The iPhone

Almost two years ago, HD purchased an iPhone off of Ebay with his own money.  We were not yet willing to pay for phone service yet, but he would be able to connect to WIFI and use the phone that way.

A couple of weeks ago, David and I agreed that we would allow him to get phone service on his very pricey iPhone.  I think it is an iPhone X something, and apparently, that means something to people.

I took him to Verizon, and this location was uber-Covid-cautious and asked us to wait in our car and they would text us when they were willing to permit us entrance.

Yet.  They never texted us.

Rude.

I drove the boy to another location.  This location was not Covid-cautious, and we were able to walk right in and be helped.  They begin to activate HD’s phone, and then they regrett to inform me that his phone is “locked,” and cannot be used.

Me:  What does that mean, exactly?

Verizon Dude:  It means it is for another carrier.  Like Sprint or T-Mobile, but I cannot tell you which one.

Me:  Excellent.

Verizon Dude proceeds to tell HD about a promotion they are running and if he opens a new line, he can get a smart phone for ten whole dollars!

HD:  No.  I want an iPhone.

I decide to be a sacrificial mother.

Me:  Ok.  You can have my iPhone and I will transfer the $10 Android to my line.

HD:  I do NOT want your iPhone.

Me:  What?  Why not?  It is hip!

LD:  Mom.  Your iPhone is a “boomer” iphone.  Or a “Karen” iPhone.  Sorry.

So we wasted Verizon Dude’s time and walked out without doing anything.  Later, we got home and looked up the old eBay ad and the seller had said it was unlocked and for Verizon.  So, I agree to email the seller for HD, because I am nice.  Even though it has been almost two years since he purchased the thing.

Kate comes home and I start to relay the story to her.  I then tell her about the boys mocking my iPhone, expecting to get a sympathetic chuckle, or eye roll at least, yet she says, “Sorry, Mom.  Your iPhone is definitely not cool.”

Me:  But why?  Look at it from over there.  From way over there, can you tell it is the “uncool” iPhone?

Kate:  Oh, yeah.

Me:  How?

Kate:  It has a “home” button.  Those are so uncool.

And where did David and I get to the point in our parenting lives where our kids can spend more money on phones than we can and we are the peoples with actual careers?

Ebay gal emails back to say that she herself used the phone on Verizon and she has no idea why Verizon dude would say such a thing.

So I agree to take HD to a third Verizon location.  Apparently we were hopeful that First Verizon Dude was just incompetent and a new Verizon dude would solve all of our problems.

This location has a wait list and no bathroom, and I have had four kids and just commuted all the way into town.  So we put our names on the list and walked next door to Starbucks so I could use the bathroom.  And the dudes talked me into buying them Frappucinos, and I bought the smallest size and they were like $5 each!?  It’s a mad, mad world, Friends.

We waited almost an hour and then we talked to a New Verizon Dude.  New Verizon Dude was younger and hipper, and also much friendlier than the original Verizon Dude.  He looked into it a bit further to let us know that the phone is locked BY Verizon, probably because the gal who sold it to us didn’t pay her bill and there is absolutely nothing to be done.  The phone cannot be used.

HD still firmly believes that the $10 phone, or my boomer phone, are against his religion, so we leave.  He talks me into emailing Ebay gal again, and I was like, dude, it has been two years, she got you, there’s nothing we can do.  And she didn’t reply and he accepted his fate and bought ANOTHER iPhone off of the eBay.

He has been tracking the shipping of this iPhone, and all along, it has said that it would arrive on July 27th, which is this very day, Reader.  We had to go to town, but HD did not want to go until the phone arrived so we could activate it.  Which is understandable.  According to the tracking information, USPS would be delivering it today.

This is where things are going to get dicey, Reader.  I suggest you grab a cup of coffee, because this is going to be a wild ride.

Me:  We need to go.

HD:  No!  I want to wait for my phone!

Me:  It is not coming today.

HD:  It says it will!

Me:  It is not.  The mail already came and the phone didn’t come with it.

HD:  But UPS delivers in the afternoon.

Me:  I know but this is USPS.

HD:  But they still might come.  I have seen UPS come late!

Me:  No.  IT is not UPS.  It is U-SSSSSSSSSSSS-PS.

HD:  I have also seen FedEx come late in the afternoon.

Me:  Look!  It says USPS.  That stands for United States Postal Service.  That is the mail.

HD:  But it still might come.

Me:  No.  The mail came.  The phone did not.

HD:  Well maybe UPS grabbed it instead?

Me:  It does not work like that.

LD:  Did you know that in England they call the mail, “post?”

Me:  Yeah.  That’s why we say things like “Post office” or US Postal Service.

LD *mind blown*

HD:  Can you call the USPS and ask them if we can pick it up?

Me:  Fine.

I call and I put it in speaker phone.  I talk to a robot.  She is pretty friendly for a robot.  We enter the tracking information and she tells us she is sorry but our package will arrive later than usual and is in transit.

Me:  See?  Not going to happen today.

HD:  Call again and just tell them we will grab it.

Me:  I don’t know where it is.  It is in transit.

HD:  Just tell them we can take it from here!

Me:  This is not how things work.

HD:  Well, maybe UPS grabbed it!  Or FedEx!  And it will still come.

Me:  *face palm*

So, HD is annoyed at me because I failed him.  And rightfully so.  You can see how I purposely went out of my way to squash all his hopes and dreams.

We drove to town and I decide to ask LD more about iPhones.

Me:  What kind of an iPhone do I have?

LD:  An iPhone SE.

Me:  And what on earth is wrong with that?

LD:  You have an iPhone 7, but they just gave it a different name.

And so now I will spend the rest of my days trying to understand why MY phone, which takes nice pictures, makes phone calls, sends texts, and is able to stream things like Netflix, is such an inferior phone.

And then I had to take them to Costco and I offered to buy then each one slice of pizza and they somehow talked me into letting them share an entire pizza and they sat at the food court and ate the whole thing while I pushed around a shopping cart and filled it to the brim with food that I hope will satisfy them for at least three days and I ran into a friend and she commented on how full my cart was and that is just embarassing and HD still doesn’t have phone service.

The End.