Oh, My Pants!

Because David is a jolly fellow, he will upon occasion, text a group of himself, Kate, Hadley, and I, ridiculous dad jokes randomly.

David:  Did you hear they aren’t going to make yard sticks any longer?

I check my text and roll my eyes and get back to my life.

And then there’s Kate.

Kate:  oh, no!  why?

(Fun fact.  Kate refuses to allow capital letters in her texts.  It is against her religion)

Me:  Kate.  It was a joke.  They won’t make yard sticks any longer than three feet.

Kate:  ohhhhhhhhhh

She’s a party and a half, that girl.

***

Kate’s boyfriend texted me yesterday morning.  It became quite apparent very quickly that he thought he was texting Kate.

Boyfriend:  Good Morning, Sweet Baby.  🙂

Me:  Don’t make it weird, Dude.

Boyfriend:  Oh, my pants.

So, now, I shall say the phrase, “Oh, my pants!” when appropriate.

***

Look!  I found proof that there is a cow out there who licks Hazel!

Can you see it?  Can you see it?

Now, to get someone to scrub her poo-covered tail.

***

I am officially terrifed of our three new Mama Cows:  Crazy 8, R350, and Earlene.

Oh, I thought Earlene was nice.  I was taking this lovely photo of her because I felt her udder was mucho impressive.

Look at it!  It looks like a balloon ready to pop!

Uncomfy.

Her baby is somewhere on the other side of her and soon after I took that photo, which was ZOOMED in by the way, I wasn’t even that close, she put her head down and ran after me.

LIKE SHE WAS GOING TO KILL ME!  OH, MY PANTS!

I ran away and just kept imagining how bad it would hurt once that giant head knocked into my backside.  I screamed at the thought and then she stopped chasing me and I lived but now I am very cautious and don’t go out there as much and carry a large stick.  Because I like checking on cows, but I don’t like almost dying.  And know my knee is raging against the machine because I ran.  And can you believe I am still waiting for workman’s comp to workout what’s going to happen with my knee injury from February the 3rd?

***

David is working on a big project at our River Property.  He is prepping for concrete.  This is a bit much for him as he is still working full time and being a cow rancher and such.

Last night.

David:  I have to go down to the property to check to see if the bobcat is broken and take measurements.  Want to come?

Me:  That’s fine.

So, off we went.  And the river flooded, but now is receding.  LD put this stick at the water line 5 days prior.

You guyzzzzz.

David is bananas.

First of all, he had to take some measurements that involved shoving wire through conduit and don’t ask me any questions because I literally have no idea.

But!

This was totally a two person job, in my humble opinion, and he was like acting earlier like it was no big deal if I came or not.

Me:  How would you have done this without me?

David (shrugs):  Just would have taken twice as long.

So he would have me stand and shout things to him and he was working and, Reader, there is something you need to know.

David literally runs from Point A to Point B.

Scout’s honor.

And it was like, 7pm on a WEDNESDAY.

Me:  Why are you running?

He answers not.

Weird.

Me:  David!  Is this how you are at work?

David:  Pretty much.

Me:  Are you for serious?

David:  Oh, yeah.  I get made fun of.  People tell me not to work so hard.  But I can get a house done twice as fast as other journeyman.

And I am still trying to process what it all means.  And now I understand why he can eat ice cream and M and Ms and not need a gym membership.  And  I also understand why I should never, EVER, ever, join him with feasting of M and Ms because, dooooood.

I probably still will eat M and Ms when he brings them near me.

But let the records show:  I am full aware that I definitely shouldn’t.

And how does he know how to do all the things?  I do not know.

Before I go, I want you to fully understand that he actually and literally runs.

It would be like me running from the dryer with clean clothes to the bed and back again to try and increase my laundry load quota.

He must think I am the laziest creature in the world.  Because I walk.  I might even describe it as a casual saunter.

Oh, well.

Happy Thursday.