Dove Beauty Bar

Yes, hello.  I am tired and freezing.  Please allow me to fill you in on recent events.

1.  Pig sales are in full swing.
2. David called yesterday at 6am to see if Kate could transport two piglets on her way to work.  This irritated Kate because, “I do not want pigs in MY car.”  So I told her she could take my car.
3. The pig people wanted two girls.  Lucky for me, not only do I have no idea how to genderfy kittens, I also don’t know how to genderfy pigs.  And, no.  Genderfy is not a word.  I made it up!
4. Me on the phone to David:  I have found one with nipples!  Lots of nipples!  Does that mean it is a girl?
   David:  No, they all have nipples.
5. Why is it so hard?
6. Once we got what we hope are two females loaded into a dog kennel, we loaded it into my car.  But my car would not start.  Story of my life.  So, I told Kate she had to take the pigs in HER car and it would be fine.  She wanted me to know that she would prefer to not make this  a habit.  Understandable.
7. I would like you to know that I used the power of YouTube and figured out that I needed to replace a battery in my key fob and my problem is now solved.  GO ME.
8. Then we sold four more pigs.
9. Today it was raining a treacherous rain.  All kids decided that all pigs were near death from the rain and were in full panic mode.  Two sickly pigs were brought into our home.  HD built a fire and Kate and Hadley lovingly cared for the little oinkers.  Our farm dog, Abbie, would not leave their side.

One is in a basket and one is in a kennel.

10.  We tried many things.  We gave them penicillin.  We gave them food and water.  We warmed them up.  We don’t know what we are doing.  I want you to understand that I, yes, I, Taylor Maliblablah, injected penicillin into two pig bottoms.

11.  Then I had to go and find all the cows.  Two of our cows are “supposedly” supposed to have babies soon, so I had to go traipsing about the property to locate everyone.  I looked for almost an hour and could not locate Matilda, one of the gals who we feel is close. So, naturally, I am all agog thinking she is probably birthing AT THIS VERY MOMENT IN TIME.

12. I came back, soaking wet, just in time to hear that basket piglet died and people were here to buy 7 pigs.

13.  Who needs 7 pigs?  Seriously?

14.  Oh!  Also!  I am hatching chicks on my counter for my virtual students and there is a whole lotta chirping going on in those eggs right now.

15.  Then we sold 3 more pigs.

16.  Then HD found a dead pig outside.  For reasons unbeknownst to everyone.

17.  One pig is still alive in the dog kennel.

18.  I have dry pants on and am drinking tea, so I feel much happier.

19.  But, alas.  I just saw Matilda and she looks absolutely fine and not at all like she just had a baby.

20.  We can’t get pig smell off of LD.  He smells rank.  He has already taken three showers today.  He is assuring us he is using soap.  I feel like he might be telling the truth because he is now the #1 Fan of Dove Beauty Bars.  I normally buy Irish Spring, but had to buy Dove, and he is all about it.

“Oooh, Mom.  I am loving this Dove beauty bar.”

He calls it “Dove Beauty Bar” every time he speaks of it.

But today, after the shower, he made us smell his skin and all share in his disappointment that he still smelled like pigs, and not like a Dove Beauty Bar.

Happy Tuesday!