Around 8:30pm last night, I decided it was time for bed. I am old now, and this is what has become of my life.
Me: I have to go to sleep now.
David: Go for it.
Me (turning into the insane person that I do every evening after 8pm): David! Will you make sure you put the dogs to bed?
David: Yup.
And I believed him. Like a fool.
Around 12:30am, I woke up to the new baby puppy, Charlie, sniffing my face.
Me (being rude and waking David up): You said you would put the dogs to bed!
David (now being the insane person): I DID.
Me: Then why is Charlie licking my face?
David does a dramatic sigh and flings blankets all around and goes about putting ALL the dogs to bed.
And I type ALL with much drama and fanfare because WE HAVE FOUR DOGS. And we have endured many a rough night with lots of dog poo and pee about to discover the trick to successfully putting ALL the dogs to bed to make sure that we make up to a clean house.
It involved three dog kennels in our bedroom and a baby gate across the doorway to a room that has been declared a favorite of our canine friends for pee and poo.
David comes back to bed, and of course, I now must get up to go to the bathroom.
You might exclaim, ¨Taylor! Why did you wake David up if you were about to get up anyways?¨
Not the point, my friends.
As I am making my way to the bathroom, I see the puppy zip by. She is quite pleased with herself and definitely not sleeping in her kennel.
Me (putting on my rude pants again): David!
David: WHAT?
Me: I thought you just got up to put the dogs to bed?!
David: I DID.
Me: Then why is the puppy-
And at that moment my friends, our crazy puppy, Charlie, jumped up onto our bed and landed right with her hiney on David´s face.
It was awesome.
And then he pushed her off the bed and she peed on the floor.
Married life. We are living the dream out here.
The next morning, Handsome Dude informed us that Charlie had eaten his glasses. And he was correct. And they are goners.
It was like a flashback to the days or yore when David used to try and weld them back together.
This time, David found some amazing flex and seal tape and we wrapped up those bad boys like a boss. But herein lies the problem: Handsome Dude is no longer a carefree four year old who does not care if his glasses are duct taped and crooked. He is a 12 year old boy who is definitely not cool with wearing taped up glasses to middle school on Monday. And if he doesn´t wear his glasses, he cannot see and his eye turns in. And his glasses usually take about 10 days to come in when ordered.
So, stayed tuned.
***
Student: Mrs. M! Did you know that my dad is doing ¨Dry January?¨ That means he cannot drink any alcohol for the WHOLE month.
Two days later-
We are reading Farmer Boy and the family is going to make cider.
Me: Does anyone know what cider is?
Dry January Student: It is a drink. Another drink adults like is called a ¨Hot Toddy.¨
Hmmmm
***
I got sick shortly after I wrote my last blog post. Like way bad sick. I had a fever of 104.8 and ended up on two antibiotics. I was so sick I could barely take care of my sub plans. Luckily, my two amazing first grade teammates covered for me.
Holla, Kim and Sandy!
But, anyways.
Being out for multiple days in a row is never good. These were some of the things that happened while I was out:
*One boy demanded to talk to me when I returned. He said he could not keep quiet because what two kids had done was AGAINST THE LAW. They had peed outside.
*One student stole some items from friends.
*One student fell and had a serious injury
*Another student stole something
*Everyone lost important winter clothing items
Update: The students did not mean to pee outside. They had just waited too long and did not want to pee their pants. They regret their actions.
***
Me, teaching math and feeling something weird on my head: Friends?
Yes, I call my students Friends. I do not know why.
Students: Yes?
Me: Is something weird going on with my head?
Students: No?
Me: Ok. My head felt funny.
Student: Mrs. M, you look just as beautiful as you always do. You are always beautiful.
Me: Oh, well, thank you, but back to math-
All Students: You are so pretty!
Me: We are still doing math, Friends.
Happy Saturday!
Oh, Taylor, I so enjoy reading about your life!! I’m glad you are all well now, and have worked your way down the list of “Things that Happened while Dear Teacher was Out.”
I bet David was glad he had already pushed the puppy off the bed…..