmmmm? I know now. Because she told me. But do you?
***
Today was “Take Handsome Dude to the Eye Doctor” Day. A joyous day, if there ever was one. Today was also Handsome Dude’s “I hate everything and I am not going to do anything you ask of me, woman!” day. An equally joyous day.
Doctor: Can you tell me what picture you see?
Handsome Dude: *crickets chirping*
Doctor: Ok, big guy! Maybe this one?
Handsome Dude’s neck muscles have all stopped working and his eyes are staring off into space. Because we are obviously asking too much of him. Poor thing.
Doctor: Ok. Can you tell me what this is?
Me: Dude . . . you need to answer the doctor.
Handsome Dude: Nay-blah-ma-blah
Doctor: Good. But I couldn’t quite understand that?
Handsome Dude: NAY-BLAH-MA-BLAH
Doctor: Interesting . . .
Me: Dude . . .
Handsome Dude: I SAID CAKE! MOM!
Doctor: Fantastic! And it is cake! Aren’t you a smart boy!
Handsome Dude beamed at her. Punk.
Afterwards, I took the kids to get something to eat. And it actually went . . . ok. I know, right? And I was all by myself. I, myself, was not even confident enough in my parenting abilities to pull that one off! And, yet, it was done.
Little Dude: Look, Mama! I’m being a big helper! I’m feeding Little Dude!
We all laughed at that one. What a goose he is. And we could not leave until he had fed himself every single morsel. And he was in no hurry, let me assure you.
You know what else he is in no hurry to do? Pee.
Ask me how I know.
Can we not all agree that the public bathroom stop with the stubborn three year old is just about the most torturous experience that a soul could go through?
Me: Pee!
Little Dude: I am!
Me: But your not. Don’t you see? You’re just standing there.
LD (short for Little Dude . . . keep up, people!): What’s that!?
Me: A trash can.
LD: What’s in it?
Me: DON’T TOUCH. JUST GO TO THE BATHROOM.
LD: I AM
Me: But you’re not.
LD: Mom. Hey, MOOOOM! I need to poop. POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP.
So, we have to reposition him to pooping position. Mind you we have already been trapped in this lovely stall for at least 5 minutes and he has made no progress.
And I still have three other children who are *patiently* waiting outside the door for us to wrap things up.
And I use the term “patiently” quite loosely. Quite.
So. He’s sitting. And pooping. But not pooping at all. Another lady, bless her soul, comes into the restroom to, (gasp) actually eliminate bodily waste. As she is doing her business (and doing so quite promptly, hint hint Little Dude), Little Dude bends down to examine her shoes. Because I obviously am great at teaching my kids manners.
Little Dude, aka Sir Shouting Pants: Hey! Hey, MOM! WHY THAT LADY WEAR POPPOP’S SHOES?
Lest any of you are confused, PopPop is my dad. And the poor woman was wearing white sneakers. And yes. They looked like my dad’s.
Me: Shhhh! Poop!
Sir Shouting Pants: DOES THE LADY LIKE TO WEAR BOY SHOES? DOES HE LIKE TO WEAR POPPOP SHOES?
Me: Oh, please hush.
Little Dude: I need to POOP.
Me: Please do.
Little Dude: It not working. I’m all done.
Yes. That’s right. He produced nothing.
Such a waste.
Pun quite intended.
***
I am happy to report that we did, in fact, decorate the tree tonight, so Daisy Mae did not have to fake another death.
We made applesauce ornaments.
It was not as easy as all the peoples on Pinterest proclaimed. But whatever.
You know what else isn’t easy? Photography.
But there’s an applesauce ornament. Be dazzled.
We made Santa’s Hat Brownies.
Which weren’t as cute as the peoples on Pinterest were. But whatever.
David even got his festive on and helped to decorate the tree. We needed his uber manly strength and bravery to put the angel atop the tree.
He looks graceful, doesn’t he? Almost as if he could be a dancer. Yes! A dancer!
He loves me.
Rachel, a reader, edited my Christmas Card photo for me! And it looks fantastic and I am mad that I had already ordered the cards before she sent me the edit. An epic fail, on my part.
But I’m gonna get all handsome on framing it as gifts for people. And is there anything more conceited than giving people a framed picture of oneself? Yes? No? Yes?
Alright. Goodnight.
I knew it was a goat, and I don’t even own property on which to keep one. However, I did have to use context clues from your story, so I guess I’m a cheater. Or just a good student.
Stop comparing yourself to completed works of The Pinterest. It is irrelevant considering you did way more for Tree Decorating Night than I did. So be proud. 🙂
Rabbits? Aren’t they does and bucks? But why would anyone want rabbit milk? Surely someone else will have a better guess. And if you’ve got any way to keep a three-year old boy from examining that trash can in the public restroom, I’d love to know. We go thru that battle every time.
