Pop Quiz Hot Shots:
What is the most terrifying happenstance known to man?
That.
That is the most terrifying happenstance known to man. You see, dear readers, that would be the work of one Little Dude. Little Dude was left unattended in the bathroom and did who-knows-what to the toothbrushes owned by:
A) Himself
B) Handsome Dude
C) Daisy Mae
D) David
Little Dude is gross, there’s no denying it. You should see what he does to the toilets. Gives me the peepee shivers. You do NOT want him touching, licking, or sniffing your toothbrush, not do you want him scrubbing the sink with your toothbrush. Trust me. Luckily my toothbrush is in a secret hiding place. Because I am smart. And have sat on many a soiled toilet seat and no longer trust the boy with anything in the hygiene department.
I trust you all had a good weekend, no? I got many a freezer meal prepped. My ma-in-law asked for freezer meals for Christmas and I am lovingly preparing many of them for her, chock full of elk and everything. Because my in-laws aren’t, you know, subject to compulsive vomiting at the thought of elk like most people.
If anything they are impressed with the thought of elk.
?
Who are these people, these peoples I married into? I ask you?
We also went sledding this weekend. We have no sledding hills on our lands, mind you, so we had to trespass onto our neighbor’s fields. His name is Buzz and he seems pretty “cas” about such things. Lest any of you are confused, “cas” is short for “casual.”
Please. Try to keep up.
We gave Buzz several packs of frozen elk for his family to sup on. Buzz, like my in-laws, seemed excited to receive such a blessing. I guess it is appropriate that he is now my neighbor, no? And yes, my boys think he is Buzz Lightyear. So he is the coolest neighbor ever.
In order to complete the “Tresspass Sledding Adventure” we had to all fit onto one 4 wheeler and pull a sled with a rope attached to said 4 wheeler.
My dad is totally “stern-talking” to the computer right now, wondering why on earth his daughter is allowing his grandchildren to be on or around a 4 wheeler. I am, most assuredly, in trouble.
Well, I insisted on driving the 4 wheeler, of which my boys call “The Four Whee Ride!”, to ensure that reasonable speeds would be maintained. David kept yelling at me to go faster, but I maintained my speed of 5 miles an hour, much to his chagrin.
Yes! Our family of 6 went traipsing down the road on a sled pulled by a Four Whee Ride! We are those people now.
We made it safe and sound and the sledding fun began.
The girls and Handsome Dude.
David and Little Dude.
After the sledding adventure, we rushed home to pretend clean our house and had friends over for dinner.
Yes. We have friends. Why do you ask?
During the dinner, Little Dude met his first “best friend.” He would not leave “best friend’s” side and had to be reminded numerous times to:
“Stop kissing your friend and eat your dinner!”
Yes. My boy would not stop kissing their boy. I’m sure they’ll come back over.
Shockingly, Handsome Dude angered Little Dude and Little Dude bent the life out of Handsome Dude’s glasses.
I think I may have finally figured out the appropriate punishment for the glasses breaking.
Take away the fridge ABC’s.
Little Dude plays with these ABC’s on the fridge all the time. So, I gave him a bag and told him to pack them up.
Oh, for the wailing and weeping and gnashing of teeth!
SCORE!
And, finally, we went to our homeschool co-op today. During co-op, I never see my girls, the social butterflies that they clearly are. But I always, always, have lunch with my boys. For we are bff, you know?
Well, Handsome Dude was trying to have a little convo with me. The gal sitting next to me and I could not stop laughing. Because it is totally cool to laugh at your kid, didn’t you know? But he seriously makes it difficult to carry on a conversation with.
HD: Mom! MOM! I’m going to see my best friend. I’ll be back.
He runs off for about four seconds.
HD: Mom! I saw Elijah, but he cannot play. He needs to eat his lunch. His girl said.
Lest any of you are confused, “his girl” would be Elijah’s mom.
Me: You need to finish your lunch, too.
HD: I AM.
Me: Calm down. Finish your food.
HD: Mom! I want to play with my brudder.
I look at Little Dude. He has pudding all over his face. But what else is new?
Me: Well. He’s eating.
HD: No! Not Cokey-da-bear!
Cokey-da-bear is his brother. Duh.
HD: My udder brudder.
Me: Who?
HD: My best friend. You know? My guy!
Me: Elijah?
HD: Elijah? I not know who Elijah is? No! My friend!
Me: I thought your friend was Elijah?
HD: Who’s Elijah?
Me: Eat your lunch.
HD: It’s ok. I think my friend died anyways.
?
You will all be happy to know that HD introduced me to his best friend later on.
His name was James.
Goodnight.
my day sucked (can i say that here?) until i read your post…thank you!
When my nephew Charlie was 3 he told me a big loooong story about how his leg got eaten by a shark when he went to Florida with his mom on vacation. I asked why he now had two and he said it was a fake leg. Kids are hilarious. OKay funniest story on my son, please dont repeat this one if you see him. Rodney was 6 years old and was on the potty making the darndest noises. Then yells out to everyone, we had company, “I’m constipation, I need a rolaid” Lol crazy kid.
I have a half bro. who is 21 years my junior. When he was 4 he would run around the house yelling at the top of his lungs, “Cah-kee’s coming! Cah-kee’s coming! (Cah-kee = poop).” It was super hilarious to everyone. He is now 15 and I LOVE telling that story. He does not love it. Your story reminded me of that. 🙂
Oh, I have thrown away all the toothbrushes for less than that. If one toothbrush is tipped in the direction that it was not tipped in before? Gone. Done. Do not handle the toothbrushes unless you are brushing your teeth. And then, only handle your own toothbrushes. I imagine myself saying these things in Jack Nicholson’s voice. I scare myself.
Of course you laugh at your kids. If you didn’t find them funny, you would be running around bald from pulling your hair out. You would be talking in gibberish, mumbling things about glasses and toilets and bunnies and toothbrushes, wearing pj’s, and sipping coffee (with creamer) through a sippy cup.
YES, please take the liberties of laughing at your children. It is much healthier.
wow @ toothbrushes…having boys is hardwork…never had a toothbrush issue with my girls…thank goodness.
My 3yr old did however try and charge the repairman yesterday to enter the backdoor behind me…the price…”some money….and an ice-cream”….he about died laughing…I appoligized and sent him home with a dozen eggs from our crazy chickens.
Blessings Kelsie
wow @ toothbrushes…having boys is hardwork…never had a toothbrush issue with my girls…thank goodness.
My 3yr old did however try and charge the repairman yesterday to enter the backdoor behind me…the price…”some money….and an ice-cream”….he about died laughing…I appoligized and sent him home with a dozen eggs from our crazy chickens.
Blessings Kelsie
toothbrushes-ewwwwwww!
God bless the mothers of little boys!
I would let you sled on my land if you promised NOT to give me any elk.
That toothbrush picture is some scary stuff, my friend! Not good. Not good at all!
I left you a comment last night, but it wouldn’t go through and I was too tired to try again. Now I can’t remember what it was, but I’m pretty sure it was funny. So just go ahead and laugh and give me the COW anyway, k?
was james…dead?
Oh my gracious, if my kids lived next door to buzz lightyear I’d never have a moment’s peace. And by the way, file this away for future reference cause I’m sure it’ll come in handy: I would not appreciate elk, so please, don’t bother gifting it to me. I was getting nervous.
You can come sled in my neighborhood for some of your handsome elk. Can elk be handsome? I, however, know ruralville is not convenient to the “burbs” where I live. Alas, I’m sure you’re not coming and I’m not getting your elk. 🙁
I’m so glad his best friend’s not dead! What a relief!