Inches to Feet and Other Tricky Things

On Saturday, I drove to the big city, as I had errands to do.  My new thing is “Audible.”  Where has this been all my life?  I was listening to the final and 70th chapter of my Gone With the Wind and yelling at SIRI for interrupting and telling me when to turn left.

Me: AHHHH!  Shush!  She really loves Rhett!  He has to stay!  Will he stay?

Even though I already know he is going to leave and not give a darn.

Since I was going to the big city and all, David asked me if I would like to pick up a dishwasher from Craigslist.  Our dishwasher broke around the end of November and we have been handwashing dishes since then.

And, yes.  Middle school boys hand wash dishes just as well as you might think they would.

David also asked me to pick up chicken wire because, GUESS WHAT!  He is finally redoing the chicken coop so chickens will actually stay in the chicken coop.

I go to the store and I see chicken wire.  They have many diverse and sundry bundles of this poultry netting, coming in different heights and lengths.

I call David so he can instruct me on what to buy.  This might surprise you, but I am not a part of the building committee over here, so I have zero clues as how to high and long and such this fence will be.

I called David, as previously mentioned, and he was kind in voice, but obviously quite distracted.

David:  Um . . . do they have . . . um 5 ft high 150 yards long?

Me:  Yeah.  They have 2 of those.  How many should I get?

David:  Um . . . . Hey!  We already went that way! Um . . . . Come here!

Me:  Hello?

David:  Yeah.  Do they have 4 feet high?

Me:  Yes.  Is that what you want me to get?

David:  Um . . .

Me:  Ok, I will just get the 5 feet high, ok?

David:  No!  Come back here!  Taylor!  I need to stack it!

Me:  Huh?

David:  My posts are 9 feet high!

He says the last statement like everyone in this entire nation already knew that when David Maliblahblah was going to rebuild his wife’s chicken coop, it was quite obvious that the posts would be 9 feet high.

Me:  Ok!  I didn’t know!  I will get a 5ft and a 4ft-how much in length?

David: Um . . . .

This sort of nonsense goes on for awhile, so naturaly, I must interrupt his distracted musings with:

DAVID!  YOU ARE DRIVING ME NUTS!

Turns out while he and the boys, plus Kate’s boyfriend, were working outside they accidentally let two older calves out and were on a hunt for them.  And the answer was 150 yards.  I see one bundle of 60inx150 yards and one 48inx150 yards so I go inside to the cashier.

Me:  Hi!  I need chicken wire.  Do I get a cart and bring it in here to pay or how shall I get it?

Friendly Cashier:  No!  I can ring you up here and then you show your receipt and the guys will load it for you.

Me:  Super.

So Friendly Cashier pulls out a gigantic binder and finds chicken wire.  It is quite apparant that she does not know how to convert inches to feet because the binder is in inches and I am talking feet.

Me:  I need 5ftx150.

Cashier:  Hmmm.  Can you point to which one?

Me:  60in by 150 yards.

Cashier:  Ok, great!  And it is in stock!

So she rings me up for both the 5ft and the 4ft, or rather the 60in and the 48 in and then the guy who is supposed to load things comes and says inventory is all messed up and they really do not have the 4ft one.  And I am just plum confused because I just saw what I needed.  I had already paid and the two young but kind helpers were not sure how to handle this situation so they told me to go back out there with Loading Guy and pick out something I needed.

Loader Guy had left a bundle up at the front and told me it was a 5ft bundle.  So we were looking for the 4ft bundle and they did not have the 150yard length one, but they did have 3 50 yard length ones and I am trying to call David and ask if that would be ok and he is still super distracted and acting like 50×3 isn’t 150.

Yet, Reader.  It is.

Loader Guy, who is probably as old as my own child, says he needs to go and will come right back.  I decided that I am smart enough to know that 50×3 is 150 and David can check my math later, so I take the bundles with my receipt and go to the front.

I see the bundle Loader Guy had left and READER.

It was the 4ftx150 yard and not the 5x150yard and he never came back and I checked my receipt and I loaded exactly what I paid for in my car and drove away.

I just really wanted to tell someone about that experience.  It was frustrating.

Thank you for listening.

When I got home, the calves were still missing so David sent us all on a search party.  A neighbor had called and said he had seen them by the marina, and that means nothing to you, but that is like three whole miles away.

So, I am taking the exact route David told me to take, but I am following HD and Kate’s beau on the 4 wheeler and what is the point of that I ask you?

So I split off from them and go the actual marina, where a neighbor had spotted them, and there was an actual live beautiful and peaceful wedding happening there.

!

Reader.

Were two calves running amok and ruining this wedding?

How rude are we?

!

We couldn’t find them.  Then a neighbor called who had a mama cow die and he needed a bottle and GUESS WHAT.

I am apparently the neighborhood guru now when it comes to bottle calves.

We have been here 11 years and I am finally contributing to my little community.

Me:  David!  Does he want me to take the calf and raise it and love it as my own?!

David:  He said he already promised it to Jess.

Me:  Ugh.  Lucky Jess.

You do not know who Jess is.  But I do.  And Jess has the calf and the calf is great and not mine, but that is ok.

I guess.

On Sunday morning, both the girls boyfriends came over at the ungodly hour of 8:30am.  Because it was cow sorting day.

We needed to seperate some cows and tag three calves and castrate one calf.

We did it and nothing of note happened.

Then we had to go to the river property to talk about things I didn’t understand at all, but look!

The river is flooding!

So now, we have to wait for it to flood more and more and then to recede and then we can camp there!

Look at this little guy enjoying a nap in the sunshine the day after David and Hadley took away his manhood.

Happy Tuesday.

Oh! One calf came back and one is still missing.

I shall keep you abreast of the situation.