My husband never goes to the doctor. If he is sick, he still works. If he slices his hand at work, he super-glues the wound to avoid paying doctors’ fees.
So you can imagine my surprise when I received a text from him yesterday morning that read:
“At doctor. Feel awful.”
Handsome Dude is getting over strep throat and Little Dude has been running a fever since Thursday, so I assumed David was coming down with something similar. But I was mistaken. David called about 15 minutes later to say he was being sent to the hospital with possible appendicitis.
Jason and Amy moved here last weekend. Do you remember Jason? Do you? Do you?
Jason is David’s brother and Amy is his lovely wife. Jason is now working with David as an electrician, so luckily, it was Jason who was with David when he started feeling awful. Jason drove David to the hospital and even called Amy and asked her if she could help me with the kids. Amy met me at the ER and took my sweet minivan, loaded with four “vibrant” and hungry children: one on antibiotics and one running a fever.
Welcome to the family, Amy!
The doctors all agreed that David’s appendix was the culprit, but they were not sure if the appendix had ruptured yet. The only question David had for anyone was:
“Can I go home tonight?”
David went into surgery around 2:15 and by 3, the doctor came and spoke to David’s mom and I, confirming that, yes, it was the appendix, and no, it had not ruptured.
By 4:15, we finally saw David. He was sitting in a hospital room, rocking a snazzy gown that was scantily covering his shoulder, and looking like he had been hit in the head with a wrecking ball.
Me: How are you?
David (sounding gruff, loopy, and moody): Ready to leave. Let’s go.
Me: Well, I think they need to observe you for a bit.
David: Why? I am fine. Stupid tubes. There are tubes everywhere. I’m going to rip them out.
Me: You need to wait and talk to a nurse.
David: I want to leave.
So, David’s mom decided to humor him.
Mom-in-Law: You want me to go let someone know you are ready to go?
David: YES!
MIL: Ok, I will go and get someone.
So, a nurse comes in.
Nurse: How long have you been in here?
David: All day!
Nurse: No, in this room?
David: 5, 10 minutes?
Nurse: Ok, we need to watch you for awhile and make sure all is well.
David: Are you serious?!
Nurse: Do you need to go to the bathroom?
David: If you want me to pee, I will pee! Let’s go!
Me: I don’t think they care if you pee, they are just asking if you need to, honey.
Nurse: You need to rest for a bit. Do you want some pain medication?
David: If that’s what it takes!
Nurse: Have you eaten?
David: No, but I will! Bring me some food, I don’t care!
He was a pretty easy-going patient.
The nurse made it clear that most patients stay overnight for such procedures and David would be lucky to get to go home tonight.
David, exasperated as ever, tried to convince the nurse to at least let him put his clothes on.
Nurse: No, you will have time for that later on.
David: But it will just be one step closer to leaving!
Nurse: But you might faint, and then I will have to keep you here longer. And I know you don’t want that.
David: Fine.
Nurse: Why don’t you order something to eat?
David: I am starving!
So, he starts telling me what to order him:
David: Roast Turkey, broccoli, pie . . .
Me: Hon, I think that is going to upset your stomach. Broccoli will give you gas.
David: She said I have to fart!
Nurse: Farting is not a requirement to leave, David. It is just a good sign if you can, that’s all. Why don’t you try something like soup?
David: Are you serious? I am hungry.
Nurse: David. You just had major surgery. If you vomit, I have to keep you overnight.
He looked at her and looked at me:
David: How about some chicken noodle soup?
Ha. I like that nurse. She totally knew how to get him to do what she wanted. Something I haven’t been able to figure out in almost 12 years of marriage.
So, I went downstairs to get something to eat, and ran into some people I used to work with. Because, fun fact! I used to work in the kitchen at the hospital! Hairnet and everything. As if I could not be any cooler.
While I was chatting with someone, she asked me how many kids I now had. I told her four. A newer employee who I did not know, joined in on the convo.
Lady: YOU have four children?!
Me: Yes, I do!
Lady: But . . . you are pretty! I don’t believe you!
Now, now. I am not telling you this story so I can hear if anyone thinks I am pretty or not, so don’t try it. I will not hear of it! But this begs the question . . . does this lady feel like people who have four children must be ugly?
What an odd thing to say!
