Handsome Dude is like his father in many ways. Except one.
Sickness.
David can be sick for days and no one will know. He has never, not ever, stayed home sick from work. He even went to work when his appendix was bursting, and even then, his brother, Jason-
Remember, Jason?
His brother, Jason, who was also his co-worker at the time, found him huddled on the floor of a house they were wiring. And had to drag him to the hospital. You can read about that fun saga here.
But, I digress.
HD has a cold. And, oh my goodness gracious, the world is ending.
Mom, can I have a tissue?
Mom, look at how much snot came out of me?
Mom, can I have another tissue?
Mom, do I sound funny?
Mom, it hurts when I swallow.
Mom, can I have a tissue? I mean, I guess I can just use toilet paper.
Mom, at night I wake up and I have so much snot. It is hard to breathe. Is that ok?
Mom, can you rub my head?
Mom, look at this snot. I just blew my nose 2 minutes ago.
Mom, do you think I can get another tissue?
Me: FOR THE LOVE. Just blow your nose. I do not need reports!
And everyone, he is fine. I mean, I am sure he has a bit of a cold, but he is also playing basketball and hot-tubbing it. He is not at death´s door.
***
I have the best class this year. Seriously.
Anyways. I felt bad because on Thursday I kind of lost my patience for the first time. I made it to December. That is pretty dang good, Friends.
Anyways, I was having an ¨intense¨ conversation with a student during math. He just could not understand what 7+0 was. I mean, I was using blocks, I was using stories.
Nothing.
But anyways. I was in this intense fellowship with him, and one of my girls, WHO KNOWS EXACTLY WHERE TO PUT HER FINISHED PAPER, is standing right by me:
Girl (in a sweet voice): Teacher! Teacher! Teacher! Look! I am done! Teacher!
I ignore her, hoping she will catch on. I continue to fail as a math teacher.
Girl: Oh, Teacher! Where should I put my page? Teacher? Teacher?
Me (very loudly. Maybe almost yelling): ARE YOU INTERRUPTING ME?!
Yeah. It was not my best moment.
But she just looked at me and turned her paper in. To the correct spot.
I felt kind of bad about it later that night. And the next morning, she brought this note into me.
It reads:
I love you Mrs. M. so much. You are the best teacher in the whole world.
*sigh*
And I love her, too.
I got a new kiddo today. She just moved here from Australia. AND SHE HAS AN ACCENT.
New Australian Student (in her darling accent): Teacher? Can I toilet now?
Seriously.
Best.
Year.
Ever.
***
And now I must tell you a horrific tale.
You have heard me speak of my ELL buddy, who is the current love of my life. He is coming out of his shell and talking more and interacting more with everyone.
One afternoon, everyone was doing little jobs and helping clean up. We ran out of cleaning wipes. I asked my sweet guy if he would like to run an errand for me to the office.
His first errand! What fun!
I wrote a note for him. It reads: ¨Mrs. M. needs cleaning wipes.¨
I give him the note. I tell him to take it to the office and they will give him some wipes and he will bring them back. He nods and proudly heads down the hall.
After awhile, I notice he has been gone for some time.
Too long.
I call the office.
Me: Have you seen my dude?
Office: Yes. He is in the bathroom with an aide getting wiped up.
Me: Why?
Office: Because you wanted him wiped up?
Me: Um. No. I just needed wipes for my classroom.
Oh, this was a shining moment in my teaching career, Friends.
My guy took the note down to the office. The office was very busy. Someone quickly scanned the note and apparently only caught the word ¨wipe.¨
AND THOUGHT I WANTED HIM WIPED.
So they make little my little guy, who is so proud to be completing his first errand for his teacher, go to the bathroom and they give him a wipe. They tell him to wipe himself.
He looks at them confused and starts to wipe his knees on the outside of his pants.
The aide takes over and helps him clean up from his non-existent potty accident.
You. Guyzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
The horror!
My poor dude! I wonder if he thinks that is what all the children must do when they get to run an errand for the teacher?
The horror!
I had the interpreter call home and explain to his mama.
Luckily, the next day he did not seem overly traumatized and gave me a hug.
But.
The horror!
Happy Monday!
‘Remember, Jason.’ I love it! Yup I remember and am pleased to see him again!
I’ve taught children who find maths a totally alien concept – I wasn’t very good at it. Did you try asking one of the other children to teach it to him? Wish I’d done that!
Poor ELL buddy! Oh, the mortification!
I am reading this at the ungodly hour of 4:30ish AM, because that’s when the dairy dude wants to get up and have his breakfast before he heads out to milk. (Husbands…heh) Anyways, it is hard not to laugh out loud with these stories.
I love your teaching adventures. Poor ELL. Glad he wasn’t too traumatized.
Boys will forever be proud of their snot. Husband sometimes listens to ham radio; the local 70 or 80 something dudes who talk on there proudly announce how generous with snot their nasal cavities are. Fun listening times.
Going to share that last story with my teacher daughter as she will most definitely appreciate it : ) She has a wonderfully delightful class that as she told me recently, ‘I am so happy all day at school.’ She needed this, just sayin’.
I’m glad you’re still blogging some. I’m a sometime blogger too, but still enjoy it and reading when I make time (aka put off doing something I should be doing to drink tea and sit at the computer).
Merry Christmas!!
Accents are so fun to listen too! But cultural differences are often surprising! You are doing very well if you got to this point without losing your temper in class. Congratulations!