Teeth and Armpit Atrocities

This gem sat posted on my fridge for a couple of weeks.

David, HD, and Hadley made no comment about it. Sadly. And can we not all admit the spider web illustration is worthy of note?

Kate, full of sass and 18 year old-ness, stood with her hand on her hip: MOM. Did you SERIOUSLY put this on the fridge?

Me: Looks like it.

Kate: SERIOUSLY?

Me: Yup. It is on the fridge and I put it there.

And then she sighed and walked off. It must be tragic to have to live with a mother such as I.

LD went to the fridge, presumably to get his 17th snack for the afternoon. He stared at it and read it out loud, in a monotone 7th grader boy voice.

“You have been my friend. That in itself is a tremendous thing. I wove my webs for you because I liked you.”

Then he thought and stared and thought and stared.

LD: Ma! Is this supposed to be funny or sad? I don’t get it.

So there you have it.

Because I want to drag out the end of the school year and keep feeling all sad that it is over, I feel the need to share this photo with you of myself and Gretchen.

Gretchen is the kiddo who made me the Best Teacher Ever button.

I wore it all day yesterday, shamelessly bragging to my fellow teacher pals about how I had been declared “best teacher ever” and they, sadly, had not.

She came to drop off her things and say goodbye. I told her I was so excited she was here because I was wearing my favorite button.

G’s mom: Ohmygoodness. I told her not to give that to you.

Me: Why not? It is the best gift I have ever gotten from a kiddo. Absolutely precious.

Little Miss G is moving across the country and I am not sure if I will ever see her again.

Bleeding hearts of the world, unite.

Anyways. I don’t know if I have mentioned this before, but middle school boys can be gross in nature. I live in constant fear of the state of their teeth and armpits and the atrocities that can build up in each location.

Me to LD: I need you to brush your teeth.

LD: Got it, Mom.

Me: No. No, I do not think you “got it.” I want you to stand really close to the mirror and smile and stare at your teeth. Then I want you to think of the cutest girl you have ever seen and that she is about to kiss you. I want your teeth to look good enough for that scenario.

LD: Got it.

So he went and brushed his teeth. Or so I am inclined to believe. Because, really, I never truly know what that child is doing.

He was headed out the door for school.

Me: DUDE! Did you brush your teeth?

LD: Yeah.

Me: Would the cutest girl at school be ok with kissing you with your teeth looking the way the day right now?

LD: Yeah.

Me: Under no circumstances may you kiss any girls today, Bud.

LD: Got it.

Our dogs are crazy and want to murder all birds. I am putting my foot down and am determined to once again have chickens living in my cute coop.

I mean. Look at it. The sign alone is sure to envoke envy.

Anyways, our crazy dogs keep trying to eat chickens. Sometimes they are successful. But I am getting better and better at this and I know that in the end, I shall prevail.