We started homeschooling this year the day after Labor Day.
I was one busy lady trying to manage the education of each of my children. I don’t know why, but this year seemed so much harder than any other year.
Homeschooling was starting to become a burden to me. And that burden seemed to be more than I could bear.
I felt trapped. And I hated that I felt that way.
I prayed about it. I tried to change my attitude about it.
But I was miserable. And that burden just did not go away.
Now. I know life isn’t all about me, and I truly want to do what is best for my children. David and I did a lot of talking and a lot of praying and we decided to look into enrolling our kids into school. Because of where we live, our options are limited. I could drive 45 minutes one way to a pretty good school district. But this option seemed less than ideal. I did not want to be forced to drive that far daily, even if the roads were bad. Besides, that school district couldn’t accommodate all of my kids at the same school. Private school is financially out of the question (as well as 45 minutes away), unless I were to get hired as a teacher at one. So we looked at the school in our district. This school district is not as good as the 45 minute away one.
However. I met with the principal, who is newer, and he was very honest with me. He showed me all the ups and downs of the school, as well as the steps they have taken to improve the school. Next, the principal invited the kids to spend the day there before we committed. The kids all enjoyed themselves and the staff was very friendly and welcoming.
And, on October 7th, all my kids started attending there. I was still in a state of panic/denial, but I did have the presence of mind to remember to capture their “first” day of school photos.
Sweet Pea, 5th grade
Daisy Mae, 4th grade
Handsome Dude, 1st grade
Little Dude, Kindergarten
I dropped them off. And I went home.
And THAT, my dear friends, was the absolute worst day of my entire life. I know that sounds dramatic, and I am sorry it does, but it was truly awful.
Crying.
Hyperventilating.
Wondering why on earth I did this.
And more crying.
Oh! And while I was home alone, for the first time, in like, forever, the horses decided to break through their fence and flit about the neighborhood. So that was fun. Calling my neighbor to come help me and having to explain why I was crying.
Because, seriously. I was crying. All day.
A lot of my identity had become wrapped up in homeschooling. I had too high of expectations of myself, and of my children, and I was making myself (and probably my children) miserable.
I was always worried that I wasn’t doing a good job at homeschooling. Turns out I did just fine! All of my children are performing in the top percentile of their classes and Little Dude has blown everyone out of the water with his stellar knowledge of math and reading. I was worried about him not really learning anything this year, but his teacher caught on right away and has scheduled a meeting with a special curriculum assessment team at the school to determine how to best challenge him.
My kids are doing great at school and have done well with the adjustment. Sweet Pea has had a bit of a hard time with this new thing called, “Girl Drama.” Both girls have been asked out “hundreds” of times by boys.
BOYS! REAL BOYS! Asking MY girls out. The nerve.
Sweet Pea made the comment,
“Mom. It is really dumb. Like where are we going to go? We can’t drive. We don’t have anywhere to go.”
Ha. She also told one persistent boy that she would not go out with him because if she did, she might not have as much time to spend with her animals, and she likes her animals more than boys.
One of the hardest parts for me was letting go of the control over the education. I know EVERYTHING that they know. I know what they don’t know. I know what they need to learn. I know where their strengths are and where their weaknesses are.
And I have just placed (some of) that control in the hands of four other people.
It is all very stressful.
But here is the best part of all:
I am there everyday.
Thankfully, I kept my teacher certification current so I am offered a sub position daily. And ever since I was hired as a sub, I have been there everyday. I am enjoying teaching in a classroom setting and remembering why I went to school to be a teacher, all those years ago. The staff is amazing at this school. They do a great job in their rooms and have been so welcoming and encouraging to me. I am enjoying being there.
This has been the hardest trial of my life. I know God is leading me through something right now and I am trying to be patient and trust in Him.
We might go back to homeschooling one day, but for now, I believe we are doing what God wants us to do.
***
On a much lighter note, look at what we found in our hay barn:
Kittens!
Mrs. Poppers was apparently quite UN-faithful to her husband, Mr. Poppers (of whom we stripped of his manhood) and had babies with an unknown cat of the male species.
This has all been very exciting.
So. We have four baby kittens.
Presh.
***
Want to hear some crazy, fantastic, exciting news?
David is getting out of the rabbit biz.
He listed them all, along with all their paraphernalia, on The Craigslist.
Want to know why?
He’s making room for pigs.
Happy Sunday!
Hugs! You just told my story, too. Somehow I am way better at teaching kids that are not my own. I pulled out tons of my hair when I tried homeschooling and I’m much happier teaching in the school that my kids attend. I’m glad you are able to be close to them and watch them bloom …all because you were one great mom who made the decision that you think to be best for them and for yourself. There are days I’m convinced I’m making the worst decision by NOT homeschooling them since so many sing the praises and then I remember back to how much it hurt when I pulled out my own hair (figuratively) and I think this is a much better fit. These days and in my current friendship circles, it seems that NOT homeschooling makes me the oddball….but for now…for us…it seems best.
Im sorry to hear that you got out if homeschooling, but i understand you must do what is the best for your family. Blessings to you and the family. 🙂
I was told to pass this note along to you:
Dear Mrs. LJ:
You have enough
You do enough
You ARE enough
Love, Jesus
(I am pretty sure the first line is referring to the pigs.)
