On Friday, my dearheart friend Amanda and her offspring came to visit us. It was a gorgeous day and we banished all the children outside. Yes . . . after about two hours we were met with some resistance by the aforementioned children, but Amanda and I held our ground, drank coffee, and kept closing the door on their sweet, protesting faces.
Don’t feel bad for them. It was sunny and 63 degrees. We won’t see that kind of weather again in these here parts until the end of June.
As we were chatting, I mentioned the dudes were spending Friday and Saturday night with David’s parents.
Amanda: What are you doing with the girls?
Me: Nothing.
Amanda (looking at me as if I were an insane, crazy person): Why not?
Me: Well, we have no plans. We will probably just work outside.
Amanda: So what? A weekend without kids?! Are you kidding me?
I just shrugged and went back to closing the door on my pleading children. But then I got to thinking about just how BRILLIANT Amanda truly is. I called my mother right then and there to pawn off the girls and BAM! I scored a weekend without children.
I KNOW! I could barely believe my good fortune.
Next we went to church. You might recall, dear readers, that David and I help out teaching elementary kids. You might also recall that David is considered THE heartthrob to some of the ladies in the class.
Little Girl to me: You see that man over there? With the microphone?
(She was pointing to David)
Me: Yes?
Little Girl: I’m gonna go spank his bottom!
Me: No. You should not do that, sweetie.
Stay tuned when next week I shall make my debut speech to the children entitled:
Things We Should Not Ever Do in Church, or . . . EVER.
I am the worship leader. I stand on a stage and everything. Please do not tell me I should try out for American Idol or anything. I have heard it so much, it is, quite frankly, getting old.
We had to do this one song called “Get Down.” The words go something like:
I get down, and He lifts me up. I get down, and He lifts me up . . .
Now. At some point in our church’s existence, somebody came up with the motions that all us “worship leaders” must do when we are “leading worship.” This song requires that I, said worship leader, bend all the way down to the ground that then quickly jump up. This motion must be repeated 4.2 million times in order to adequately lead the worship.
I discovered something about myself that night:
I have no quad muscles.
I did at one point in my youth. But apparently, they are gone, because it is Sunday and if I even have to bend to sit in the chair to stare at Pinterest on the computer, my legs BURN.
Let’s move on.
There is a new Facebook group in our area where people can buy/sell things. It is kind of like Craigslist, and actually, I have no idea how it is any different, but there are some pretty cool things on there. David and I have been talking about getting an extra fridge for our garage. Our kids go through a lot of milk and we will need a place to store our future eggs from our future chickens, because have you heard?
We are hillbillies.
So, a gal was selling a fridge on this Facebook group and only wanted $20 for it. I, being the good Maliblahblah that I am, looked around on Craigslist and could find no fridge even close to $20, so I called my husband post haste.
I ain’t gonna lie. He was proud of me and my frugal ways.
I was to arrange all the arrangements with the gal and HIS ONE JOB was to find a handtruck.
Oh, and drive the truck, load the fridge, strap the fridge in, and unload the fridge. But the MAIN job was to find the handtruck. Because, dear readers, my husband thinks I am stronger than I am. And every time we have to move something, he assures me I am strong enough and alas, I am not, and then he gets mad and doesn’t talk to me and does it himself and we have to be perturbed with each other for like 4 hours all because HE DOESN’T FIND THINGS LIKE HANDTRUCKS. Or able-bodied men.
So, we are driving the truck to church so that after church we can pick up this fridge and guess what David did not get?
A handtruck. And, no. I don’t really know what a handtruck is. So don’t ask me.
So, the plan, according to this gal on Facebook, was for us to go to this vacant house with no power at 9pm and pick up the fridge and then drive by her house about 10 minutes away and give her the cash. Which was not shady at all.
Thankfully, Jack and Lisa, our kin, met us at the vacant house where we were doing anything but breaking and entering, and helped us load the fridge.
And when I said “us” I, of course, meant helped David. I just held the flashlight.
The problem was that when we got home, it would be just David and I to unload the fridge. So, basically, it would be the end of our marriage. Which is unfortunate.
On our kidless Saturday morning, we got right to our chores. Wood cutting/Wood Stacking/Tree Trimming/Brush Clearing and all that fun stuff.
David was trimming trees
And I was trying to convince him that he should probably wear a helmet.
My job was to move the branches into a huge burn pile. And, yes, burn piles are legal here, so simmer down.
These branches are huge. Like small trees. I was having quite the time of it, especially with my sore, worship-leader legs.
I asked David if there was an easier way. And yes there was.
I, yes, I, Taylor Maliblahblah learned how to drive a bulldozer.
Look! That’s me!
Clearing brush like a boss.
I am happy to report that:
A) I did not break anything
B) David did not fall out of a tree
C) David moved the fridge all by himself and we our marriage did not dissipate as a result of it
D) My legs STILL hurt
E) I miss my kids.
Happy Sunday!
I had to share this post with my friend Gill. Because I knew she needed to GET DOWN and read it right away. She rues the day we ever taught that song to the kids at VBS.
Also, driving a bulldozer? Are you kidding me? That is awesome.
