Winning at Life

David’s new pig plan, or as I like to call it, “Pigtopia” is well underway.

He has built five separate pens for his dear swine.  He currently has 26 of the little porkers.  I saw him looking on Craigslist today, and I noticed some concerning words.  Words such as, but not limited to, “Fully-bred Sow” and “$400.”

Oh, mylanta.

Craigslist.  It’s how David does all of his shopping.  He found a new camp trailer on his fave site just last weekend.  Allow me to tell you the tale:

First, we have a camp trailer.  It is a toy hauler.  It is fine. We don’t need a new one.

But David wants a new camp trailer.  It MUST be a toy hauler.  We cannot budge from this.  He also wants to upgrade our bed from a full to a queen.  I think he feels that he is 35 years old now and deserves a spacious bed for camping.  As all 35 year old men do.

He found such a toy hauler on The Craigslist.  The price?  $11,900.   So, we had to get in the rig and go take a look-see.

Me:  $11,900?

David:  I am not paying over $10,000.

Me:  I want to go on a cruise.

*birds chirping*

So, we get to the dealership and the general manager tells David he doesn’t want this trailer.

*Ahem*

Nobody tells David what he wants.

David:  Why not?

GM:  Well, it’s a mess.  Somebody went through it and ripped a bunch of stuff out of it.  I can’t sell it and I am not putting any more money into it.

David:  Well, can I look at it?  Will you sell it to me?

GM:  Yeah.

David:  What are you thinking price wise?

GM:  Well, I paid $6000.  And I don’t mind losing money on it.

It was at this moment, dear readers, that I knew we were done for.  We were going to buy ourselves a trailer.  Or at least 3/4 of a trailer.

So, we looked at it.  It was missing quite a bit of things.  It was dirty.  The mattresses needed to be taken to the dump immediately.

But it was a deal.  And David loves his deals.  And he got it for $4500.

Oh, he was basking in his glory.  He was the talk of the whole dealership.  Salesmen were coming from near and far to see David: the man, the myth, the legend, who had purchased a toy hauler (or 3/4 of a toy hauler) for the low low price of $4,5oo.

Salesman to David:  You are winning, man!  Anyone who walks in here and buys a toy hauler for $4,500 is winning at life!

So, there you go.

David has a project when he is finished with Pigtopia.  Because he has time for that.

***

I cashed in my “Good Wife Bonus” and had him buy me a new dining room set.  Oh!  Have you not heard of the “Good Wife Bonus?”

I just made it up!

And I awarded it to myself since I had “been cool” with the whole 3/4 of a trailer purchase.  I wish I would have thought of this earlier in life.  I probably would have been on a cruise by now.  Or a trip to Europe.

Guess where we bought the dining set from?

Craigslist.

IT HAS 8 CHAIRS, PEOPLE.

****

My phone died yesterday.  David bought me a new phone.  Guess where he bought it from.

Go ahead.

Guess.

****

This morning, we were late for church, as per our usual custom.  I hopped it the bathroom to take a quick shower and the water was hot like lava.  I tried to turn it to cold, but, alas, no water came out.  David, the genius that he is, knew that it was the “valve” (huh?) and we would have to go to the Home Depot after church. (NOT Craigslist.  Shocking)

My husband is THE MAN.  And he knows how to do all things.  I don’t know how he knows such things.  He just does.

2 weeks ago:  Our sewage pump broke.  (Gross)  He got right into the tank that holds our sewage (gross), took buckets and removed the waste water (gross), figured out the problem (gross), bought a new pump (CRAIGSLIST! I am telling you!  It is his one stop shop!), installed it, and didn’t bat an eye.

Me:  What if you die!  What if you die and I come home and the sewage is broken and how will I know what to do?  WHO WILL I CALL?  WHOSE JOB IS THIS?

David:  Just move to town.

Mmmm-hmmm.

***

So, tonight.  Tonight, I was making meals for the week.  This is what I must do now.  Just cook all the meals on Sunday.  It’s either that or cereal.  As I am cooking THREE MEALS (because I am a wife who is worth more than fine rubies) Little Dude shows me his homework that he forgot about.

LD:  Mom!  I have to make a leprechaun trap.  And write a paragraph about how it works.

What the what?  Who has time for this?  Not me.

Thankfully, LD has a big sister who was on it.

But then, I remembered.

I AM A TEACHER.  I am responsible for St. Patrick’s day joy for my 24 little pumpkins.  Folks, this is something I do not have time for.  I mean, I need to teach them how to read, do math, and write things.  I do not have time for trapping leprechauns!  I have already reached my “Creative Teacher Limit” by starting a unit on the Rainforest.   AND we are hatching chicks.  That is all I can do.  That’s it.

For the love.

So, now I must log off and try to decide if I am going to care about St. Patrick’s Day.

Happy Sunday!