Groomsmaids.

When last we spoke, I mentioned we had 40 days to plan a wedding for our oldest daughter, Kate.

As I write this now, we have 7 days left.

And I’m fine! Everything is fine. All is well. No stress at all.

I forgot to tell you in my last post that I, myself, also had a birthday. I am now extremely old and 42.

Four

Tee

Two

I also forgot to tell you that David and I celebrated our 23 wedding anniversary, if you can even believe such a thing. Because I am old, my children are growing up. Gone are the long summer days of me at home with kids trying to entertain them and keep them fed and keep the house clean.

The boys go to work everyday. The girls have moved out.

And, so. I decided to get a summer job for the first time ever. I am working at the front desk of the pediatric office Mother manages.

Let the records show: Had I known Kate was going to get engaged and I would have a wedding to plan, I would NOT have taken on a job.

But such is life.

Mother is set to retire in November, so this is the only summer we will be “coworkers.” And Friends, there is something you must know about Mother.

She is IMPORTANT.

Goodness gracious, she is like 5 feet of administrative domination over there. And the calls she gets! The calls! And I know because I answer the phones. So, I am taking messages and putting people on hold like a champ. And we coordinate our lunch breaks and we sit in the breakroom and try to work on planning a 40 day wedding. And let’s be honest:

Teller knows nothing about planning weddings. Teller is grateful for her 5 foot tall power house of a mom who has ideas and creative juices and things.

This wedding is a TotalTeamFamilyEffort and I am thankful for this family of mine.

Let’s talk about growing grass. More specifically, growing grass at the river property which is conveniently located over an hour away.

David and I are working like a Dream Team and headed to and fro, and David, the general mastermind that he is, has figured out how to get 9 different hoses on different timers and I have no idea what’s going on, but I do mow the lawn now with the riding lawnmower and that is something of note.

Let the records show: I will never go back to a pushmower again.

Sometimes we have to stay the night at the river mid week, and on those mornings, David sets his alarm for 2:30am to get to work on time.

We are surely dedicated to this grass.

On days that I am not putting calls on hold for Mother, I am at the river with the dogs mowing and watering,.

Here is the current “worst part” of the property-

When I look at that area, I feel nothing but discouragement. I have given my all. There is nothing left to give.

My dogs are precious and living their best summer life.

The puppy brothers are pro-champion swimmers, and Charlie has always been so scared of swimming. This summer is her bravest summer yet, and because I believe you all love them as much as I do, I am sharing with you this clip of Charlie beating her brothers to the floaty toy for the first time ever.

She’s quite a leapy swimmer. And I love her.

***

I have a garden this year and my corn is certainly something to write home about. NIko, who has a crush on me, follows me everywhere, and I snapped this snap of him sitting amongst the corn as I weeded.

I just LOVE weeding.

Earlier this summer, I hatched 9 chicks and all 9 are still alive. David had this great idea and made a little “hay house” for their brooder box and it seemed to be the best brooder box situation I have ever had. Now they jump out of their hay house and peck all around the property. Auntie Dana loves seeing them from her little porch and when the sun starts to set, they head back to their hay home.

***

And now, let us travel back in time to a moment that occured approximately 30 days ago in my very kitchen.

Kate (over speaker phone with Caleb): Mom. We have decided to ask the boys to be groomsmen.

Me: Oh, that’s great. Listen, I am going to need to do some preparing and discussions with them to make sure they are well-behaved.

Kate: Actually, Caleb and I were hoping to ask them together, right now, over the phone.

Me: Oh, Kate. You know they are going to be horrible.

Kate: Just have them come here.

Me: As you wish.

And so. I get the two yahoos upstairs to the kitchen. The following conversation is true and names might be changed to protect the incident.

Viewer discretion is advised.

HD: WHAT

Kate: Boys. Caleb and I have something to ask you. We want you to be groomsmen in our wedding.

LD: Fine. How much are we getting paid?

HD: Wait a minute! What is a groomsMAID?

LD: Who do I have to touch?

Me: Dude. It is not groomsMAID. It is groomsMAN. And one of you will probably walk down the aisle with Aunt Amy, and the other with Kate’s good friend, Sally.

LD (shouting): I CALL SALLY! SHE’S HOT!

Me: Kate, let’s put LD with Aunt Amy, please.

HD: Listen, what jobs do I have to do.

Me: You aren’t working. But you do have to wear a nice outfit.

HD: That’s it. I am out.

Me: No, you are doing this.

HD: BUT I DON’T KNOW WHAT A GROOMSMAID DOES.

LD: I’ll do it, but I am not standing close to you two up there if you are going to kiss. Shaking hands only.

Me: Kate and Caleb, they are honored. Thank you for asking them.

***

I would like you all to know that I shall receive yet another jewel in my crown for helping David get an appropriate outfit for this wedding.

With his PERMISSION and KNOWLEDGE, I spent an entire day shopping for him and brought him home a few things only to have him be super difficult, want me to return EVERYTHING, and then try to find alternative clothing options on Facebook Marketplace.

David: Look! I can get some guy’s used belt and shoes for $12!

Me:

***

Me: David. You and the boys canNOT look like you are about to murder anyone during wedding photos.

David:

Me: David. You don’t have to be, like, grinning, but maybe a faint smile?

David:

Me: Please just don’t look like you want to murder anyone.

David:

Me: Please. Talk to the boys.

David:

Me: No murdering.

David:

***

Reader. I have nothing left to say.

Keep me in your thoughts and prayers.