The Lumberjack's Wife

Thursday Morning Tragedies Updated

Posted on May 27, 2010 by Taylor

Hang on to your pants, folks.

This is going to be a bummer of a post.

***

Yesterday.

Yesterday, I read this post from the blog “Let’s Talk About Boys.”

It is about a mom forgetting to seal the lid to a paint can, resulting in her boys spilling aforementioned paint and splashing it all around her floors.

I chuckled to myself as I read it, sure nothing like that would happen to me.

Or.

So.

Thought.

About 6 hours , yes just 6 HOURS, after I read that post, Handsome Dude and Little Dude were playing grocery shopping.

This is, in fact, precious.

They push around the toy cart and shop all day long.

Handsome Dude: Cokey! (Cokey is what HD calls Little Dude.) Want some chocolate milk?

Little Dude: Uh-huh!

Handsome Dude: Cokey! Want some pop?

Little Dude: Uh-huh!

As you can see, we never allow our children to drink their calories.

Interruption: I would like to inform the Tribal Council that Lumberjill does not agree with giving the Lumberjacklings soda pop. But the Lumberjack, in all his handsomeness, insists on driving me insane and gives them soda pop whenever he deems fit.

Boo, Lumberjack.

Boo.

Aaaaannnnnddddd . . . . I love him.

Any-whosie-whatsie . . . they decide to play,

“Shop at Home Depot.”

Handsome Dude found the unopened, sealed paint cans in the laundry room.

Alert! The Laundry room is STILL not finished! Alert! It is STILL not finished!

I told him he could not play with those, and he, being the good boy that he is, walked them back into the laundry room and dropped them.

Resulting in the paint can breaking open and beautiful, white paint flowing all over the new laundry room floor.

Tragic.

I am, however, amazingly awesome, and got it all cleaned up with nary (did I use that word right, Erin?) a droplet of paint remaining, so as to fool my Lumberjack into thinking no such incident ever occurred.

We must have him believing that I am an excellent help meet who always has a watchful eye over the youngins’.

I am going to need a 10-4 good buddy from anyone else who has ever heard the phrase, “Help Meet.”

Over and out.

***

American Idol.

Oh, how it toys with my heart.

I loved both Lee and Crystal.

And while I am so super excited for Lee . . . I still feel a smidgen sad for Crystal.

Was anyone else conflicted?

They were both the cats meow.

Does anyone else watch American Idol?

Is it okay for 28 and 3/4 year olds to watch American Idol?

Attention Lee:

I will always heart the bagpiper night.

***

Ruralville.

To move or not to move . . . that is the question.

I am packing.

Are we moving?

Attention bank: Let’s wrap this up. Thank you.

***

**Updated Portion**

I published this post and completely bypassed this dreadful part of the day.

It happens.

I have been going through the closets and weeding out needless materials that can be donated to the local thrift stores.

I determined that the upstairs, hardly-ever-used bathtub would be a swell and dandy place to store these goods.

No.

No, dear readers.

No it was not.

One of my precious dudes . . .

who shall remain nameless, turned on the water, creating a bathtub full of water-soaked, unused goods.

So.

I am trying to get that mess cleaned up.

And I am cranky with set socks.

***

It is a rainy, gloomy morning.

I was just girding up my loins for a morning of fun-filled packing and blinds cleaning.

100 (meaningless) points to anyone who can tell me the best, quickest way to clean faux wood blinds.

I usually use Swiffers.

But I am open to other options.

My dear-heart friend, Amanda, called and asked if she could bring me a Starbucks.

Holla, Amanda!

Holla!

And while she was getting the quick laundry room tour, our dog Mabel

A whole lot of work

threw up.

Like everywhere.

It was nasty-wrong.

100 (meaningless) point to anyone who can guess which stay-at-home-mom who occasionally writes in a pointless blog is out of paper towels.

Tragic.

So, I dealt with the mess.

And decided to sip my latte and complain to all of you.

You’re welcome.

Happy Thursday!

Posted in Uncategorized | 36 Comments

Goodbye, Cinderella.

Posted on May 26, 2010 by Taylor

As I mentioned yesterday on my “Facebook Liking Page”, I have started the packing process for our move to Ruralville.

What?! Lumberjill has a Facebook page?!