I must say, you got it going on! To do all that in one day, I bet you rest well tonight. I had no clue what animal you were talking about in this post, but if she says it’s a deer, I’ll take it. The kiddos Santa hat brownies are too cute…can’t really tell a/b applesauce ornies….will have to investigate Pinterest to see what that’s about, but it’s always good to make sweet memories. If your man fails as a dancer, maybe he can get on as the FTD man! ;o)
FTD man! Ha!
do you have a soaker hose ran to that tree? i would run myself ragged watering that behemoth. and yes, i too realized it was a goat…and i am a semi-sorta city gal. just don’t try and milk the bull *<=o)
I would have guessed a deer too, because the only other doe/buck combo I know of is a rabbit, and whoever heard of milking a rabbit? But obviously I am wrong.
Beautiful family photo!
I’m a country girl but we never had goats so I was assuming deer also. Besides it’s 4:30 AM so I’m not really very cognizant of anything such as animal names yet. I think your tree is going to be BEE YOU TEE FULL! It already is with all those hundreds of lights and the dancing man helping out with the star. You’d just better crank up the applesauce dough production! And I’m not sure you’ll ever make enough popcorn/cranberry strings to fill it up.
I’m going with a goat. I live in the east coast version of ruralville.
Applesauce ornaments are not easy! I have done those in the past-they are heavy too. But your tree is gorgeous and LJ does have a Baryshnikov quality about him : ) I’m sure he’ll take that as a compliment.
Finally-your Santa Hat brownies are adorable! I think they look as cute as any I’ve seen on pinterest.
Before I tell you my thoughts, I want to make the disclaimer that I am reading this while drinking my first cup of coffee for the day…Often takes 3 to 4 cups to wake my poor brain.
It was not until I read “goat” in the comment that it even occurred to me…and I have goats and do intend to milk the doe once she has her first kids….What I thought your friend meant was milking a deer doe of her “scent”, cause hunting type ppls are weird like that…But on second thoughts the Goat seems more likely.
What is it with 3yr olds and other ppls trash…Takes me all the time in the world and lots of talking thru my teeth to get mine to say away form the “Hazardous Waste” bins at the Drs office…Drives me nuts.
hehe @ poppops shoes…Bless your heart, you are a brave lady to take the younguns to town all by yourself…I try to avoid such trips with mine and one is 18yrs old lol.
Umm…how did you make the applesauce solid?
I was thinking at first that you drizzled applesauce on your tree. 🙂
I thought deer too (yuck, could you imagine deer cheese?), but goat sounds more appropriate. Look Taylor, not only do you homeschool your children, but all us internets people too! You are a teacher to the world (wide web)!
I think you have done a fabulous job with all your pintrest crafts, you’ve probably done more with your pins than half the people out ther pinning, be proud of that achievement!
kids and public restrooms give me the heebiejeebies.
your tree is ginormous.
As I read this, I’m getting so excited to make Christmas treats! But I fear it is too early or my hips will be too big for my jeans if I rush it. Also, I thought male goats were rams, but I guessed it based on the milking thing, and I knew females were does…So, I guess I should have realized males were bucks…
And that is a case of a country girl fail.
I guessed goat. And I love your tree! Can’t believe you found it in the wild. We are going hunting for a free tree on Saturday. It will be Charlie Brown-ish and all my heavy ornaments will not see the light of day this year.
the Christmas pic looks great! and the santa’s hat brownies look fab! the applesauce ornaments are a lil’ too fuzzy to tell, but i’m sure there wonderful! 😉 your ‘poop’ stories are hilarious, although i’m sure if i were the one who had to go through them personally i wouldn’t think they were quite so funny! carry on….
Sounds like my grandson and I on a 12 hr. trip to Kansas for Thanksgiving. What a time we had in the restrooms. He is almost 3 so I know what you were going through. Your tree looks beautiful, and I love the photo of all of you.
Your tree looks fantastic. I wish mine were that big and real, because of the smell good factor. Does your tree smell wonderful? We use a fake one because of my cats. If it were real, they would be climbing all over it. trying to sharpen their claws on it, etc… I saw those Santa hat brownies on Pinterest too! Yours are very cute. Glad you like the picture, you have a beautiful family.
It really was a goat? That is a new one on me. Your tree looks great, big and beautiful. We still have not decorated, just not in the festive mood.
Sadly, I was right there with you on the “You milk deer?” thought! I was even trying to imagine what that would be like!
Me too. Glad you said it first.
Normally I would agree with you, but until you have tried to teach him to drive I don’t believe you have yet experienced the worst torture. PS I love pictures, photos, but I DON’T NEED ANY FRAMES. Just sayin…
Goats and rabbits? My country girl education is seriously lacking. *sigh* it is a good thing you are here to help us get our educations in the ways of the wildlife wife.
And I’d take that lovely picture of LJ, print it and cut him out and hang it like an ornament on the tree. Because doesn’t every Christmas tree need a dancing LJ ornament?
I was just as confused as you were about the bucks and does. Your part of the world really needs its own glossary or something.
Dare I say that I am getting some competition in the tree trimming department?
Oh Taylor, this time, I laughed so hard at the POOP incident, my husband stopped painting my kitchen to come into the bedroom and see if I was ok. Girl, I had the exact same thing (minus the shoes comment, but with various comments about the snow) the other day. Why is it that you can make me laugh, when all I wanted to do that day was crawl out of the bathroom and cry?