The three older kids have been participating in a free sports camp the last three days, so for the past three mornings, Little Dude and I have been BFF.
Meet Little Dude.
He is four years old and quite spunky.
Oddly enough, Little Dude could care less that the three others are going to have oodles of fun without him. He never seems to care about being left out.
Little Dude also talks nonstop. It is quite charming or annoying, depending on what mood I am in. Yesterday, LD and I stopped at Target.
Yes! Me! At Target! Who knew?!
He tried to talk me into buying him some Angry Birds pajamas.
LD: Oooooh! ANGER-EE Birds! Mom! Look!
Me: Sorry, dude.
LD: Oh, man.
So later when I saw the ANGER-EE birds notebook on sale for $1, I let him pick one out. Which immediately bumped my status up to Mother of the Year.
And what is the deal with Angry Birds, I ask you? I have never played that game. It looks kind of dumb. Almost as if all you do is fling mean-looking birds at objects. But what do I know?
Next, LD and I did some thrift store shopping where I found several items of clothing for yours truly. WooHoo! Back in the days of yore, I would never be able to find decent clothes for myself at thrift stores. Now, it is basically all I wear. Which begs the question:
Did my style-sense get worse or did thrift stores get better?
Hmmmm.
Taking LD into fitting rooms is a treat. I have learned to always wear a tank top and try to never try on pants in front of the lad. This is because he is constantly shouting and wondering where my *ahem* unit is.
Little Dude. Not quiet.
LD: Oh, Mom. That not look good. It’s like-it’s like-it’s like-it’s like it not fit you. Like you are too way bigger. Right, Mom? RIGHT? MOOOM?! RIGHT? You are too BIGGER, RIGHT?
Fantastic.
Little Dude. Not good for the self-esteem.
So, we picked up the other children. Yesterday was the last day of camp and we had to all come back that evening for a parent night. If the kids brought back their homework, they would be entered into a drawing for a free bike.
Handsome Dude took this to mean that he was, most assuredly, getting a new bike that night. He lives in a special, happy world.
Next, we had to rush off for Handsome Dude’s kindergarten inventory. Yes, I know. It is confusing. I homeschool, but we are also in a program where we must meet with a contact teacher. Just accept it. This post will read much easier if you do.
Handsome Dude started off the session with much hope and promise. But then, his attention span started to wane and his attitude tanked.
She would ask him a question, and he would pretend like his body no longer contained a skeletal structure and slowly slump to the ground.
She would ask him a question, and he would ask her why she had to keep asking him questions.
She would ask him a question, and he would reply:
“Um, could you hurry up? I gotta go win a bike.”
She would ask him to write a letter in the alphabet, and it was almost as if his hand was so fatigued from all her incessant questions, that he could not even hold the cumbersome pencil in his tiny, not-at-all dramatic, little hand.
He certainly is precious, is he not?
Amazingly enough, and you had better sit down for this, Handsome Dude is a perfectly normal kindergarten boy.
Color me relieved.
After THAT fun meeting, we drove to my parents’ house to kill time until HD had to go collect his new bike.
My mom is Super Grams and has a swimsuit for each child at her house. So, the kids changed and we walked to the park, which also has basketball hoops and a splash pad.
Oh, to be young and walk down the street in my swimsuit and bouncing a ball.
We went to the parent night, and I am sad to report that, no, Handsome Dude did not win a bike.
Which was odd, since he clearly was supposed to win.
We drove home and Little Dude talked the entire time. Which might shock you. The boys do this one thing every time we drive to and fro: they yell at me to beat the cars. They feel like every drive to town is a race and they get quite miffed if there are any cars ahead of me. In any lanes. Ever.
It’s fun.
And you would think they would get tired of this game, but, alas. They never, EVER do.
LD: Mom! Beat that car, Mom!
Me: I can’t.
LD: Why?
Me: Because I can’t go that fast.
LD: Oh, cuz the police man will take you to jail?
Me: Yeah.
*And then later on, when I did actually pass someone*
LD and HD, screaming for joy: YYYYYEEEEAAAAAHHHHH, MOM! YYYYYYEEEEAAAHHHH! YOU BEAT THAT CAR, MOM!
And as we actually pass the poor soul . . . .
LD: HA HA HA! You too slow! We BEAT you!
Seriously. They never tire of it.
LD: Look, Mom! It’s the moon!
Me: Yup.
LD: Beat that moon, Mom! BEAT IT!
Me: I can’t.
LD: Oh, no! The moon is beating us! IT IS WINNING YOU, MOOOOM!