Yes, folks! It’s true!

Look at me with my big girl blogging pants on!

Interruption: Lest any of you be confused, I am not a big girl blogger, nor do I know what I am doing.

I started packing up the girls’ room.

My initial reaction was anger for how darn messy these chickie-babes are.

I guarantee you, these two pumpkins have saved every scrap of paper, sticker, bracelet, old bandaid, school paper, crayon-nubbin, hair clip, happy meal toy, and party favor they have ever received in their entire life existence and stored them behind their dressers and bookcase.

After I counted to 400 and threw a lot of stuff away, I calmed down and got to packing. I knew Daisy Mae would be able to handle this, but Sweet Pea has always had a hard time giving things up. So I was not looking forward to going through the dress up bin.

You see, dear readers, my girls love dress up.

kate potty training
They always have.

And they have never been willing to give things up. No matter how small. No matter how torn. The dress up clothes shall never depart from their room.

Or so I thought.

As I started going through the clothes and holding up each item, Daisy Mae and Sweet Pea were both saying strange words, such as:

“Nah.”

“Give it to Little Miss.”

Little Miss is their little cousin.

“Don’t like it anymore.”

And, dear readers, 4 princess dresses were retired on that fateful evening.

You may say,

“Taylor. You are a goofus. There are only 3 dresses in the above picture.”

And I will respond,

“I am not a goofus. I know exactly what I am doing.”

There is one dress, a Cinderella dress, that deserves its own, special picture.

What a tragic demise.

This was one of those exquisite Disney dresses you can find real-expensive like at a Disney store.

It.

Was.

Gorgeous.

My girls obliterated it.

And now, dear readers, I would like to present to you:

The Story Behind the Dress

About 5 years ago, we became friends with Melissa (Bimlissa) and her daughter, Cute Little Red Headed Girl.

Cute Little Red Headed Girl had this Cinderella dress and every time we went to their house, Sweet Pea, who was about 2 1/2 at the time, would start stripping in the entryway, run upstairs, and put this Cinderella dress on.

Every time.

Bimlissa ended up giving it to her because she loved it so much.

Wasn’t that nice of her?

Let us have a moment of admiration for the kindness that is in Bimlissa and Cute Little Red Headed Girl’s hearts.

*Thank you*

Any-who . . .

This dress was well-loved and well-worn and was one that I was sure I would never hear Sweet Pea say she was ready to give up.

One night, The Lumberjack took my precious girls fishing and Sweet Pea caught her first fish. He walked in the door and asked me to grab the camera so we could get a picture of Sweet Pea with her fish. I left the room to grab the camera and LJ went back to unload.

Sweet Pea heard us say camera and she ran upstairs, unbeknownst to us, threw off her dirty, grubby fishing clothes, and put on her lovely Cinderella dress.

That picture is, by far, one of my favorite pictures of all time.

It totally captures the essence of Sweet Pea.

Look at her!

Filthy! Hair a mess!

Yet, she knew it was a special picture, so she went and donned her most especial dress.

Sweet Pea has grown.

The dress does no longer fits and it old and torn.

Goodbye, Cinderella.

I am not ready to let this stage go.

Doll houses.

Tea parties.

Princess dolls, stories, and books.

My babies!

They are growing up too fast. It makes me so sad.

I have said it before, and I will say it again.

I NEED A PAUSE BUTTON.

At least they are still into dressing up.

We have about 4 “Little House on the Prairie” costumes left for dress up fun.

It will be a sad and mournful day when my girls want to give those dresses up.

You might want to stay away from this blog on that day.

I predict it will be a bummer of a post.

Happy Wednesday!

Posted in I'm feelin' sentimental | 30 Comments

The Camping Trip, part 2

Posted on May 25, 2010 by Taylor

(To read part 1, click here)

Alright.

So those Lumberjackish boys made the swing.

I would like to remind everyone that chainsaw creations are not new to our manly men.

Here is a picture of The Lumberjack and Sweet Pea on last year’s swing model:

Clearly they got slightly more ambitious this year, what with the snatch blocks and pulley systems and whatnot.

Last year, they created this teeter totter:

I almost peed my pants.

And, I would also like to state for the record that Iam not like this at all.

No!

No. No. No.

