Mum’s the Word

Hadley texted me last night.

Hadley:  What are we doing tonight?

Me:  We are recovering from teaching first graders for FOUR DAYS IN A ROW.

*World’s Most Exciting Mom*

But I feel the need to toodle my own horn for a bit here.  Because not only did I teach first graders for FOUR CONSECUTIVE days, but I also accomplished the following:

*Signed all the ridiculous back to school paper work for my own children and got it returned on time.  #winning

*Went to Costco one night and the grocery store a whole different night

*Got HD’s new glasses picked up and all squared away from our favorite Optician, Bob, who will always be our hero

*Went to physical therapy before school at 7am IN THE MORNING (just one day, because, that’s ridiculous)

*Changed out of clothes before falling asleep 3/4 nights

*Made dinner 3/4 nights

Let’s talk about dinner.

Ugh.  I am so over it.  Mostly because I don’t have a plan and I get home and I am so tired from all the things and then I have to think of a meal, prepare the meal, and then clean up after the meal.  It is a lot to ask of me.

So my goal for this weekend, after I write this post and drink my coffee, of course, is to prep and plan dinners for the week AND change my front porch decor from summer to fall.  Because I am 40 now, and that’s what 40 year olds do.  I bought two pumpkins and two mums and I am so hopeful David will take note of our new festive fall porch and I can say to him,

“Mum’s the word.”

And confuse him.  It will be great!

(He won’t notice)

Let’s talk about teaching first grade.

I love it!  But this we knew.  I was trying to think of a way to convey to David just why it is so exhausting the first few days.  And I think it is because there is one of me and 23 six years old in one room and I am in charge.  And the first few days are so exhausting because they don’t know what end is up, not sure which classroom is mine, cannot remember where their lockers are, and so on and so forth.  They roll on into the room and with each one I am so friendly and chatty and helpful and I have to show them where their locker is and check their backpack because if I say,

“Did you bring a lunch from home?”

They will say

“I don’t know.”

So, I have to physically look and show them what that all means and then we have to go and make the lunch choice.  And because the universe is against us, our lunch room offers three different choices daily.  And I get to try and explain the choices and help each one make their choice.

Sometimes life is great, and I can say:

Would you like chicken nuggets, cheeseburger, or veggie tray?

And they kind of get that one.

But then sometimes, the main dish is something like

“Rippers”

I don’t even know what a ripper is?  So I guess!  I guess and I hope for the best.  Oh!  And fun fact.  Veggie tray has neither a tray or one veggie, so riddle me that. It is, in fact, a bag with crackers, cheese, and yogurt.

Poor, confused children.

Anyways, by the time I get all the backpacks and lunch choices figured out, I am already late to start the morning and then two kids walk in with breakfast because they are hungry and late and Mrs. M, can you please open my milk?   Oh, the humanity.

Some kids are reading and some kids cannot recognize their own name.  Some know how they get home after school, but most are surely confused.  Half brought a refillable water bottle and half did not and because I wasn’t at a brick and mortar school last year, I am not up to speed on the Covid changes and the custodian put my drinking fountain in jail so I had to call for help and have someone bring me a bunch of red solo cups for the poor non water bottle children.  And then I have to remember to message parents and remind them to please send water bottles.  I also have to remember to remind the children to take home the water bottles so their loving parents can clean them.  Because I don’t want to.  I will be in charge of my own water bottle, and that’s it.

Then it is time for lunch.  A few hours have passed, so now we have to all remember what we ordered for lunch, because it is just plain rude to order something and tell the lunch lady you are getting something else and then a poor fifth grader who thought they were getting a Ripper has to eat a veggie tray, which is really just some dairy products in a bag.

I am really good at this part, Friends.  Because I line them up in the order of what they ordered so they cannot change their order.  Also, they have to take a fruit or veggie or they cannot leave the lunch line, I guess it is the law, so I do a lot of this:

Me: You need to pick one!

Kid:  I don’t like any of those.

Me:  Gotta take one!

Kid:  I won’t eat it.

Me:  Ok.  Well here is peach.  Enjoy!

And then the peach is bigger than their head and when I place it on their tray they almost drop it.  Because they are six years old.  And I love them.

I also try to tell David about the funny things they say.  And here is the difference between me telling David something, and me telling my teacher comrades something.

To Teacher People-

Ok!  Funny kid story.  I was doing the whole, you know, “our words hurt people” lesson-

Teacher Friends-Oh, yeah.  With the book Chrysanthemum and the big paper heart and the bandaids?

Me-Yup

(because, Pinterest)

To David-

Ok!  Funny kid story.  I was doing a lesson on-hmmm.  Ok, well at the beginning of the year, I do a lot of community and relationship building, so we talk about how things we say can hurt people’s hearts and how even if we say we are sorry, which we should, that person’s heart was still hurt and we need to think about the things we say to people and how they feel.

David:

Me:  It is like a whole thing.  I do it every year.

David:  Do they tell you that you have to do this?  Like in your contract?

Me:  I don’t think so, but I do it.  And everyone else does it.  Because it is just the smart way to start the year.

David:

Me:  Anyways!  This little boy starts telling us about how once his sister said something that hurt him, and he got all choked up and had to stop talking because he was about to cry.  AND THEN, he did the most precious thing!  He turned and looked around the room and said, “Don’t worry, everyone.  If I do cry, they will be happy tears.”  And I just love these kids!

David:

Let’s move on.

I had a text-versation with a middle school teacher friend, and this is how it went:

Friend:  I will take the hearts for sure!

Me:  Ok.  There will be five of them do you want anything else?

Friend:  If it isn’t too much trouble, a lung or two would be awesome.

Me:  So, 5 hearts and 1-2 lungs?

Friend:  That would be great, thank you.

Me:  Weirdest message thread ever.

Friend:  For reals.

So, yes.  It is Saturday, and on Saturdays, David sometimes butchers animals.  It is all very pleasant and not at all horrific and I am sure it is completely normal to listen to saws sawing things I don’t want to think about and dogs protesting being locked inside all morning.

Like so.

They would really prefer to be outside with David.  In case you couldn’t tell.

Because I am a lucky duck, four of my eSchool first graders from last year are at the building I am teaching now.  One of them snuck this into my classroom this week-

Happy Weekend!