The Button Down Shirt: A Tragedy

When last we spoke, I told you that I had to buy HD a nice button down shirt for his final basketball game because, and I quote,

“COACH SAID WE NEED TO LOOK NICE.”

“GOSH.”

And, so.  I took him to the mall and I bought him the shirt.  I spent more than I would have wanted to do, but I figured it would be a nice investment and good for him to have a button down shirt nicely hanging in his closet.

He wore the shirt for 2 hours.

I washed the shirt and put it in his clean clothes basket, along with his other clean clothes.

He was in a rush and was scrambling through the basket and left the arm of the button down shirt dangling over the basket.

The basket just so happens to sit on top of dog kennels.

One of the puppy brothers was able to pull the sleeve through the kennel and destroy it.

The button down shirt.

A tragedy.

And a complete waste of money.

Let’s move on.

It appears that calving season hath begun around here, and I am not complaining.

Look at this handsome fellow and just TRY to help me he isn’t the cutest boy you ever did see.

Let’s talk about first graders, as I spend a good chunk of my week with them.

I often say the phrase, “Sure thing, Jelly Bean.”  For example:

1st grader:  Mrs. M?  Can I fill up my water bottle?

Me:  Sure thing, Jelly Bean.

One of my boys, who thinks I am hilarious, doesn’t fully understand why I say Jelly Bean.  I think that he thinks it is a term of endearment.  So, now, everyday when I say goodbye to him, he hugs me and shouts:

“BYE, JELLY BEAN!”

***

We are working on learning how to write an informational paper and we just wrapped up a book on wolves.  The last thing to do was to illustrate each page.

Hal:  Look, Mrs. M!  Look at my wolf!  He is FARTING!

Hal is dying of laughter and there is a wolf on his page with a cloud of farts coming out of his rear end.

Me:  Hmmm.  I am wondering if that is the best type of drawing for your informational writing?  Sounds more like if you were writing a fantasy book?

Hal:  Hmmm.  Ok.

And Hal goes back to work.

Later.

Hal:  Look, Mrs. M!  Wolves are farting on EVERY page.  It is just too funny.

***

One of my boys went to the bathroom and decided it would be hilarious to crawl on the floor and enter the stalls of unsuspecting second graders.  And then he had the audacity to pretend he didn’t understand why that would be a bad choice.

***

I was unexpectedly late to school on Tuesday.  I will get back to that soon.

Another teacher was covering my class.  I walked in and Mack shouted:

“YAY!  MISS D IS HERE!  WE CAN PLAY BALL!”

Because Mack calls me the name of his kindergarten teacher and Mack loves to play ball with me at recess.

The kids have three recesses, but I am only outside with them for the first and last one.  First recess is my first chance to go to the bathroom, so when the other first grade teachers are out, we all take turns.

I went to the bathroom.

When I came back outside, some of my students came over to inform me of what has happened since I went to the bathroom.

“Mrs. M.  Mack is very upset and crying because you aren’t playing ball with him.”

I scan the playground and see Mack, far far away, in the fetal position with the ball, wailing.

Me:  Well.  Tell him I just had to go to the bathroom and if he wants to play ball he can come over here and ask me.

All my girls go run over to tell Mack this message.

They return.

“Mack says he is too sad.”

Me:  Bummer.  Well, I am here and able to play if he wants to.

Lest any of you think I am cruel, I need to kind of be in this certain area to help watch the 75 first graders we are monitoring.  And I love to play ball with Mack, but I need to be able to also watch the kids.  Plus, he can ask me to play and not wail to others.

Recess is 15 min long and he starts finally coming towards me at minute 14.  He has tears everywhere and is hiccuping.

Me:  Hi, Mack!  Wanna play ball?

He nods and tosses the ball.  I catch it.  We play it for 30 seconds, but then the recess whistle blew.

Mack, wailing: “I HARDLY GOT TO PLAY BALL WITH MISS D”

We go back to the classroom and learning all the fabulous things first graders learn.  Mack has pulled it together and gotten over the trajedy of not spending as much time with me as he had hoped.  And can you blame him?  As far as I know, I am delightful.

Now, it is time for the kids to get ready for lunch and recess.

Mack, wailing:  OH, MAN.  THIS IS THE RECESS THAT MISS D ISN’t WITH US.  I CAN’T PLAY BALL WITH HER.

Me:  Well.  There’s always last recess, Bud.

For.  The.  Love.

Ok.  We need to move on and discuss why I was late.

On Tuesday, I started my car and then my car locked me out.

AGAIN.

Hadley and her car were already gone.  The subaru is at the mechanic.  The truck was at a different mechanic.  David was working out of town 8 hours away.

I call David.  He is less than impressed, but he agrees to help me break into my car.

I tried for one hour.

Reader.  It is really difficult to break into a car.  I was able to pry the door open, but finding something to stick down there to hit the unlock button proved a challenge.

I tried calling a tow truck company, but no one was answering.  So I asked my neighbor if he was around, and he was.  Sadly, he didn’t have much experience breaking into cars, but one of the guys who works for him did.

So.  Random dude named Mark came over and broke into my car for me in about 90 seconds.

Three cheers for Mark!

Reader.  I am NOT this dumb.  Something is wrong with my car.  I now wear the key fob around my neck and shall not ever leave it in the car when I start it.

Happy Friday.