I am not a outdoorsy kind of girl.

I don’t like bugs, dirt, chain saws, bears, guns, swimsuits, manual labor, country-western music, showerless mornings, camping hair, and tree sap on my fingers.

I endure it all for the sake of my man.

I would rather be shopping while sipping a diet soda, completely bypassing the swimsuit department, and focusing on flowy peasant tops.

Hey, Lumberjack!

How come I have to brave the wild frontiers with you, yet you will not step foot into a mall?

Huh?

Answer me that.

***

After the boys built the swing, we ate lunch and decided to go on a fun, family bike ride!

I was in charge of towing the dudes.

Normally, I don’t notice the weight of the trailer when biking.

Not so this time.

Alert! I am out of shape! I repeat, I am totally out of shape.

It.

Was.

Ex.

Haust.

Ing.

Above is a picture of the two little angels destroying Handsome Dude’s glasses.

Precious boys that they are.

Alex got bored and decided it was time to spice things up, by hiding ahead of us on the trail and scaring us.

I almost peed my pants.

About 3 miles into the ride, Sweet Pea’s bike had a minor mishap and was no longer rideable.

Guess who got to tow that, too?

Lumberjack!

Where art thou with your quads of steel?

My legs turned to jello. And I almost peed my pants.

For those of you who needed a better picture of the camping hair, this is the best one I could find:

Ok.

People.

DRY SHAMPOO.

How come no one told me about this before?

It is God’s gift to camping hair.

Here is our whole group:

Minus Jack, Little Miss, Paul, and Jason.

Jason drove up the mountain to get cell service so he could speak to Sweet-Honey-Amy.

He was gone for some time and came back with twinkle in his eye and a song in his heart.

Attention Amy: Jason likes you.

***

Sunday

On Sunday, we packed up.

This is always a dreaded task.

Before we left, we got a group shot by “The Swing.”

On our way back to civilization, we decided to stop for a hike.

Here are some pictures from that:

Jason and Jackie, my mother-in-law

My father-in-law, Paul, and my niece, Little Miss

Alex and Daisy Mae

Daisy Mae smooching The Lumberjack.

Fact: Lumberjacks love smooches.

Holly and Alex.

Sometimes Alex needs a little smacking around.

Holla, Holly!

Holla.

And, lastly but certainly not leastly, my family:

Our final adventure for the weekend was heading to a small convenience store to get ice cream cones.

This ice cream stop has become a tradition whenever we are camping in this area.

It is, most assuredly, my favorite part about camping.

Moose tracks.

Waffle cone.

Yum.

Happy Tuesday!

Posted in Camping | 29 Comments

The Camping Trip, part 1

Posted on May 23, 2010 by Taylor

We have returned.

We are dirty.

We are smelly.

We have 18 loads of laundry.

And here is a recap of our camping extravaganza.

***

Friday Night

We arrived Friday night in the late evening. I got to work on dinner and The Lumberjack got right to work on the fire.

“I . . . have made fire!”

(Name that movie)

Lest you become overly impressed with my Lumberjack, I must inform you that he is a cheater who uses gasoline.

Then LJ and his charming brother, Jason, got right to work on splitting an entire cord of wood for our weekend.

Jason was not himself this weekend.

He was sad.

And forlorn.

Chocolate Raspberry Creamer.

Posted on May 21, 2010 by Taylor

Bonjour!

This day has been insanely busy, as we are just about to leave for camping, but I wanted to take a second to do the COW (Comment of the Week), as I am sure it is what all of you have been anticipating.

Right?

Hello?

Just let me have my moment.

Picture showing Friesian Cow

This week’s Cow goes to Kendra with her comment on Not Me, Dressing Room Edition:

I will never ever wear a swim suit in public without board-shorts firmly in place.

However, IF I ever go to the beach or pool, I do so with all 4 kids in tow. I figure if people see me with all four kids, first they will ask “Are they all yours?” Then, when I reply in the affirmative, they will look at me and think (quietly to themselves I pray), “Well, she may be lumpy, but after 4 babies, she isn’t tooooo bad.”