Meanwhile, Jason and Amy have the Fab Four. The girls had a special night at church and were bummed to miss it, so Jason took them and went as their “parents” for the night.
Uncle of the Year.
Amy stayed behind with the sickly boys who, I am certain, gave her no trouble whatsoever and did not throw cars at each other or complain or anything like that.
Aunt of the Year.
David did get to go home around 8:15pm. He apologized to the nurse if he gave her any trouble. She assured him he was a peach! Ha! Later on I told him all the crazy things he was saying . . . David was pretty hilarious coming out of anesthesia. He didn’t remember being so agitated and fussy. The doctor told him to rest for at least 3-5 days and to not lift anything over 10 pounds. Already this morning I have had to talk him out of driving over an hour away to pick up over 40 bales of straw. Because I am pretty sure a bale of straw weighs over ten pounds.
He is going to do it tomorrow instead.
And now, he is talking about building a new fence for the rabbits today.
I think I needed to bring home that nurse with us, because I am totally losing over here! All in all, I am glad it was not worse and he is alright.
Always an adventure over here!
Happy Weekend!
So glad he feels that good. Hopefully he will take it easy, otherwise he WILL be back! There are some great nurses out there. Too bad they don’t get more recognition.
Flip, Taylor! Your hubby’s a nightmare!!! Someone needs to point out to him those verses in Proverbs about WISDOM!
And that lady has a point – I have four children and the baggy saggy bits to prove it. You? You’re skinny as anything. I reckon they’re adopted … ;o)
I knew you were going to have trouble with that guy once you got him home. I do not speak from experience, though, because I’m not at all like him and have no problem whatsoever resting and recuperating (from things such as childbirth, for example) and allowing people to wait on me. You may have to hide all vehicle keys.
That is the most hilarious rationale I’ve ever heard for I-can’t-believe-you-have-four-kids! Now excuse me while I go wash off my makeup and work on looking like a hag…
Oh, sounds like you have a wonderful weekend full of ‘fun’ ahead of you.
All the best!
PS no picture of David is his sexy hospital gown????
Tell him if he lifts anything heavy and his incision opens up again he’ll have to go back to the hospital. Slip him a sleeping pill in his pancakes? Make him decaf coffee instead of regular?
Oh dear. I hope you’ve been successful at keeping him still and resting today. I would probably predict doom and gloom all day long in an attempt to defer him moving and working–not because I think it would work, but more because then I could loudly proclaim “I TOLD YOU SO!!!” if he does rip out his incision or something. I’m super helpful that way. 🙂
Urgent to LJ: Straighten up and recover! You’ll cause more expensive damage if you don’t.
I’m starting to wonder if our husbands are related. Our whole weekend went out the window because our neighbor had a backhoe and was digging up dirt. Bill decided he needed dirt, because apparently on 45 acres of land, you run short of dirt? The whole day has been about getting this trailer of dirt. Eesh!
Glad David is ok.
so glad David is home, and if he WILL cooperate and give himself some healing time, he could save himself from more surgery (3 more in my stubborn husband’s case). hope the little boys are getting well , too. God bless you, Taylor, your life is never dull!
Yes, never a dull moment around there! Glad he ended up okay, surgery was fine, etc. I was laughing at your story, though. He is a character. 🙂
I think Auntie Datenutloaf has a point– stress the expense part of any complications. So glad David is doing well and his appendix hadn’t ruptured. I’ll be praying for you home with him this weekend. 🙂
Holla Jason and Amy!
Give the LJ a melatonin as pretend ibuprofen. It will make him wonderfully drowsy ~ all naturally of course.
Ugh, my darling husband was a hospital patient twice already this year with both knees being replaced. He is the worst patient! Doesn’t remember a thing coming out of anesthesia, mean as a snake! And can’t understand why I don’t want to sit by his bedside for his entire stay. Sorry nurses, but you get paid to deal with that and you have access to the drugs.
I am really glad that David’s appendix did not burst, and that Jason was there to force him to the doctor.
I am also glad that you did not have to drive a truckload of previously obtained surprise chickens home.
I’m glad LJ is doing better! And I’m wondering … I have six kids. How ugly does that make me? : (
yes, Jill. I am now also with the six kids. very ugly here, I am guessing… but I have earned every sag. 😉