Taylor, your story reminds me totally of myself:) You shouldn’t feel bad at all! I am actually going to put my kids in private school where we are at. So happy to be on our new adventure soon:)…will continue to pray for u guys! Will keep in touch and miss u guys already!
You will always be their teacher, even if they have others along the way. Trust your instincts and try not to second guess yourself. It sounds like a good situation for all. I admire you for doing what is best for your family at this time. Good moms are good moms, whether their kids are home schooled or public schooled. God bless your family as you make this transition. Also praying that the horses stop their flitting about the neighborhood. 🙂
You and your kids will be a HUGE blessing on that school. Good for you for exploring it and not just assuming you should keep on homeschooling. I’m sure God has you right where He wants you!
I agree Melissa! There are seasons of life and adjusting to them is a challenge and yet a blessing. Glad to hear everyone is okay, Taylor! When you don’t post in a while, we all get worried! 🙂 Blessings!
Okay, so how is it possible that the day before I start homeschooling my own children, you tell me you stopped? I will have to read back issues of The Lumberjacks Wife for moral support. Seriously, though, I am happy for you. This is going to be a new season, but maybe a really refreshing one.
Taylor, you are doing a great job at being a mom and seeking the Lord’s will. Look at how the Lord has you with them still, all day long. What provision he provides in every circumstance. I had a similar experience when my kids were young. If we are faithful, even when we don’t completely understand, God will bless us. When in doubt as to whether you did or are doing the right thing, go back to the step of FAITH you made and exchange it for the lie the enemy will try and smack you with. Keep your eyes on Him – He will keep leading you through the unknown. I’m proud of you for being so obedient with something so hard.
~sherri
Hi Taylor-
There are seasons, and all parents need to do what is best for their own children in any given season. Don’t be too hard on yourself. I know easier said than done, but kids change, circumstances change, needs change, and it’s a blessing to be able to recognize that and then make choices based on what’s right for your kids. Hope everyone has a wonderful year, mom included : )
I think it’s fabulous that you have so many good choices on options to educate your kids. Each and every one of them come with good points and bad points but it’s wonderful that you have choices.
Of course choices can also make for hard decisions as you just found out. It sounds like you put thought, prayer and time into that decision though which is a great formula for a good outcome.
And control?
It’s just an illusion anyway so learning to let go of it is a GOOD thing. 😉
So when the inevitable hard days come in your new situation, remember that God IS in control and let him lead you where the path takes you.
I am impressed that you are supporting your local school district!! I firmly believe that our schools are what we, the parents and children, make them. We can work with what is available and create great schools right where we are. Congratulations on starting a new project that involves your whole family! (I’m not talking about the pigs.)
I’m sorry the transition was so hard for you! I must admit that I longed to homeschool my children and I prayed and prayed about that decision. God CLEARLY showed me that He did not gift me with those abilities. Now, both our son and daugher are grown. They both held fast to their faith throughout their college years. I agree wholeheartedly with the other comments which say that you WILL continue to teach them every day, not just with homework help and other academic matters, but with more important life lessons which will guide them the rest of their lives.
Hey! I don’t usually comment on here…but I never miss a week without checking the latest on your blog. I have a lot in common with you – 4 crazy kiddos (ages 9,7,4 and 1), a workaholic husband, “big riggs”, chickens, and even hogs (we currently have 1300). I keep coming back for the smiles and encouragement as a busy mom. Anyway, sounds like you are beating yourself up with your latest change in life, and I just want to send a note of encouragement…parenting is all about big important decisions. What we choose is exactly what plan God has for us and our little people. School has been amazing for us and our kids. I know that we will cherish all the memories we make at home together as a family, but I also know that “classroom time”, friends and other teachers have been an important part of how my children are being molded. Starting the day with prayer, leaving the house with a hug and getting a shoe-check for chicken poop has been our routine now for 5 years. And that, my friend, has left me with enough sanity to greet them with a smile when they walk back through the door 7 hours later 🙂 Best wishes to you, Mr. Lumberjack, and your precious school kids!!!
Wow! What a change!
Sounds like all is falling in to place to make your family
happy, healthy , and sane.
Wait though……more pigs….I take back the sane part.
Please don’t beat yourself up over this decision. If you and David prayed about it, God heard. He will bless your decision. It was never His intention that you kill yourself educating your children. You two are great parents, and you are a great mom. Homeschooling is no joke; there have been several families at our church who have put their kids back into the local school district. God will see all of His children through it.
So your other comments are way better than I could say it. But these “letting go” things… are so hard. I am so thankful that we have a God that we can trust who loves our kids even more than we do. Thankful that He’s carved a place for you nearby for this transition. And super happy that the kids are doing so well. God truly has His best for them.
You got the best of both worlds! To be at your children’s new school teaching is an amazing opportunity. As long as children learn to read, write and do ‘rithmatic they will be fine.
I know you are now teaching at the school but really thought you would blog more. I miss the blogs.
I miss all of you.
Me , too Stacy. More blog posts….between tears.