OR, we could have custom swim cover ups made with the following caption:
“YES, all four kids are mine.
Yes, my hands are full.
YES, they all have the same dad.
YES, I gave birth to them all.
Yes, I know where they came from.
Yes, I am done.
Yes, my tummy is a bit lumpy.
NO, I do not like plank jacks.
Yes, I do like popcorn.
Please deal with it and kindly find someone else to stare at, but first bring me a snack.
The End”

Go say Bonjour, Holla, or Hi to Kendra.

The choice is yours.

***

Random Topic Quick-Change!

Late last night, I did my Questions and Answers post. Make sure to peruse it, particularly if you left a question.

One of the Questioneers asked me what my dream job would be.

I answered, “A writer.”

And a few of you kind readers informed me that I was already a writer.

People!

Have you not noticed that I cannot even write a cohesive paragraph?

Seriously.

I can barely write sentences.

See?

Just words.

Just random words.

That’s all I got to offer the writing world.

100 , nay, 200 (meaningless) points to anyone who can find any post of mine that has a well-written paragraph.

Don’t waste your time.

I can assure you that no such paragraph exists.

But thank you for telling me I am a writer!

If I can believe it, I can achieve it!

Right?

Am I right?

Hello?

***

Random Topic Quick-Change!

I have been a bad blogging friend these past few days. I am sorry I have not made it around to everyone’s blogs.

We are just so darn busy.

Boo, Lumberjill.

Boo.

Please forgive me and I will do better as soon as I return.

***

Random Topic Quick-Change!

In approximately 60 minutes, we will be heading off to our first camping trip of the year.

I am exhausted just thinking about it.

Actually, I am probably exhausted because it is a great feat to load up this family and get everything ready for our camping adventures.

Hiking . . .

2009_9_07 140

2009_9_07 133

Berry Picking . . .

Fact: Lumberjill HATES berry picking.

Want to know who else hates berry picking?

Jason.

2009_9_07 120

Remember Jason?

There is also sure to be wood cutting.

2009_9_07 164

And Tom Foolery, such as this:

2009_9_07 111

It is fun.

But it is a lot of work.

It is a lot of work for me.

Let us have a moment of silence to honor poor Taylor, who is exhausted.

*thank you*

Camping.

Who is powered by coffee.

5000 (meaningless) points anyone who can guess what I have been sneaking into my coffee again.

Boo, Taylor.

Boo.

Alright!

We are off!

Goodbye!

Farewell!

Toodle-oo!

Posted in Camping, Comment of the Week! | 29 Comments

Questions. And their Answers.

Posted on May 20, 2010 by Taylor

From Erin, a blogger from Idaho:

Here’s a question: Who is your favorite blogger who lives in the great state of Idaho and is married to a really hot fighter pilot and who’s name starts with the letter E and who drives a very dirty minivan?

I have no idea.

Could any good blogging actually come from Idaho?

Hmmm . . . . doubtful.

From Mindee: My question, in light of the horrifying comment you left on my blog today is . . . Would you advise YOUR daughters to get married at 19?

Ummmm . . . . no.

*gasp!*

Before you all get your panties in a knot, please understand that I deeply love my husband and I do not regret marrying him at 19.

Right after we got engaged, everyone we knew was thrilled for us. No one questioned us or told us we were too young. Except for one woman.

Nelda.

I had been going to church and working for Nelda for most of my life. I was shocked that she disapproved of my engagement, because I knew she was fond of both David and I.

Her reason?

She said, “All I can say is that I was a completely different person at the age of 28 then I was at 20.”

And I, in all my years of wisdom, just assumed she was crazy.

You know what they say about assuming . . .

My husband has changed basically beyond recognition since we first married.

I am sure I have changed as well.

We went through college together . . . learned how to pay bills together . . . learned how to cook, clean, and compromise together.

We kind of grew up together.

I guess I would just tell my daughters that there was no need to hurry. I am kind of envious of people who had the whole “going away to college” experience, had a career for awhile, and had babies when they were actually mentally mature enough to have babies.

If my husband and I had waited until we were actually sensible adults before we began procreating, maybe he would not have suggested super gluing our crying newborn’s mouth shut.

One can only hope.

From Debra: Do you have your house up for sale yet?

No. We are not planning on selling our current home.

We are going to rent it out, simply in hopes that when someone asks us about our home, we can sound all snooty and prestigious and reply:

“Our house? Oh! Which one?”

