Tithing Cows

I took HD to get his new glasses frames.  I brought with me HD and the chewed up lenses.  When we walked in, I saw Bob, but he was busy helping someone else.  A gal I have never seen before called me over and said she would help me.  I wanted to wait for Bob, but I didn’t want to be rude, so I obeyed.

For the purposes of this post, we shall call her, “Fran.”

Fran was 100% not impressed with me.

Fran:  Where are his old frames?

Me:  Oh, they were chewed up into like 100 pieces.

Fran:  Ok, but I still need them.

Me:  Oh, I didn’t know.  I threw them away.  I can show you a picture?

Fran:  Well, I need something to return to the manufacturer.  I will need to go and speak to my manager.

Gasp.  Bob has never had to talk to the manager.  In fact, I may have thought Bob WAS the manager.  But, alas.  He is not.

Fran:  My manager said we can help you just this once.  And for future reference, “the puppy chewed them” is not usually covered under warranty.

Me:  Ok, thank you.

Boy, did I feel sheepish.  I wasn’t trying to do anything sneaky.

Fran is trying to be nice to me and HD, bless her heart.

HD:  Can you help me curve the arms around my ears?

Fran:  Ok, but they really are not made to do that.

Gasp.  Bob always offers to curve the arms for HD.

Fran:  Ok.  All set!

Me:  Oh.  There is supposed to be a strap across the back?

Fran:  We assumed you would have that.

Me:  No.  The puppy ate that, too.

So, I am happily paying $15 for a strap.  And I got to wave hello to Bob.  And through all of our FaceMasks, I hope he saw the look on my face that meant to relay:

“Dear Bob.  You were missed today.  Thank you for spoiling us these 13 years.  We will wait for you next time.”

Let the records show:  I do not feel Fran was rude.  I just feel like we have been spoiled these many years with Bob.

***

HD left his glasses on the ground again last night.

Me:  YOU MUST STOP LEAVING THE GLASSES FOR THE PUPPY TO CHEW!

I am sure this will all end well.

***

 

Today.

Today is Little Dude’s 12th birthday.  When I woke up this morning, I could tell the kitchen looked a bit different from when I left it.  It was clean!  Just different.

Me:  Dude.  Did you bake cookies last night?

LD:  Why, yes I did.

Me:  When?!

LD:  Around midnight last night.  To celebrate my birthday.

What am I going to do with this kid and his culinary passions after 10pm?  I ask you?

Last night, the neighbor asked the boys if they would like to come and work for him.  They were on cloud nine.  LD doesn’t even care that he is working on his birthday.

I was reading on the deck last night and HD came outside.

HD:  Mom, I have been waiting my whole entire life to say this.  I better go to bed now.  I gotta get up for work in the morning.

He was very excited.

HD:  Mom, I think I might need a big breakfast before I go.  What do you think?

Me:  Yeah, probably.

HD:  I wonder what I should have?

Me:  Would you like me to make you toast and eggs?

HD:  I was hoping you would say that.  You make the best toast.

And now, readers,  I will tell you how to make THE BEST TOAST.

1.  Get bread.
2. Put it in the toaster.
3. Toast it.
4. Spread butter on it.
5. Sprinkle with cinnamon sugar.

And now, readers, I will tell you how to make THE BEST EGGS.

1.  Use farm fresh eggs with multi colored shells.
2. Scramble them.

My boys know when the eggs are store bought and turn their noses up at them.

Before their first day of work, I had to have a Come to Jesus meeting with them.

I informed them about tithing.

LD:  What if he pays us with a cow?

Me:  What?!  He is not going to give you a cow for four hours of yard work.

LD:  But what if he does?  How would I tithe that?

For the love.

Me:  Determine the value of the cow.  If it was worth $500, you would give the church $50.

LD:  Ok, got it, Mom!

Then I made the shake hands and promise not to fight with each other the entire time they were there and no saying the words “stupid” and “idiot” and save all their issues to work out with me when they got home.

Let us hope they listened.

Me:  Ok, boys!  Time for your first day of work and LD’s Happy Birthday Picture!

Boys:  Seriously?

Me:  Yup!

They were so excited they left 40 minutes early.  For a 3 minute bike ride.

I told them to pack a lunch.  They packed water, gatorade, string cheese, pretzels and many of LDs homemade chocolate chip cookies.

***

Last night, Kate wanted me to try on her jeans.  I tried to explain to her that there was no way on this here Earth that I would fit into her jeans.

Kate:  Please, Mom.  JUST TRY.

So, I did.  And they fit!

Me:  Oh, wow.

Kate:  I knew they would.  Because when I stand up they practically fall off of me.

Let the records show:  They were a mite snug.

***

The Rental.

We have basically sold all we can and have started sanding the floors.  Actually, David has started sanding the floors.  I will help with that this weekend.  I need to be retrained.  It has been a good 16 years since I have done anything like that.

But I am contributing in my own way.

When we got to the house, the bathtub and kitchen sink were awful.  Stains and disgustingness.  We both agreed we would probably have to replace them.

But I cleaned the tub with a magic eraser and it looks good as new.

The sink was a different story.

I tried so many things.  I googled many tricks.  I couldn’t get it clean.  David said we would have to buy a new one.

But then I thought of . . . wait for it . . . a pumice stone.

So now, I can feel as though I am a contributing partner in this marriage.

David can refinish the floors and I can save sink.

We are all heroes.

Happy Friday!