Sir Poops A Lot

This just in:

A neighbor has called David and the wandering heifer of the hills has been spotted!  And get this-she is like WAY far away.  Miles upon miles she has traversed.

We are going to need to set a strategic plan in place, Friends.  It shall involve Farrier Friend on a horse with a lasso and I simply cannot wait!  I do not know yet when this adventure shall transpire, but I shall surely enjoy it.

***

Hazel does this cute new thing of making me search for her for forty minutes every morning to give her a bottle.  This I don’t have time for.  If I am working from home, I just wait until she gets good and hungry and comes and finds me.

On Wednesday, I was teaching my students and told them about how she had not yet been fed.  My students double love Hazel and get stars in their eyes whenever I speak of her.  I decided to completely throw my “lesson plan” to the wind and took my laptop to the back deck.  The students and I called Hazel and she came running!

You may ask, “Taylor!  Why did you put ‘lesson plan’ in quotes?”

Well.  Because I don’t write lesson plans.  I just think them. But don’t tell anyone.

Anyways, Hazel was so excited and then she snuck under the fence and was literally at the front door.  The students told me to feed her, and so I started to make a bottle with them.

Rest assured, I threw some math skills in there.

And then I took them out with me and we fed her right there on the front porch.

They will most likely never forget me.  I am just coocoo enough to be forever engraved in their memories.

***

Today, a student changed his Zoom name to Sir Poops A Lot.

There are 30 school days left.

***

Yesterday, the entire first grade team had an all first grade get together.

On the agenda:

Lunch in the field.

Do a super secret self portrait for Mother’s Day.

Do a super secret poem for Mother’s Day.

Plant a potato plant.

Enjoy each other’s company.

There are four teachers on our team: Kristin, Lydia, Cassie, and myself.

Kristin and Lydia were in the building with technology and tables instructing the children on how to do the self portraits.

Cassie and I were outside in the field doing the poems, potato plants, and facilitating the enjoying each other’s company.

And now, I would like to present:

A List of Things that Cassie and I did wrong.

1.  We thought doing potato plants would be a splendid idea.
2. Reader.  It was anything but splendid.
3. Cassie is like, WAY too prepared for life and wanted to cut the potatoes two days early.
4. I agreed with her.  Like a fool.
5. Reader.  Have you ever smelled a rotten potato?  And then did you cut the potato?  And then did you let it sit in your classroom for two days awaiting plantation?
6. The poem we gave the kids to work on “independly” was way too much too handle.
7. Cassie and I felt like we could easily work this out with clipboards and calm children who didn’t need help reading or spelling and we would simply walk about the pleasant children on the pleasant day in the pleasant weather and no children would ever need to use the bathroom.
8. Reader.  Kids needed to use the bathroom.
9. One student:  I would like to describe myself as dramatic.  How do I spell it?
10. Me:  Cool!  Better sound it out!
11. Would you like to know how he spelled it?
12. Sure you do:  Jhmilmiik.
13. Me:  Looks great, Bud.
14. Because I had NO TIME. NO TIME, Reader.
15. Oh!  And then summer decided to come!  And what fun!  But no one was prepared!  And we were hot and cranky and Cassie’s arms got all burnt like a lobster or something.
16. And the poems were not getting written and we still had to plant pototoes and the potatoes were festering something fierce and smelled wicked bad.
17. Meanwhile, Lydia and Kristin were in the building guiding half of the group on self portraits and totally killing it and not getting sunburned.
18. Precious nephew was out in the field with me.  He was working on his poem and I told him to smile.  He totally threw down his clipboard and offered this pose:
19. Reader.  I did not complain.
20. When Kristin and Lydia, who had just led what was presumably the most professional lesson known to man were ready to switch, Cassie and I totally threw out the poem idea and just worked on potato plants and allowing the kids to visit.
21. Kristin and Lydia:  Ok!  We got every first grader to complete a beautiful self portrait.
22. Cassie and Taylor:  We got sunburnt, almost lost one kid but didn’t, and completed zero poems.  We did get the potatoes planted!

So, it was a fail.

Also, did you know you cannot “Mute” kids in person?

***

When I got home last night, Hazel accosted me at my car, wishing to have a bottle.

So hangry.

Then she had the audacity to try to go in the house and then she peed on the porch.

***

I finished Charlotte’s Web today with my kids.  I love it more and more each year.  If you have a child in your life, read them this book.  Grab the kid, place them in your lap, and read the book outloud.

You’re welcome.

***

Today, I looked out the window and saw steers out.  This is happening way too often my friends.

I had to wake the boys up and all three of us had to go out there in pajamas and try to get this steer in and repair the fence.

Some of you have never had to try and bring in loose steers with your middle school boys before you even had a cup of coffee, and it shows.

The boys even went out with bare feet and sandals.

I am still annoyed about it.

Happy Weekend!