From Kimberly: What hobbies/activities do you and LJ enjoy together?

Camping.

Going to movies.

Eating popcorn together. (LJ likes this, as he might have a chance at brushing his hand against mine. It excites him so . . . even after all these years.)

The Office.

Biking.

Going anywhere without children.

From Marla: What’s the one thing you will miss the most when you move to Ruralville?

Human.

Beings.

Rachael: Question for LJ . . . What is your favorite thing about Taylor?

**LJ’s answer was flagged for adult content**

Sorry.

Dear Lord,

Please help this to not be the one post out of 20 my parents read.

Amen.

From Calfkeeper: How do you manage to keep caught up on cleaning with 4 young’uns around? I can’t do it with one. (Nevermind the fact that I get interrupted to help haul heifers, or drive hayrakes or chase wayward animals around.) Do you keep a strict schedule or just hit or miss?

Calfkeeper,

I enjoy the fact that you think Lumberjill is caught up on housework.

Love,

Taylor

From Christine: What is your favorite tv show?

Oh, I totally know the answer to this one!

The Office.

Easy one.

Nailed it.

From Kendra:

Question 1: If, when being told to hold onto our pants, we are not in that event wearing pants…what should we hold onto? Are skirts ok? How ’bout jammies? What if we don’t hold on? Will we then stumble from our computer chairs?

You may do as you see fit.

The phrase is simply a cautionary warning that exciting life circumstances are about to get blogged about.

Question 2:
If you had to go to work full time, what would you be for real? In your dreams?

For real: A teacher.

Fun Fact: Lumberjill has a B.S. in elementary education.

Bet you didn’t know I was so learn-ed.

In my dreams: An ultrasound technician who got to tell people if they were having a boy or a girl.

Yay!

From Dana:

Ummm … did YOU get married at 19? Where do you live? What is your husband’s first name?

Yes, I surely did.

I cannot tell you where I live. It is classified information.

My husband’s name is David Charles.

From Jennifer:

A question for you and The Lumberjack:

What is your favorite thing about one another?
If you could change one thing about your spouse, what would it be?

Taylor’s Response: He is extremely patient and even if he is stressed out or had a bad day, he is usually very kind and friendly towards me. One thing to change? He is definitely not on board with my “safety first” motto in life. Please refer to the aforementioned super glue post.

David Charles’ Response: Favorite thing: *flagged for adult content. Thing to change: She stresses out too much.

Interruption: Jennifer . . . Jump to comments never works for me either! You are not alone!

From Diana: My real question is, what, if anything, are you doing to prepare for the possibility of homeschooling the kids next year?

Praying.

From Jo: question #1 if you could be anything you wanted, what would you be (can be animate,inanimate, whatever) =)

A writer.

question #2 what is your favorite recipe of all time??

That I make? Chicken Stir Fry.

question#3 why does my cursor mysteriously wander when i am on your site?? =)

I do not understand the question. But I heart you, Jo!

From Sarah: I would like to know things you make yourself and your kids for lunch most days. It’s lunchtime and I’m starving and need some new lunch ideas that don’t consist of peanut butter and jelly. So if you make pb&j everyday…never mind.

One favorite is chicken noodle soup served with a straw so they slurp up the broth.

And we do sandwiches a lot, but I use cookie cutters to make them into fun shapes.

I’m awesome like that.

From Erin:

Where does Auntie Datenut’s nomenclature derive from?
(That question sounds smart, don’t it?)

Datenut is a nickname given to my aunt by . . .

my dad.

Holla!

From The Lady of the House:

If you could go anywhere in the world – current, past or future – Where would you go and why?

TO BED!!

I really need a decent night’s sleep.

The following conditions are a must:

-Comfy bed

-Lots of pillows.

-Seriously. Two pillows for my head and one body pillow.

-White noise.

-The room must be slightly cool.

-No children.

Lumberjacks optional.

I’m kidding!

Or.

Am.

Dear Lord,

Please help this to not be the day in which my in-laws miraculously figure out where my blog is in cyberspace.

Amen.

Thanks for the questions . . . Happy Thursday!

Posted in Questions and Their Answers | 25 Comments

If you can swallow, you can learn.

