The Can Man

Before we begin, I must answer three questions I received about my last post.

1)  Yes.  Our $100 Craigslist cook-top works.  It is 5 years old, so it is not brand new.  But it works and saved us $1,600.

2)  What will we do with 300 pounds of corn?

How the heck should I know?

Why do we have over 50 chickens?  Why are we raising rabbits?  Why do we have a garden that took me all summer to weed and the rest of life to preserve the bounty?

Why do I live in the country?  Clearly I am not suited for it.

These are all very good questions that you can take up with my husband when he starts a blog.

3)  Why is canning bad for the smooth top stoves?

When David and I went to the big city appliance store, the nice salesman told us all about the inner workings of all the cook-top surfaces.

Under each burner on a smooth top, there is a disk, almost like a plate, that is the same size as the burner.  This is what heats up and cooks your food.  Canning pots are usually much bigger than the burners.  Normally, heat from a stove starts under your pot and then escapes the stove by traveling up the sides of the pot.  Since canning pots are so much bigger in size than the burner, the heat ends up getting trapped under the surface because it has a hard time getting around the pot.  Canning also takes a LONG time, so you have all this heat trapped under your surface for too long.  There is a computer inside the cook-top, and electronics do not do well with heat, so the heat was trapped in there too long and it fried the computer in my cook-top, rendering it useless for now until all eternity.

So.  There you go.  Hold your head high, you learned something new today.

***

Homeschool.

Raise your hand if you think I am going to pitch a fit.

I will try to not partake in the fit-throwing of the homeschool.  I will merely try to relay the splendor that was yesterday.

Yesterday was a day where I just could not get ahead.  Do you ever have one of those days?  I would get all situated to educate and inform my little darlings, then realize that I forgot to print out ONE paper that I REALLY needed.

“Everyone quietly work on something and I will be right back.”

Ha!

‘Tis like their secret code to play a rousing game of “Let’s scream and run through the house because Mom is stressed!  She always loves it.”

Then I get upstairs and need to get online to get the paper I need to print, but the Internet is feeling all weak and feeble, so I have to restart the computer.  While THAT is going on, I see that someone literally threw their bowl of cereal into the sink after feasting at breakfast, resulting in the splattering of milk all over the wall and counters.  Which was totally Handsome Dude.

The boy is 5! This is a no-no.  He must be taught!

So, I go find Handsome Dude and make him clean it up, which is of course the most daunting task in the world to him.  I remember about the Internet and try to start that up again when Daisy Mae comes up to tattle, as per her usual custom.

“Mooooooooooom.  I asked Sweet Pea for help with math and she didn’t answer so I asked her again and she told me I was a baby.”

So, I talk to Sweet Pea about being kind to others, and would she like it if someone told her she was a baby when she needed help on math?

The Internet is ready.  The milk is wiped.  The math question is answered.  On to the printer!

And the printer is out of ink.

Luckily, and this will shock you, I have a stockpile of ink.

Holla, Teller!

I remember the boys have not yet had a bath, so I inform them to get in post haste.  The boys went through a horrific period of splashing in the bath awhile ago.

This was no ordinary splashing, my friends.

This was like the entire bath blew up in the bathroom every time.  It got so bad, David and I took baths away from the boys for about 6 months and made them shower.  Oh, for the weeping and gnashing of teeth it caused them!  Because, we all know how terrifying showers are.  Obviously.

But, anyways.  I told them to take a bath.  The girls get situated at the table to finish up some science.  I remember that I need to switch a load of laundry and answer a rental house email.

As I am, yet again distracted, Daisy Mae informs me that the boys are splashing.

Hold the phone!

My boys?  Disobeying?  Get out of town.

She speaks the truth.  They are standing on a ledge near the tub and literally cannon balling into the bath.  And they have the audacity to look at me and say:

“Hi, Mom!  What, Mom?  What did we do?  Are you mad, Mom?  MOM? MOM?”

So, I put an end to the water aerobics and make them get out and start wiping up their messes.

The paper I had to print was a reading sample for Daisy Mae so I can time her and see her words per minute.

I just need it quiet for ONE minute.  Seems reasonable, right?

I tell my boys to clean up in the bathroom and to not open the door at all.  I will come and open the door when they can come out.

“Ok, Mom!”

Daisy Mae starts her 60 seconds of reading.  Ten seconds into it, the door bursts open and Handsome Dude, who is still naked, begins to shout:

“Mom!  Do you want me to put this towel in the hamper?  MOM!?  MOM!?  MOM!?”

Little Dude, also naked, comes out and begins to race his car around.

Daisy Mae stays the course, and continues to read.  I nudge Sweet Pea and mouth to her to go and get the boys back in the bathroom.

The boys, unimpressed with Sweet Pea’s authority, begin to scream in protest.  I look up and Sweet Pea has both of them by the arm and is attempting to drag them back to the bathroom, while they are naked and flailing.

The sixty seconds are over and Daisy Mae read the fastest she has ever read.

Bam!

School took us until a little after 4pm.  We did Bible, Math, Spelling, Reading, Phonics, Writing, History, and Science.

And Handsome Dude had the nerve to ask me this question after dinner.

“Mom!  MOOOOM!  Why we not do school today?  Did we not wake up in time?”

Why we NOT do school today?

Oh, we DID school.  And it was full of splendor, my boy.

No need to offer advice, dear readers.  I know where I went wrong yesterday.  I was too distracted and tried to do too many things at once.  School goes much better when that is the only thing I am trying to do.

***

On a lighter note, we asked all the children what they would like to be when they grow up.

Little Dude says he would like to be a “Can Man.”

Which, as he describes it, involves riding around on a 4-wheeler all day with a garbage can attached to the back, picking up cans all day to recycle.

He is reaching for the stars.