The Calf Injury

David, laying on the bed, sticking his legs straight up in the air:  Quick.  Tell me if one of my ankles looks swollen.

Me:  Yes.  That one.

David:  Ok.

Then he gets up and walks away.

?

Me:  Well.  Are you ok?  Oh, I see you are bleeding.

David:  It’s nothing.  A calf fell on me.

Me:  Of course.

5 minutes later

Me:  DAVID!  It is too bad it is not your CALF that is injured.  Because then we could call it your CALF INJURY and it would be so punny!

David:  You are hilarious, Taylor.

I am the light of his life.

***

We need to discuss Daisy Mae.  And I am tired of calling her Daisy Mae, but this is what I named her some ten years ago in this blog world, and this is what we shall continue to call her.

Daisy Mae is daughter number two.  She is 15 and tired of people telling her she looks like me.

DM:  I’m like, I know.  I get it.  Let’s talk about something else.  Gosh.

DM is on the cusp of getting her driver’s license.  It is of great interest to David and I to get her licensed because we can already tell she will be a better driver than her older sister, Sweet Pea.

And I am regretting calling her Sweet Pea, but this is what I named her some ten years ago in this blog world, and this is what we shall continue to call her.

Anyways.  DM was eligible to get her license a couple of weeks ago.  I knew I had an upcoming trip (WITHOUT THE CHILDREN AND DAVID), so we decided to try and get her licensed by then so she could assist her father in the daily commute.

My trip begins on November 6th.  In order to be licensed, DM needed to pass a driving test and a written test.  I have the whole day off on the 6th, so I figured it would be PERFECT to take her to the DMV before my flight and get her all ready to go.  Because who has time to write multiple days of sub plans, I ask?

And now, allow me to tell you my tale of woe.

Friday, November 1st.

DM has her driving test with a friendly fellow named Max.  I ride with her.  I lend her my nice sunglasses so she can be that much more awesome.  I feel she nails the test.

Max fails her.  She did not look thoroughly enough through intersections even when she had a green light.  Max feels she is too trusting and might get hit someday by someone who is running a red light.

I appreciate Max’s caution.  However.  He then told me I had to go back to the DMV and pay for another skills test so she can test again.  And she has to wait three days.

And can we not all agree that going to the DMV is the bane of everyone’s existence?

Daisy Mae cried.  She shouted.  She declared the world to be the most unfair world of all the worlds.  And why did she tell people she had a driving test today?  And who doesn’t pass a driving test?  And I (Taylor) might as well drive the rest of the night because OBVIOUSLY SHE WAS NOT TO BE TRUSTED behind the wheel.

She handled her setback like a champ.

I dropped her off at her friend’s house for the night.  I am nice.

Monday, November 4th

I am still trying to get DM her license by the 6th.  I have to rush to work early and write sub plans for a half day so I can go and get DM from school and rush her to the DMV where I will have to waste all of my life in a waiting room just to pay $6.50 so she can drive with Max again.

DM texts me:  Um, mom.  I cannot find my permit.

For.  The.  Love.

This child loses her permit/wallet every 5 minutes and I am not exaggerating

Me:  WELL FIND IT.

So, I call the DMV, as I am writing the sub plans and ask if she needs a permit to get the receipt to retake the driving test.  And while I am on the phone I receive yet another text from the child that looks like me.

DM;  Found it.

So.  We get to the DMV.  On a Monday afternoon.

DM:  Since I am here, can I just take the written test today so Wednesday will be faster?

Me:  Yes!  By all means!

She has studied.  She knows this.  She gets 100% on her practice app all the time.  I am not worried.

I sit at the DMV and continue to waste all of my life while she takes the test.

She walks towards me and looks like a three year old who is about to throw a fit.

Me:  How did it go?

DM (going back to “champ” mode)  I failed it!  I got the LAST QUESTION WRONG, MOM!  Why me?  WHY?  Everyone else can pass!

So we go the friendly DMV gal and she informs us that DM cannot retake the written test until Thursday.  And on Thursday, I will be in a different state.

I call David.  I inform him of his child’s bad luck and inform him that I have fought the good fight.  I have done all that I can do.  I cannot get her licensed before I leave town.  I now pass the torch on to him.

He does not appreciate this news.

Oh.  Well.

Tuesday, November 5th

This is my last morning at school before I leave.  It is A LOT of work to prepare a guest teacher to take over for you for multiple days.

On our way into town, DM informs me that she left her office keys for work in SP’s car and she will need them.  Also, the title for the car is missing from the glove box.  AND MAX NEEDS TO SEE THE TITLE OR SHE WILL FAIL.

The title was under the seat of the car.  Why?  We know not.

I inform DM to make arrangements with SP to get her office keys to her before noon.  I was leaving work at noon for a training.

Later, I get to the training.  I text SP and ask if she was able to get the keys to my car.

SP:  I don’t have her keys.  I have like already told her this like a million times.  Gosh.

Teens.  Sassy.

So, I text DM and tell her she needs to work out the key problem with her sister herself.

No one texts me back.

Next, I get a call full of fury and rage from one Sweet Pea who had to go out of her way to bring me her own set of keys so DM could lock up and found that my car was not at the school parking lot.

The nerve of me.

Me:  I tried to talk to you earlier and would have told you that I was not at school, but you were not having it.   I am five minutes away.  You can find me.  Use the Life 360 app.

Yes.  There’s an app for that.

SP calls me multiple times because she does not understand where I am, even though the app clearly tells her.

She brings me her keys and makes sure I know that DM must know that these are HER keys and DM better not lose them.

Lest we be unclear, DM loses everything.  She is not to be trusted.

I have to leave my writing training early to pick DM up for her drive with Max.  DM is full of gloom and informing me that she shouldn’t even go because obviously she was not meant to drive.  And whilst I am looking for something else in my car, I find HER ACTUAL WORK KEYS.

Me:  Are these YOUR keys?

DM:  Oh, oops.  Yes.  Please don’t tell SP.

We get to the Max meeting spot and I go over with her all the things I think she needs to know before I leave her.

Me:  Maybe you should pray.

DM:  I prayed last time.  And it obviously didn’t work.

Me:  Maybe this all happened for a reason.  Maybe in ten years you will be driving with your little baby.  And you will remember what Max said and look very carefully in all directions while proceeding through a green light.  And you will notice a careless driver running a red light.  And you and your baby will be saved because you remembered what Max told you.

DM:  Doubt it.

*sigh*

She passed.

So I had to take her to Wendy’s for a victory before work 4 for $4 and then drop her off at work.

We pull up to her work.

DM:  Shoot.  Mom, I forgot to pack work shoes again.

She said “again” because she had forgotten them last week.  And I had to save the day last week.

So, I take off my shoes and put on her Nikes.  It is a good thing we wear the same size.

Me:  You really need to try to be more responsible.

DM;  Geez, Mom.  Gosh.  I know.

Me:  Oh.  Where are my sunglasses from the last drive.  I need them for my trip.

DM:  Oh.  Oops.  I left them at my friend’s house.

***

This is Taylor, signing off.  I am going to fly to California tomorrow.  I am going to Disneyland.  I am going to have fun.  I am going with my mom, sister Meagan, her spouse, Jess, and I believe we are seeing a few aunts along the way.

I have written sub plans.  I have sent many emails.  I have mapped out schedules for David.  I have done all that I can do.

I wash my hands of it.  And I will go and see Mickey Mouse.

Happy Tuesday!