Posted on May 19, 2010 by Taylor

Last night, several sundry and diverse relatives conglomerated at my patriarch and matriarch’s house for an evening of fun, food, and fellowship.

You cannot deny the fact that the above sentence was lots of fun. It amazed even myself.

My parents (aka, the previously mentioned Patriarch and Matriarch) always prepare fantastic cuisine.

Always.

I am sure my Lumberjack is sorely disappointed that I do not share in their genius cooking skills.

Tough break, Lumberjack.

Tough break.

First of all, we must discuss Little Dude.

Little Dude really likes to eat.

Everyone was finished, but he kept going.

“Mo! Mo!”

(translation: more! more!)

Tonya, my sister-in-law, and I were intrigued at the size of potatoes my mother found to serve our guests.

Let us take a moment to admire mother’s find:

I mean, who needs to eat a potato that large . . . really?

It’s a good thing I am only pretending to be on Weight Watchers.

That could have been detrimental to my weight loss plan.

Naturally, after dinner it was time for presents.

Naturally.

Shoot!

I do believe I forgot to mention that we were having a small birthday celebration for Auntie Datenut.

I tend to be forgetful.

It happens.

Anyways . . . the above picture is Sweet Pea giving her a pot holder that she had created with love.

Not with help from me of course!

No.

I do not know how to even sew on a button.

Her grandma helped her.

Everyone smile!

Auntie! You forgot to smile!

Try again.

*sigh*

Focus, children!

Focus!

Oh, well.

Little Dude has this new little habit of sneaking off and reading books to himself, and he found some books and found a quiet spot to read away while the gift-giving commotion was commencing.

Let us have a bittersweet moment of love mixed with sadness as we gaze upon Little Dude ,and all his cuteness, and remember that he is growing up too fast.

*Thank you*

After gifts, it was time for dessert.

And now, ladies and gentlepeople, I would like to present to you the pies that I, yes, I, Taylor Mal-a-blah-blah, created from scratch (minus the crust, of course. I have 4 children, people!) for this momentous and joyous occasion:

TA-DA!!!!

Interruption: Update from yesterday’s post: My oven is, most assuredly, broken. The stove top burners still work, though.

Massive Interruption: Clarification from yesterday’s post: Cousin Shane was not being hateful towards me when reading my post. He was, in fact, being hilarious. I just was uncomfortable having my post read aloud. Cousin Shane is a very nice guy and was not being mean in the least!

That concludes this massive, and almost unneccessary, interruption.

The Lumberjack, Brother Danny, and I were in charge of the candle placement and lighting on the pies.

But, alas!

We could not find matches, nor any other sort of fire-igniting device.

But, my Lumberjack, in all his handsomeness . . .

found a solution.

You can’t see the flame, on account of my poor photography skills, but he just lit a burner and used that.

What a weirdie.

Aaaaaannnnnnndddddd . . . I love him.

Happy Birthday!

***

While we were eating our delicious (if I do say so myself) pie, we began to reminisce about the days of yore.

And now, dear readers, I would like to present to you:

Goober Parent Update: Days of Yore Edition

Auntie Datenut has a son, Neil. He is close in age to my brother and I.

Back when Neil was about 11 or 12, Auntie Datenut and he lived with our family for a time.

Neil became sickly and had to miss some school.

I think he had missed a few days at this point.

My dad came home from work and the following conversation ensued:

Dad: Did you go to school today, Neil?

Neil: No.

Dad: Why not?

Neil: I still feel sick.

Dad: That’s ridiculous. Go out to the garage and find me 2 National Geographic magazines.

Neil did as he was told.

Dad: Ok. Now read 2 articles and write me a 200 word summary on each.

Neil: Why?

And my dad,

in all his uncle-ish wisdom and general intelligence, made this statement that shall never be forgotten:

“If you can swallow, you can learn.”

Brilliant!

Happy Wednesday!

P.S.-I will soon be doing a questions and answers post if you would like to leave a question for me, LJ, or the both of us.

Posted in family, Goober Parent Updates | 26 Comments

Discussions for a Rainy Tuesday

Posted on May 18, 2010 by Taylor

It is rainy today. Sometimes I like the rain, as it makes the house seem a bit more cozy.