It IS awesome, isn’t it? 🙂
Happy Kids-Free Weekend! Aside from all the bulldozing, I bet you didn’t know what to do with yourself!
Not to brag (because it is actually kind of annoying), but people say the American Idol thing to me, too. I know it’s supposed to be a compliment, but I can’t think of a single thing I would rather do less. (And sadly, I think I am now over the age limit….which means you are, too, my friend.)
Um . . . I was totally joking. No one has ever told me that. ha!
EVERY time I hear that song (even in it’s original version) my legs begin to involuntarily ache….I have decided that this year I’m going into training to lead the worship at DVBS. 😉 Driving the the bulldozer…jealous!
Yes. Find a young teenager to lead the worship! 🙂
I can’t believe you are driving that thing! You are super cool. Does the fridge work? 😉
It does! I cleaned it all up and it is good to go!
I’m glad to know I’m not the only one that forces the children to stay outside longer in the spring!
Enjoy that kid-free weekend!!
Thanks! We did!
I am so jealous that you have both sets of parents in town. My MIL will take two overnight if necessary, but 4? Not so much. (She’s 73 and while quite spry, lives by herself–I don’t blame her.) You are a good strategizer.
It’s the opposite here with moving things. I always tell Dave I’m strong enough to help, and I either 1) find I have grossly underestimated the job or 2) prove myself right and impress my husband. Usually it’s the second one. He actually tells people how tough I am. I’m not sure that’s supposed to be a compliment to a woman, but I’ll take it that way. 🙂
You are the manliest woman I know.
Yeah. That does not sound like a good thing . . .
OH MY WORD, the husband and I have the same issues every single time we do anything that requires a) my husband to listen or b) physical labor. I mean, seriously.
And I totes get asked if I will audition for American Idol too.
In my dreams.
Why does my husband think I can lift such things? He’s off his rocker.
Bulldozing was the first choice when you were KIDLESS??? If hubby isn’t in to more romantic/couple-y activities, then couldn’t you at least take a warm bubble bath, read, nap, or just stare at the lovely peach walls basking in the silence with your creamer-filled coffee? Bulldozing is cool for a few minutes (like long enough for a picture or two), but please tell me you got all handsome on something else…like your hubby. Can I say that here? LOL I am the girl that talks about THAT at church!
Oh, dear. 🙂
The reasons you miss your kids
Because there is less blog material.
You wouldn’t miss your kids if your legs didn’t hurt.
You have a crush on someone at the eyeglass repair place.
You get to eat the crusts off the bread after you make them sandwiches and can’t if you aren’t making them sandwiches.
You have to take care of the rabbits.
You have no one to hold your milk jug for you.
You have teaching withdrawal.
Your ears are ringing from the silence.
You can’t read the little train book to yourself without looking silly.
You have to let the dogs out to go potty and feed them.
You have time to actually see your peach walls and all the eyeballs hanging on them.
Really, I hope you enjoyed your childfree weekend more than you let on.
We did have fun! It is always nice to have a break!
Go you! Driving a bulldozer – you are brave and talented. I drove one of my Dad’s small tractors once and was so scared I’ve never done it again.
It was a little intimidating!
very impressed with your ‘dozing and deal finding skillz. Really. along with the singing and the church dancing/aerobics – wow! plus you are a super-duper wife. you spent your kidless weekend working on your marriage in LJ’s love language. good work, girl. when will you be publishing your book? then you could be like a speaker at women of faith or something. for realz!
Just so you know, unless your new fridge is on the porch, you are not actually a hillbilly.
The funny thing is . . . when we were remodeling our other house, we had a freezer on the porch for a couple of months! ha! And that was in town!
$20????
You made very sure that that fridge has never been used to store dead human bodies or parts, right?
Right?
I knew I forgot to check something! 🙂
I think I’d like to drive a bulldozer.
Doubt I’d look as cool as you but I definitely think I’d like it.
Glad you had a fun kid free weekend. That frig story could have been mine. Why does my husband think I can haul and lift stuff, especially up or down steps? He knows I’m a weakling.
Actually, you’re a very nice, upright mom. I would have sent mine outside without guilt in much colder weather. (Oh the glory and wonder of coffee with a friend UNDISTURBED!! Well, undisturbed is a relative term, is it not?) But then, my kids feel a coat is completely optional even in snow. They have no cold-receptors.
YAY! for a weekend together! And yes, I think YOU ARE THE WOMAN for speaking LJ’s love language with such vigger and vim! Even to the point of learning the bulldozer! He was totes impressed, yes???
It’s good to miss our kids every now and then, isn’t it? It reminds us we ARE indeed living our dream. “I am living my dream. I AM living my dream. I am LIVING my dream.” I repeat this to myself when things can’t get anymore chaotic. It helps.
K. Have you ever heard of ACLs? Meniscus? Knee reconstruction surgery? MULTIPLE knee correction surgery? No bending all the way down and jumping up 4.2 million times to worship God – He will understand. No moving fridges, freezers, logs, or anything else that will damage a compromised knee.
Using bulldozer when kids are in another city – great idea!!!