If You Wake Me Up Again, I Will Go Sleep On The Couch

I am happy to report that Miss America might be a fit mother after all.  Sam is one week old today, and a more cuter calf he could not be.

She oft brings him to the feeders and water and he jumps and bucks and hops and is precious to my heart.  She keeps an eye on him and allows him to play with the elusive calves, who I believe I named Toby and Evie.  It is all very precious, very pleasant, very happy.

For we know this to be true: Taylor likes the cows.

In fact.  I have gotten a bit into finding new decor.  I like the farmhouse look, and then I was like, “Taylor!  What fun!  You have a farm and a house!”  So, I am going with it and I have discovered boxwood and life is happy.

I have also discovered something called The Arrow Sign.  I did not know such a thing existed.  Mother informed me that I can switch things out with it and it made me feel really excited and I think this is what it means to be almost 40?

I had David hang it for me and then I had to jump for glee.

Me:  David!  It is an ARROW SIGN.  And it is literally a cow pointing to our actual cows!  That’s where the cows are!

David:

Me:  Isn’t if cute?!

David:

Hadley:

Well, I like it.

Hay.  Hay is now on hold due to things I do not understand on other farmers’ ends.

Here is a picture of the hay field I had to drive my Infiniti with a utility trailer through.  I did not mess up once that I know of.

Parenting teens is not for the faint of heart.

A teen, who shall remain nameless, was supposed to be home at 10 and then negotiated to 10:15.  This poor teen’s parents are old and like to go to bed around 9:30 and wake up before 5am.

Teen was still not home after 11.

Mmmm-hmmmmm.

And it is a good thing these teens have ME because David is not capable of parenting after 9:30pm.

So I was trying to stay awake and wait for my wayward teen.  David is completely out.  Totally asleep.  I wake him to tell him something, because he is just as much this teen’s parent as I am.

I woke him once.  And gently.  And was talking in a nice, loving wife voice.  And would you like to know what he said?  In a not nice husband voice?

“If you wake me up again I will go sleep on the couch.”

I felt it was uncalled for.

In true David fashion, he does not remember these events at all.  Probably didn’t even know the teen came home late.  Maybe he didn’t even know the teen was out?  I cannot be certain.

But it did remind me of a lesson I learned early on in our marriage.

The lesson:  Do not ask David to help with ANYTHING after he has fallen asleep.

And here is how I learned that lesson:

When Kate as an infant, she didn’t sleep at night.  Story of all infants lives, right?  Well, we were 21 and 22 and new to this no sleep phenomenon and it was totally rocking my world.  So one night I had finally HAD IT.

Me:  I NEED TO SLEEP.  I need you to help.  I need you to take care of the crying child so I can sleep.

David:  You got it.

See how nice and agreeable he is when he is not insane?  Also, not sure how we were going to accomplish this as I was nursing Kate and we didn’t have bottles.  But again, I was 21.  David was 22, so he probably should have known better.

So the night comes.  And the baby wakes.  And I wake the sleeping David to tell him he is up.

And this was the night I learned that David was insane in the middle of the night.

His whole personality changes.  He sighs a lot and makes dramatic motions with his hands.  He also does weird grunting noises and talks in a very sassy voice.

So.  I could tell he was a bit off, which made me worry, which made me not sleep.  Which was the whole point of this adventure.

I heard noise.  I heard ruckus.  I had to investigate.

I found David lying on the couch, kind of holding a crying baby and humming.  He was definitely more asleep than she was.  I was afraid she would fall to the ground so I tried to take her.

This offended David who informed me that he had this under control.

Then he started to walk around with the crying baby, still humming.  And he ended up on the toilet.

The toilet was closed and he was fully dressed.  But he was humming.

And then he got annoyed at me because the whole point was for me to be asleep and if I was just going to be awake, he should go to bed.  And then I got annoyed at him because I hadn’t slept in like 47 days.

David (sassy): Bring me the superglue.

Me:  What!  Why?

David:  I am going to fix her.

So, I flip out again and he got annoyed again because there is no point in us both being awake.

So I *went to bed.*

After a bit of time, David came back to bed.  I was WIDE AWAKE.  Kate probably was, too.  David was not.

Me:  Where is she?

David:  Who?

Me:  THE BABY

David:  Oh, you know.

Me:  I don’t know.

David:  Yes.  You know.

Now he is all sorts of sassy and shifting all around the bed and pulling blankets all around and sighing.

Also, because we were 21 and 22, we had this plan called:  “Put the baby to sleep wherever she will sleep so we can try to sleep.”  This mean she sometimes slept in the crib, except she never really slept there.  Or the swing.  Or a bassinet.  Or wherever!

Me:  David!  I need to know where my baby is!

David:  She. Is. In. The. Thing.

Me:  What is the thing!?!

David (sassy sighing):  THE VENT

Well, there will be no sleeping for Taylor now and Taylor goes on a hunt to find the baby.

And if memory serves me correctly, she was in the crib.  Asleep.  A feat I was never able to accomplish.

And she didn’t even have superglue on her face.

Anyways.  That’s what happens when you try to involve David in the late hours of the night.

***

I took Kate and HD to the eye doctor today.  We have seen this doctor for about 9 years.  When they were giving HD his eye drops, the assistant made a remark.

Assistant:  I recall we used to have to have several of us hold you down for these appointments.  You sure have grown up!

*ah* Memories.  Also, LD used to shout out the answers to the poor not-so-great-at-seeing siblings and I would have to put my hand over his mouth for the entire appointment.

Let us be thankful and glad that LD is old enough to stay home for these sorts of things now.

I took the poor dilated children to-you guessed it!

Dutch Bros.

As we were waiting for our drinks, the barista gal said: “Oh I love your hair!  I love the way you curled it!”

So, I smiled and looked over at Kate, my cute 17 year old child.

But her hair WASN’T curled.

Barista and Friends started laughing at me.  And they were like, “Oh, who me?!” because I actually did that.  I totally did that.  I said, “Oh, who me?!” and it was pretty funny but it made me happy and then I went a bought another cow decoration.

BECAUSE I CAN.

Oh.  And to clear up confusion from my last post:

If you have a problem, yo, I’ll solve it.

Check out the hook while the DJ revolves it

Is lyrics from an actual song, not some weird secret language Hadley and I speak.

Does anyone know this song?

Hello?