Me: I’m going to listen to the radio now. I want you to be quiet.
LD: BUT YOU HAVE TO BEAT THE MOON
I turn the radio up. Luckily, it is a song I know and sometimes, a mom has got to tune out her children and sing her heart out.
Even if that song is “Everybody Hurts” by REM.
Me (singing in a not-so-pretty voice): Everybody hurts . . .
LD: MOOOOM! MOM! I have to talk to you
Me: Not now, dude. Mama needs to sing.
LD: But, MOM! MOOOM!
Me: No!
LD: Yes!
Me: NO!
LD: But the song is about ANGER-EE birds! Listen!
And he thought that when Mr. REM sang “Everybody hurts”, he was actually singing “Angry Birds.”
Because that would make sense.
Me: No, he’s not saying that. Now quiet! I want to listen to the song!
LD: BUT, MOM! LOOK! LOOK, MOM! I HAVE AN ANGER-EE BIRDS NOTEBOOK RIGHT HERE!!! SEE, MOM! LIKE THE SONG! SEE? SEE? SEE?
Me: Yes. I see.
LD: OOOOH! BEAT THAT CAR, MOM!
Usually that precious boy falls asleep on the way home. But not last night. He stayed awake to the bitter end.
And here is after we pulled up at home.
Showing me his ANGER-EE face.
Just like ANGER-EE birds.
Right, Mom?
Right?
RIGHT?
MOM?
MOOOOOOMMMMM?
Happy Thursday!
Haha! So other kids do the ‘race, Mom, race!’ game too!
I laughed so much at this post! You should have LD cloned!
Thanks again for giving us single child families and insight into living with scads of children. I love how you keep trying to stay sane.
I’ve played the radio game : ) My daughter2 has the talking gene too but according to my mom the apple didn’t fall far from the tree.
Yesterday I was trying to unload the dryer while fielding questions about kangaroos and their jumping abilities and demands for milk in a lid with a straw.
It made me remember the time my friend sent me a text with a picture of a wheat field that said, “Trust God in the Silence”
I almost fell over laughing when I got that text.
For a short time, mine would actually fall for “the quiet game” for stretches as long a 3-4 minutes at a time. It was heaven.
hi friend
i am home again
it was good to laugh at your posts again….
I laughed through this entire post… It also made me remember taking kids into the dressing room with me… As if that experience is not hard enough…
If it makes you feel any better, when my younger daughter was little, whenever my husband would go out of town she would tell anyone who would listen (cashiers, people at church, strangers in line at the bank) that “Daddy left us last night”… Sweet huh?
Or there was the day we got a new dishwasher and I made a fort for them out of the box… That night they begged to sleep in it… Who could say “no”? I would have if I could predict she would tell the babysitter the next day that I “Make her sleep in a box!” Yep, so much fun…
I played Angry Birds once on my sister in laws Iphone, boring as all get out, I do not get the hoopla over it. My moms way to keep us quiet in the car, she sang to us, she had such a beautiful voice. She had three songs that we loved and we would beg her to sing them all the time. The Rose, The King and the Beggar, and I wish I was a Teddy Bear. I cant hear them now without remembering mom singing. She wont sing anymore:(
Ugh, Angry Birds. My boys LOVE Angry Birds. For my sons 6th birthday, we had to have a Angry Birds party theme. We had hundreds of birds hanging on our walls and we even had a big sling shot with stuffed birds and pigs to play (it was all free, otherwise the only decoration would have been bird plates) My 1 1/2 year old goes crazy when he sees a Angry Bird. “Bird, Bird, Bird!!” Getting louder and more excited each time he says it. He had never actually seen the game so we showed him one day and he went nuts. He started dancing around screaming all with a hugh smile on his face!
I was laughing crazily while reading your post, being washed over with memories of when my kids were little. Then I remembered how exhausting those shopping trips were and now I just need a nap. Good job, Teller, good job!
OMG!! I am married to LD.
My husband LOVES angry birds and the “beat every other car on the road because it is a matter of pride” game. ALL THE TIME.
Now I’m depressed.
They are trying to get the evil pigs! I know, why? Because I completed level 1. I cannot get past level 2. I am lame. But at least I have learned that much!
LD has a good friend in you. He needs to learn, though, that BFF’s don’t go around discussing their friend’s “units”. Nor do they embarrass their BFF’s with the contact teacher. Alas…
My sweetchildren often confuse lyrics in songs. And it never ceases to bring a smile at their rendition.