LA 200

On Christmas Eve, David took Hadley and the boys outside for some cow sorting and other ranching chores.  This is all part of the fun that is called “Living with David.”  I am like a tornado of stress trying to get Christmas to happen, and he’s squeezing in last minute castrations.

We are to leave at 11am and I am in the house doing all things Christmas-y.  Kate is also in the house with me.  Out of nowhere, Kate comes running to me shouting, “DAD IS HURT.” And Kate grabs our first aid kit and goes to assist her father.  David is being his usual, “I’m fine, everything’s fine” self as blood is gushing out of him.  Kate, now a CNA, is trying to be the boss of him and he is simply not having it.  He kinda of wraps up his hand and goes out to finish his chores.

Kate:  MOM!  He needs stitches!

Me:  Ok, Kate.  I will do my best to get him there.

I switch gears knowing that I will be sending the kids with food in one car to the first party while I take a fussy David to the urgent care.  Hadley and the boys come in to start getting cleaned up for town. I ask Kate to start loading cars and she comes in with a very important mission.

Kate:  MOM!  I need Hadley.  WHERE IS HADLEY?

Me:  I don’t know.  What’s going on?

Kate:  ONE OF THE BOYS PUT COW BALLS ON HER CAR.  IF I WERE HER I WOULD BE SOOOOO MAD, SO I NEED TO SHOW HER.  I TOOK A PICTURE.

Hadley turns into a rage of anger and fury.  Hadley is a pretty easy going gal, but when she is mad-watch out!  Her boyfriend call her “Madley” when she gets into this state, and he risks his life each time he calls her “Madley” when she is this angry.

Let’s move on.

I cannot find my fussy patient, but I see HD.

Me:  Did you put the cow balls on Hadley’s car?

HD (laughing):  No, but that’s hilarious.

Me:  I need to take your dad to the doctor.  Can you please remove them for your sister?

So, HD leaves to take care of the situation.  I find David.  David has to argue with me about the necessity of stitches, I argue back, and somehow I win.  We walk outside just as HD is returning from his ball removing mission.

David:  What happened to the cow balls?

David is cranky.  If you asked him in this moment, he would deny all crankiness and say he was “fine.”  But, Reader.  He was not fine.  He was fussy and had a moderate to severe hand wound.

HD:  I got a shovel and I chucked them into the woods.

This did not please David.  Which was confusing to all parties, as David normally just tosses them into the woods.  And what a happy surprise for all the little squirrels and birds of the forest, yes?

David is obviously perturbed and poor HD is trying to figure out how to fix the situation.

HD:  Dad?  I don’t get it?  Were you wanting to eat them?

David won’t answer so I tell HD to go and retrieve said balls and put them in a bucket and place the bucket in the shop and I begin the drive to town.

Me:  Did you know someone put cow balls on Hadley’s car?

David:  YES!  It was me!  All I wanted was a picture!

Me:  THAT’S why you got mad at HD?  Poor kid.  He was just listening to me.  And Kate got a picture already.

So then David called a very confused HD, who had already found the balls in the woods, and told him never mind.

We should write a parenting book, yes?

We get to the urgent care and David has the audacity to grill the nurse on the necessity of the stitches.  Which is every health care worker’s dream on Christmas Eve.

Finally the doctor comes in.  He is aghast at the wound and impressed that David did not sever anything major.  He examines it very closely.

Doc:  Whoa, there is like tons of cow hair and junk in here.  I am going to have to irrigate the heck out of this thing.

As the doctor is tending to the wound, he tells David he is going to be sent home with an antibiotic, and it is important that he take it.

David:  Well, I already gave myself a shot of LA 200.

Me:  WHAT?!

Doc:  What is that?

Me:  It is an antibiotic for CATTLE.  David!?  You gave yourself cow medicine?

David:  Yeah.  Figured it would be cheaper than going to a doctor.

Me:  Doctor-is he going to be ok?!

Doctor:  I have absolutely no idea.

So, as the doctor is scrubbing the cow hair out of David’s flesh, I googled LA 200 and read what I could find to the doctor and we decided he would probably live through it, but still should take the human antibiotic.

He received 12 stitches.

 

So.  That was that.  And I am waiting with bated breath for David to get me that “Number One Wife” t-shirt I so greatly deserve.

Christmas was fine and fun and lovely.  We hosted Christmas dinner, and I didn’t notice until it was too late, but look at what my Christmas porch looked like the ONE time we had GUESTS.

Here is a cute Christmas picture of Rio.  To make up for the past three horrific photos.

It has been nice having all four kids home. Today they are going sledding.

Happy Sunday.