Plus, my hair is not waterproof, so the rain usually encourages me to stay inside and clean or bake.

Lest I look like a drowned cat for the rest of the day.

Anyways . . . I don’t have a specific direction for this post.

Lucky you!

Discussionary Topic #1

As I mentioned only moments ago, it is raining. So I decided to create some pies.

Yes.

Pies.

One chocolate cream and one banana cream.

I got uber confused because I didn’t know if I was supposed to bake the pies since I did not top the pies with meringue.

Whipped cream is much better.

So, I didn’t bake them.

Thoughts?

I did prebake the crusts before filling them with the delicious, low-fat, low cholesterol, Weight Watchers friendly cream filling.

But then I just stuck the pies in the fridge.

I hope this works out well for me, as I am serving these desserts to other humans.

And, darn my luck, as soon as I finished baking the crusts, my oven sparked and has not worked since.

Guess who’s getting a new oven?

Holla!

Discussionary Topic #2

Speaking of Holla . . .

We were out to lunch with Auntie Datenutloaf this week.

Auntie Datenutloaf is visiting from out-of-town, but she does regularly read my blog.

And she cannot understand what Holla is.

So, I had to say it for her, so she could also be overjoyed with the fun that comes with its use.

I felt like Uncle Lewis informing Aunt Bethany about “THE BLESSING” at the Christmas dinner table.

(Name that movie)

Except, I kept loudly enunciating, “Holla!”

Then, cousin Shane . . .

Remember Cousin Shane?

(yellow shirt)

Cousin Shane says: Yes! Holla! Like, “I ain’t no hollaback girl! I ain’t no hollaback girl!”

(Name that Artist)

Good times.

Good times with relatives.

Good times with relatives in crowded restaurants.

Discussionary Topic #3

Speaking of lunch with relatives, I had a horrifying experience on Sunday.

It was brought to Cousin Shane’s attention that he was in my blog post that day.

So, while we were waiting for our food, he pulls out his fancy schmancy Internet Phone Contraption and finds my blog.

Then he proceeds to read aloud my post to the entire table.

People!

How come no one has ever told me how darn hyper I sound when I write?

I can’t focus on one thought for like 2 seconds.

So, he starts reading this post for all to hear.

And, as the room is spinning all around me, these are the things I hear:

Oh. Everyone! She has just asked us to hold on to our pants.

What does “plus one of a cousin” mean?

I am still holding on to my pants, Taylor!

Oh, look! We are at the part where you talk about me!

Now, isn’t this weird? I am reading your blog entry in which you are writing about me reading your blog!

Late 30’s! I am not in my late 30’s! I am 38!

(nice try, Shane.)

You are right. A 3-year-old has never peed on my washing machine.

Real men wear . . . what is this word here?

Car . . . hartts?

I suppose I am not a real man. I have no idea what you are talking about.

What are these Carhartts?

Oh! We are all supposed to appreciate how truly handsome The Lumberjack is.

The Lumberjack is you, right David?

Yes. You are a handsome guy, David.

Are we all still holding on to our pants?

***

So, Cousin Shane finishes reading my post and the room stops spinning.

Then he says, “So. People really read this?”

Me: Apparently! I guess people like to read nonsense! Who knew?!

And then I ate 4 pounds of chips and salsa to comfort myself.

Discussionary Topic #4

There is no purpose for posting this picture, other than the fact that my marmie asked me to.

And I am a good girl who always listens to her marmie.

This picture is my mom and her sisters.

From left to right:

Dana, Connie (my mom), Candi, Trudee, E.B.

Discussionary Topic #5

Alert!

We have found Handsome Dude’s glasses that have been missing for months!

I repeat!

We have found Handsome Dude’s glasses!

They were discovered in the car, stuck in between the seats.

And they were found just in the nick of time, seeing as how his newest pair are, in fact, missing.

This.

Is.

My.

Life.

Discussionary Topic #6

Little Dude is learning the parts of the body!

Nose!

Eyes!

Head!

Toes!

Yes, folks.

This is the excitement that is my life.

Embrace it.

Discussionary Topic #7

Daisy Mae is doing quite well from her little incident over the weekend.

She has decided she should get stitches every weekend, because she has learned that if she does receive stitches, she gets doughnuts for breakfast the next morning.